Trying to save someone...DESPERATELY NEED YOUR HELP!

[Cayenne0622]

Okay, here's the story. My husband's cousin has a 17 year old daughter who has 3b type hair (shiny, wavy, thick). Her hair used to be well below brastrap and has always been long her entire life but due to the lack of knowledge about how to care for her hair it has consistently broken off over the last few years until now its above her shoulders. SO, after I began my LHCF voyage I typed out a very detailed hair plan for her and her daughter so that they could reap the benefits and they have NOT followed the plan at all. Now, here is where I need your help. The 17 year old has about 1/2 inch of new growth (last relaxer about a month ago) and her mother wants to relax her hair this weekend. I am trying to stop her. The girl's newgrowth is so shiney and beautiful and wavy. Her prom is in a couple of weeks so her mom wants to relax her hair before the prom so that she can go to the stylist the week of the prom and just get her hair shampoo'd and styled. Today, I told her not to relax her hair PLEASE!! I told her to take her to the stylist and have her hair shampoo'd, deep conditioned and blow-dried straight and she would have the same results as if she had gotten a perm. But her mom does NOT believe me and before we hung up the phone she still sounded determined to do it. I'm kinda upset about this. I mean she's a young woman (36 years old...looks like she's 19) but she has this mindset that all wavy hair needs to be permed straight!!!! Or it doesn't look right. Please tell me what I can do to save this child from further damaged hair!!!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

You've done all you can, unfortunately the girl's mom is determined to do things her way.

When this child is a little older (and not under her mother's thumb) she may be more receptive to your help. But for now, all you can do is advise them, you can't force them to do what you want.

Stop talking about it and leave it alone...when all her hair falls out of her head, don't think they won't come crying to you for a solution with a quickness.

 

[preciousjewel76]

Man, I don't know what to tell you, other than have you refer the mother to this site? Why wouldn't she think a blow dryer could do the job of a relaxer (at least temporarily)? Do you think you could do the cousin's hair yourself? That might convince her mother....

 

[smuice]

Hi, I have not been a member of this forum for very long,( I have learnt so much since joining but I do hair on the side and I have always been interested in the health of the hair) I have had many clients whose hair is either breaking from perms, thinning and does not really grow, I try to advise them on changing their attitudes to their hai-care and they sit down and act like they agree but when they go home its a different story!

People find it hard to break tradition, even with help, like you said its a mindset, if she is not open to change, no matter what you say or do she will do things her way. I would try talking to the young girl who at 17, can take responsibility for the condition of her own hair independantly, unless her mum does not listen to her opinions! Direct her to this site and show her what you are talking about. I am sure you already have!!

Good Luck in your endeavours, hope this helps a little.

 

[Cayenne0622]

Womanly - buhahahaha...you jest laid it on the line, didn't you! You are probably right but I just can't give up especially since the young lady is complaining and embarrassed every time someone in the family asked her if she cut her hair. It has literally gone from shoulder length at Christmas to almost neck length -- with no cutting.

Precious - that is my plan now. I am emailing her mom now and telling her that we are going to do the girls hair TOGETHER this weekend. I already had planned on giving the girl a haircare basket for graduation and following in DLewis' steps and actually do her hair myself so that she can see the outcome. I'm going to buy her things to bun her hair, satin scarves, etc. I'll only give up once I've styled it, provided the hair products and then see that she is just not willing to use what I've given her.

Thanks ladies!

 

[Cayenne0622]

Hi, I have not been a member of this forum for very long,( I have learnt so much since joining but I do hair on the side and I have always been interested in the health of the hair) I have had many clients whose hair is either breaking from perms, thinning and does not really grow, I try to advise them on changing their attitudes to their hai-care and they sit down and act like they agree but when they go home its a different story!

People find it hard to break tradition, even with help, like you said its a mindset, if she is not open to change, no matter what you say or do she will do things her way. I would try talking to the young girl who at 17, can take responsibility for the condition of her own hair independantly, unless her mum does not listen to her opinions! Direct her to this site and show her what you are talking about. I am sure you already have!!

Good Luck in your endeavours, hope this helps a little.

Thanks so much! I'm giving it one last shot!

 

[preciousjewel76]

Precious - that is my plan now. I am emailing her mom now and telling her that we are going to do the girls hair TOGETHER this weekend. I already had planned on giving the girl a haircare basket for graduation and following in DLewis' steps and actually do her hair myself so that she can see the outcome. I'm going to buy her things to bun her hair, satin scarves, etc. I'll only give up once I've styled it, provided the hair products and then see that she is just not willing to use what I've given her.

Thanks ladies!

That sounds like a good idea! Seeing is believing. I bet after the mother sees how gorgeous her daughter's hair can be without a relaxer, she'll change her mind. As stated, she's just sticking to "tradition" (which, as we all know, can lead to a busted head of hair).

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Womanly - buhahahaha...you jest laid it on the line, didn't you! You are probably right but I just can't give up especially since the young lady is complaining and embarrassed every time someone in the family asked her if she cut her hair. It has literally gone from shoulder length at Christmas to almost neck length -- with no cutting.

Precious - that is my plan now. I am emailing her mom now and telling her that we are going to do the girls hair TOGETHER this weekend. I already had planned on giving the girl a haircare basket for graduation and following in DLewis' steps and actually do her hair myself so that she can see the outcome. I'm going to buy her things to bun her hair, satin scarves, etc. I'll only give up once I've styled it, provided the hair products and then see that she is just not willing to use what I've given her.

Thanks ladies!

I can't help it Cayenne, I'm real outspoken today!

I think you've come up with a great plan. Hopefully this will help the mom see that relaxer isn't the "magic fix" she's looking for.
You're such a good person, you know that? That young lady is lucky to have you care so much about her.

Good luck!

 

[cutiebe2]

You've done all you can, unfortunately the girl's mom is determined to do things her way.

When this child is a little older (and not under her mother's thumb) she may be more receptive to your help. But for now, all you can do is advise them, you can't force them to do what you want.

Stop talking about it and leave it alone...when all her hair falls out of her head, don't think they won't come crying to you for a solution with a quickness.

I second this..wait 8 months and I bet you either or both of them will come back to you..sometimes people have to learn the hard way

 

[Cayenne0622]

I can't help it Cayenne, I'm real outspoken today!

I think you've come up with a great plan. Hopefully this will help the mom see that relaxer isn't the "magic fix" she's looking for.
You're such a good person, you know that? That young lady is lucky to have you care so much about her.

Good luck!

Thanks mami! You did make me laugh though! hehehehe

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Cayenne you are so awesome. I hope everything works out.

 

[Cayenne0622]

Cayenne you are so awesome. I hope everything works out.

Thank you so much! I'm really excited. I'm going to take before and after pics and hopefully she'll let me post them. If she has at least an inch of new growth, I'm going to protect her previously relaxed strands and give her a touch up...if it desperately needs it because I believe her mom underprocessed her the last time. I just finished typing out a regimen for her to tape to her mirror. It includes a shampoo/condition regimen for her and a daily, nightly regimen for her. I kept it simple for now...she doesn't need to trying baggying or anything extra yet.

Thanks for your support ladies!

 

[FlowerHair]

Give the 17-year old the link to this website and explain to her that she is old enough to take charge of her own hair and its health.

I think your plan sounds great!