Tired of Hair Hate

[Ms Red]

..............................

 

[lahennesy26]

I HAVE HAD SEVERAL PEOPLE SAY (IS THAT WEAVE) ? UHHHH I HATE THAT BLACK WOMEN CAN HAVE REAL LONG HAIR. ONE TIME MY BOYFRIEND SHOWED HIS COUSIN A PICTURE OF ME AND SHE MADE A COMMENT SHE GOT ALL THAT WEAVE IN HER HEAD. THATS ASHAME!

 

[dlewis]

I get hair hate comments a lot. I now take them as complients. People are just stupid and most times don't know any better.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Has anyone experienced back-handed comments about their hair? I am friendly with a girl at work and sometimes we talk hair.

She often makes it a point to say something stupid about my hair. Yesterday is was "well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair." WTH kind of comment is that? I'm going natural and sometimes wear a puff or ponytail to work. She says "Black hair doesn't curl up like that. I guess you have good hair." When will we stop hating our hair?

Are we as Black women that brainwashed???? I wouldn't even waste my breath telling her about LHCF just so she can look at me like I'm crazy. Why do we do this to each other? Not only is it hurtful... but it's making me angry.

I think in her own little way she was giving you a compliment. I would have taken it as a compliment and kept it moving. Not that that was the right way to do so, but I don't think she was 'hating.' And you also have to remember not everyone is on lhcf and other hair boards and know the 'correct' things to say and what not to say about hair. The only person she sounds like she have a problem with is herself and her own hair. Being honest, I don't see why YOU were offended, but that's just me.

 

[CAPlush]

I think in her own little way she was giving you a compliment. I would have taken it as a compliment and kept it moving. Not that that was the right way to do so, but I don't think she was 'hating.' And you also have to remember not everyone is on lhcf and other hair boards and know the 'correct' things to say and what not to say about hair. The only person she sounds like she have a problem with is herself and her own hair. Being honest, I don't see why YOU were offended, but that's just me.

Trust me, she has some beautician, friend, or family member screaming in her ear what she can and can't do with her "grade" of hair. It sounds like she feels confined. To the OP, since the two of you probably do have different hair types, then if you still want to continue being her friend and talk about hair, then just acknowledge that, and gently explain that all hair has the same basic needs.

 

[navsegda]

Has anyone experienced back-handed comments about their hair? I am friendly with a girl at work and sometimes we talk hair.

She often makes it a point to say something stupid about my hair. Yesterday is was "well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair." WTH kind of comment is that? I'm going natural and sometimes wear a puff or ponytail to work. She says "Black hair doesn't curl up like that. I guess you have good hair." When will we stop hating our hair?

Are we as Black women that brainwashed???? I wouldn't even waste my breath telling her about LHCF just so she can look at me like I'm crazy. Why do we do this to each other? Not only is it hurtful... but it's making me angry.

Aww, I'm sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, a lot of black people STILL think there are "white" products versus "black" haircare products and that if we use the "white" aka universal products on our hair, then they won't work. Sometimes you can tell them and they will get it, other times it's a waste of breath. Maybe she'll learn one day.

 

[mw138]

In my experience people like that are just jealous.

 

[Cayenne0622]

The OP is correct in her thinking. Sounds like this person is probably expressing some envy as well as some admiration. I cringe everytime people start discussing "good hair" / "bad hair" stuff now. Sometimes I say something casually and they look all confused like they've been chastised and other times I don't say anything. Like to my grandmother, she's 86 years old and is NOT going to understand my newfound thinking on AA hair.

 

[Ntrlmystik]

I am not so quick to knock people for their ignorance. Many times its not their fault.The only know what they experience. This woman in particular just has her experience(whether she has tried the "white products" or not so she cannot see past that. I myself can care less about what people like that think. Depending on our relationship, I would either share info w/ her or just ignore her. I call people who come up to me saying "Damn, your hair would look nice if you got a perm" when they have 2 inches of hair on their head (or their wives or girlfriends if they're a man)...hate

About the good hair thing, that is something that will be around forever. I have 4A hair and when I talk to certain people about going natural they say "yeah you can do that cause you have good hair" and I do believe that I have good hair because its grows but as far as anything else its like whatever. Healthy hair is good hair to me.

