The Wedding Night Tips??

[delitefulmane]

Since I recently got engaged, I am now thinking more about the wedding night. Right now, I am a ball of emotions. I am excited, nervous, anxious and some many other things.

I have NO idea of what to expect since I am a virgin. I have been saying what I am gonna do jokingly to my girlfriends, but honestly I am a lil terrified. Just the stories I have heard and read about the first time scares the mess outta me.

And another thing, did anyone plan their wedding date around their cycle? I am now in the process of trying to pick a wedding date so that my cycle isn't on to disrupt the festivities!

Ladies, has anyone been worried about being too tired to partake in the consummation after the long wedding day?

I wanted to post this in the Christian forum because I want it from the Christian point of view. Mods, I hope this is okay to post it here.

Ladies please keep it as PG as possible because I need some answers.

 

[JaneBond007]

You should read books but usually, this is something you should ask your mother about.


http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379


http://www.amazon.com/Masters-Johnson-Sex-Human-Loving/dp/0316501603



http://www.amazon.com/Kosher-Sex-Recipe-Passion-Intimacy/dp/0385494661

 

[momi]

Since I recently got engaged, I am now thinking more about the wedding night. Right now, I am a ball of emotions. I am excited, nervous, anxious and some many other things. Has anyone been worried about being too tired to partake in the consummation after the long wedding day?

I have NO idea of what to expect since I am a virgin. I have been saying what I am gonna do jokingly to my girlfriends, but honestly I am a lil terrified. Just the stories I have heard and read about the first time scares the mess outta me.

And another thing, did anyone plan their wedding date around their cycle? I am now in the process of trying to pick a wedding date so that my cycle isn't on to disrupt the festivities!

Ladies, what are your thoughts on my dilemma?

I wanted to post this in the Christian forum because I want it from the Christian point of view. Mods, I hope this is okay to post it here.

Ladies please keep it as PG as possible because I need some answers.

After courting for 2 years and 1 year of marriage counseling? Oh I made sure of it! I was one countin' Sista! lol

 

[felic1]

I do not blame you for being nervous. Hopefully the groom will be patient and thoughtful. Is your mom living? Try to relax.

 

[delitefulmane]

You should read books but usually, this is something you should ask your mother about.


http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-Fulfillment-Christian/dp/0800719379


http://www.amazon.com/Masters-Johnson-Sex-Human-Loving/dp/0316501603



http://www.amazon.com/Kosher-Sex-Recipe-Passion-Intimacy/dp/0385494661

Thank you and I will. However, what's wrong with getting advice from other women as well?

 

[Farida]

Are you opposed to hormonal B.C.? You can start the pill months in advance to make sure you don't get your period. Also, have you thought about birth control...unless you want a honeymoon baby!

 

[Farida]

It is not uncommon to be too tired. It is best when you are both relaxed. DH and I were beyond exhausted on our wedding day and we traveled really early too that night so we slept through the first day and night of our honeymoon! Is your DH a virgin too? Don't worry, people have been having sex since the beginning of time. Things will progress naturally only now you don't have to stop. Some women experience some pain and discomfort at first. Remember people lose their virginity without even trying. Some kissing starts, some touching and you wake up like what the heck happened?

Do not be ashamed of your body. Most women are self-conscious but trust, if dude married you, he is all about hitting all of that!

 

[LiftedUp]

By chance are you doing pre-marital counseling? I know that usually a designated older woman will pull each lady aside and have a one-on-one with her. My friend's mother does it, she goes through the rhythm method (they're Roman Catholic) and everything.

 

[mensa]

Farida is right, things will progress naturally.

By the way, your post warmed my heart. In this day and age with so much pressure being put on having premarital sex, it is so refreshing to know that you and so many other women wait until they are married before they share their bodies with their husbands.

Wish we would have waited before we got married. (sigh)

 

[CrimsonBelle]

Wow. Your post gives me so much hope OP. I am 24 still a virgin and not dating anyone. Glad I am not alone or a unicorn or something. Best of luck. . A friend of mine told her husband her fears and he was very comforting. Since your future husband was willing to wait for you I am sure he would be willing to listen to your concerns

 

[delitefulmane]

Thanks everyone for all your responses!! I was getting discouraged at first.

Are you opposed to hormonal B.C.? You can start the pill months in advance to make sure you don't get your period. Also, have you thought about birth control...unless you want a honeymoon baby!

