SOOOOOOOO much hair came out today, my fam was stunned, I was dead silent all day, so depressed that I couldnt bring myself to communicate with anyone. 16 weeks post relaxer, type 3c/4a hair... I try to do everything right, following what I believe to be sensible good advice like lessen, conditioner washes from every single day to maybe 2 times a week, moisturize new growth gently, carefully and thoroughly,etc. and my hair came out today like I was a patient on kemotherapy even though I use a very wide tooth comb AND I finger comb. The crazy part is, MY HAIR IS NOT EVEN TANGLED! It just breaks, just like that it breaks. I wanted to faint. Guys transitioning is not for me. No matter what I do breakage breakage breakage right at that damn demarcation line ALL OVER MY HEAD....I have to go back to relaxing or I will be bald by next spring or earlier. I know some of ya'll are probably tired of me with this mess, so this will be the last time that I am posting about it. It's killing me inside anyway. Sunday I am going to relax again, and try to save the rest of my hair.
Today I looked like a kemo patient
- Thread starter dahllia
- Start date
cutebajangirl
New Member
I'm sorry to hear about this.If you are breaking at the part where the relax meets the new unprocessed part then why don't you just cut off the relaxed part if natural hair is what you're aiming for. If the length difference will be too much for you then put some braids in (if they work for you) and you can grow it out from there. From what you describe it seems like if you relax then your part of hair will be real thin and you'll probably end up wanting to cut it off. Don't worry if you think you're saying the same thing over and over again, I know when I have a problem I post and post until I can get an answer.
Shinka
Well-Known Member
yeah relax hair and natural hair will break where at the point they meet no matte rhow mcuh u condition etc.
Relaxed hair is broken down protein depeleted natural hair.
I would suggest if you want to honestly be natural, cut the perm hair off and rock a TWA if your really concerned about the health of your hair.
Relaxed hair is broken down protein depeleted natural hair.
I would suggest if you want to honestly be natural, cut the perm hair off and rock a TWA if your really concerned about the health of your hair.
vanessa_gilmore
New Member
Hey girl, I agree with the other ladies too. I loved my long hair too and waited a loooong time to cut it. I was thinking that maybe it will stop shedding and I can just live. It continued for 5 months (I was in denial). I saw clumps too. Dahllia, girl I had to cut my hair for sanity. I was overwhelmed. I never went and saw anybody for it. I took matters into my own hands. But cutting my hair was the best thing for my hair. My hair where it was shedding is growing back thicker. (I could see my scalp when I wore ponytails) and you know that wasn't even cute. But my hair is growing, I just have to adapt to short hairsyles now. I do have issues about wearing my short hair to certain places. But I know deep down my hair will grow back and healthier too. But if you see clumps of hair breaking off and you relax it again it's not going to do any good. It wont be even and the ends will be thinned out. If you have to relax you have to cut the damage part and then relax over. If you go to the shop they won't relax your hair in that condition (not supposed to n.e way), they will tell you they have to cut the damage. P.S. (I thought I looked like a kemo patient too) that's what drew my attention.
AFashionSlave
Well-Known Member
You have to decide what you want to do with your hair. Make a decision and stick with it. If you don't decide you will always be on this merry-go-round of relaxing or not relaxing.
I failed twice trying to go natural until I finally got the hang of it the third time in 1997.
Maybe, your problem is that you are still trying to wear your transitioning hair like you would if you had a fresh relaxer.
When I transitioned I did not use a comb through my entire head of dry hair...not even a wide tooth comb. I only combed my hair gently while it was wet. I would comb my hair 2-inch section by 2-inch section until my entire head was detangled.
Are you wearing straight hairstyles?
Are you straightening your roots with a curling iron, flat iron, etc.?
If you are that could be helping your breakage situation along. I suggest wearing curly styles for example: twist-outs, braid-outs, roller sets or braids with extensions while you transition. Wearing curly hairstyles will also help you get used to working with hair closer to your natural hair texture.
What kind of natural are you going to be?
Are you going to press your hair straight or wear your hair in it's natural texture? There is a big difference between pressing and wearing your hair in its natural texture.
Hard pressing & very hot heat styling slowly breaks down your natural hair texture. I am not against thermal styling. Pressing is so much healthier than those wicked chemicals. My point is If you are pressing your roots you may be doing your natural hair more harm than good if you eventually want to wear your hair in it's natural texture.
