To married couples with kids.

[Royalq]

So, one of my peeves with my mom is that she ALWAYS agrees with my dad. if i explain a situation to her her in private and she completely agress with me, once i explain it to my dad in her presence she completely flips on me and support my dad. Like recently my brother and dad had an argument. When told both sides privately my mom came to me and told me she completely agrees with my brother. When the issue was brought up in the presence of both my dad and my brother she agreed with my father and condemn my brother. This makes us all reluctant to tell my mom anything because we know she wont support us. But if my dad agrees with us kids about something, he stands firm and doesnt mind going against my mom.

so to the married( or not) couples with kids, do you women feel inclined to agree with your man? Is it a respect thing to not undermine his authority? Its really aggravating and sort of builds resentment. It makes us kids very secretive and operate without getting advice.

 

[Mai Tai]

It is important for parents to present a united front with their children and what your mother is doing is the exact opposite of that. Sounds pretty frustrating.

 

[HisBestFriend]

My DH and I parent in different but agreeable ways. I don't always agree with his decisions on things but I don't disagree in front of our kids. When I REALLY disagree, I find out why he did what he did. I talk to him about how I would have handled it and get an agreement to do better the next time (He doesn't always keep his word )
Then I go talk to the kids and explain that they may not like it BUT this is why it happened and get them to agree to do better the next time (They don't always keep their word ) But to answer your question unless DH was going bat SH*& crazy on them, no I don't disagree with him in front of the kids and he gives me the same respect. I'm not going to lie - at times its hard, so very hard.

 

[hopeful]

I tend to not disagree with dh in front of the kids either. If you've had a conversation with me and I say one thing, then you bring it up to dad when I'm there, and it turns out he has a different opinion, I'm not going to argue with him in front of you. I might say something like well I disagree but I see your dad's point. But generally we try to back each other up. I think what you are feeling is that your mom is choosing your dad first. But it's not a competition. And your parents are human. Sometimes they are wrong, have differing opinions, aren't sure of the right thing to do, are very confident and sure but are dead wrong. Just remember that they are human. Try not to put your mom on the spot and make her choose. Being a good mom is very important to most moms, but so is being a good wife. Maybe you should ask for their opinions separately. Sometimes my kids will do this and my husband and I will realize we gave different suggestions. Sometimes he and I will discuss and come up with a compromise. Sometimes the kids have to figure out their own decision based on our two opinions. I'm assuming we are discussing older kids (teens/ young adults) who can think for themselves but need advice. When the kids were younger, my dh would generally say whatever mom says and that was that.

 

[tiffers]

If I don't agree with something that dh has done/said in front of the kids, I'll sometimes respectfully disagree. Every now and then we'll end up having little mini debates that end with something like "I see where you're coming from," or "I understand what you're saying."

I think it's important for kids to not only experience their parents having a united front, but also see that disagreements can and will happen between couples, and they can be solved in a completely calm and civil way.

But if the issue isn't really a big deal, most of the time we'll bring it up with one another when we're alone and come to an agreement in private.