To Relax....or....NOT to Relax.....THAT is the question....(long)

[onepraying]

I have a dilemma(sp?)

I'm wondering if I should relax my step-daughter's hair.
Her mom told us that we can go ahead and do it if we want. She's not the kind of mom that will let her hair get become some HOT MESS and break off. I used to hear that we should wait until the young girl matures. She's maturing pretty rapidly, if you know what I mean.

However, eversince I've been visiting LHCF Ashley and I have both learned alot. We have been learning how to take care of our hair the RIGHT way. So when she goes back to live with her mom, she'll already know when to wash, and condition, etc., etc. I'm sending her back with a dome dryer, plenty of products(including EVOO and honey! She knows all about the EVOO pre-poo) wide teeth combs, a satin scarf and a couple bonnets.

I've read different posts and heard testimonials from friends that their hair flourished when "mommy was doing it" Then around 11, 12 or 13 they decided they wanted to do their own hair.

Well, I want her to learn how to do her own hair. She has very course 4b hair, tightly coiled (very beautiful!) and she's very tenderheaded. She cries when she tries to PART her own hair let along COMB it. So you can imagine when I comb through it. Forget pressing it.

She'll be 11 in January. This is the second school year she's been with us. She's POSSIBLY going back home this summer.....

I'd hate to ruin a good head of glory...

Please give me some imput....



I just don't know what to do!!

Thanks!

~op~

 

[mrslee]

I wouldnt do it. I would at least wait until she was 15 or 16.

 

[jainygirl]

Ask the daughter if it's something she's sure that she herself can handle. If you can i would encourage her to hold off on making a decision. There are so many styles that she can do with her natural hair that it's not so urgent that she get relaxed just because she's "coming of age".

I know my cousin had her step daughter for the entire summer and treated her to getting her natural hair washed and braided(her own hair) into very pretty styles each week at the shop. /images/graemlins/smile.gif it wasnt nearly as expensive as other stuff and her step daughter looked cute the whole summer. She liked going to the shop like a big person and having the different styles. Just an idea /images/graemlins/wink.gif -- jainygirl

 

[sillygurl18]

I wouldn't do it either. Does she comb and part her hair while wet or dry. She should try combing her hair while it's wet when it's full of conditioner and it won't hurt.

 

[PretteePlease]

I dont think you should perm her hair at this point. not because i am anti perm but because this is a chance for her to learn how to properly care for her hair in its natural texture. There is a whole system to minimizing tangles before during and after a wash by washing in sections detangling a certian way etc.
Please tell us her routine.

 

[onepraying]

Wow! Thanks!

I guess I basically need to know how to teach HER to take care of it the way it is......

I probably need to try other moisturizing products

Here's her routine:

Because her hair is so dry we pre-poo with EVOO and a little Jojoba.
I then shampoo with JASON Tallgrass or
Garnier Fructis Dry/Damaged hair formula and Garnier Fructis Dry/Damaged Conditioner(this has worked well in her hair)
Deep Condition with LeKair Cholestorol(sp?) w/ honey
Add SheaMoisture Leave-In

Can someone recommend a good routine and set of products?

~op~

 

[Chinagem]

I agree with Msportugal with the washing in sections thing. That could make a world of difference if she's not already doing it.

 

[jainygirl]

[ QUOTE ]
onepraying said:
Can someone recommend a good routine and set of products?


[/ QUOTE ]

Here are some techniques and product info that you may find helpful Products/Hair Recipes as well as No 'Poo Method. MotownGirl's whole site is very helpful and informative on teaching you how to take care of natural hair on a daily basis /images/graemlins/smile.gif. HTH -- jainygirl

 

[atmo718]

jainygirl, thanks for the info. Do you think I can do conditioner washes for my 1 year old I believe her hair is a thick 3b.

 

[jainygirl]

[ QUOTE ]
atmo718 said:
jainygirl, thanks for the info. Do you think I can do conditioner washes for my 1 year old I believe her hair is a thick 3b.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh definitely /images/graemlins/smile.gif I would stick to a conditioner that is low perfume/additives and maybe even do something homemade (from MotownGirl's site) for her since she is so young. Dont wanna sting her little eyes /images/graemlins/wink.gif -- jainygirl

 

[atmo718]

jainygirl, I just printed the information and will be giving my little lady her first conditioner wash. Do you think I can use Beautiful Beginnings Cholestrol conditioner for her wash?

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

I say wait until she gets older also. I do know about tenderheadedness though. Sometimes, it simply doesn't matter whether the hair is wet or dry - a tenderheaded scalp will be tenderheaded. I do suggest scalp massages to help with the pain tolerance though. A stylist told me that once - that you can somewhat alleviate a tender scalp with massage with a brush. But I think the same effect can be had with the fingers if done lightly at first and then gradually increase the pressure.