Farida, I have thought about birth control but I do not feel right about the hormonal B.C. I feel as a woman my hormones are already imbalanced, I dont need anything else throwing it out of whack. But I am DEFINITELY considering B.C. I babies but NO HONEYMOON BABIES!! I will be planning to see my doctor soon to discuss some options.

It is not uncommon to be too tired. It is best when you are both relaxed. DH and I were beyond exhausted on our wedding day and we traveled really early too that night so we slept through the first day and night of our honeymoon! Is your DH a virgin too? Don't worry, people have been having sex since the beginning of time. Things will progress naturally only now you don't have to stop. Some women experience some pain and discomfort at first. Remember people lose their virginity without even trying. Some kissing starts, some touching and you wake up like what the heck happened?

Do not be ashamed of your body. Most women are self-conscious but trust, if dude married you, he is all about hitting all of that!

DH is not a virgin but he is not overly experienced either. I think as we get closer to the wedding, we will discuss what we both want to happen that night. I want to be ready since I have made him wait this long but I also want to physically have the energy as well.

By chance are you doing pre-marital counseling? I know that usually a designated older woman will pull each lady aside and have a one-on-one with her. My friend's mother does it, she goes through the rhythm method (they're Roman Catholic) and everything.

LiftedUp, yes we will. My church hasn't got back with us on the date but I'm not sure if that's something they do. They may but I don't know the inner workings yet.

Farida is right, things will progress naturally.

By the way, your post warmed my heart. In this day and age with so much pressure being put on having premarital sex, it is so refreshing to know that you and so many other women wait until they are married before they share their bodies with their husbands.

Wish we would have waited before we got married. (sigh)

mensa, thank you! Intially (middle school aged), I was so frightened so I waited, but as I grew older I realized that in my waiting I was honoring God.

Don't dwell on the fact that you did not wait, just repent and know that God still loves you and as you are continually striving to please Him, know that he has already "cast your sin into the depths of the sea."

 

[delitefulmane]

Wow. Your post gives me so much hope OP. I am 24 still a virgin and not dating anyone. Glad I am not alone or a unicorn or something. Best of luck. . A friend of mine told her husband her fears and he was very comforting. Since your future husband was willing to wait for you I am sure he would be willing to listen to your concerns

CrimsonBelle, me too! I was beginning to feel that way also. Everyone I mention that I am waiting till marriage to, even my former doctor , is shocked by my declaration. Thank you for your kind words and I wish the best to you as well. It's hard girl but by God's grace, we can do it!!

And yes, my FH is very understanding and has been keeping me sane in the entire wedding planning process. He always lends a listening ear.

 

[Shimmie]

Be Flexible...... with your plans, that is.

Seriously, no matter how you plan this special night to be, the most important is to relax and to be flexible. You are taking time to know one another in a most intimate way. Relax and allow God's love to flow between the two of you and allow 'Nature to take it's 'flowing course'.

You'll understand when the time comes. Just relax.

O' and don't wear perfume. Just clean natural skin.

No wigs, no weaves, no heavy oily hair... Hmmmmmm No!

No make-up...

Here's why: You will end up falling asleep. You will!

Not all perfumes fade nicely, depending upon our body chemistry. So just be clean and natural with your skin.

No wigs, weaves, oily hair, or make-up... They all get moved around. You don't want to have a shifted wig, pulled weave, greasy hair spots on the pillow cases, smeared make-up on your face during the night or next morning.

Lemme tell you something. Men love to look while you are sleeping. And please don't think that because he fell asleep first that he will not wake up later to look at you. It's in their DNA --- programmed for life. So you do not want him to see a shifted wig, black mascara or lipstick streaks across your face or the pillows.

I promise you, "men" do not care that you do not have on makeup or fragrance when it's time for bed. They prefer that you do not have it on. And you have nothing to fear or fret about.

Plus I have scripture to back it up. You know I do...

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

(Genesis 2:25)

Naked includes no added anything. No makeup, no wigs, no weaves, no greasy hair, and no hair bonnets.

And no acrobats; it's love you are creating, not a circus. But do be flexible. Pilates, Ballet, Classical Stretch are excellent and relaxing.

I'm just sayin'....

 

[delitefulmane]

Be Flexible...... with your plans, that is.

