To 'Lax... Or Not to 'Lax....

[Girl626]

Hello All!

This is my first post! I've been a serial lurker, and just figured out how to post an avatar! LOL Sad, I know. Anyway, I'm a natural, but am not sure how much longer I'll stay a natural. I can say that I do like my natural hair a LOT, sometimes, but I'm not sure how much more patience I have to really take care of it and achieve my hair goals. I've got so many other goals... not to mention a hubby and 4 kids... Idk

Brief History: I was relaxed from age 12-21, when my boyfriend (now hubby) convinced me to revisit my natural texture. I had no idea what that was, so I transitioned to texlaxed... and only did it maybe 3-4 times for years. About 4 yrs ago, my hair seemed to stop responding to the chemicals, and I just didn't see putting my hair thru all that for nothing, so I went cold turkey. Last year, I cut the last processed hair off, and got to know my hair. I committed to mostly natural products...(I even whip up that flaxseed gel and lovin' it) but I keep thinking, I'm natural... now what? I want to see my hair progress to lengths it's never reached before, would love to see it naturally, (my longest length was BSL Flat-ironed) but so far the shrinkage is KILLING me and I don't know if I have the patience. I recently moved to the east coast, and this humidity does NOTHING for my styles!

Btw, I wash 2x a month w/ no sulfate poo, co-wash every other week, condition with Tresemme Naturals, DC with Coconut milk/honey/Brahmi Powder/EVOO mix, little to no heat (only 1x this yr so far) and braid/twist outs & buns. Did I mention I have 4 kids and a husband? Something's gotta give...

Thanks for your time, any suggestions are appreciated... and sorry for the lecture!

 

[Baggettcindy]

From your post it seems like the kids and hubby are what are most important....so, I think you want to put them first. Personally, I love the shrinkage. Maybe you can keep your hair in twists and wear the twists in buns. This way, when you have time, you can just retwist (as many possible), rebun. You can also wash your hair with the twists and just retwist when possible...around your schedule. This is what I do...but Im single. so.

 

[Girl626]

Thanks for responding... I've definitely considered getting braided up. It'd probably be for the best... I've got a hands-in-hair problem, bad! Lol I need to find a person in NY who doesn't braid too tight, and leave my mop alone!

 

[kupenda]

Wow! You have a full plate. I say try a gently installed sew in or braids. This gives you the break you need from your hair while still keeping it safe. And it's pretty

But when it comes to hair, think of it like texting, you should never try to do it when you're frustrated or upset. That could lead to a mess. Make a list of pros and cons including price for upkeep, time needed, dedication on your part (ex: will u self relax or go to a salon? Are you protein sensitive? Will you moisturize and DC as often as needed?) and many other important aspects must be taken into consideration. I know that whatever you decide, it will be just fine. Good luck dear


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[kellistarr]

I don't think relaxing is the answer. It's not like your relaxed hair isn't going to demand care. It surely, will. If it's just about time, if you're only co-washing every other week, then I'd say there is time available. If you just need to see length, then that's an entirely different story. Either way, your hair is going to require care.

Hubby and the kids will be okay when you are done with your hair. I know what you're saying about 4 kids; I had 5 in my household, so I understand all of that. It's really about your desires. If you desire to be natural then be patient and put in the time and care and your hair will flourish. If you want long and straight, then prepare to put in the time to make your hair beautiful with that process. It's about feeling good about your choice and looking fly, then you'll be truly happy enough to deal with hubby and the kids.

 

[Dak]

I would never relax again, no matter how much I babied it, I would always have split ends and breakage.

Don't know how you feel about the BKT, but I've been very happy with mine.

 

[Striving4perfection86]

I have 4 kids and a husband......and there's no way i'm ever gonna put a relaxer in my hair again. I originally relaxed my hair when i had my first child thinking it would be low maintainence, natural or relaxed u will still have to take time out to do your hair. It seems like shrinkage is what's making you feel this way so do styles on stretched hair, blow dry and flat iron in moderation......u don't have to be in wag and puffs all day long jus cause u a natural......switch it up alittle and if after all that u still ain't happy......then go reach for a relaxer. As a person who is 2 and a half years into my current transition to natural i'm sayin be very sure about what u want i mean it takes minutes to put a relaxer in but years to grow it out.
Is it the shrinkage u wanna get rid of or your natural hair??

 

[Darenia]

I really don't know what you should do. At the end of the day you have to live with it. Just make sure you can live with it if you decide to relax.

Since your DH convinced you to go natural have you talked about it with him?

 

[chickory_bee]

I feel your pain. I am thinking about relaxing again too! I gave up relaxers as a cost saving mechanism while in school...turns out that it may have been cheaper to just relax!

I love my natural hair, but I never had anything against relaxers...they were never damaging, my hair thrived...I'm on the fence right now too!

 

[darlingdiva]

You say that the shrinkage is killing you. How about putting your hair in twists and then banding them to show more length? It only takes a few minutes, and it's a heat-free way of combatting shrinkage.

 

[Girl626]

Wow, thanks sooo much for the responses, Ladies! That's why I love this board!

I am at odds... I've been so proud of myself for going natural and learning my hair all over again, and I appreciate it's versatility! It goes from 'fro to tight bob to big braid-out to whatever I want... Pretty cool. I guess I miss the ease and curl pattern of my 'laxed hair... It seemed to grow pretty well too, but maybe my chemistry changed or something because it stopped responding to the relaxers. I felt I was exposing my hair for nothing.

I see a lot of ladies on here with beautiful, thriving hair that is natural AND 'laxed... I guess I need to take my time and try other options first.

 

[Girl626]

You say that the shrinkage is killing you. How about putting your hair in twists and then banding them to show more length? It only takes a few minutes, and it's a heat-free way of combatting shrinkage.

I'll have to YT research "banding"... Still learning these terms!

 

[Girl626]

I would never relax again, no matter how much I babied it, I would always have split ends and breakage.

Don't know how you feel about the BKT, but I've been very happy with mine.

I've been researching BKT treatments for quite a while... There are so many mixed reviews. You're hair is Gaaawgous so that's encouraging! They sure aren't light on the pockets though...

 

[nc cutie]

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[sunnieb]

I absolutely LOVE relaxed hair!

However, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't relax. Just go get a professional press at a natural salon a few times a year for a straight look.

If you want to have straight hair all the time, relax.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Key wording: 'My hair stopped responding to chemicals..."
If you relax again you may regret it...
We all get frustrated with our hair from time to time...when we get to our wits end we can think of a million reasons to just go ahead and: ________________(you can fill this with anything)....
But remember why you started this journey...

When I get "too through" I throw in a weave and give myself 6-8 weeks of a "hair break" and usually by then I am full of ideas and eager to get back to wearing some awesome natural styles.....If braids are not for you-may be a full sew-in or wig....!?!

At this point, if I permed...I KNOW I will regret it immediately....I can't imagine sitting through all those horrible chemical smells and I will never forget what it feels like to get a scalp burn or have a smidgen of dreaded relaxer fall on your ears....

Good luck my dear...You have your hands full for sure! But God doesn't bring you to the river bank and not provide you with a way to cross it....!
Be blessed.