Undercover brothas

[summer]

<font color="red"> *#[email protected] don't even know where to begin...my co-worker's*husband* is just now coming to terms with his sexuality - after five years of marriage. he says he is homosexual, has had these feelings for a while, and wants to stop living a lie... /images/graemlins/confused.gif

i'm going bananas over this...her husband does not have those stereotypically gay looks or behaviors. they dated for two years before marriage and he just didn't show any signs (that i could see). there's a author that writes about this all the time in his novels. he says it's the ones you would least expect who are creeping out on the down low with another man.

as a single woman, this is making me trip hard...i mean, you just never know. what are you supposed to do? i'm hoping for myself and my friend that there are just some signs she missed. when i meet men, i find myself looking for signs...but what the h#*l am i supposed to be looking for? </font color>

<font color="blue">now, somebody tell me, what are the signs that the man you're seeing could be homosexual? </font color>

 

[LondonDiva]

Summer

You won't have a hope in hell in determining which brothas are undercover and which ones are not. IMO. Some of these males sho no characteristics of typical gay behaviour (the limp hand, voice, outrageous clothes colurs etc) that we associate with homosexuals.

I do also believe that there are some in the music industry (hip hop rappers I'm referring to) that like to swing the other way but are married with children etc. It's one of these things that are coming to light more and more and women are falling for these men who are more likely to bring home diseases to them, but they can't tell and most of these men won't tell as within the black community there is such a stigma linked with being gay that they literally fear for their life, or risk being "cast out" of the family. Being black and homosexual in the new millenium is still not acceptable by many. That's why these undercover brothas we are reading about so much more these days are becoming very popular and familiar.

I believe the author you're referring to is E Lynn Harris.

 

[rayne]

Summer, I hate to tell you this darling, but don't even wreck your brain trying to figure it out becuase like LondonDiva said, you won't be able to tell. Stereotypes are just that. I got a lesson in that last year when I went to a gay club. It was my friend's brother's boyfriend's birthday (whew, I hope you understood that!!) and he wanted to go out. First of all, not only was my friend's brother fine as hell but he was very masculine. Now his boyfriend however was pretty cute too, but he was your stereotypical gay male. Since me and my friend are straight, we figured there had to be at least a few other straight people there too. Some of the guys we were scooping looked like GQ models and football players. Imgaine our surprise at seeing a gorgeous, 6'2", approx 250 lbs of pure muscle, all hugged up on another guy /images/graemlins/confused.gif After seeing these "mamly" men kissing and rubbing on other "manly" men, I realized that the only for sure way you can tell if a guy is gay is if he tells you he is! This also goes along with the fact that some feminine men are straight. So, go figure.

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
now, somebody tell me, what are the signs that the man you're seeing could be homosexual?

[/ QUOTE ]

Girl, there is no way to tell. Just keep your fingers crossed and pray to GOD that the brother walks a straight line and doesn't deviate!! /images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I realized that the only for sure way you can tell if a guy is gay is if he tells you he is! This also goes along with the fact that some feminine men are straight

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep, there's this one guy at my work and I swore blind he was gay. Infact it turns out he has a long term live in girlfriend and he just "spoke" that way very softly. Even the ones that swear blind they hate gays just to reassure you can be undercover too. All I have to say is watch out for some of the ones that you know have done a stint in prison, cause you never know what really went down in there. Not saying all brothas that have been inside have engaged in sexual activity, but it's always possible.

Hell.... Straight or Gay and HIV test has to be carried out before I sexually commit to a man. I have no problems in taking one.

 

[notsomebody]

This reminds me of an episode of sex and the city that I saw a while back. I love that show. They were discussing straight gay men and gay straight men.

A gay straight man has all the characteristics of a gay man but is completely straight sexually. A straight gay man likes sports and is manly as all get out but is as gay as tinkerbell when it comes to sex. Although they phrased it quite differently on the show.

