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Tired of Hair Hate
- Thread starter Ms Red
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LadyKaypnyc
New Member
Has anyone experienced back-handed comments about their hair? I am friendly with a girl at work and sometimes we talk hair.
She often makes it a point to say something stupid about my hair. Yesterday is was "well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair." WTH kind of comment is that?I'm going natural and sometimes wear a puff or ponytail to work. She says "Black hair doesn't curl up like that. I guess you have good hair." When will we stop hating our hair?
Are we as Black women that brainwashed???? I wouldn't even waste my breath telling her about LHCF just so she can look at me like I'm crazy. Why do we do this to each other? Not only is it hurtful... but it's making me angry.
I feel you!!! I get those kind of comments all the time...Some even go so far as to ask me if I have Indian in my family.
Like I have to be mixed to have nice hair....Just plain ignorant!Tyra had me pissed today too...She had a show today called The Black Woman's Summit...(or something like that) and one of the topics was about our hair. To make a long story short, she said that she wears weaves b/c she wants long hair and her natural hair can never be long. I was like WTF!
Now, I love me some Tyra, but sometimes she talks straight from her ass!
aloof one
New Member
Conversation with roommate over phone:
her- What are you doing?
me- I'm out you know, looking for hair stuff.
her- Why?
me- I wanted some conditioner or something, you know I'm crazy about hair stuff. Laugh
her- That's funny how you care so much about hair stuff and your hair looks like [inaudible]
:::I start talking over her and change the subject.::: (I knew this was directed at the fact that i had airdried my hair and it was a mess that day. It was humid and I was late for class so there was nothing I could do
I think she believes that had I got a relaxer my hair would have looked better. Sure it would have laid down, but would all the breakage and dryness been worth it? This is what I don't think she understands about my decision to transition--- it is for the better despite some of the bad hair days I've gotten)
The next day at the apartment:
her- I need a perm. (I hear this about once every 3 weeks from her)
me- Man its been almost a year since I've had one. (she hears this response like every 6 weeks)
her- Well get one! Why don't you?
me- Nah... I like it better this way. I'm too scared, I don't want my hair to fall out, plus I like it this way. I'm going to cut it off when it gets long enough.
The next day at the apartment.
:::walks up to me, runs hands through my hair... I'm talking repeatedly:::
her- My hair doesn't do that, I wish mine did. When I hot comb it it just feels... nappy. I wish my hair did that...
me- Yea I don't use the straightening comb anymore because I was afraid it was burning my hair.
her- You should perm it. Why don't you just perm it so it wont look bad?
me- It looks bad? (keep in mind I just straightened my hair the night before and it was bone straight, my ends were on point, and you would have guessed I had a relaxer had you not known the situation... basically my hair was the sh!t that day.. I did serious magic with my CHI
)
her- No it doesn't look bad, it just, you should perm it so it will always be like that.
me- No... its easier this way, its thicker :::I start combing it with my fingers::
--- she doesn't have anything to say after that.
I wouldn't have taken that from a stranger. A fight would have ensued. Lucky we're tight cause it wouldn't have went down the way it did otherwise.
I don't know how to explain to her (without an argument or bad feelings afterward) that I think it is wrong that she believes that only people with "good hair" should go natural. I know she has this idea that having lighter skin is better, so naturally she has the idea that a certain type of hair is acceptable. I just thought it was rude that she even made those comments toward me. I had a chip on my shoulder with her for about all of 5 minutes and let it slide because I had to realize where she's coming from- her hair has been the same length for years. She has a very simple regimen that keeps it that way (and doesn't involve scissors at all
). She wanted long hair, but she's accepted it will always be short. She just doesn't have an interest in long hair anymore, so I can understand why she thinks I shouldn't- she doesn't think it is possible. So it probably irks her that I am even going natural, let alone my hair is growing in the process. Maybe if this all works out when I'm APL or when I BC she will see the difference and ask for help? This is a delicate situation and I don't want to be the one shoving any advice down her throat when I hardly got my own situation right.
her- What are you doing?
me- I'm out you know, looking for hair stuff.
her- Why?
me- I wanted some conditioner or something, you know I'm crazy about hair stuff. Laugh
her- That's funny how you care so much about hair stuff and your hair looks like [inaudible]
:::I start talking over her and change the subject.::: (I knew this was directed at the fact that i had airdried my hair and it was a mess that day. It was humid and I was late for class so there was nothing I could do
I think she believes that had I got a relaxer my hair would have looked better. Sure it would have laid down, but would all the breakage and dryness been worth it? This is what I don't think she understands about my decision to transition--- it is for the better despite some of the bad hair days I've gotten)The next day at the apartment:
her- I need a perm. (I hear this about once every 3 weeks from her)
me- Man its been almost a year since I've had one. (she hears this response like every 6 weeks)
her- Well get one! Why don't you?
me- Nah... I like it better this way. I'm too scared, I don't want my hair to fall out, plus I like it this way. I'm going to cut it off when it gets long enough.
The next day at the apartment.
:::walks up to me, runs hands through my hair... I'm talking repeatedly:::
her- My hair doesn't do that, I wish mine did. When I hot comb it it just feels... nappy. I wish my hair did that...
me- Yea I don't use the straightening comb anymore because I was afraid it was burning my hair.
her- You should perm it. Why don't you just perm it so it wont look bad?
me- It looks bad? (keep in mind I just straightened my hair the night before and it was bone straight, my ends were on point, and you would have guessed I had a relaxer had you not known the situation... basically my hair was the sh!t that day.. I did serious magic with my CHI
)her- No it doesn't look bad, it just, you should perm it so it will always be like that.
me- No... its easier this way, its thicker :::I start combing it with my fingers::
--- she doesn't have anything to say after that.
I wouldn't have taken that from a stranger. A fight would have ensued. Lucky we're tight cause it wouldn't have went down the way it did otherwise.I don't know how to explain to her (without an argument or bad feelings afterward) that I think it is wrong that she believes that only people with "good hair" should go natural. I know she has this idea that having lighter skin is better, so naturally she has the idea that a certain type of hair is acceptable. I just thought it was rude that she even made those comments toward me. I had a chip on my shoulder with her for about all of 5 minutes and let it slide because I had to realize where she's coming from- her hair has been the same length for years. She has a very simple regimen that keeps it that way (and doesn't involve scissors at all
). She wanted long hair, but she's accepted it will always be short. She just doesn't have an interest in long hair anymore, so I can understand why she thinks I shouldn't- she doesn't think it is possible. So it probably irks her that I am even going natural, let alone my hair is growing in the process. Maybe if this all works out when I'm APL or when I BC she will see the difference and ask for help? This is a delicate situation and I don't want to be the one shoving any advice down her throat when I hardly got my own situation right.
