To divorce or not to divorce!

[Rapunzel*]

ok my supervisor have been having major problems with her husband. hes controlling mentally abusive, threatened to kill her if she ever leaves him etc.lately hes been taking pills saying hes going to kill himself if she leaves himim sure you dont think its funny but my sons dad did the pill thing on me and i took him back, but he did the same thing again and i left him. that fool wasnt gonna kill hisself and my supervisors husband isnt gonna kill himself but i already told her its game. a few months back he told her that he was gonna change and he wanted to remarry her[this time not at city hall bt a real wedding. they got married and marriage counselling and all that good stuff. he wanted to give her a big ring and shes like nah, he insists but she ended up giving in to a big rock and a diamond wedding band along with his which was a set. he makes the house payment and she pays the bills credit cards etc, so you know what that means shes paying for the wedding rings that he picked out that SHE hAS to pay for

so they had marriage counseling and the pastor says that she has to forgive him through all things. and she has to stand by him, it was a time that the pastor got upset with him and said ok ****** this is her last chance so you have to do her right and he was doing good until a month after the wedding. the pastor finds out about the pill thing and the threatning and he says that she has to stay with him reguardless. because the bible says sowhich it does but you know

there should be exceptions.i mean there are exceptions for divorce if your life is in danger. i told her god doesnt want her to suffer and that he loves her. and i also told her she shouldnt really be stoned because she was only 16 when she got married and she had to marry him or her mother said she couldnt see him anymore[she was carrying her daughter who is now 15]. so they are living together still but sepperated until 11 months. and they will see whats gonna happen but her heart does not beat for him anymore,she has 3 kids by the way and shes 30 so she has a whole life ahead of her and i want her to be happy. and im hoping that she wont get punished by god by getting away from this man. i mean pastors are doing it too. by the way her pastor told her he use to hit his wife for 6 years and god changed him[ which could be true] and they are still married thats why i think he's telling her that she has to stay.

so will she be wrong for taking her and her children out of this atmosphere? and getting a divorce

maybe i should have put this in the christan section but feel free to answer anyone...............

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

No. She needs to leave, He's a crazy manipulative jerk.

People who threaten to do something want to manipulate your actions.

If he wanted to hurt himself he would just do it and stop threatening.

 

[Irresistible]

God can change anyone, that is TRUE, but thats if they even care to want to change

There would be nothing wrong with her separating from him for a season and praying on it and seeking God

matter of fact thats what she should do. If she is miserable and feels abused, controlled and manipulated and she lets it happen ,then guess what HE IS HER GOD and its clear he aint gonna be any good at that job

 

[Rapunzel*]

God can change anyone, that is TRUE, but thats if they even care to want to change

There would be nothing wrong with her separating from him for a season and praying on it and seeking God

matter of fact thats what she should do. If she is miserable and feels abused, controlled and manipulated and she lets it happen ,then guess what HE IS HER GOD and its clear he aint gonna be any good at that job

yes i totally agree that god changes people but he doesnt want to change and thats the problem. she is going into surgery and she has something in her inner thigh (systs)and it swells up her vagina in the inside and he knows shes in pain and he would still try to have sex with her and when she tells him shes hurting he calls her a lesbian, i told her that at least she doesnt have to do it with him anymore. shes really fed up she says that if she passes during her surgery she doesnt have to suffer anymore

 

[ThickHair]

She sure is pickin and choosin her bible points, after all she had sex with him before marriage so why bring up the bible now.

She needs to do what is best for her and her children.

I would dump him, but I am speaking from the POV of not having children and dumping a husband.

 

[Irresistible]

yes i totally agree that god changes people but he doesnt want to change and thats the problem. she is going into surgery and she has something in her inner thigh (systs)and it swells up her vagina in the inside and he knows shes in pain and he would still try to have sex with her and when she tells him shes hurting he calls her a lesbian, i told her that at least she doesnt have to do it with him anymore. shes really fed up she says that if she passes during her surgery she doesnt have to suffer anymore

Thats just more proof that right now God is not on the throne in her life, he is. She can get there though, she just needs to reconnect with the LORD and do the 'inner work'

we all want the easy way, 'change the man God' but the fact that we are even with men like that, means we need change bad! keep ministering to her

 

[Rapunzel*]

She sure is pickin and choosin her bible points, after all she had sex with him before marriage so why bring up the bible now.

She needs to do what is best for her and her children.