 

[SSBD]

well im trying to get unbrainwashed but i wasn't ever that far gone. so there might still be hope for her. some ppl just don't know any better.

 

[Yellowflowers]

Cupcake,

You are not imagining this. Jealously about hair among back women is deep seated and ugly. They see you as having something they don't have and feel they will never have, so they will go all out to try to tear you down. They are particularly sneaky about it. However, they will deny to the bitter end that they are not jealous.

They want to set themselves up to be an authority on what is black and what is white, or whatever, when the truth is that being black can include many different things.

One reason I say this is because in my experiance I can sit around women of other races all day long and not have to deal with comments about hair. Most of the time it is around black women that you experiance this.

However the good part about this is that not all black women are like this. I takes a while to seek them out.

I post on these types of forums because I have seen the hurt that hair hate can cause. My niece has a friend who ended up cutting her hair because she was tired of the hate from black women. She is in her 3rd year of college and says she would get hateful looks from women she didn't even know.

My biggest hope that when a lot of the ladies achieve thier hair goals they will be prepared to deal with this because it is a problem.

You might have just have to tell this person that hair is a personal issue and many people have many different opinions and you just don't like to talk about hair, then go seek out other women that have better sense. Don't talk to her crazy ***.

We all have our own unique sense of beauty and should be able to express that beauty, whether long, short, in between, straight, tightly curled, wavy or whatever without having to catch flack for it.

 

[MzOptimistic]

Has anyone experienced back-handed comments about their hair? I am friendly with a girl at work and sometimes we talk hair.

She often makes it a point to say something stupid about my hair. Yesterday is was "well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair." WTH kind of comment is that? I'm going natural and sometimes wear a puff or ponytail to work. She says "Black hair doesn't curl up like that. I guess you have good hair." When will we stop hating our hair?

Are we as Black women that brainwashed???? I wouldn't even waste my breath telling her about LHCF just so she can look at me like I'm crazy. Why do we do this to each other? Not only is it hurtful... but it's making me angry.

I think your co-worker has a wee bit of jealously in her because she would not have threw that comment in there like that She was doing good when she said well you have that grade of hair but then when she said that stuff doesn't work on black hair...that's when she snuck the haterade in

 

[navsegda]

Cupcake,

You are not imagining this. Jealously about hair among back women is deep seated and ugly. They see you as having something they don't have and feel they will never have, so they will go all out to try to tear you down. They are particularly sneaky about it. However, they will deny to the bitter end that they are not jealous.

They want to set themselves up to be an authority on what is black and what is white, or whatever, when the truth is that being black can include many different things.

One reason I say this is because in my experiance I can sit around women of other races all day long and not have to deal with comments about hair. Most of the time it is around black women that you experiance this.

However the good part about this is that not all black women are like this. I takes a while to seek them out.

I post on these types of forums because I have seen the hurt that hair hate can cause. My niece has a friend who ended up cutting her hair because she was tired of the hate from black women. She is in her 3rd year of college and says she would get hateful looks from women she didn't even know.

My biggest hope that when a lot of the ladies achieve thier hair goals they will be prepared to deal with this because it is a problem.

You might have just have to tell this person that hair is a personal issue and many people have many different opinions and you just don't like to talk about hair, then go seek out other women that have better sense. Don't talk to her crazy ***.

We all have our own unique sense of beauty and should be able to express that beauty, whether long, short, in between, straight, tightly curled, wavy or whatever without having to catch flack for it.

*CLAPS UNTIL HER HANDS HURT*

 

[cmw45]

I am not so quick to knock people for their ignorance. Many times its not their fault.The only know what they experience. This woman in particular just has her experience(whether she has tried the "white products" or not so she cannot see past that. I myself can care less about what people like that think. Depending on our relationship, I would either share info w/ her or just ignore her. I call people who come up to me saying "Damn, your hair would look nice if you got a perm" when they have 2 inches of hair on their head (or their wives or girlfriends if they're a man)...hate

About the good hair thing, that is something that will be around forever. I have 4A hair and when I talk to certain people about going natural they say "yeah you can do that cause you have good hair" and I do believe that I have good hair because its grows but as far as anything else its like whatever. Healthy hair is good hair to me.

