There are a lot of relaxer questions lately...

[secretdiamond]

Short hair is really tough. You do have to choose relaxer or natural. There isn't much in between. Hang in there. My hair is 4C also. When I transitioned, I was all about the twistouts and the occasional strawset. I couldn't do anything else. I'm not sure how short your hair is, but if you can twist or braid it or do a strawset, it may help you stretch longer.

Good luck with the lock down. I hope that your numbers come down on time and everyone can get out to more places soon. I am concerned that we will return to that in my part of the US.

This was me. I BC'd, shaved it all off to get rid of all my relaxed hair. I should have transitioned. I could do nothing except a wash n go, as it grew. The SSK's drove me nuts. My hair would not grow because I kept cutting off SSK's that never seemed to stop coming. Frustrated to no end, I relaxed last month.

I initially planned on at least growing out my natural hair to shoulder length, before I considered my next steps (staying natural vs relaxing again), but that didn't happen. Now, I'm left feeling like I shaved my hair off, with super short hair for a year, with minimal progress, for no reason. smh

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

This was me. I BC'd, shaved it all off to get rid of all my relaxed hair. I should have transitioned. I could do nothing except a wash n go, as it grew. The SSK's drove me nuts. My hair would not grow because I kept cutting off SSK's that never seemed to stop coming. Frustrated to no end, I relaxed last month.

I initially planned on at least growing out my natural hair to shoulder length, before I considered my next steps (staying natural vs relaxing again), but that didn't happen. Now, I'm left feeling like I shaved my hair off, with super short hair for a year, with minimal progress, for no reason. smh

Don’t feel bad. I shaved my hair all the off at the beginning of this year, was natural for a hot minute then I was over it and relaxed it. Buut, in the interest of full disclosure I always do this lol.

 

[Rocky91]

I just want to see more real, healthy hair being worn out instead of an endless cycle of 30 inch Malaysian bundles cemented to the front of one’s head in the fall and winter and box braids with half a tub of ebin edge control in the summer and spring. And I wear weaves and braids myself periodically, but I miss seeing more real hair, especially on the teens!

If relaxers will help get more Black women back wearing their real hair, I am all for it.

 

[Rocky91]

One of the primary original goals of the natural hair movement has had limited success: the widespread acceptance of the type of hair that most monoracial Black women have growing out of our heads-type 4.

may as well accept what we might get out of it: greater awareness of healthy hair care knowledge.

 

[Theresamonet]

I just want to see more real, healthy hair being worn out instead of an endless cycle of 30 inch Malaysian bundles cemented to the front of one’s head in the fall and winter and box braids with half a tub of ebin edge control in the summer and spring. And I wear weaves and braids myself periodically, but I miss seeing more real hair, especially on the teens!

If relaxers will help get more Black women back wearing their real hair, I am all for it.

Ooooh girllll, Yes! I was just talking to a friend about this. I am so tired of seeing everyone with a wig on their heads. It’s out of control. Now that most black women are natural (is that fair to say? I don’t know anyone irl who is relaxed), you never see anyone’s hair anymore. Everyone’s in a life long “protective style”.

 

[lorr1e1]

No woman in my family of my age group that has type 4 hair is natural we all have relaxed hair we don't do anything like protective styling either, we don't think about hair like this.

People I have personally encountered that are natural today tend to be Africans that have emigrated to the UK in the last 15 years.

In essence it depends where you live and what generation it is

 

[GGsKin]

It's funny, most of my friends and my closest cousins are natural, and wear their hair out regulary, if not all the time. I have one 'close' cousin who is early 30s and still relaxed. I can think of 3 elder 'aunty' cousins who still relax. I feel I am the most 'experimental' of my friends and close cousins as I have no issues wearing wigs nowadays, as well as braids, or my hair in its unstretched state (albeit a wng).

Growing up, my mum and aunties never used extensions in our hair so we didn't reach for those kinds of styles and tended to wear our own hair exclusively. I got my first extensions aged 19, and they were canerows that lasted about 2 weeks. I only started experimenting with added hair to grow out a pixie cut in my 20s. I think it matters how our own parents viewed and treated our hair while growing up. It also helps when they are skilled in, or enjoy styling hair.