As you transition you should be cutting away at your relaxed hair. Transitioning is supposed to be a temporary process.
I have heard a lot of women talk about how they transitioned for a year or two because they were afraid to cut their hair. I transitioned for 10 months before I big chopped. I should have cut that straight hair off ASAP. For me long term transitioning was nothing but aggravation.
It is a good sign that your hair is breaking where the relaxed hair meets the natural. It is a good sign because that shows you just how strong your natural hair really is.
You've got make a decision and stick with it.
I know a lot of women here are going to disagree with me when I say this but "Everyone can go natural"
I am a firm beleiver that God don't make mistakes.
Dahllia, what is your current hair routine? Maybe we can give you some fresh ideas with dealing with your transitioing hair.
I failed twice trying to go natural until I finally got the hang of it the third time in 1997.
Maybe, your problem is that you are still trying to wear your transitioning hair like you would if you had a fresh relaxer.
When I transitioned I did not use a comb through my entire head of dry hair...not even a wide tooth comb. I only combed my hair gently while it was wet. I would comb my hair 2-inch section by 2-inch section until my entire head was detangled.
Are you wearing straight hairstyles?
Are you straightening your roots with a curling iron, flat iron, etc.?
If you are that could be helping your breakage situation along. I suggest wearing curly styles for example: twist-outs, braid-outs, roller sets or braids with extensions while you transition. Wearing curly hairstyles will also help you get used to working with hair closer to your natural hair texture.
What kind of natural are you going to be?
Are you going to press your hair straight or wear your hair in it's natural texture? There is a big difference between pressing and wearing your hair in its natural texture.
Hard pressing & very hot heat styling slowly breaks down your natural hair texture. I am not against thermal styling. Pressing is so much healthier than those wicked chemicals. My point is If you are pressing your roots you may be doing your natural hair more harm than good if you eventually want to wear your hair in it's natural texture.
As you transition you should be cutting away at your relaxed hair. Transitioning is supposed to be a temporary process.
I have heard a lot of women talk about how they transitioned for a year or two because they were afraid to cut their hair. I transitioned for 10 months before I big chopped. I should have cut that straight hair off ASAP. For me long term transitioning was nothing but aggravation.
It is a good sign that your hair is breaking where the relaxed hair meets the natural. It is a good sign because that shows you just how strong your natural hair really is.
You've got make a decision and stick with it.
I know a lot of women here are going to disagree with me when I say this but "Everyone can go natural"
I am a firm beleiver that God don't make mistakes.
Dahllia, what is your current hair routine? Maybe we can give you some fresh ideas with dealing with your transitioing hair.
skegeesmb
New Member
Cut it off. That's what I had to do. I would have been right back to relaxing because I liked my hair long so much. Your hair will grow, get it cut into a nice short style and grow it out. I did the halle berry thing. My hair texture is the same as yours and I did it so you can too.
I wore my hair straightened (with curling iron) when it was too short to do anything to it or gather it up, and too long to have natural little curls or a neat shaped curly fro.
My natural hair is now just above shoulderlength and chin length when unstraightened, 4 inches past my shoulder and shoulderlength on the side. It takes time, and if you can't bear to part with your long hair even though you know it will grow, I just say stay with the relaxer. It will save your sanity.
I firmly believe that every women of color can wear their hair natural, it's if you have a problem with anything but straight hair that will stop you from ever going natural. If we couldn't, we wouldn't have been born that way.
I wore my hair straightened (with curling iron) when it was too short to do anything to it or gather it up, and too long to have natural little curls or a neat shaped curly fro.
My natural hair is now just above shoulderlength and chin length when unstraightened, 4 inches past my shoulder and shoulderlength on the side. It takes time, and if you can't bear to part with your long hair even though you know it will grow, I just say stay with the relaxer. It will save your sanity.
I firmly believe that every women of color can wear their hair natural, it's if you have a problem with anything but straight hair that will stop you from ever going natural. If we couldn't, we wouldn't have been born that way.
Nonie
Well-Known Member
OK, I am a natural who transitioned a little differently. I didn't do the big chop and I didn't press my new growth to match my relaxed hair. I braided my hair just as it was, with the two textures. It hadn't reached the post-relaxer breaking stage...whatever that is. Maybe if it had been, I woulda chopped the perm off. Then because I do my own braids and redo them one at a time, every time I got a bit of growth and undid a braid to redo it, I'd trim 1/4-1/2 inch off until it was all gone.