ITA. I never thought I would have to go through the good hair/bad hair debate...and I didn't...until I went natural and I and others discovered that I had a curl. But...when I new that I had really become naptized or just really understood myself, was when I asked myself..."Would you love your hair as much if there was no curl pattern at all?" I want to say that I'm big enough to say yes...but I in all honesty...do I really know?

Neway, I think the biggest problem with hair haters is that their hair is usually in bad condition. I mean, if I was talking to someone with great hair, I could possibly look at the comments as other than hair hate and possibly steal some tips...but usually the hair is all bit up and unfortunate looking. Usually, I look at the hair and just feel bad...for the hair.

 

[meek&quietspirit]

Is this all you're going to eat everyday, and if so, how long are you going to do this?

 

[Maestradiva77]

In my experience people like that are just jealous.

Yep! My thoughts exactly!!

 

[lovelymissyoli]

..."well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair."

If I hear one more person reference our hair like it's some type of U.S.D.A beef or cattle I'm going to scream!!!

I don't blame people for thinking this way when all they've known/been taught to do was straighten their hair --- I was the same way. However, some of the comments I hear are laced with so much ignorance alll I can do is shake my head.

 

[TCT]

I think in her own little way she was giving you a compliment. I would have taken it as a compliment and kept it moving. Not that that was the right way to do so, but I don't think she was 'hating.' And you also have to remember not everyone is on lhcf and other hair boards and know the 'correct' things to say and what not to say about hair. The only person she sounds like she have a problem with is herself and her own hair. Being honest, I don't see why YOU were offended, but that's just me.

uh huh. i mean i have heard some cases of hair hate. but thats not one of them.

i cant remember the name of the lhcf-er who had an issue with the girl at work tellin her that what she is doing to her hair isnt gonna work and that her hair is better cause she has indian in her family and she uses expenssive products like pink oil moisterizer ect ect ect...erplexed. so thats why her hair is longer and will always be, even though she was the one who initiated the convo about hair by asking the lhcf-er what she has been doing to her hair to make it look so nice lately.

i think you might be mistaken about her motives, so i hope you dont let that stop you from maintaining a friendly demeanor toward her.

 

[Inches411]

Has anyone experienced back-handed comments about their hair? I am friendly with a girl at work and sometimes we talk hair.

She often makes it a point to say something stupid about my hair. Yesterday is was "well, you have that grade of hair that you can use White products on like Bedhead. That stuff doesn't work on Black hair." WTH kind of comment is that? I'm going natural and sometimes wear a puff or ponytail to work. She says "Black hair doesn't curl up like that. I guess you have good hair." When will we stop hating our hair?

Are we as Black women that brainwashed???? I wouldn't even waste my breath telling her about LHCF just so she can look at me like I'm crazy. Why do we do this to each other? Not only is it hurtful... but it's making me angry.

Correct me if im wrong but she was probably trying to say you have a different texture of black hair but she was not educated enough about hair to say it in those terms. I mean texture does vary within the black race. However, i do agree her comment was rude.. her saying black hair doesnt curl up like was kinda insulting to you ... i would have took it as as you saying im not a true black... i dunno if telling her that there are diff textures of black hair would help .. she might be set in her thinking.. hmm i dunno why she does it.. some ppl dont even know the effect their words have on ppl

 

[jasmin]

Hate comments use to bug me and make me step back but no more. I just take all that hate in if that's what makes them tick. I just look at people like they are weird and ignore them for the most part. I don't need hate being close to me. hate all you want but you won't be close to me.

 

[HighlyFavored1]

well im trying to get unbrainwashed but i wasn't ever that far gone. so there might still be hope for her. some ppl just don't know any better.

I agree that these comments are frustrating, but i am still trying to get unbrainwashed too. It is so hard to let go of notions of good hair/bad hair that you grew up hearing and believing. Although I have been on this board for awhile and learned that all types of hair can grow long, strong, and beautifully...and that anyone can have good hair...I sometimes still find myself making the good/bad hair judgement in real life. I always have to check myself, because I know better. But what about those who dont know any better? Its sad that we all know what we have learned on this board.