 

[Nina_S]

Another term for these brothers are "DL Brothas" - brothers on the downlow. They are very deceiving and it is a difference from being bi. Most people that are bi will let you know. But DL brothas know that it won't fly with either of their partners so they stay downlow. There are ways of identifying them but mostly in intimate manners. There are certain acts/positions they'll do with their girls that they won't do with their boys. The danger lies in that some of them don't use protection leaving alot of women at risk for AIDS and other incurable STDs. Not to mention the pain of infidelity.

Angelo Dixon (www.geocities.com/msqueen35/comments.html)wrote a book titled "DL Brothas" and I think that every woman should read it. It is real. It is important to educate yourselves and save you lives. The black community places such a stigma on being gay that most blacks are in the closet. Most black churches won't even touch the issue of AIDS.

IT FREEDOM TIME!


Nina

 

[Allandra]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
the only for sure way you can tell if a guy is gay is if he tells you he is!

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeap, I think that is the only way to know for sure. I just don't think one can base it on sterotypical characteristics or on any information from any book.

Just my two cents.

 

[summer]

you know, i'm going to try not to worry about this but it is completely vexing me tonight...

i'm always safe when i err...get my legs stretched /images/graemlins/blush.gif but i hate the idea of stretching with someone who may have, uh, been stretched /images/graemlins/blush.gif

i've been tested and so has my friend, but that tells me nothing about what happened last night or the evening before. and to make matters worse, i really want to stretch right now /images/graemlins/mad.gif i want to just pray about it, but i have to meditate first coz i'm not married and i'm not exactly sure how to go about praying on fornication...oh, what to do?! /images/graemlins/confused.gif

 

[keylargo]

yes i am single too and i have been paranoid about this for awhile. it's always in the back of my mind whenever i meet a guy. it's really awful. everytime i meet a guy i ask myself, "i wonder if he's......"

ebony magazine did a huge article a few months back about how african-american women between the ages of 20-40, were dying from aids faster than any other group in america. they said the reason they think this is happening is because of the large number of black males who have been in prison, contracted the aids virus and passed it on to their female partners once released from prison. of course they never tell their female partners about their past.

these are scary times that we are in. one good thing has come out of this. i believe in florida, a law was just passed that required all men released from prison be tested for the aids virus. i think this is great because i'm sure many men do not even realize they have it. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[SVT]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm always safe when i err...get my legs stretched but i hate the idea of stretching with someone who may have, uh, been stretched

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Honey Vibe]

Uh, no offense summer, but it sounds like you, your co-worker and the persons you attract are all involved in some bizarre activity. What do you do, anyway???

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
ebony magazine did a huge article a few months back about how african-american women between the ages of 20-40, were dying from aids faster than any other group in america. they said the reason they think this is happening is because of the large number of black males who have been in prison, contracted the aids virus and passed it on to their female partners once released from prison. of course they never tell their female partners about their past.


[/ QUOTE ]

Keylargo, true I agree here with the huge rise amongst black women that this is a major culprit amongst the sread of sexual diseases. Also let's not forget about the women with more than 1 child with more than one "baby father" this is also not a great help either with the spread of diseases within our community. As much as I love them my mother and aunt have 2 children by two different men each. My uncle has 2 children by 2 different women. There are worse cases out there where there are more than 2 and I doubt that diseases even entered their minds whilst making babies.

 

[rayne]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Uh, no offense summer, but it sounds like you, your co-worker and the persons you attract are all involved in some bizarre activity. What do you do, anyway???

[/ QUOTE ]


Ok, Honey Vibe, I know you intended that for Summer, but I have to ask----why do you feel that she's involved in some "bizarre" activites because her co-worker's husband is gay?

 

[summer]

uh ...ok honey, what are YOU thinking? puhleeze girl...get your dirty mind out of the gutter...

 

[Jenai]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Also let's not forget about the women with more than 1 child with more than one "baby father" this is also not a great help either with the spread of diseases within our community.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing that point out. One of my friends has one child and three "baby daddies" - doesn't know which one is which cause she was having unprotected sex with all three at the time.

