Thoughts on Shacking?

[Amante]

Hey ladies!

I want to know your thoughts on shacking! Is it biblically wrong to shack with a man you are dating but are NOT having sex with? I haven't been able to find a scriptural reference that supports the idea that shacking is a sin. A good Christian friend of mine from work has been seeing this guy for a little while and they spend a lot of time at his house. She is rarely home and figures she could save a lot of money if she just moved in with him. They're young, in love, want to save money & be practical (rent is VERY expensive where we live!), and since she stays over his house practically every night anyway, wouldn't it make good sense to just live together? What do you guys think?

Can't wait to hear your responses!
Amante

 

[Poohbear]

The Bible really doesn't speak on "shacking up" or couples living together before marriage. But I think if she stays over his house practically every night anyway and they want to live together, what's the hold up on the marriage committment? And is she really not having sex with the man she's dating if she's staying over his house every night?

 

[Almaz]

Living together and not having sex Okay it CANNNN happen but I highly doubt it.

Shacking is a big no no in my book I dont' really see the value in it. Why play house with no commitment

 

[Bunny77]

Two things...

From a Biblical perspective, I think the issue is "avoiding the appearance of evil." So whether or not they're having sex, what type of image are they putting out to the world by shacking?

The second thing is not Biblical, but practical. Actually, many people who study marriage/relationships and living together say that saving money is the absolute WORST reason for a couple to decide to live together. They say it gives you a built-in excuse to avoid sitting down and having real discussions about whether it's really a good idea or not to pursue marriage AND about the future of one's relationship, because one can always fall back on the "it's okay because we're saving money" argument.

And many times, the "saving money" part becomes a crutch to stay in the relationship when it's time to break up, because the idea of going back to paying full rent, utilities, etc., seems like a burden... so you stay in a situation that you shouldn't really be in because "it's cheaper."

Bad reason to stay in a relationship, as far as I'm concerned.

Here's a book that addresses this topic from the practical perspective.

http://www.hannahseligson.com/sub/albm.html


But back to the Christian side of things... I also agree with Poohbear... if they're young, in love and want to be practical, why not get married?

 

[CoilyFields]

Marriage is more than having sex.

The bible says in Genesis 2:24 that marriage is THE time when a man leaves his parents (whom you lived with until marriage at those times) and cleaved to his wife (meaning, among other things, now they share a household). Then it says that they become one flesh (the sexual part).

So the word of God has expressed that living together is a part of marriage.

I think we need to be careful when we try to nitpick with the word of God. My husband and I did this...lived together saying it was ok cause we werent having sex...but we were doing OTHER things...fornicating. Also he was being allowed to have a level of intimacy with me (non-sexual) that no man should have but your husband.

Studies support what the word of God has already declared...living together before marriage does not help...but has rendered higher rates of divorce for those who did.

Also...why put yourself in the WAY of temptation?

The solution isnt to move in together but to stop spending the night at his house.

 

[kawista9]

If they love each other enough to move in and share everything then why not share that lil old last name!?

There is too much temptation...it is possible but probably not a good idea and I agree the money thing is not an issue. We do not walk like the world and the world lives together for financial reasons. As if God can't take care of us while we are doing exactly what He tells us to do. EXCUSES EXCUSES!

Either get married or endure the money problem...it is not something a person can't get through.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I agree with Almaz


Plus, why set yourself up with the temptation. When you tempt your flesh you might as well be tempting God because you know that only God could stop you from going there if the mood were right and everything was set. He said. Don't tempt him so on shacking I vote NOPE.

 

[empressaja]

The bible does speak on this subject though. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 says to "Shun even the appearance of evil" Shacking up would fit this category. Also we should make our life decisions under he leadership of the Holy Spirit, i don't see shacking up as a spirit-led decision.

 

[Natural Love]

Read this post. Hope it clears things up.

Question: "Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?"

Answer: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If it means having sexual relations, it is definitely wrong. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture, along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to.

If “living together” means living in the same house, that is perhaps a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with a man and a woman living in the same house—if there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), and it could be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple who is living together is assumed to be sleeping together—that is just the nature of things. Even though living in the same house is not sinful in and of itself, the appearance of sin is there. The Bible tells us to avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3), to flee from immorality, and not to cause anyone to stumble or be offended. As a result, it is not honoring to God for a man and a woman to live together outside of marriage.

 

[Zaynab]

I would never shack with a man. Aside from the biblical standpoint, you're giving yourself and your all to a man that's not committed to be your husband. I believe in giving 10000% and I'm only willing to give that in a marriage.

My dating beliefs also lead me to believe that when you do this, you're setting yourself up to not get married and/if when you do--the distinctin between live in boyfriend to marriage isn't always clear. Meaning people who live together don't have that "we are one" mentality. You can walk off from a live in relationship but not a marriage. It's no secret that people that live together first are more likely to divorce if and when they get married. But honestly, the folks I see living together, seldom get married. I wouldn't chance it.

 

[Bunny77]

So Amante, come on back... what do you think?

 

[Amante]

I think these are all excellent points. I'm going to share them with my girlfriend at work on Monday and I'll let you guys know what happens!

Thanks!
Amante