And I'm pleased to say my braids and I have enjoyed marriage bliss since then.
Braids for me are not just a great style but they are also the easiest way from me to manage and grow my hair. And they have never been a problem for me anywhere, even in the workplace - and I'm the only black in my company, BTW. I think how you feel about yourself affects how people respond to you. Women of color are blessed in that we can get away with any do. How many snow-white women do you think could get away with an afro?
But dare us to wear any style ever invented and we go one step further; we make the style look even better.
(No I'm not full of myself at all
)
So if you want to be natural but are afraid of shocking the world with a new look that they may not be ready for, (or just don't have the courage to walk out with the drastic change), you can do it without risking damaging your new healthy hair with heat. If you chopped off your relaxed hair, you could get nice cornrows and wear a wig, and let our hair grow "quietly" and surprise us with your big afro when you get there. Or get cornrows and have them meet ponytail style and attach a pony, redoing them till you're comfortable with the length. Or you could do it the way I did, although if it's breaking so badly it may just fall off anyway before it's time to trim.
The absence of manipulation will reduce breakage, and the braids/cornrows stop you from checking length all the time (you know about watched pots...).
So whatever you choose, believe you look great in that style, and you will convince the world, even skeptics, that you are da absolute bomb.
And if you are truly sure you won't be happier being natural, then just know that no one considers you a failure for not going through with transitioning. Change isn't always better. It's what makes you happy that matters.
Braids for me are not just a great style but they are also the easiest way from me to manage and grow my hair. And they have never been a problem for me anywhere, even in the workplace - and I'm the only black in my company, BTW. I think how you feel about yourself affects how people respond to you. Women of color are blessed in that we can get away with any do. How many snow-white women do you think could get away with an afro?
So if you want to be natural but are afraid of shocking the world with a new look that they may not be ready for, (or just don't have the courage to walk out with the drastic change), you can do it without risking damaging your new healthy hair with heat. If you chopped off your relaxed hair, you could get nice cornrows and wear a wig, and let our hair grow "quietly" and surprise us with your big afro when you get there. Or get cornrows and have them meet ponytail style and attach a pony, redoing them till you're comfortable with the length. Or you could do it the way I did, although if it's breaking so badly it may just fall off anyway before it's time to trim.
So whatever you choose, believe you look great in that style, and you will convince the world, even skeptics, that you are da absolute bomb.
pinkpanda_99
New Member
Hi Dahllia
. Please believe me when I say that I mean no offense to you or the other young ladies on this thread with what I'm about to share. I know it is not your or anyone's intent to offend someone with the comments about what you're experiencing, but for those who may be sensitive, experiencing hairloss due to an illness, or for those who may know someone who is in the midst of "chemotherapy" treatments, the comment on "looking like a "kemotherapy patient" may appear to seem insensitive in their plight. Just thought that I would share. Carry on..
Ok here it goes. First I want to thank each and everyone of you for responding to my problem, I spent days moaning about this. I had my last relaxer at that time on May 15 and as I said before, I was doing great until about 2 to 3 weeks ago so I was kind of stunned by what happened. I felt that if demarcation breakage was going to happen, it should have happened way before then. After all, I did have about 2 to 2 1/2 inches or so of growth. Anyway, After 13 years of relaxing, I had made this decision to go relaxer free for the first time. Unfortunately, I didnt make it. I relaxed my hair yesterday after 16 weeks and the breakage STOPPED almost immediately. I was relieved and disappointed in myself at the same time. Both emotions were just as strong. (Truthfully, I never had breakage or dry hair problems with my relaxer, I just wanted to be chemical free...not bad enough huh?)
Many of you who successfully went natural had said that you attempted to transition several times before fully going through with it. Well maybe this will be me, I dont know. The one thing that I have learned from this experience is that the next time I decide to transition, I will also have to decide to cut off the rest of my relaxed hair at least an inch into the new growth and just be financially ready, (which Im not now) to wear braids if I cannot deal with the short hair or what ever else it takes that costs money like find a natural hair care stylist to help me, etc. Since coming to this board I learned alot more things about caring for relaxed hair plus Im not into heat or curling irons and never really was. The only visible damage I ever had was split ends from not trimming. Now I trim.
I should be ok for now. I also plan to space the relaxers out to atleast 13 weeks apart until I come to serious decision. Im also glad for a supportive family who may not know how to help me but they are definitely behind me and dont make me feel bad for my indecisiveness. Some find it easy to go relaxer free and some dont.