If she's taught to do her own hair, coupled with the scalp massages, I think she'll be just fine. I also second combing the hair while full of conditioner. And if her hair is dry, try eliminating the shampoo altogether except to clarify occasionally or try to ONLY put the shampoo on her scalp and massage it in with fingers. If there's a significant amount of itching due to product buildup, try parting the scalp like you would oil your scalp and put shampoo in the parts. Then take a Denman brush or a wide-toothed comb and gently loosen the build-up in the parts. This will take some time, but it can also function as a scalp massage. It feels sooooo good. Shampoo can be EXTREMELY drying to the hair. Keep in mind that shampoo is for the scalp and conditioner is for the hair.

HTH

 

[brownstallion]

I wouldn't do it yet. I've seen pictures from when I was young and my natural hair was so curly, thick, and beautiful. I'm not saying I don't like my hair now but I really admire my natural hair.

 

[Sharpened]

[ QUOTE ]
atmo718 said:
jainygirl, I just printed the information and will be giving my little lady her first conditioner wash. Do you think I can use Beautiful Beginnings Cholestrol conditioner for her wash?

[/ QUOTE ]
I would not. My sister tried a cholesterol conditioner at first but it left her baby's hair greasy. She now uses Suave Milk and Honey on both their heads and she is amazed at how well it works. She just lathers and rinses once to clean it. I use Cetaphil on my baby's the same way. HTH

 

[lovelymissyoli]

Even though my hair is relaxed (originally not by choice I might add), I wouldn’t recommend relaxing her hair. I hate that my parents gave me a relaxer before I was even 2 years old, and the fact that I can’t reverse what’s been done. Seeing as though she is going on 11, relaxing her hair now would be just as damaging as if she went off on her own and started doing whatever to her hair. Can she handle the upkeep that comes along with relaxed hair? What about when she gets new growth?? How often will she need to keep her hair relaxed so that she can comb through it? Does she know how to deal with the two textures? Can she keep it moisturized constantly? Does she know how to handle the breakage she might receive? These are all the things many ladies who relax have to deal with.

There are so many things you can do to fight being tenderheaded and having a hard time with detangling. Why not detangle underneath the showerhead? What about combing with some sort of conditioner in her hair to help alleviate the pain?…Anything but relaxing her hair at such a young age. I honestly hate that I had to get a relaxer so soon in life, in fact, I would rather be sporting coils but I don’t want to start all over again from scratch, I don’t have the time, patience, or guts to do a big chop and learn how to take care of natural hair.

Whatever you two decide make sure she knows what she’s in for if she decides to relax. It is a permanent situation.

 

[onepraying]

I want to thank you ladies all SO VERY MUCH.. /images/graemlins/wink.gif for all the tips. I've decided not to do it! I just know we have work ahead of us and plenty of products to try! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Yesterday, I was combing her hair. I decided to take your advice GMMP and massage the area that hurts the most. Do you know that that part actually hurts to touch? I couldn't even massage it without her jumping.

Does anyone have any comment on this? Is there some sort of sensitive scalp salve/baum/cream??

Thanks again!

~op~

 

[PretteePlease]

I'm not sure if there is anything you can put one those painful spots /images/graemlins/wallbash.gif. I call it "growing pains" for some reason i get really sore spots on my head like something fell on it. Someone suggested its because of a growth spurt. I'm not sure. Either way congrats on comming to a decision!!! /images/graemlins/clap.gif

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
onepraying said:
I want to thank you ladies all SO VERY MUCH.. /images/graemlins/wink.gif for all the tips. I've decided not to do it! I just know we have work ahead of us and plenty of products to try! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Yesterday, I was combing her hair. I decided to take your advice GMMP and massage the area that hurts the most. Do you know that that part actually hurts to touch? I couldn't even massage it without her jumping.

Does anyone have any comment on this? Is there some sort of sensitive scalp salve/baum/cream??

Thanks again!

~op~

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm glad that you did not relax her hair. I'm sure there are better ways of managing her natural hair besides giving in to relaxers all of a sudden. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

I have a lot of new growth and have noticed my scalp as well feels sore in certain areas. With relaxed hair, it doesnt feel sore. Massaging my scalp with oil definitely helps ease the soreness! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[blkmaryland]

Lustrasilk makes a great product called "Hairculture". Believe it or not, I use it on my nephews super shrinkage, super curly, super tiiiiggghhhttt curl hair. Since his hair is so tight, I spray the stuff on his hair without even combing it through. After I spray the stuff on his hair, I take the blow dryer and blow the hot air on his hair, still without the use of a comb or brush. After a feww minutes, you can actually see the curls loosen. that is the only time that he will allow me to use a soft, and I do mean soft, boar bristle round brush to finish blowdrying. When I am finished, his twa is shoulder length and flowing!!!! The only downside of this product is that your hair doesn't last if it humid out. Again, I use it on his hair because he is just getting his hair braided and it makes his life and the braiders life easier.