At 15 I begged my mum for relaxer because I mostly wore my hair pressed straight, and was tired of it sweating out when I went to parties. She was dead against it and only gave in because I'd been begging for a year and saved the money for it myself.

 

[Flower7]

I just want to see more real, healthy hair being worn out instead of an endless cycle of 30 inch Malaysian bundles cemented to the front of one’s head in the fall and winter and box braids with half a tub of ebin edge control in the summer and spring. And I wear weaves and braids myself periodically, but I miss seeing more real hair, especially on the teens!

If relaxers will help get more Black women back wearing their real hair, I am all for it.

I agree! I really enjoy seeing hairstyles that can be done without weave, relaxer or not!

 

[NaturalEnigma]

I haven't noticed the shift to relaxers. I would think people would want to stay natural because of the pandemic. You have time now to experiment with your natural hair and learn how to style and treat it. I think being relaxed now would be frustrating because I would have to go to the salon to get relaxers, trims, roller sets etc. Throughout my journey I've had urges to relax, but I would just do some crochet braids or wear a wig to give myself a break and I then I'd snap out of it. My natural hair is longer and healthier now and I'm happy about the way it looks. I think I get the urge to relax when I get major breakage, I have months of bad hair days, and I'm tired of looking for new products for my hair.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

Ooooh girllll, Yes! I was just talking to a friend about this. I am so tired of seeing everyone with a wig on their heads. It’s out of control. Now that most black women are natural (is that fair to say? I don’t know anyone irl who is relaxed), you never see anyone’s hair anymore. Everyone’s in a life long “protective style”.

The life long protective style made me laugh. I don't think any of my natural friends will go back to a relaxer, at least that's what they say, but a couple of them are either in a wig 97% of the time or in twists/braids/faux locs 95% of the time but in the same breath will lament about trying to figure out their hair. It has to be out to be figured out lol. Also, as I'm typing this, that has to be more expensive than trying out hair products I would think.

 

[Theresamonet]

The life long protective style made me laugh. I don't think any of my natural friends will go back to a relaxer, at least that's what they say, but a couple of them are either in a wig 97% of the time or in twists/braids/faux locs 95% of the time but in the same breath will lament about trying to figure out their hair. It has to be out to be figured out lol. Also, as I'm typing this, that has to be more expensive than trying out hair products I would think.

My cousin, who wears wigs 100% of the time, asked my mom for help with her natural hair. My mom told her that the first thing she needed to do was stop wearing wigs so much, so she can actually learn her hair.

We haven’t heard anything else from her about wanting help with her hair, and still haven’t seen her without a wig... She had beautiful relaxed hair and never wore wigs before.

My sister had the thickest, most beautiful waist length relaxed hair, and now has waist length natural hair. But we hardly ever see it. She’s in box braids most of the year, and struggles to do anything with her hair otherwise. She’s just now, at waist length, trying to learn to moisturize, condition and style her hair.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

My cousin, who wears wigs 100% of the time, asked my mom for help with her natural hair. My mom told her that the first thing she needed to do was stop wearing wigs so much, so she can actually learn her hair.

We haven’t heard anything else from her about wanting help with her hair, and still haven’t seen her without a wig... She had beautiful relaxed hair and never wore wigs before.

My sister had the thickest, most beautiful waist length relaxed hair, and now has waist length natural hair. But we hardly ever see it. She’s in box braids most of the year, and struggles to do anything with her hair otherwise. She’s just now, at waist length, trying to learn to moisturize, condition and style her hair.

I'm not having long hair to hide it. Nopety nope nope.

 

[Mapleoats]

Reading through this thread definitely had me sighing at some points lol. I don’t want to go back to a relaxer, that’s not a thought I’ve ever had. I’ve been natural for 7 years but clueless for the past 5 and a half lol. It’s been 1.5 years of trying to learn, understand and grow my hair and I’m starting to get tired. I’ve definitely come a long way in the past year. I think I finally have a solid product regimen. I can do a decent twist out, and my rollersets are getting better. But I still struggle with tangling and SSKs. And wash days still take far too long.

at what point does it get easier?