ALSO, Pinkpanda99, Im sorry I used that term and misspelled it as well. Of course it would be offensive to people who either have experienced it or have loved ones who have dealt with it and I should have been more careful with my choice of words. Thanks for setting me straight in a kind and diplomatic way. Also, common sense should have told me "chemo", serves me right for even using the term.
Many of you who successfully went natural had said that you attempted to transition several times before fully going through with it. Well maybe this will be me, I dont know. The one thing that I have learned from this experience is that the next time I decide to transition, I will also have to decide to cut off the rest of my relaxed hair at least an inch into the new growth and just be financially ready, (which Im not now) to wear braids if I cannot deal with the short hair or what ever else it takes that costs money like find a natural hair care stylist to help me, etc. Since coming to this board I learned alot more things about caring for relaxed hair plus Im not into heat or curling irons and never really was. The only visible damage I ever had was split ends from not trimming. Now I trim.
I should be ok for now. I also plan to space the relaxers out to atleast 13 weeks apart until I come to serious decision. Im also glad for a supportive family who may not know how to help me but they are definitely behind me and dont make me feel bad for my indecisiveness. Some find it easy to go relaxer free and some dont.
ALSO, Pinkpanda99, Im sorry I used that term and misspelled it as well. Of course it would be offensive to people who either have experienced it or have loved ones who have dealt with it and I should have been more careful with my choice of words. Thanks for setting me straight in a kind and diplomatic way. Also, common sense should have told me "chemo", serves me right for even using the term.
Dag, I wanted to catch you before you relaxed....well anyway here is something that may help. You said that you wash everyday or 2 times a week. I can't wash my hair more than once a week. My hair gets too weak and it can't take that much manipulation. Maybe you should try that. The last time I had a relaxer was around June 20 and I haven't had that much breakage at all. I mostly wear twists, twistouts, and buns.
AFashionSlave
Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
Hi Dahllia
. Please believe me when I say that I mean no offense to you or the other young ladies on this thread with what I'm about to share. I know it is not your or anyone's intent to offend someone with the comments about what you're experiencing, but for those who may be sensitive, experiencing hairloss due to an illness, or for those who may know someone who is in the midst of "chemotherapy" treatments, the comment on "looking like a "kemotherapy patient" may appear to seem insensitive in their plight. Just thought that I would share. Carry on..
[/ QUOTE ]
I feel what you are trying to say. I never thought of it that way. Point taken. Thanks sis.
Hi Dahllia
[/ QUOTE ]
I feel what you are trying to say. I never thought of it that way. Point taken. Thanks sis.
pinkpanda_99
New Member
I tell you, the persona of the women (and men) of this board is truly fantastic! Thank you Dahllia and AFashionSlave for your welcomed comments. I am amongst true giants in personality. You grow girls!
I am sorry that you didn't stick it out. Not because relaxing is bad, but more that you didn't follow through. Your hair was damaged by the trasitioning, but now that you have relaxed it still hasn't been 'restored'. May have been better to continue to transition and cut the relaxed/damaged ends.
Re: Today
[ QUOTE ]
I am sorry that you didn't stick it out. Not because relaxing is bad, but more that you didn't follow through. Your hair was damaged by the trasitioning, but now that you have relaxed it still hasn't been 'restored'. May have been better to continue to transition and cut the relaxed/damaged ends.
[/ QUOTE ]
I am well aware that my hair has not been 'restored', I just said the breakage stopped immediately. I know that no matter how one looks at it, it is still a chemical breakdown of the hair. Also, the reason why I chose not to cut the relaxed hair off was because I simply was not emotionally ready to chop off 14 to 15 inches of hair. However, this battle with myself aint over, I will eventually succeed.
[ QUOTE ]
I am sorry that you didn't stick it out. Not because relaxing is bad, but more that you didn't follow through. Your hair was damaged by the trasitioning, but now that you have relaxed it still hasn't been 'restored'. May have been better to continue to transition and cut the relaxed/damaged ends.
[/ QUOTE ]
I am well aware that my hair has not been 'restored', I just said the breakage stopped immediately. I know that no matter how one looks at it, it is still a chemical breakdown of the hair. Also, the reason why I chose not to cut the relaxed hair off was because I simply was not emotionally ready to chop off 14 to 15 inches of hair. However, this battle with myself aint over, I will eventually succeed.
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