Trying to find the courage

[lovely_locks]

I'm on youtube watching videos of people getting the big chop done. I'm watching these video's trying to get the courage to do it myself. I don't think I'm confident enough to do this. I really want to but.....my family is visiting and I don't even want to deal with my mother, and my husband I thought he was on board but he was just trying to be nice. I just don't want to hear the backlash from my family. I could care less what strangers think, but I care WAY too much what my family thinks. My husband loves long hair, and hates it even when I get a short hair cut I don't want him to think that I am ugly with a fro you know. I only have a few inches of growth right now. And when I do the BC in two months (if I have the courage) I'll probably only have like 5 inches of growth if that. I guess I'm just fishing for words of encouragement, and what did you when you got nrgative remarks from family or friends

 

[hopeful]

I don't think you are ready. Something will have to change to give you the courage and the confidence. Keep watching those YouTube videos and visiting fotki albums...and continue transitioning. Don't big chop until you are ready.

 

[Janet']

I understand...that's why I was a long-term transitioner!

 

[newbeginnings2010]

Aww, don't be sad! My husband is the same way. He doesn't like short hair, sew-ins, wigs or anything. He surprisingly likes braids, but I think that's because his sisters all had braids and natural hair growing up. Have you considered long-term transitioning? My husband is okay with long term transitioning as long as I style my hair and don't pull it back into a messy bun. I'm not that far into my transition, so I have no BC tales to speak of. I just wanted to come in and give you the encouragement you asked for!

 

[Grand Prix]

Just transition longer until you find the courage.
You say you really want to, and because it's your hair, I think you should..

Maybe if it's longer when you BC hubby will be on board too? Yes, yes, he's supposed to love you no matter what you look like, but it's really nice to have some support from those close to you.

I admit that part of the reason for my long term transition was because I was afraid people might react all negatively about me cutting off long straight hair for short kinky hair, so I thought ahead of what it might do to me if I heard that too much (feel ugly, relax under pressure again?).
However, in the end, it's about you loving your hair. And maybe when your friends and family see how much you do, they will too.

 

[Morenita]

It definitely sounds like you aren't ready. I would suggest a long term transition. It isn't hard once you learn how to manage the two textures and there is so much forum support to help you along. I basically wet-bunned my way through the entire thing. Boring yeah, but it did the trick. There's lots of methods that you can try which don't include chopping. Braids, BKT, braid-outs and twist-outs... Some people never chop and do mini chops along the way. Ask Allandra for example

Transitioning is mental as well as physical and if you do it before you're ready, you may regret it. Try to imagine how happy you will be with your natural hair, no matter what others think and once you feel comfortable doing that, you should be ready. Going natural should be something that you're doing for yourself and if you're worried about what family and friends will think, it may not be for you. Good luck, whatever you decide! Just do what makes you happiest in the end.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I MUST share my story...but I'll try to keep it short. I think mine may be a "worst case scenario"...

I transitioned 10 months and because the breakage was so bad I BC'd without telling my DH what I was planning to do...well, it wasn't really a plan---it was spur of the moment. He knew I was "growing my hair out"...but I hadn't decided to go Natural until I got fed up with the relaxed ends being so damaged!

I loved my BC....he HATED it! And boy was that a test of our marriage (We'd only been married a year). He gave me so much grief...I cried, he almost cried...we did the silent treatment.......he even ridiculed me in front of his relatives...but just to make himself feel better, and to make me bow down and perm it or something?....So I folded and braided it up....I did this on and off for 18 months....Every few weeks he'd say when are you going to perm it? I'd tell him to buzz off. He didn't like it, but I got to the point when I didn't care anymore about his discomfort with natural hair....he had the typical "idea/stereotype" of people with "natural hair"...thick, unhealthy-looking afros with hair that didn't/couldn't grow.....

In the meantime I did research, and looked at Fotki's....I ran into Sera252's Fotki. A 4B Natural with MBL/WL hair at the time....She rarely straightened....I knew I could do it then.....I pressed on...he relented. My family members were supportive b/c my mom has BSL length dreads and my sis has APL length natural hair.....they also understood his view....I prayed, got a better understanding...but decided I would stick with it...BE STRONG, and simply show and prove.....

At month 13 post BC I decided to flat-iron for a trip to TX. It was SL/APL.....He drooled.....He became my Photographer....He couldn't keep his hands out of my hair....

At month 18 I was APL+....I overheard him telling his homeboy (who also never saw a natural with long hair) on the phone that "my wife's hair is natural, and its past her shoulders, and her sister is natural and even longer".....I secretly thanked God for answering a prayer....I knew that if I'd given up I wouldn't have made it this far.
He admitted eventually that he was wrong....and is now my NATURAL ADVOCATE.....I hope this is a worst-case scenario in case your DH doesn't like it, you can get a glimpse of someone who's been there....His anger had nothing to do with me, but with SOCIETY!

