To be friends with an ex or to not, that's the question?

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
What do you guys think? I always cut ties with my exes because in my mind it's not fair to a future mate if I got someone I've been with hanging on the side. I'm curious to see what others think.
 
I am friends or at least acquirence with most of my exes. Some I have on facebook, we really don't talk but they are there. As long as we didn't kill each other in the relationship I can let things go, doesn't mean we will ever get back together as I don't go backward but I can say in communcation with them
 
Brighteyes35 said:
What do you guys think? I always cut ties with my exes because in my mind it's not fair to a future mate if I got someone I've been with hanging on the side. I'm curious to see what others think.
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I agree I don't need these "friends" at all. If we were truly "friends" we probably would have never got together in the first place.
 
I've asked my SO to cut ties with his ex and we had to have MANY talks for him to understand that without that kind of devotion, our relationship would suffer.
 
I keep contact with some of my exes. And my previous SO and my current SO have exes they stay in contact with. It's all in what you can deal with.

I don't date men who have issues with it. It's thrown on the table early on and if they have an issue with it then I keep moving. At this stage I don't make a lot of life adjustments for someone I'm dating. That's just a decision I made for me when I was in my 20s.
 
faithVA said:
I keep contact with some of my exes. And my previous SO and my current SO have exes they stay in contact with. It's all in what you can deal with.

I don't date men who have issues with it. It's thrown on the table early on and if they have an issue with it then I keep moving. At this stage I don't make a lot of life adjustments for someone I'm dating. That's just a decision I made for me when I was in my 20s.
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:yep:

I have exes that are closer to me than some of my family. I wouldn't give up my friendship with them up for anyone. And honestly, it's been so long since I've been involved with those people that we're more friends than ex lovers at this point anyway.

I don't believe in pretending that people don't have a past. As long as boundaries are in place, I don't see the problem.
 
That's key, BOUNDARIES...I recently hung out with my SO's bm. Why am I OK with that relationship, because of the boundaries.
 
I don't see the problem with it. Just because you were together in the past doesn't mean you don't have the ability to be friends later.

My bff is actually one of my early exes but it has been YEEEEEARS and we don't harbor any sort of romantic feeling for each other. I couldn't see living life without him as my friend and I refuse to give that up just because a guy I'm dating cannot understand that and/or is that insecure/untrusting.

There's a few others I still talk to and some that I've severed ties. It just depends.
 
faithVA said:
I keep contact with some of my exes. And my previous SO and my current SO have exes they stay in contact with. It's all in what you can deal with.

I don't date men who have issues with it. It's thrown on the table early on and if they have an issue with it then I keep moving. At this stage I don't make a lot of life adjustments for someone I'm dating. That's just a decision I made for me when I was in my 20s.
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I like this statement. I made a decision in my 20's that I wouldn't be with a man who stayed friends with exes or who hung out with female friends. The point is a woman has to make choices based on what is important to her. What feels good for one women might feel terrible for another. OP trust your natural instincts on this matter and stand your ground. There is no right or wrong answer. Plenty men do not hang on to exes. You do not have to settle unless you want to. Knowing some women are comfortable with their men being friends with their exes will not make it any easier for you to stomach it.
 
Fine 4s said:
That's key, BOUNDARIES...I recently hung out with my SO's bm. Why am I OK with that relationship, because of the boundaries.
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Fine 4s Exactly. Being able to establish and enforce AND have recognition and respect for those boundaries is critical.

Me and hubby talk about this all the time and we determined there are some who will always challenge your boundaries and those folks just need to get un-existed in your life. Just completely unknow them.
 
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