Tween caught beetween a flat iron and a brush ~VENT!

[Fine 4s]

Remember when I posted this?
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=394204&highlight=puff

As we're getting ready to leave, I remind her to take the scarf off that she had been wearing since she arrived. After a while in the bathroom, I ask her if she needed help. She had a PADDLE brush FILLED with hair as if the hair had been ripped out.

Ya'll, the hair was matted down into an afro, as if it were in that scarf for days. Without my asking, she says 'I think after the gym, it gets sweated out.' I respond, it's ok we'll just flat iron it. (I know in LHCF world, flat ironing dirty hair is a no-no but really, ladies there was no way she could manage and I didn't want to alarm her.)

Finally, when I start flat ironing and curling, I really, REALLY wanted to cry. Not even a comb was going through. The same lil girl's hair in the previous thread, that was clean and moiturized and shiny, was practically B.A.L.D. in the middle, broken up, chewed up and various places but a big low fade in the crown area. He hair was dry with lots of dandruff and scabs in the back right side. The right side was more chewed up than the left. Mind you, she's still natural people!!!!I couldn't use the flat iron in the short section in the crown and ended up doing a comb over. Never once did I make her feel badly, but I also didn't say anything other than 'you know we have to take a picture now don't you' (and then forgot erplexed)
I'm sure she could sense my reaction with the lack of words (although I was busy flat ironing and trying not to burn her and myself.) Her head was down the whole time. Even SHE is ashamed of her hair which explains some of her behavior after school in the bathroom for 1/2 and hour! According to my conversation with the father.

This AM he calls me to share a conversation he had with his daughter on various things, one being hair care. She said that her mother said it was her fault because she didn't take out the braids when she (the mother) told her too.

Fam, what can I do? How can I help help her, at least until she hits high school. The mother and father don't get along and I'm the LAST person the mother would want to take care of her child's hair. She visits her father every Tues and Thur and every other weekend. I told the father, perhaps she can come to the beauty school on thursdays. But there's the issue of homework. Maybe it's time for the father to step up and just take her where he feels (with my guidance) is best for the child, and just take over with her hair care, whether she likes it or not?

In terms of styling....it really would be best for her to wear a TWA for some time until she gains enough length to either braid her hair again. OR, maybe she can wear braids AND STILL CARE FOR IT until she has enough length in the middle.

It really broke my heart.

 

[tatiana]

TWA may be too much for a teenager.
How about crochet braids or two strands with extensions?
It will give her length and style. She will keep them in for four weeks. They also will be easier to take out than traditional braids.

 

[Tiye]

Sisterlocks or the more affordable option - microbraidlocks work really well for young people who don't want to fuss with their hair. They're very easy to maintain and she could enjoy doing all kinds of styles with them. Look them up online and show her some pictures. She'll probably like them.

 

[Nonie]

How about cornrowing with all the rows meeting around the bald spot then plait their tails together to cover the bald spot and tuck under than get a phony puff with two combs and drawstring to attach over that spot?

When I had a bald spot at the back of my head, I did something similar. Cornrowed in the direction of the bald spot, and because I can't part well in the back where I can't see, I didn't even bother cornrowing that area. Just did single square plaits and then plaited them all together with the cornrow tails (however I could to keep them from separating and playing peek-a-boo, then put a phony puff over them.

That's what you're looking at here:

...and here:

 

[carameldelight87]

I know this isn't a parenting question, but I really think you need to tell this girls dad to step up. If the girl's mother is not concerned about it, he needs to be. You need to TEACH him how to do her hair. At the end of the day, that isn't your child and if in the future for whatever reason you're no longer in her life, she needs to have the help.

She's a young girl and when I was young I was NOT concerned about doin my own hair. And she shouldn't be either. You leave that to a parent until she gets of age to really be able to do her own hair. I'm assuming she's 11 or 12 since you said "tween." She shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this at that age.

The father shouldn't put the responsibility off on you. I'm not bad-mouthing him. I'm glad that he cared enough to bring you in. However, he can't rely on you to do it. He has to learn. Just like that article that was posted up where a white father learned to do his adopted African daughters hair out of necessity! It can be done! (He did a good job too!)

I think you should be careful because although you're helping, people are quick to blame the helpers when things go wrong.

As for the hair, have you tried detangling with the Tangle Teezer to save some of the hair? Styling options, I'd suggest you keep enough hair to do kinky twists or other extension styles. Let her wear those and tell her father to make sure they're taken down and redone regularly.

 

[Fine 4s]

Great ideas ladies...I'll explore all of them and even bring your point to him Carame...
Tks ladies!