I would dump him, but I am speaking from the POV of not having children and dumping a husband.

well she wasnt a christian when she was 16 but she is now and she really loves god. and they did dot he right thing by getting married and no longer fornicating.

thanks for your response. there separated for now

 

[Rapunzel*]

Thats just more proof that right now God is not on the throne in her life, he is. She can get there though, she just needs to reconnect with the LORD and do the 'inner work'

we all want the easy way, 'change the man God' but the fact that we are even with men like that, means we need change bad! keep ministering to her

i agree she had told me before staying with him and getting put down and treated wrong she actually lost focus with god for a while. shes doing better but her pastor is saying she has to deal with it so she is really going through because she wants to obey god and do the right thing. as a pastor he needs to watch what he says because hes the covenant over his church and when hes telling his sheep that she has to deal with it basically its not really the will of god.

 

[Rapunzel*]

No. She needs to leave, He's a crazy manipulative jerk.

People who threaten to do something want to manipulate your actions.

If he wanted to hurt himself he would just do it and stop threatening.

exactlyhe wouldnt have gave her so many warnings

 

[Irresistible]

i agree she had told me before staying with him and getting put down and treated wrong she actually lost focus with god for a while. shes doing better but her pastor is saying she has to deal with it so she is really going through because she wants to obey god and do the right thing. as a pastor he needs to watch what he says because hes the covenant over his church and when hes telling his sheep that she has to deal with it basically its not really the will of god.

right, she has to realize no man is appointed God, she has to seek him for herself and hush all the other NOISE

God will lead her, all she has to do is let him, you already know

 

[NYAmicas]

I like your hair in your siggy OP.
You should post in the Christian forum because I'm not one to argue things of a religious nature. However, I will never agree that encouraging someone to stay in a abusive marriage is always the preferable choice. The last few sentences in your original post clearly showed some clarity in the opinion that she is not going to be happy with this guy. It's her happiness that's on the line, her and her childrens-not that pastors! I dont think people should be guinea pigs for others' ideals.

 

[dlewis]

I say she take out a large life insurance policy and leave him. If he's gonna kill himself anyway she should benefit from it.

 

[treybaby2005]

This is why I sometimes hate church counseling.I'm a christian but so are these wayward pastors who are human and make mistakes just like the next one.My mom stayed in a marriage way longer than she needed to because "the pastor said" GTFOOHWTBS.If someone is blatently disrepecting you rather it is cheating,mental,physical abuse,and they are not willing to change,LEAVE.They already went the counseling route,got remarried,and he still isn't trying to change?And what is it with these men that are threatening to kill themselves?Really?Just do it then.

 

[ThickHair]

I say she take out a large life insurance policy and leave him. If he's gonna kill himself anyway she should benefit from it.

Most policies, you can't collect from suicide.

 

[dlewis]

Most policies, you can't collect from suicide.

Most don't but some do, she just needs to find the one that does.

j/k kinda, a little bit

 

[vestaluv1]

OK, I've only read the first two lines but...

DIVORCE!

 

[NOEChic]

I am going through something similar, except i dont have any kids and he is not threatening to kill himself.

All these "Christian" folks telling me that my husband is now going to church and I should stay and work it out.

I tell them "WHAT PART OF HE HIT ME DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" He promised on more than one occasion not to do it again and he broke his promise. I am not going to sit in a marriage and be scared of when the next time he click out and choke me out. They ask me well did GOD tell you to get a divorce? Hell if he did not Im still steppin b/c I REFUSE to be in an abusive relationship and have to be like a drug addict. Its been 40 days since he choked me

 

[UmSumayyah]

Wow he threatened to kill himself and her?

Does he have the pills yet?

Cause if they accidentally got into his food that would be a shame. Terrible thing, suicide.

 

[Rapunzel*]

I say she take out a large life insurance policy and leave him. If he's gonna kill himself anyway she should benefit from it.

i heard that ill tell her when i see her saturday

This is why I sometimes hate church counseling.I'm a christian but so are these wayward pastors who are human and make mistakes just like the next one.My mom stayed in a marriage way longer than she needed to because "the pastor said" GTFOOHWTBS.If someone is blatently disrepecting you rather it is cheating,mental,physical abuse,and they are not willing to change,LEAVE.They already went the counseling route,got remarried,and he still isn't trying to change?And what is it with these men that are threatening to kill themselves?Really?Just do it then.

smh thats why im telling her to do what is best for HER

Most policies, you can't collect from suicide.

i dont know why

Most don't but some do, she just needs to find the one that does.

j/k kinda, a little bit

OK, I've only read the first two lines but...