 

[waff]

Reading through this thread definitely had me sighing at some points lol. I don’t want to go back to a relaxer, that’s not a thought I’ve ever had. I’ve been natural for 7 years but clueless for the past 5 and a half lol. It’s been 1.5 years of trying to learn, understand and grow my hair and I’m starting to get tired. I’ve definitely come a long way in the past year. I think I finally have a solid product regimen. I can do a decent twist out, and my rollersets are getting better. But I still struggle with tangling and SSKs. And wash days still take far too long.

at what point does it get easier?

I feel you. I find keeping hair stretched is best for avoiding ssks and long detangling sessions. My hair was at hip length, and as much I enjoyed doing wngs, the detangling sessions were too long for me. I find that stretched hairstyles cut down time so much. I barely have any knots by wash day. Also not waiting too long to wash is key for avoiding bad knots for my hair.

 

[Mapleoats]

I feel you. I find keeping hair stretched is best for avoiding ssks and long detangling sessions. My hair was at hip length, and as much I enjoyed doing wngs, the detangling sessions were too long for me. I find that stretched hairstyles cut down time so much. I barely have any knots by wash day. Also not waiting too long to wash is key for avoiding bad knots for my hair.

I’ve been doing rollersets lately to help with tangles but I’ve also stopped washing weekly out of pure laziness. Now that you mention not waiting too long to wash lol... I think I have to go back to washing once a week. Or atleast refreshing my hair once a week.

what stretching methods do you use?

 

[toaster]

I’ve been doing rollersets lately to help with tangles but I’ve also stopped washing weekly out of pure laziness. Now that you mention not waiting too long to wash lol... I think I have to go back to washing once a week. Or atleast refreshing my hair once a week.

what stretching methods do you use?

I’m between waist and hip and go from one wash and go to another wash and go. Washing my hair twice a week (it takes me about 1 hr and 15 minutes to wash, condition, detangle and style) helps cut down on the detangling. Also using enough water and product to hold my curls means they don’t mat up or really tangle between washes.

I also think all the oils and butters and heavy products are contributing to the gummy ness and hard to detangle part of natural hair.

 

[Rocky91]

I think YouTuber ulovemegz going back to relaxers is a prime example of what many women are facing. She was constantly wearing a wig anyways and it's clear being relaxed/texlaxed is less maintenance for her. i would much rather see her in cute hairstyles with her real, relaxed hair than a constant rotation of wigs (although they are cute).

 

[waff]

I’ve been doing rollersets lately to help with tangles but I’ve also stopped washing weekly out of pure laziness. Now that you mention not waiting too long to wash lol... I think I have to go back to washing once a week. Or atleast refreshing my hair once a week.

what stretching methods do you use?

My scalp is the happiest with frequent washing too. I have SD and my scalp gets so tender if I wait too long, than the tangles and the mattes are terrible.

I like to do braided stretched style or banding method. I try not to use too much hair product so the hair dries fast overnight.

This is an example of the banded hair style:


Diffrence from what I do is that I wait for hair to dry a bit and I don't put nearly as much product. My hair would stay wet for 24 hrs if I go heavy on product.
If I am too lazy to do all that, sleeping on two braids does the trick as well to stretch.

 

[Mapleoats]

Thanks @waff @toaster ! I’m going to be back on my weekly wash schedule, hopefully that’s a simple thing I can do to help.

 

[Theresamonet]

I’m between waist and hip and go from one wash and go to another wash and go. Washing my hair twice a week (it takes me about 1 hr and 15 minutes to wash, condition, detangle and style) helps cut down on the detangling. Also using enough water and product to hold my curls means they don’t mat up or really tangle between washes.

I also think all the oils and butters and heavy products are contributing to the gummy ness and hard to detangle part of natural hair.

I’m quoting and bolding in case the people in the back missed it. I don’t want to become the board evangelist against natural hair products, but many of my hair woes have gone away since I stopped using this stuff.