Seriously, no matter how you plan this special night to be, the most important is to relax and to be flexible. You are taking time to know one another in a most intimate way. Relax and allow God's love to flow between the two of you and allow 'Nature to take it's 'flowing course'.

You'll understand when the time comes. Just relax.

O' and don't wear perfume. Just clean natural skin.

No wigs, no weaves, no heavy oily hair... Hmmmmmm No!

No make-up...

Here's why: You will end up falling asleep. You will!

Not all perfumes fade nicely, depending upon our body chemistry. So just be clean and natural with your skin.

No wigs, weaves, oily hair, or make-up... They all get moved around. You don't want to have a shifted wig, pulled weave, greasy hair spots on the pillow cases, smeared make-up on your face during the night or next morning.

Lemme tell you something. Men love to look while you are sleeping. And please don't think that because he fell asleep first that he will not wake up later to look at you. It's in their DNA --- programmed for life. So you do not want him to see a shifted wig, black mascara or lipstick streaks across your face or the pillows.

I promise you, "men" do not care that you do not have on makeup or fragrance when it's time for bed. They prefer that you do not have it on. And you have nothing to fear or fret about.

Plus I have scripture to back it up. You know I do...

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

(Genesis 2:25)

Naked includes no added anything. No makeup, no wigs, no weaves, no greasy hair, and no hair bonnets.

And no acrobats; it's love you are creating, not a circus. But do be flexible. Pilates, Ballet, Classical Stretch are excellent and relaxing.

I'm just sayin'....

Thanks Shimmie! I guess I can check classes of my list, I take dance classes! This all makes sense. Im still tryna figure out how to wear my hair for my wedding. :scratchch You need to write a book with all your godly advice and other advice nestled together! I read a few of your post in the past about a "boa" and "ice cubes" and feel free to pm me some more good things like that!!

 

[Shimmie]

Thanks @Shimmie! I guess I can check classes of my list, I take dance classes! This all makes sense. Im still tryna figure out how to wear my hair for my wedding. :scratchch You need to write a book with all your godly advice and other advice nestled together! I read a few of your post in the past about a "boa" and "ice cubes" and feel free to pm me some more good things like that!!

Ooops! I need to 'burn' those threads....

Seriously, I have to pull that one back up, "For Wives Only".

Okay... I took a mini break to do a search for some of my Marriage threads... Ummmmmm, I was a busy somebody up in here.

Here's the link where I listed several marriage threads:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=101971&highlight=for+wives+only

O' and keep the Dance classes. They'll relax you. Never stop dancing.

 

[JaneBond007]

Thank you and I will. However, what's wrong with getting advice from other women as well?

Nothing at all, I just hope you do ask your mother if you have a good relationship with her. Traditionally, the mother/aunt/female kin do that. In other words, you should not be "alone" on the net with this the sole info.

 

[JaneBond007]

Yo! Shimmie! Beautifully expressed by that guy:

Originally Posted by BlkManWithSomeSense
Excellent Post! I personally dont think porn has a place in marriage. I have nothing against couples trying different things to spice up their marriage but there should be limits. The object of my desire and complete focus would be my wife. I think many couples place too much emphasis on the big things ( such as more intense 'climactic' results) than focusing on the little things. Porn can seem attractive as a tutorial because of the graphic rawness but couples have something no adult movie will ever have and thats a REAL connection. Allow me to share my perspective.

There is nothing greater a woman can give to a man than her complete devotion. Mind Body and soul. She does this voluntarily and unconditionally. This is a privilage and an honor that she offers to him something no man will ever have. I know that she has taken a vow before God to be his soulmate and he should never take that declaration for granted.

There is an incomparable feeling to be in love. I say all this because sometimes it's forgotten just how special it is to be loved by a woman. Her pure presence beside me should fill me with such joy and excitement that my body would feel a thousand shivers just from her touch on my shoulders.

Life is about the subtle things. It's not about the BIG moments. It's about the day to day things that add up to a fulfilling life. Porn would seem inadequate in what she and I would require to spice things up. Perhaps if a couple took the time to learn the little things like her body, her responses, refining the value and power in just a touch,they could find the intensity they'd been seeking.

I guess what I'm saying that when you're a marriage looking to spice things up. Just kep things simple ,as if you lived in a world all by yourself with no toys or movies and all you have is just the two of you, the stars above and a long night ahead.

