brownsugarflyygirl
Well-Known Member
“J-O-Y Joy…Joy in the Holy Ghost J-O-Y Joy…Joy in the Holy Ghost…â€
Two months ago, I was perfectly happy about my life as a single woman. I had finally arrived at that place of contentment that I had read about in so many dating books. You know that place where you are working on yourself and you are growing in God so that you can be a whole and complete person. Yea that place I thought was impossible to reach that was as much a fairy tale as trying not to date itself. Well I was there….on cloud nine…excited about the next year…about another year of singleness and focusing on God. I was determined to do better at it this year than I had last year. Last year had definitely brought some trials, I was just learning how to do the whole “single†thing, so naturally I had some slip-ups but I dusted myself off, asked God for forgiveness and focus, and took the lesson in stride. I was on my way. I finally had experienced the joy, peace, and personal progress that they talked about when you are single and just focused on you and God. Well I should have been humming those lyrics because over the past two months I have watched my joy erode…then fall completely by the wayside…and be replaced with a heavy weight of discontent.
“Don’t let the devil steal your joy, don’t let the devil steal your joy, don’t let the devil steal your joy…â€
I stood by while one of my close friends who was on the singleness track with me got into a relationship. Now don’t get me wrong…I was happy for him…but I felt like well why is it that he can be in a relationship and I can’t. I asked him what God had said about his decision to pursue this young woman. He said he got a green light in his Spirit. Naturally, I had to wonder where was my green light? A few days later another one of my friends doing the single thing told me that he had met this girl that he was really feeling.
Ummm…excuse me? What happened to not dating? Maybe I was the only one that remembered. I hadn’t been pondering that for no more than a couple days when another one of my friends sent out an email saying that she and a guy that she had been close friends with since undergrad had made the leap and were pursuing a Godly relationship! I am elated for her….but something is tugging at my heart, like when is it going to be my turn?! I shrug it off…say scriptures to myself…Be anxious for nothing…All things work together for the good….I try to encourage myself and remind myself that God has His own trajectory for me. But GRRR!! Why is this soo hard! I meet my ex-boyfriend and his new wife…yes I said wife….not that I wanted to marry him…I didn’t…but he has a WIFE and I don’t even have a boyfriend! I repeat the scriptures…Be anxious for nothing…..Delight thyself in the Lord and He will give you the desires…..Seek ye first the kingdom of God….I encourage myself. Yet thoughts keep creeping in….well maybe I shouldn’t do another year of the single thing….after all I put the year limit on myself, God didn’t give it to me.….look at all that I have accomplished personally, educationally, spiritually, financially….I am in a position to date….if they can date so can I….and gradually those thoughts were louder and more frequent than the scriptures I was quoting. I concluded… I can do this…I can date….I will date!
So somehow that mindset moved in….and my joy moved out. I was no longer content being single….the memories of what it felt like to be admired, the excitement of getting ready to go on a date, the smile that comes over your face when the phone rings and its them, the butterflies in your stomach when you first hold someone’s hands….All of those things bombarded my mind. I was ready…..I was going to date.
I thought about it, and prayed about it, and I began to reflect on all the reasons why I stopped dating in the first place. The heartache and the drama, the fact that it was practicing divorce, being able to focus on God and His business, the time to grow spiritually and emotionally, avoiding sexual temptation, all of these things came back to my mind….and after two months of discontent…I realized that I had experienced a case of temporary insanity…I had lost the mind of Christ.