@Mapleoats

Another thing, which I’m in the process of doing myself, is closely examining my current routine and cutting out any non-essential aspects. Do you need to pre-poo? Is that mid step tea rinse really helping? Rice water? Do you need Olaplex? Etc? Cut whatever is foolishness and not making a difference.

I’ve been wearing my hair blown out, so detangling is a non step for me, I can just brush out the sheds with a bit of oil and get in the shower. I may be able to get my routine down to just a wash and deep condition. Might start doing it at the kitchen sink again, and only leaving the conditioner on for the amount of time stated on the product (this is a hard one for me, not cause I NEED more time, but I feel I’m getting more bang for my buck the longer I leave it on).

I used to have a long drawn out routine, and to offset it I would decrease the frequency that I did it. So I’d go over a month without doing my hair. My hair suffered for doing that. It does much better with a simple routine that I do more frequently.

 

[toaster]

I’m quoting and bolding in case the people in the back missed it. I don’t want to become the board evangelist against natural hair products, but many of my hair woes have gone away since I stopped using this stuff.

@Mapleoats

Another thing, which I’m in the process of doing myself, is closely examining my current routine and cutting out any non-essential aspects. Do you need to pre-poo? Is that mid step tea rinse really helping? Rice water? Do you need Olaplex? Etc? Cut whatever is foolishness and not making a difference.

I’ve been wearing my hair blown out, so detangling is a non step for me, I can just brush out the sheds with a bit of oil and get in the shower. I may be able to get my routine down to just a wash and deep condition. Might start doing it at the kitchen sink again, and only leaving the conditioner on for the amount of time stated on the product (this is a hard one for me, not cause I NEED more time, but I feel I’m getting more bang for my buck the longer I leave it on).

I used to have a long drawn out routine, and to offset it I would decrease the frequency that I did it. So I’d go over a month without doing my hair. My hair suffered for doing that. It does much better with a simple routine that I do more frequently.

Amen and amen. I shampoo, condition and style. That’s the front back beginning and end of my routine. I am going to the salon every 3/4 months for a trim and then I might add olaplex or a moisturizing deep conditioner, but I don’t need to do it every wash day in my home.

 

[lorr1e1]

My scalp is the happiest with frequent washing too. I have SD and my scalp gets so tender if I wait too long, than the tangles and the mattes are terrible.

I like to do braided stretched style or banding method. I try not to use too much hair product so the hair dries fast overnight.

This is an example of the banded hair style:


Diffrence from what I do is that I wait for hair to dry a bit and I don't put nearly as much product. My hair would stay wet for 24 hrs if I go heavy on product.
If I am too lazy to do all that, sleeping on two braids does the trick as well to stretch.

What is SD?

 

[water_n_oil]

What is SD?

Probably seborrheic dermatitis.

 

[waff]

What is SD?

Like @water_n_oil said, it's seborrheic dermatitis. Extended times between washes tends to cause flare ups for me. Inflamed scalp, itchiness, flakes and can even cause hair loss if not controlled.

 

[Mapleoats]

I’m quoting and bolding in case the people in the back missed it. I don’t want to become the board evangelist against natural hair products, but many of my hair woes have gone away since I stopped using this stuff.

@Mapleoats

Another thing, which I’m in the process of doing myself, is closely examining my current routine and cutting out any non-essential aspects. Do you need to pre-poo? Is that mid step tea rinse really helping? Rice water? Do you need Olaplex? Etc? Cut whatever is foolishness and not making a difference.

I’ve been wearing my hair blown out, so detangling is a non step for me, I can just brush out the sheds with a bit of oil and get in the shower. I may be able to get my routine down to just a wash and deep condition. Might start doing it at the kitchen sink again, and only leaving the conditioner on for the amount of time stated on the product (this is a hard one for me, not cause I NEED more time, but I feel I’m getting more bang for my buck the longer I leave it on).

I used to have a long drawn out routine, and to offset it I would decrease the frequency that I did it. So I’d go over a month without doing my hair. My hair suffered for doing that. It does much better with a simple routine that I do more frequently.