 

[Shimmie]

Yo! Shimmie! Beautifully expressed by that guy:

I agree JB, I totally agree. And it was so refreshing to hear this from a real man. There are indeed whole, pure and loving men in this earth. Men of every race and color. They truly do exist. We were very blessed to have one here to speak up and represent them.

When I first came into this Forum, 'Marriage' was the high point of my Ministry here and it still is.

With the current trend on redefining Marriage via the gay agenda and other 'attacks' upon Marriage, I can see what / why I was fighting to defend. It is Belief in Marriage, that Marriage in all of it's Beauty and Wholeness and Sacredness, is still alive and well and attainable for One Man and One Woman to have and to hold from this day forward.

I plan to keep fighting by the Grace of God.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

I would recommend looking into Natural Family Planning if you would like to avoid pregnancy instead of the pill. Not only is it known to cause cancer, as listed by the World Health Organization, it disrupts the "one flesh" relationship between a husband and wife as intended by God. Couples who practice NFP only have a 5% rate of divorce. I hope that you will prayerfully consider it.

 

[delitefulmane]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

I would recommend looking into Natural Family Planning if you would like to avoid pregnancy instead of the pill. Not only is it known to cause cancer, as listed by the World Health Organization, it disrupts the "one flesh" relationship between a husband and wife as intended by God. Couples who practice NFP only have a 5% rate of divorce. I hope that you will prayerfully consider it.

Thanks Belledujour! I will look into this.

 

[preciouzone]

I just wanted to say congrats! And I too am proud of you for sticking with your values and it's great that God blessed you with a man that was willing to wait for you because you are worth it!

 

[Joigirl]

My husband is my first and only as well. We dated for 4 years, so although we didn't wait until marriage (we were engaged) for out first time, I understand your nervousness. The best advice I can give you is to just enjoy the moment. I was sometimes so worried about my technique and whether he was enjoying himself, that I did not focus on my needs. Remove all those thoughts from your head and immerse yourself in you love and devotion to him. Don't be afraid to try new things as you become more experienced. You don't know what you like until you try it.

 

[delitefulmane]

I just wanted to say congrats! And I too am proud of you for sticking with your values and it's great that God blessed you with a man that was willing to wait for you because you are worth it!

Thank you preciouzone. I appreciate that!

My husband is my first and only as well. We dated for 4 years, so although we didn't wait until marriage (we were engaged) for out first time, I understand your nervousness. The best advice I can give you is to just enjoy the moment. I was sometimes so worried about my technique and whether he was enjoying himself, that I did not focus on my needs. Remove all those thoughts from your head and immerse yourself in you love and devotion to him. Don't be afraid to try new things as you become more experienced. You don't know what you like until you try it.

Joigirl,
thanks Im sure I will be a ball of emotions that day! But I will try to remember to just enjoy the moment.

 

[Nayeli]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

I would recommend looking into Natural Family Planning if you would like to avoid pregnancy instead of the pill. Not only is it known to cause cancer, as listed by the World Health Organization, it disrupts the "one flesh" relationship between a husband and wife as intended by God. Couples who practice NFP only have a 5% rate of divorce. I hope that you will prayerfully consider it.

Co-signing big time! This is what we've been using since being married last year. If you're intimidated by the idea, consider the Pearly or the Ladycomp (I use the latter). I too was very reluctant about the idea of using hormonal BC and am elated that this is a reliable alternative.

Also a virgin who planned the wedding date with my cycle in mind. We ordered room service and passed out - talk about exhausted. We only got around to it late the following morning and that's the best thing that could have happened . I was well-rested, it was less nerve-wracking, we were cracking jokes - things were just a lot less tense in the daylight, and I didn't feel like I had to "put on a show" so to speak.

Congratulations! It's an incredibly exciting time.

 

[delitefulmane]

Co-signing big time! This is what we've been using since being married last year. If you're intimidated by the idea, consider the Pearly or the Ladycomp (I use the latter). I too was very reluctant about the idea of using hormonal BC and am elated that this is a reliable alternative.

Also a virgin who planned the wedding date with my cycle in mind. We ordered room service and passed out - talk about exhausted. We only got around to it late the following morning and that's the best thing that could have happened . I was well-rested, it was less nerve-wracking, we were cracking jokes - things were just a lot less tense in the daylight, and I didn't feel like I had to "put on a show" so to speak.

Congratulations! It's an incredibly exciting time.