When I look back on the past year, I see so much that God has helped me to achieve during my time of singleness. Me and God have kicked it hard…He has taken the hurt, broken, shattered pieces of my heart and healed them….not just from romantic relationships but from family, childhood, friendships, etc. He extracted hurt and pain from my life that I had buried so deep that even I had forgotten it was there. He showed that pain to me, he gently whispered lessons in my ear, and then he healed me. He showed me areas where I had failed in the past and helped me to understand how I could succeed in the future. He helped me to discover how much He loved me and that I could see myself the way that he sees me. I began to understand the depth of His love. I began to understand that even the aspects of myself that I didn’t like, he loved naturally because He had created them. For example, I have had an amazing journey with growing out my natural hair…where he even taught me to love my kinky coiled nappy hair. Yes…I was beautifully and wonderfully made from the tight curls on my head to the pinky toes on my feet. He showed me that I was beautiful, precious, talented, gifted, and began to reveal to me some of the things that He had in store for my future. As I replayed scenes in my past that I had asked Him to forgive me for, he gently coaxed me to forgive myself…and in time I did. He blessed me in my academics and began to show me how to prosper financially. He brought men and women into my life that gave me the treasured gift of friendship and poured into my Spirit and my soul. I learned about nutrition and how to care for my temple and so many other wonderful experiences. While I was going through all this, he blessed me to share my experiences with others and enable them to succeed in areas too….and to think that I almost lost sight of all of this.
Being single is not always easy….but it has always been a blessing. I have learned so much about myself. I have grown so much as a person. I have grown so much closer to God. It’s been amazing. I see now that I cant digress and lose a years worth of progress over some ungodly thoughts….its only the trick of the enemy. I will continue on my path of singleness. I will be content and have joy in my situation. I will no longer let Satan invade my mind with thoughts that serve to eradicate my peace. I know that God has ordained someone for me and at the time that is right for both of us…He will present us to one another. I don’t put my faith in statistics….I put my faith in the word of God. I wont have to date. I know that my relationship will be Sprit-led, it will be clear, and God will be glorified for the Union.
"J-O-Y Joy, Joy in the Holy Ghost! J-O-Y Joy, Joy in the Holy Ghost!"
So for those of you who are out there and are single and struggling, be encouraged. This is an amazing time in our life to truly seek out God and to do His will. Don’t let this world, this culture, or even Godly relationships around you cause you to stumble. Stay focused on your goals and what God has placed before you. Guard your heart….be diligent about your thoughts….and I will see you at the finish line. Don’t be weary in well doing, for you will reap the reward if you faint not…in this case for some of us that will be the altar…where we will stand as a Godly men and woman making a covenant with God to our mates…as people who have done things God’s way and we will reap the benefit of a prosperous and enriching marriage. Praise God! Don’t give up…Don’t compromise…Be encouraged.
Two months ago, I was perfectly happy about my life as a single woman. I had finally arrived at that place of contentment that I had read about in so many dating books. You know that place where you are working on yourself and you are growing in God so that you can be a whole and complete person. Yea that place I thought was impossible to reach that was as much a fairy tale as trying not to date itself. Well I was there….on cloud nine…excited about the next year…about another year of singleness and focusing on God. I was determined to do better at it this year than I had last year. Last year had definitely brought some trials, I was just learning how to do the whole “single†thing, so naturally I had some slip-ups but I dusted myself off, asked God for forgiveness and focus, and took the lesson in stride. I was on my way. I finally had experienced the joy, peace, and personal progress that they talked about when you are single and just focused on you and God. Well I should have been humming those lyrics because over the past two months I have watched my joy erode…then fall completely by the wayside…and be replaced with a heavy weight of discontent.
“Don’t let the devil steal your joy, don’t let the devil steal your joy, don’t let the devil steal your joy…â€
I stood by while one of my close friends who was on the singleness track with me got into a relationship. Now don’t get me wrong…I was happy for him…but I felt like well why is it that he can be in a relationship and I can’t. I asked him what God had said about his decision to pursue this young woman. He said he got a green light in his Spirit. Naturally, I had to wonder where was my green light? A few days later another one of my friends doing the single thing told me that he had met this girl that he was really feeling.
Ummm…excuse me? What happened to not dating? Maybe I was the only one that remembered. I hadn’t been pondering that for no more than a couple days when another one of my friends sent out an email saying that she and a guy that she had been close friends with since undergrad had made the leap and were pursuing a Godly relationship! I am elated for her….but something is tugging at my heart, like when is it going to be my turn?! I shrug it off…say scriptures to myself…Be anxious for nothing…All things work together for the good….I try to encourage myself and remind myself that God has His own trajectory for me. But GRRR!! Why is this soo hard! I meet my ex-boyfriend and his new wife…yes I said wife….not that I wanted to marry him…I didn’t…but he has a WIFE and I don’t even have a boyfriend! I repeat the scriptures…Be anxious for nothing…..Delight thyself in the Lord and He will give you the desires…..Seek ye first the kingdom of God….I encourage myself. Yet thoughts keep creeping in….well maybe I shouldn’t do another year of the single thing….after all I put the year limit on myself, God didn’t give it to me.….look at all that I have accomplished personally, educationally, spiritually, financially….I am in a position to date….if they can date so can I….and gradually those thoughts were louder and more frequent than the scriptures I was quoting. I concluded… I can do this…I can date….I will date!
