They give advice their relationship messed up

beebellkel

beebellkel

Well-Known Member
How do you feel about female friends who have so many opinions about your relationship when their relationship isnt going good? Do you think they have bad intentions?
 
It depends on the advice. Are they telling you to do the things they wish they did so their relationships wouldnt be messed up? Or are they telling you things so you can be in the same situation they are in?
 
I wouldn't talk to someone like that about my relationship.

I am pretty private when it comes to my love life and I don't make a habit of discussing it with people. However if I did need advice I would seek the counsel of an older, married friend or couple as opposed to one of my peers.
 
Ms.Lyons said:
It depends on the advice. Are they telling you to do the things they wish they did so their relationships wouldnt be messed up? Or are they telling you things so you can be in the same situation they are in?
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Telling me ooo girl better you then me type of stuff just alot of critism but yet and still her man dont even call her or help her out.
 
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I remember when I first started dating my husband and was gushing with love and pride about him. I told one of my girls. " Betty, he treats me like a QUEEN!!!"

She turned around and asked. "Lymegreen, are you sure you really like him or are you gushing because he treats you nice?" :perplexed

I finally didn't have a horror story and she still thought something was wrong! :rolleyes:

I realized then that our talk of relationships always seemed to center around the Mr. wrongs in our lives. Until then NEITHER one of us had got it right.

I made a big mistake talking about my previous relationships with peers and worse yet taking advice from people who may have been vested in me remaining single with them.

Now I only would take relationship advice from someone who I trust and who has been able to maintain their OWN relationship.

Just my 2 cents....
 
beebellkel said:
Telling me ooo girl better you then me type of stuff just alot of critism but yet and still her man dont even call her or help her out.
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Well just stop talking to those type of friends about your relationship. Misery loves company. I would just say oh like when your bf did xyz :look: and eventually they would get the hint.
 
Not necessarily. I don't keep anyone in my circle that I feel is less than the best. Just because she is not in a good relationship, does not mean she wants me to be in the same boat as she is in. Sometimes, people with the worst relationships can see so much more clearer for others than themselves.
 
Lymegreen said:
I remember when I first started dating my husband and was gushing with love and pride about him. I told one of my girls. " Betty, he treats me like a QUEEN!!!"

She turned around and asked. "Lymegreen, are you sure you really like him or are you gushing because he treats you nice?" :perplexed

I finally didn't have a horror story and she still thought something was wrong! :rolleyes:

I realized then that our talk of relationships always seemed to center around the Mr. wrongs in our lives. Until then NEITHER one of us had got it right.

I made a big mistake talking about my previous relationships with peers and worse yet taking advice from people who may have been vested in me remaining single with them.

Now I only would take relationship advice from someone who I trust and who has been able to maintain their OWN relationship.

Just my 2 cents....
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Mmmhmm...I think your emoticon following the bolded statement is quite appropriate. Although most of your previous discussions focused on the Mr. Wrongs in your life, I think this "friend" was/is unhappy that you didn't have another Mr. Wrong.

Some people just don't know how to be happy for other people, especially when their are so many things wrong in their lives.

I think we inadvertently invite these opinions into our lives when we overshare about our relationships. There are some things that a girlfriend simply should not know about our relationship. I think the fastest way for a relationship to go to hell is to have this one, that one, and the other ALL UP IN the cracks and crevices a relationship.
 
darlingdiva said:
Mmmhmm...I think your emoticon following the bolded statement is quite appropriate. Although most of your previous discussions focused on the Mr. Wrongs in your life, I think this "friend" was/is unhappy that you didn't have another Mr. Wrong.

Some people just don't know how to be happy for other people, especially when their are so many things wrong in their lives.

I think we inadvertently invite these opinions into our lives when we overshare about our relationships. There are some things that a girlfriend simply should not know about our relationship. I think the fastest way for a relationship to go to hell is to have this one, that one, and the other ALL UP IN the cracks and crevices a relationship.
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Bingo. Sometimes it takes women many years and broken relationships to figure this out. Keep your friends/family OUT of your relationships!

I shut folks down quick when they try to get too nosy. My relationship is way too important to me to take chances like that.
 
As many of you know, my ex discussed our relationship with his ex who was his friend and she had the most messed up relationship history I'd ever heard of yet he went to her for advice and trusted her. I could see what she was doing but he couldn't. I think people like that always have malicious intent which is why you should never discuss stuff like this with people like this. Like a few of you said, it's best to discuss things with older married women but even still you should be careful!
 
darlingdiva said:
Mmmhmm...I think your emoticon following the bolded statement is quite appropriate. Although most of your previous discussions focused on the Mr. Wrongs in your life, I think this "friend" was/is unhappy that you didn't have another Mr. Wrong.

Some people just don't know how to be happy for other people, especially when their are so many things wrong in their lives.

I think we inadvertently invite these opinions into our lives when we overshare about our relationships. There are some things that a girlfriend simply should not know about our relationship. I think the fastest way for a relationship to go to hell is to have this one, that one, and the other ALL UP IN the cracks and crevices a relationship.
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I agree. 100%

I believe that people should resist the urge to talk about the inner working of their relationships. Espeically if it's only to let off steam or have an ear that will listen.

Friends/family may not have 'bad' intentions they may just come to the wrong conclusions sometimes and give bad advice.

I had to learn to stop venting about my relationships. period.

I've got the nicest family member who keeps making mistake after mistake in her romantic relationships but is always the first one to offer 'unsolicited' advice on how to keep things spicy :lol: etc. LOVE her to death....

But, I won't be talking about my marriage or taking any advice from her in that area.

I don't make a big production about it. I just make a mental note and keep it pushing.
 
I have a discerning eye for ALL advice I get on relationships from anybody.

It is rare, rare, rare, to find a friend who is truly able to set aside their experiences and biases and offer good advice based on who you are and what you want out of life regardless of what's going on in their own relationships.

Ideally when I'm looking for advice of any type I look for friends who are willing to sit down and ask me the right questions so I figure out what's best for me. Or who offer me different ways of thinking about a situation that maybe I hadn't thought about. Or get me to question assumptions or see hard truths. And most importantly, friends who are willing to support and love me in the choices I make for myself.

I make a conscious effort to offer this to my friends, but I rarely, rarely get it in return which is sad.
 
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