But as you can see its getting better. Its getting more accepted...like breastfeeding...(lol)....especially in the African American community....

If I knew then what I know now I would have transitioned longer and learned the proper hair care to retain the relaxed ends longer....but I think I needed to go through this so I could share my story with others......I hope this helps.....

Because you know your hubby may not like it...I would transition longer...but educate him slowly in the meantime...I showed my hubby Fotki's and his eyes stretched....Its simply a lack of knowledge on his part...not his fault....so educate.....stay strong...and you never know...he may become your #1 Natual Fan!

Be blessed.

 

[hopeful]

Bumping for OP in case she has not seen the responses.

 

[lovely_locks]

Thank you ladies so much! Reading these reply's had really made my day. I have decided to go the long transitioing route. I also talked to my husband and we decided together that I wont BC till my natural hair is shoulder lengh. With the way my hair grows it may take me a year and a half, and but that's okay we will both be happy. Right now I just need to figure out more styles. Right now my hair is neck length so unfortunetly I can't wet bun....that's really what I want to do. But by December I should be shoulder length. It takes me 6 months of not relaxing to get to shoulder length.....that's of course after I relax....hmm...anyways!

Naturalgyrl5199 thank you so much for telling me your story. As you know the first years of marriage are hard, and thats without big changes (your hair.) My husband and I have been married almost 2 years, and we have had so many changes in life. I just got out the military, he stayed in, we just got transfered and I'm going from full tme worker, to stay at home mom! So in that respect I can understand. I amjust so glad you guys are doing good, and instead if talking smak about your hair to people, he is now praising you. I beleive God did this to make your realationship stronger.

 

[weaveadiva]

I don't think I'm confident enough to do this.
I just don't want to hear the backlash from my family.
I care WAY too much what my family thinks.

you definitely don't seem to be ready, and that's alright

take as little or as much time as needed. there is no arbitrary BC date. you cut when it is right for you

 

[bride91501]

I MUST share my story...but I'll try to keep it short. I think mine may be a "worst case scenario"...

What a wonderful story! When I first read it, I was like "Oh Lord, another drawn-out hair story" but I'm so glad I kept reading. My husband also knew I was "growing my perm out", but when he came home one day a few weeks ago to find his wife's "18" Remi Spanish Weave" and short strands of relaxed hair on the floor, and a 3.5" mini-Afro on top of my head, he didn't know what to think, so he said nothing. I knew he didn't care for it, but I was determined to set a better example for our 3 daughters.

After reading the LHCF boards, I decided to protect and grow my hair under a weave for the next 9-12 months, but this time, I'm doing short weaves (10" max). This decision has helped me "transition" into a new, personal definition of beautiful.

Anyhoo, before I start with my own "drawn-out hair story" lol, I just wanted to say thanks again.

 

[Shun34]

I'm on youtube watching videos of people getting the big chop done. I'm watching these video's trying to get the courage to do it myself. I don't think I'm confident enough to do this. I really want to but.....my family is visiting and I don't even want to deal with my mother, and my husband I thought he was on board but he was just trying to be nice. I just don't want to hear the backlash from my family. I could care less what strangers think, but I care WAY too much what my family thinks. My husband loves long hair, and hates it even when I get a short hair cut I don't want him to think that I am ugly with a fro you know. I only have a few inches of growth right now. And when I do the BC in two months (if I have the courage) I'll probably only have like 5 inches of growth if that. I guess I'm just fishing for words of encouragement, and what did you when you got nrgative remarks from family or friends

You really have to be ready mentally to BC. However, to really get there, you have to just do it. I won't bore you with my personal story, but I've BCed four times over, the fourth time was about a week ago. I've cut my hair for various reasons, but nothing can compare to how I felt the first time around seven years ago. I had reservations about cutting my hair and what people would think about me, but I wanted the relaxed hair gone, so I did it. I did not regret it. What I did regret was getting a relaxer after growing my hair for nearly two years. I absolutely HATED my hair, so I BCed again.

I recently cut my apl hair because I was spending too much time maintaining it, I wanted a break. I love my short hair, and I will enjoy every stage of growing it back. It always grows back. The only thing that I don't like about my appearance is that I look like all the other women with short natural hair. Without my big kinky/curly hair, I don't stand out in a crowd like I did before I cut my hair. There are so many women out there who have chosen to go natural by BCing. That should tell you something. You will not be alone.

See pics attached.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

OP, you are very welcome. Be blessed.