Also, on the DL Guy thing. One of my best friends is gay, and I knew him for three years before he came out to me. It is true that you cannot tell for sure, so ladies the best thing you can do is (1) wait or (2) practice <font color="red"> SAFER sex </font color> each time, each and every time.

 

[vevster]

My experience that creeped me out that I was attracted to a man that was a cop and he was really good looking, well dressed etc. The thing that was odd is that he never mentioned a girlfriend, date etc.

Fast fwd: I am at my gay, male hairdressers apt looking through photos and GUESS whos face pops up??

The only clue was that he didn't have a girlfriend. That was just him... /images/graemlins/mad.gif

 

[notsomebody]

That's the weird thing about it though. The only way you know is if they tell you. I mean if a guy asks you out, why wouldn't you assume he's straight? But knowing for a fact that a person is straight still doesn't excuse having unsafe sex with that person. Because a straight man can have all kinds of skeletons in his closet too and you never know how safe he is until you see the results of the blood test.

 

[Honey Vibe]

Sorry if I missed a boat or something here, summer, but from the sound of your previous post + your post at the beginning of this topic = I'm sorry, something bizarre. I do not have a gutter mind; all the gutter talk in this thread can be found in this weird post:

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
i'm always safe when i err...get my legs stretched but i hate the idea of stretching with someone who may have, uh, been stretched

i've been tested and so has my friend, but that tells me nothing about what happened last night or the evening before. and to make matters worse, i really want to stretch right now i want to just pray about it, but i have to meditate first coz i'm not married and i'm not exactly sure how to go about praying on fornication...oh, what to do?!

[/ QUOTE ]

Again, I'm not posting out of some disgust, just trying to figure out this soap opera. If my questions/posts are insulting you, all bite my tongue.

 

[Jenai]

I think one of the points she was trying to make was that even if your potential partner was tested on Monday, the results do not cover what he/she may have done from Tuesday on. Plus, some diseases are not detectable until days, weeks, or months after exposure. It is a scary world we live in now.

 

[summer]

it's okay that you missed the boat, honey vibe. the wonderful nature of this forum is that we can ask questions when we don't understand.

for example, i don't understand why you think it's weird or deviant that my sexual partner and i have been tested for hiv and other sexually transmitted diseases. why do you find that bizarre? could you clarify that for me, please?

now, if you're still interested in understanding this thread, refer to gigi's earlier post (thanks gigi). she captured my frustration exactly.

 

[Tara]

I agree with everyone else, you can't tell. Especially if the man himself is in denial about it.

But one thing you CAN do, is ...ask. I've asked questions in such a way to seem like I am just interested, but not in a harsh or judgemental way, and I think they will be honest. Some dudes I've asked certain questions of have certainly made me wonder about them, and so I made them buddies and didn't get involved.

But it is crazy because some men are so in denial, you can't ask "are you gay" because these guys think that if they only have sex with a guy once a month (for example) that does not make them gay. And sadly they are in so much denial because of how society will treat them so it's a terrible cycle.

 

[MrsBurns82]

A friend of mine works at a male prison says she's seen so many men performing sexual acts with their cell mates.

She says it's not like the guys you see on tv with their shirts tied up it's men who recieve visits from their wives, girlfriends and children. A lot of these men think that if they're the pitcher instead of the catcher then they are not homosexuals. She says they have a male inmate who is taking female hormones and looks like a woman (an ugly one) but breast and all and the only reason he/she is in the male prison is because he/she still has male parts. She says you would think that the other guys would want no part of him being that so many of them act homophobic. She says he/she is the most popular thing in there.

Also another friend of mine who is a male has a brother who is a flaming homosexual as he would say and he's said he's seen so many "thugs" that he's grown up with stressed out over his brother. Buy him gift giving him money all type of stuff

So you can never be sure that's why you always have to protect yourself. And I'm not saying that every man who has been in jail has had some sort of homosexual encounter but just be careful with any man because you never know.