To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's underneath!

[Teja]

I have a friend who will set her hair( weave) every night use all the expensive products on it and her real hair is in the most horrible state!(everthing she is supposed to do to her natural hair she does to the weave)
Do you guys know folks like that if yes do, you tell them anything?

 

[Tamrin]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I have a friend who will set her hair( weave) every night use all the expensive products on it and her real hair is in the most horrible state!(everthing she is supposed to do to her natural hair she does to the weave)
Do you guys know folks like that if yes do, you tell them anything?

Mind your business and keep it moving. Take care of your hair. I have been there done that.

 

[*KP*]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

A lot of people don't want to hear it. You can say something minor and then judge her attitude. If she sounds like she wants to hear it then fill her in, otherwise just keep looking after your own hair and forget about hers.

 

[Teja]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Mind your business and keep it moving. Take care of your hair. I have been there done that.

Dang girl!!! I am minding my business but some things just need to be addressed! I am talking bout a good friend of mine and watching her ruin her hair is killing me that's why I started this post to c what people in my position would say to her thats all!

 

[Tamrin]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Dang girl!!! I am minding my business but some things just need to be addressed! I am talking bout a good friend of mine and watching her ruin her hair is killing me that's why I started this post to c what people in my position would say to her thats all!

Im givinf you advice from experience. My friend and I no longer speak because of it. That was my best friend. You sometimes have to bite the bullet and let them to them. I saw it all. The same situation you are going thru. Thats why I gave you that advice.

 

[Teja]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Im givinf you advice from experience. My friend and I no longer speak because of it. That was my best friend. You sometimes have to bite the bullet and let them to them. I saw it all. The same situation you are going thru. Thats why I gave you that advice.

Well thanks I really appreciate it then I guess it kind of came off the wrong way!
But then again what are friends for if you can't tell them truth!
Have a nice day though!

 

[betty-boo]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I know precisely what you mean. What a waste of products and techniques?

But I have tried to tell people the little I know, many times. I think the difference between us and others, is that we are MOTIVATED to have lovely, good healthy hair - that's how we found this site and we took it from there.

They are still 'surviving' and are 'managing', in their own way They therefore don't see why we put so much emphasis on our own hair.

Not to tarnish everyone with the same brush, there are some who are keen and want to learn.

Its good to ASK her first, whether she's happy looking after her weaves and doing the whole weave thing. Ask her if she would like her own hair to be like that. Then tell her it could be - because she's already putting in the work to something that ain't hers, ya know???? But find out what her wishes are and work from there.

 

[betty-boo]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I just want to add that talking with your friend is a good thing and shows that you genuinely care for her and want to share what you've gained.
I've never lost any friends over this - the worst that happened was they didn't use my advice - not a big deal.

 

[abbygirl]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

i have a friend as well who said she`d rather spend money and time on her weaves and extensions than on her hair.
her hair is in such terrible shape, very thin ends and no edges

 

[Covergirl5906]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I would leave it alone...she will figure it out when she has nothing left to attach the weave to.

 

[lashannasmall]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Honestly, some people actually plan on wearing weaves for the rest of their life so they really don't care how their real hair looks

 

[Teja]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Honestly, some people actually plan on wearing weaves for the rest of their life so they really don't care how their real hair looks

That's sad really!!!!

 

[abbygirl]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I would leave it alone...she will figure it out when she has nothing left to attach the weave to.

 

[Lady Kay 21]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

It funny that you mention this. I feel like the whole idea of weaves make people think that its a way to avoid having to "deal" with your own hair. Weaves are usually longer than thicker and shinier than the original hair of the owners, so from a psychological standpoint, that woman with a weave then has the hair that she always wanted but never knew how to get. Many people dont want to put in the work to reap the benefits, they just want overnight success and thats where weaves come in. I used to be that girl who would have the flyest weave. My weave would be so perfect that people didnt even know that it wasnt my hair until I told them. However underneath was a hot mess. I didnt know anything about caring for my own hair, and in a society where the BSS sells every texture, color, and length, I didnt have to learn how to take care of my hair because I had the luscious weave of my dreams. I know this is long... however what im basically trying to say is that its not uncommon for a person to want to take care of the weave because it already looks good to them instead of investing in their own hair. Usually by the time a person gets to the point where they are religiously wearing a weave it been ingrained in their head that their own hair will never look like the weave no matter what they do. so in other words, I'm sure your friend sub consciously thinks that if her hair can never look as good as her weave, then why bother?

All you can do is try to open her up to the forum and give her some of your knowledge to see if she is ready to take the step in caring for her own hair, or at least caring for her hair while its underneath the weave. Remember this is very common, and alot of BW dont know that there are other options.

 

[LilBrownied]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

It funny that you mention this. I feel like the whole idea of weaves make people think that its a way to avoid having to "deal" with your own hair. Weaves are usually longer than thicker and shinier than the original hair of the owners, so from a psychological standpoint, that woman with a weave then has the hair that she always wanted but never knew how to get. Many people dont want to put in the work to reap the benefits, they just want overnight success and thats where weaves come in. I used to be that girl who would have the flyest weave. My weave would be so perfect that people didnt even know that it wasnt my hair until I told them. However underneath was a hot mess. I didnt know anything about caring for my own hair, and in a society where the BSS sells every texture, color, and length, I didnt have to learn how to take care of my hair because I had the luscious weave of my dreams. I know this is long... however what im basically trying to say is that its not uncommon for a person to want to take care of the weave because it already looks good to them instead of investing in their own hair. Usually by the time a person gets to the point where they are religiously wearing a weave it been ingrained in their head that their own hair will never look like the weave no matter what they do. so in other words, I'm sure your friend sub consciously thinks that if her hair can never look as good as her weave, then why bother?

