They Broke Up, Now They're Back...are We Cool?

L

lana

Well-Known Member
I'm sure you ladies have had to deal with this...still, I would like to read your thoughts.

Here is the scenario (true story): They were married for 15+ years. Nice couple on the outside. Real nasty behind closed doors -- on the wife's part. She was verbally abusive to the husband, lied, cheated on him with a coworker, and now they are back together.

I was personally hoping the husband would "let it go" because he's been a good friend to us. But hey, they are back together and want to hang out like everything is normal.

What would you do?

Dinner? (lol) I really didn't want to see the wife ever again. Do you just go and suffer through it, even though you think she's a hot mess and her husband should have dropped her?

I really want to know.
 
I don't like a close friends husband because of his abuse. Generally I try to arrange things with her when he wont be around, but if he is I am polite.

The good thing is she is understanding as to why people feel uncomfortable around him, so it doesn't create an issue between us at least.

The only time I go somewhere purposefully with them is big events like birthdays where there will be a lot of people around. Double dates.. nah lol.
 
Sounds like your actually friends with the husband?

Id just go wherever and support my friend.

Normally I'd say be there to support him if ish goes sideways again but idk how that works with male friends esp if youre also considered friends with the wife (at least outwardly)... and if youre also married. Too much support can be considered inappropriate to either spouse. ..

Ok so this is officially an awkward spot to be in OP! :lol:
 
OP i feel ya

had a situation like this, the issue is their relationship was very volatile and once you get your friend circle involved in that crazy they form an opinion..

in our situation, we politely declined the friendship with the couple as it was that violatile that we just don't want that negative energy around us....your makeup to break up is cool but we dont have to co-sign or be around it

we are humanbeings and just because your back together again after you put your friend circle through all kinds of craziness does not mean we have to oblige to the union...

so wish you all the best an much happiness...that kind of toxic not everybody wants around again...that **** is not cute over 30+ we are not in our 20's when that was semi-expected
 
This is a primary reason why I don't hold audience to couples issues from one or the other. I'm a fan of couples counseling in groups because there is nothing to be revealed without the other party there. But I don't want to be in that predicament where you've cried on my shoulder about her or him and now ya'll get back together and want me to act like it's all good.

Something similar happened to me and the wife told us the husband was cheating and that he talked about me in a semi-sexual way. Like why can't you do, be, act look, whatever like Blue does. This made it quite uncomfortable for me to later be around him because I thought that was low of him to compare to his wife to another woman. And I never thought he was watching me like that...creepy.

I'm single now but as a couple I have to have very high boundaries, so if I meet a guy and he's too friendly we probably won't make it. My introverted self does not like hanging out in other's home nor having folk hang out in mine. I was invited to a bbq recently by a guy friend and the couple who hosted it are like socialites here. Don't you know they got into a fight in front of everybody and the husband slapped the wife. Crazy...I don't like that type of negative energy so I'm quick to decline invites from couples who don't have the same type of boundaries.
 
Mai Tai said:
See this is why folks should not tell all of their business unless they are truly ready to make a change because it's really not your place to have an opinion of the wife based on what they've gone through behind closed doors. I mean...did she do something to you personally?
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@MaiTai - no, she didn't do anything to me personally. But she put HIS business all in the streets and then others put HER business all out there. She's just not someone that I trust or want to be close friends with. That's about it.

@lux10023 - Yes, exactly. We had a circle of friends and this mess put us through it and over the wringer! I'm not eager to rejoin their group.
 
Mai Tai said:
See this is why folks should not tell all of their business unless they are truly ready to make a change because it's really not your place to have an opinion of the wife based on what they've gone through behind closed doors. I mean...did she do something to you personally?
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Many times folks are not snooping to find out what happens behind close doors, it's just known to other people. OP is not trying to confront the wife and shame her or something. I think she just don't want to be all friendly with the wife. When I don't like my friend' spouse for whatever reason, I am cordial and respectful to them. But I'm not trying to hang out with them if I can help it.
 
Im dealing with this with my SIL. Every time they fight my brother tells me his side and she eventually tells me her side. And then they get back together and I'm suppose to be all honky dory.

If all y'all are going to do is break up to make up leave me out of it so I can stop having to be fake to this woman in order to have access to my nieces and nephew.

I also had a friend in college who did this. They broke up and she told EVERYTHING. And then she got back together with him and wondered why I didn't want to be around them or that I wasn't as nice to the boyfriend.
 
lana said:
@MaiTai - no, she didn't do anything to me personally. But she put HIS business all in the streets and then others put HER business all out there. She's just not someone that I trust or want to be close friends with. That's about it.

@lux10023 - Yes, exactly. We had a circle of friends and this mess put us through it and over the wringer! I'm not eager to rejoin their group.
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I see. I know you all are friends but if they insist on dragging everyone into their relationship drama then I say don't hang out with either of them. She sounds messy and he sounds like a pushover.
 
It sounds to me like your friend (the husband) is looking to validate his decision to get back together with her. If I were you I'd be cordial but I wouldn't offer any advice. Let him deal with the drama he's choosing to stay in.
 
aviddiva77 said:
Im dealing with this with my SIL. Every time they fight my brother tells me his side and she eventually tells me her side. And then they get back together and I'm suppose to be all honky dory.

If all y'all are going to do is break up to make up leave me out of it so I can stop having to be fake to this woman in order to have access to my nieces and nephew.

I also had a friend in college who did this. They broke up and she told EVERYTHING. And then she got back together with him and wondered why I didn't want to be around them or that I wasn't as nice to the boyfriend.
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I actually told my sister NOT to tell me about certain things regarding her relationships...I don't want to know, I don't want to hear it.
 
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