DIVORCE!

yea im going to call her tomorrow to check up on her she just had her surgery

I am going through something similar, except i dont have any kids and he is not threatening to kill himself.

All these "Christian" folks telling me that my husband is now going to church and I should stay and work it out.

I tell them "WHAT PART OF HE HIT ME DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" He promised on more than one occasion not to do it again and he broke his promise. I am not going to sit in a marriage and be scared of when the next time he click out and choke me out. They ask me well did GOD tell you to get a divorce? Hell if he did not Im still steppin b/c I REFUSE to be in an abusive relationship and have to be like a drug addict. Its been 40 days since he choked me

yes men lie and they say they wont do it again and they do. i hope you cn get away from him asap they might change one day and do the same thing

Wow he threatened to kill himself and her?

Does he have the pills yet?

Cause if they accidentally got into his food that would be a shame. Terrible thing, suicide.

only himself but her if she ever left him and found someone else
only the ones hes swallowing in front of himself
yea i know and he wouldn't want a front row seat in hell

 

[NYAmicas]

I am going through something similar, except i dont have any kids and he is not threatening to kill himself.

All these "Christian" folks telling me that my husband is now going to church and I should stay and work it out.

I tell them "WHAT PART OF HE HIT ME DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" He promised on more than one occasion not to do it again and he broke his promise. I am not going to sit in a marriage and be scared of when the next time he click out and choke me out. They ask me well did GOD tell you to get a divorce? Hell if he did not Im still steppin b/c I REFUSE to be in an abusive relationship and have to be like a drug addict. Its been 40 days since he choked me

Go head Mich!
And Im sorry you had to go through that!

 

[Bunny77]

I am going through something similar, except i dont have any kids and he is not threatening to kill himself.

All these "Christian" folks telling me that my husband is now going to church and I should stay and work it out.

I tell them "WHAT PART OF HE HIT ME DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?" He promised on more than one occasion not to do it again and he broke his promise. I am not going to sit in a marriage and be scared of when the next time he click out and choke me out. They ask me well did GOD tell you to get a divorce? Hell if he did not Im still steppin b/c I REFUSE to be in an abusive relationship and have to be like a drug addict. Its been 40 days since he choked me

Each time he hit you, that was GOD telling you to get a divorce!

 

[discobiscuits]

If the situation did not fit the exceptions to divorce in the bible then I would leave him first (aka legal separation) for my safety and with the stipulation of counseling for him and us. If that did not work then I would consider divorce but that would be after exhausting everything else.

ETA: Under no circumstances would I stay in an abusive relationship. Even my pastor teaches us to get out if that is the case. He teaches us to leave and that divorce is the last resort but to never stay in abuse because that is not God's best or his plan for marriages and not acceptable.

 

[firecracker]

The threatening to take pills to keep someone is so very unattractive. I would tell him to shut up and swallow the darn pills so I could live in peace. I'm sure that will shut that nonscense up!

 

[Rapunzel*]

The threatening to take pills to keep someone is so very unattractive. I would tell him to shut up and swallow the darn pills so I could live in peace. I'm sure that will shut that nonscense up!

you off the hook
i aint mad at cha though

 

[SouthernTease]

I say she take out a large life insurance policy and leave him. If he's gonna kill himself anyway she should benefit from it.

I don't think you get money for suicides.

I don't have an opinion on what she should do...
I think unmarried women could learn a lesson...
men give you signs...
do not ignore them...
I'm pretty sure he exhibited this behavior before she got married...

 

[Rapunzel*]

I don't think you get money for suicides.

I don't have an opinion on what she should do...
I think unmarried women could learn a lesson...
men give you signs...
do not ignore them...
I'm pretty sure he exhibited this behavior before she got married...

ita this is teaching me a lesson
and yes they do i think that a man tells you what he wants from you. its just our job to listen and men and boys wanna know why they dont have a chance to be with me i aint puttin up with the bs i did it once and learned from that but i made him kick rocks when our son was 6 monthsand been happier ever since

and i think everything was ok with them in the beginning he started acting up when the second child was born i think hes 13 now

 

[longhairlover]

he sounds dangerous, i'd def. leave. living with a psycho is not cool, and it's a shame sometimes women or men takes these things as a joke, next thing you'll be seeing this on the news. there are a lot of ill people in this world.