 

[LivingDoll]

When people are talking, you know you're doing something right! Keep up the good work!

 

[sunnydaze]

I am also gonna chalk it up to ignorance moreso than haterism..I mean it happens here with comments about looser hair textures being easier to style, easier to detangle, easier to transition, easier to wear natural, easier to relax, easier to curl, easier to accept, yada, yada, yada.

I have people in my family who make comments about my "kind" of hair being able to do this and that and theirs not. I don't think they are talking from envy, but just not knowing that tighter, kinkier hair has just as many options in terms of styling and acheiving overall health and length. That is another reason why I am so glad to see 4b's here (relaxed or natural) doing their thing.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I am not so quick to knock people for their ignorance. Many times its not their fault.The only know what they experience. This woman in particular just has her experience(whether she has tried the "white products" or not so she cannot see past that. I myself can care less about what people like that think. Depending on our relationship, I would either share info w/ her or just ignore her. I call people who come up to me saying "Damn, your hair would look nice if you got a perm" when they have 2 inches of hair on their head (or their wives or girlfriends if they're a man)...hate

About the good hair thing, that is something that will be around forever. I have 4A hair and when I talk to certain people about going natural they say "yeah you can do that cause you have good hair" and I do believe that I have good hair because its grows but as far as anything else its like whatever. Healthy hair is good hair to me.

ITA, some people honestly just don't know what their hair is capable of. Before I became natural, I approached a girl who had short curly hair and I told her that her hair was beautiful and asked her did she have a texturizer? She was polite and said it was her natural hair. I honestly didn't know until I went natural myself that our hair could be curly. So when people ask me questions about my natural hair , or say that their hair could never look like mine,I am polite and tell them that they could do the same if they wanted to, because I thought the same about my hair before I went natural.

 

[blazingthru]

I don't think I would get defensive about it , I would just tell her the truth obviously she doesn't know and I didn't either before I joined this board. I thought as a rule we should never wash our hair often because of the oils - we dont' have any and white people have to much. I believe that my entire life. So we have to put oils in and they have to wash oils out and I was just saying to a lot of white people less then two years ago. Because I thought I was right and so many blacks agreed with me. Well it was wrong and I would love for someone to have corrected me. No one did. I learned on my own and from this board the correct language of our hair. As a rule I tell anyone who ask or volunteers to tell me about hair the truth. Take it or leave it and keep it moving.

 

[CHECKMATE!]

ENVY is a sin!erplexed...I get it ALOT from young and old black women...I use to feel a "way"...NOW, I ignore the comments,turn my head and let my hair swang in their faces when the comments start or tell them I cant WAIT till I reach MBL...the hate balances the love

 

[Barbara]

Some are just hair obsessed, and they feel that growing hair out to significant lengths is a mystery. Most African American women don't have long hair, and they find it hard to believe if a woman has long hair, then she has to be mixed with something.

Years ago my stylist said: "The majority of African American women think they know how to take care of their hair, but they don't. That's because they were never taught properly."

So there is a popular myth that African American hair will not grow. That's why it’s prevalent to see beauty supply stores in African American neighborhoods saturated with floor to ceiling, wall to wall hair weaves, extensions, wigs, etc., especially in beauty supply stores owned by Asians. The majority of their customers are African Americans, so what else are people suppose to believe?

 

[mrsmccreight]

LOL i just laugh at comments like that. My sister says that only white people wash their hair in the shower like i do. I told her that i do it in the shower because it helps to detangle my hair. But she's just like whatever "white girl"

 

[runwaydream]

hair hate makes me feel all warm inside

 

[justNikki]

I am also gonna chalk it up to ignorance moreso than haterism..I mean it happens here with comments about looser hair textures being easier to style, easier to detangle, easier to transition, easier to wear natural, easier to relax, easier to curl, easier to accept, yada, yada, yada.

I have people in my family who make comments about my "kind" of hair being able to do this and that and theirs not. I don't think they are talking from envy, but just not knowing that tighter, kinkier hair has just as many options in terms of styling and acheiving overall health and length. That is another reason why I am so glad to see 4b's here (relaxed or natural) doing their thing.

I so agree with you.