Thanks Nayeli
Aww. Your wedding night/morning sounds wonderful! Im praying for something like that.

I just googled the "ladycomp" and from one lady's story she said that she was more red most days than green. I don't want that to be me. I dont think FH will like having to wait X years and then STILL have to wait. What has been your experience?

 

[Farida]

Talk to your doc about BC, OP. I had/have the worst cycle ever. Very unpredictable, irregular and maddening. I tried NFP for 4 years and it did not work for me. I charted, counted days, used fertility predictors/testers you name it and it was just horrible. If you read the ladycomp reviews you will see people like me struggle with NFP - we end up with the only "safe" time being during menstruation, no thanks.

So find what works for you.


Also, I used to get solo sick around my menses. I would have headaches, cramps, vomiting, nausea, I could not keep any food down, hot flashes...night sweats...you name it. So hormones were very good for me in that respect.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Congrats!



I just got married a couple of weeks ago and me and DH waited to have sex until marriage. He was a virgin, I wasn't. We didnt kiss until our wedding day.


Yes, I did plan the wedding around my cycle. The wedding night wasn't anything romantic, because we were both soooo tired. We drove halfway to our honeymoon spot (2 hours) the same day.I wasn't nervous like I thought I would be, everything flowed naturally. When we got to the hotel we dropped off our bags and went ate at Chik Fil A. It was a very chill night. We didn’t rush into, but just kind of let it happen. Afterwards we went straight to sleep.


It was a little painful for me because it had been over 7 years since I was sexually active. I didnt enjoy it until around the 3rd time or so. Not trying to scare you, just being honest. But everyone is different. I am just saying this so you don’t go in with great expectation for the first time. Lol. But it was definitely special because we both honored God and really entered into holy matrimony. So just relax and enjoy your husband. You deserve it! delitefulmane

 

[Nayeli]

Thanks Nayeli
Aww. Your wedding night/morning sounds wonderful! Im praying for something like that.

I just googled the "ladycomp" and from one lady's story she said that she was more red most days than green. I don't want that to be me. I dont think FH will like having to wait X years and then STILL have to wait. What has been your experience?

I have a pretty regular cycle and I get about half green, half red. I'd certainly prefer more green days and that's definitely frustrating at times. We might reassess in the future but for now it works. I do agree with Farida - it's definitely not for everyone. But if you're interested, forums like 'taking charge of your fertility' can shed light on how different women practice NFP (iud's, etc).

 

[delitefulmane]

Congrats!



I just got married a couple of weeks ago and me and DH waited to have sex until marriage. He was a virgin, I wasn't. We didnt kiss until our wedding day.


Yes, I did plan the wedding around my cycle. The wedding night wasn't anything romantic, because we were both soooo tired. We drove halfway to our honeymoon spot (2 hours) the same day.I wasn't nervous like I thought I would be, everything flowed naturally. When we got to the hotel we dropped off our bags and went ate at Chik Fil A. It was a very chill night. We didn’t rush into, but just kind of let it happen. Afterwards we went straight to sleep.


It was a little painful for me because it had been over 7 years since I was sexually active. I didnt enjoy it until around the 3rd time or so. Not trying to scare you, just being honest. But everyone is different. I am just saying this so you don’t go in with great expectation for the first time. Lol. But it was definitely special because we both honored God and really entered into holy matrimony. So just relax and enjoy your husband. You deserve it! delitefulmane

LucieLoo12, congrats NEWLYWED!!




Thanks for your candidness! I appreciate it

 

[delitefulmane]

Talk to your doc about BC, OP. I had/have the worst cycle ever. Very unpredictable, irregular and maddening. I tried NFP for 4 years and it did not work for me. I charted, counted days, used fertility predictors/testers you name it and it was just horrible. If you read the ladycomp reviews you will see people like me struggle with NFP - we end up with the only "safe" time being during menstruation, no thanks.

So find what works for you.


Also, I used to get solo sick around my menses. I would have headaches, cramps, vomiting, nausea, I could not keep any food down, hot flashes...night sweats...you name it. So hormones were very good for me in that respect.

Thanks Farida. I will talk to my doctor. My cycle is very predicable though. Unless, I get around other women, then it's all over the place. I do want to try the lady comp or the pearly though. I will have to see how it works for me. Im just not down with adding any more hormones to my already imbalanced hormones and the crazy side effects.