So somehow that mindset moved in….and my joy moved out. I was no longer content being single….the memories of what it felt like to be admired, the excitement of getting ready to go on a date, the smile that comes over your face when the phone rings and its them, the butterflies in your stomach when you first hold someone’s hands….All of those things bombarded my mind. I was ready…..I was going to date.
I thought about it, and prayed about it, and I began to reflect on all the reasons why I stopped dating in the first place. The heartache and the drama, the fact that it was practicing divorce, being able to focus on God and His business, the time to grow spiritually and emotionally, avoiding sexual temptation, all of these things came back to my mind….and after two months of discontent…I realized that I had experienced a case of temporary insanity…I had lost the mind of Christ.
When I look back on the past year, I see so much that God has helped me to achieve during my time of singleness. Me and God have kicked it hard…He has taken the hurt, broken, shattered pieces of my heart and healed them….not just from romantic relationships but from family, childhood, friendships, etc. He extracted hurt and pain from my life that I had buried so deep that even I had forgotten it was there. He showed that pain to me, he gently whispered lessons in my ear, and then he healed me. He showed me areas where I had failed in the past and helped me to understand how I could succeed in the future. He helped me to discover how much He loved me and that I could see myself the way that he sees me. I began to understand the depth of His love. I began to understand that even the aspects of myself that I didn’t like, he loved naturally because He had created them. For example, I have had an amazing journey with growing out my natural hair…where he even taught me to love my kinky coiled nappy hair. Yes…I was beautifully and wonderfully made from the tight curls on my head to the pinky toes on my feet. He showed me that I was beautiful, precious, talented, gifted, and began to reveal to me some of the things that He had in store for my future. As I replayed scenes in my past that I had asked Him to forgive me for, he gently coaxed me to forgive myself…and in time I did. He blessed me in my academics and began to show me how to prosper financially. He brought men and women into my life that gave me the treasured gift of friendship and poured into my Spirit and my soul. I learned about nutrition and how to care for my temple and so many other wonderful experiences. While I was going through all this, he blessed me to share my experiences with others and enable them to succeed in areas too….and to think that I almost lost sight of all of this.
Being single is not always easy….but it has always been a blessing. I have learned so much about myself. I have grown so much as a person. I have grown so much closer to God. It’s been amazing. I see now that I cant digress and lose a years worth of progress over some ungodly thoughts….its only the trick of the enemy. I will continue on my path of singleness. I will be content and have joy in my situation. I will no longer let Satan invade my mind with thoughts that serve to eradicate my peace. I know that God has ordained someone for me and at the time that is right for both of us…He will present us to one another. I don’t put my faith in statistics….I put my faith in the word of God. I wont have to date. I know that my relationship will be Sprit-led, it will be clear, and God will be glorified for the Union.
"J-O-Y Joy, Joy in the Holy Ghost! J-O-Y Joy, Joy in the Holy Ghost!"
So for those of you who are out there and are single and struggling, be encouraged. This is an amazing time in our life to truly seek out God and to do His will. Don’t let this world, this culture, or even Godly relationships around you cause you to stumble. Stay focused on your goals and what God has placed before you. Guard your heart….be diligent about your thoughts….and I will see you at the finish line. Don’t be weary in well doing, for you will reap the reward if you faint not…in this case for some of us that will be the altar…where we will stand as a Godly men and woman making a covenant with God to our mates…as people who have done things God’s way and we will reap the benefit of a prosperous and enriching marriage. Praise God! Don’t give up…Don’t compromise…Be encouraged.