All you can do is try to open her up to the forum and give her some of your knowledge to see if she is ready to take the step in caring for her own hair, or at least caring for her hair while its underneath the weave. Remember this is very common, and alot of BW dont know that there are other options.

Very well put Lady Kay...

OP, a friend of mine comes to mind when I read your story. It seems way too common. The truth is, we really ARE the motivated ones, and some ladies aren't. I've decided not to give that friend any more advice because she's not at the same mental level that I am, and your friend probably isn't either. I stumbled upon this site when I was at an EXTREMELY difficult point in the life of my hair. It was a few months after my BC, with no instruction manual on natural care.

I wouldn't have fully understood LHCF if I had reached it at any other point in my life. When she does reach that point where there's only half an inch of real hair to attach weave too, you better believe she'll find her way here and hopefully turn things around.

 

[naturalgurl]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

LadyKay and Lilbrownied put a different slant on it. I can understand now. If it were my friend I'd jokingly and loosely say, "girl, when you put that stuff on the weave, slap a little on your hair too, afterall it's your hair" or something like that. Bringing her to a forum might help too. Isn't there a weave section here? Or any weave forum. At least those ladies take care of their hair underneath. Then one day she'll take the weave out and be surprised that HER hair is nice too.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Dang girl!!! I am minding my business but some things just need to be addressed! I am talking bout a good friend of mine and watching her ruin her hair is killing me that's why I started this post to c what people in my position would say to her thats all!

I agree with you. For people you love, you go the extra mile and leave that selfishness behind. Why not give her a head massage or some kind of treatment with conditioner and then style her hair...like girlfriend's night or something? She might like the way her scalp and hair feel and get on the bandwagon. Tell her while you're treating her hair that it was a bit dry or that you saw breakage or something. Be a bit subtle but get the message out.

 

[Carrie A]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

How exactly do you take care of the hair under the weave? Do you use a conditioner spray? How do you get to the hair?

 

[nab239]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I think it's great that you take this much interest in your friends hair. I was your friend for a long time until about a year ago. I removed a sew-in and was mortified by the results (I actually cried). I thought my hair would never grow back. My stylist did an amazing weave but she braids too tight and it removed my edges (like pushed my hairline way back). The hair I had left was in really poor condition due to similar neglect. It took this situation and my mothers blunt honesty for me to realize that I needed to take drastic measures to rebuild my hair. I didn't want to wear a weave forever and when I started, it was merely meant to protect my hair and gain length. I really didn't know where to start but with a lot of tlc and LHCF, my hair is well on its way. In life, honesty is the best policy, tactfully of course. You know your friend better than anyone on this board and if you think she can handle the truth coming from a place a love and concern, then I say go for it. If not, all you can do is continue to be her friend...HTH

 

[Teja]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

I agree with you. For people you love, you go the extra mile and leave that selfishness behind. Why not give her a head massage or some kind of treatment with conditioner and then style her hair...like girlfriend's night or something? She might like the way her scalp and hair feel and get on the bandwagon. Tell her while you're treating her hair that it was a bit dry or that you saw breakage or something. Be a bit subtle but get the message out.

Thank you very much for getting my point!

 

[danysedai]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Teja, I get what you mean and that your intentions are good, only you can know how your friend is going to react. One good friend of mine doesn't even care about her hair, doesn't have any edges, uses a weave (ratty weaves btw) all the time, I can even smell her hair sometimes because she doesn't wash it. She is one of those people who says my hair is going to fall off if I use "white people's stuff", when she saw my hair not in a bun or a half wig (almost APL) she then said I have "spanish" hair (I'm cuban), she just doesn't care and the extent of her hair care is in her own words"slap a weave on it". What bothers me the most is that her little girl's hair is in the same condition,dry dry, broken edges, in 4 or 6 braids sticking out in the air and a fake ponytail on special ocassions(she's 8). I've offered to do her girl's hair and she's said no, and that black people's hair doesn't grow erplexed

my point is, just be very very careful, whether we want it or not, it is a touchy subject. Maybe your friend doesn't know how to care for her hair under her weave and you can show her how and offer to do it for her the first time. She will know it comes from your heart and not a desire to criticize. I, like almost everyone I guess, have had friends point out things to me and no, I haven't liked it, but it all depends on the friend and her sensitivity.

 

[Teja]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Thanks danysedai I appreciate you taking so much time in writing an answer!!!
When I started this thread my intentions were to help my friend, and I got alot of negative answers of people telling me to leave it alone. Nobodys perfect, but if something is wrong with you, and not even your friends can point it out to you then I think that's a serious problem.
I treat people how I want to be treated, especially my friends close friends at that!
I would only hope that my friends would do the same for me so after all these posts I am definitley going to sit her down and talk to her in a very gentle way and tell her what's up, if she decides she does not want to talk to me after that then those are not friend's that you need around anyway, to me honesty and trust are the two key points in a friendship and if you aint got that you aint got nothing!!!!

 

[cmw45]

Re: To those people who take better care of their weave than the hair that's undernea

Im givinf you advice from experience. My friend and I no longer speak because of it. That was my best friend. You sometimes have to bite the bullet and let them to them. I saw it all. The same situation you are going thru. Thats why I gave you that advice.

Your BEST FRIEND no longer speaks to you because you tried to give her hair advice?