Sis I feel called out, I was just experimenting with a tea rinse last wash LOL. You are so right though. We add all these extra steps that aren’t necessary. Thanks for the reminder, I have to be very strict with what I allow into my regimen. If it isn’t life changing it shouldn’t make the cut!

 

[B_Phlyy]

I’m quoting and bolding in case the people in the back missed it. I don’t want to become the board evangelist against natural hair products, but many of my hair woes have gone away since I stopped using this stuff.

@Mapleoats

Another thing, which I’m in the process of doing myself, is closely examining my current routine and cutting out any non-essential aspects. Do you need to pre-poo? Is that mid step tea rinse really helping? Rice water? Do you need Olaplex? Etc? Cut whatever is foolishness and not making a difference.

I’ve been wearing my hair blown out, so detangling is a non step for me, I can just brush out the sheds with a bit of oil and get in the shower. I may be able to get my routine down to just a wash and deep condition. Might start doing it at the kitchen sink again, and only leaving the conditioner on for the amount of time stated on the product (this is a hard one for me, not cause I NEED more time, but I feel I’m getting more bang for my buck the longer I leave it on).

I used to have a long drawn out routine, and to offset it I would decrease the frequency that I did it. So I’d go over a month without doing my hair. My hair suffered for doing that. It does much better with a simple routine that I do more frequently.

This was me this weekend. I had something to do but I hadn't washed my hair in 2 weeks. I asked myself what is the bare minimum I can do to get my hair clean and stretched? It took me only 5 products (oil, shampoo, protein treatment, deep conditioner, heat protectant) and 77 minutes to get my hair washed, detangled, and blow dried. This was the first time in the 13 years I've been natural that that's ever happened. Air drying my TWA took longer.

When I think of all the time I have to spend researching how to make the extra rinses, rice water, oil infusions, whatever, I could easily just add a extra wash or moisturizing session and be done with all that.

 

[Theresamonet]

This was me this weekend. I had something to do but I hadn't washed my hair in 2 weeks. I asked myself what is the bare minimum I can do to get my hair clean and stretched? It took me only 5 products (oil, shampoo, protein treatment, deep conditioner, heat protectant) and 77 minutes to get my hair washed, detangled, and blow dried. This was the first time in the 13 years I've been natural that that's ever happened. Air drying my TWA took longer.

When I think of all the time I have to spend researching how to make the extra rinses, rice water, oil infusions, whatever, I could easily just add a extra wash or moisturizing session and be done with all that.

Right! Or all the money I’ve spent on this cabinet full of bulk herbs and Ayurvedic powders... My DIY days are over, but what am I going to do with all this henna, catnip, and burdock root, and on and on?

 

[waff]

Right! Or all the money I’ve spent on this cabinet full of bulk herbs and Ayurvedic powders... My DIY days are over, but what am I going to do with all this henna, catnip, and burdock root, and on and on?

Lol you can use them on your body! Henna and herbs can be used as body exfoliators and polishers.

I had a phase with Ayurvedic herbs too and I realized the only thing I can stick too is the DIY infused oil. I do hot oil treatments regularly (very good for scalp and SD).

 

[Rocky91]

I also think if more natural folks would just use a little heat sometimes, they might actually solve the problems they’re looking to solve with a relaxer

blowdrying every now and then saves time and energy, and I have seen little to no ill effects. The women with the longest hair in my family blowdry after every wash, every 2-3 weeks.

 

[icsonia22]

I also think if more natural folks would just use a little heat sometimes, they might actually solve the problems they’re looking to solve with a relaxer

blowdrying every now and then saves time and energy, and I have seen little to no ill effects. The women with the longest hair in my family blowdry after every wash, every 2-3 weeks.

THIS! I use my revair after every wash day and it makes my hair so much easier to deal with. Shrinkage is not my friend because it causes massive single strand knots and they used to wreak havoc on my fine strands. If i could detangle in less than 20 minutes and not tire my arms out, that would be the icing on the cake.