The Second Mrs.
- Thread starter diadall
- Start date
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
go talk to da ex wife....
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
..........................
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The family never talks of her. They were married for two years. He never talks about her. I know very little of her but I never press because I don't want to talk about my breakups either. I know if I asked more he would tell me. I know he has not seen her or talked to her since they divorced, she lives in another state now. Its not that I want to know anything about her, I just wondered if anyone other women had some wisdom or advice. I know he was hurt by the divorced. He told me once that when it ended he felt like a failure.
I wonder sometimes when we do things if he ever did them with her. But I know I have to get over that.
I wonder sometimes when we do things if he ever did them with her. But I know I have to get over that.
I thought it was sarcasm. But maybe not.
Do_Si_Dos
Well-Known Member
If there are no children involved, what are the concerns? Is the ex crazy or is she still really close with the family?
oh, I see your post. Maybe you just focus on building your relationship with him. If he is over the marriage and does not have fears about getting remarried, you guys should be ok. You can't worry about his failed marriage, it failed for a reason. He's with you now, Enjoy it!!
oh, I see your post. Maybe you just focus on building your relationship with him. If he is over the marriage and does not have fears about getting remarried, you guys should be ok. You can't worry about his failed marriage, it failed for a reason. He's with you now, Enjoy it!!
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MarcustheWu
Well-Known Member
Since the marriage was so short and the guy and his family seems over it, I would not be worried.
If there are no children involved, what are the concerns? Is the ex crazy or is she still really close with the family?
oh, I see your post. Maybe you just focus on building your relationship with him. If he is over the marriage and does not have fears about getting remarried, you guys should be ok. You can't worry about his failed marriage, it failed for a reason. He's with you now, Enjoy it!!
That makes a lot of sense. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else for it it click. Thanks!
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
@TrueToHair - word.
@diadall - i wasn't being sarcastic. i was serious. the fact that the family never speaks of her says sumfin, but of course, that is his family. but someone knows what happened, and I think that OP has a right to ask, especially if he's talking about marrying her. she wanna know what she's gettin herself into and i dont blame her.
i would get wif a cousin of his n be like..so what happened chile.....why no one ever speaks of her, etc. SOMEBODY knows. may not be that serious, but she wants to know.
the types of things or the thing I would ask?
how did you meet, why did the marriage end after two years, what happened. and on top of that, she moved to another state. yeah, ok.
not bein negative, but i don't blame diadall for wanting to know.
good luck.
ETA - there is always that ONE person in the family that will always keep in touch with an ex wife. and any woman on this board who is an ex wife can attest to this....
libertysince05
New Member
2 yrs and no one talks about her????
that's odd to me....
that's odd to me....
I would be curious. I think its natural. They were probably too young or didn't think the marriage through. You are right not to press. I would be happy there was no ex wife WITH kids to deal with. Also him marrying you may make him be better in a new marriage, given some lessons he may have learned. I would probably want to know why the marriage failed and when you get engaged, yall could discuss it in premarital counseling. Good luck!
PopLife
Well-Known Member
I'm an ex-wife and I don't keep in touch with anyone from my ex-husband's family. We were only married for two years and I wasn't close to his family when we were together. My ex will call me occasionally to see how I'm doing, wish be happy birthday, etc... but that is the extent of our conversations.
My advise would be to find out why they divorced and what his views on marriage are now....
My advise would be to find out why they divorced and what his views on marriage are now....
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
This...........
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I am an ex wife was married for 3 yrs, if a dude went to ask my family about my ex, there is nothing they can tell him bc they barely knew him. I would rather he ask me and not go behind my back...
if my ex, new girlfriend came asking me questions, I would tell her not to contact me again.
LadyPaniolo
New Member
I think it's wise to talk to the ex-wife, for several reasons. The man might have some gnarly skeletons in the closet, that the wife knows about. Like if he got busted with an underage girl. (He would have some long complicated story about what he SAYS went down, of course.) Or if he had an addiction that she couldn't deal with: porn, gambling, sex, whatever. Maybe he hit her (She was always pushing my buttons! he might say) or perhaps he was very controlling (he might allege that she cheated, but not give details. Because the "proof" is nothing more than her breathing and blinking in the direction of another man).
Everyone sees things and describes things from their own POV. From his POV, he might have been perfect. That doesn't mean that the reality matches his perception.
Also, if the marriage ended because he walked in on her banging 12 Fed-Ex dudes at once, or because she aborted his child or whatever, it might help you to understand his hang-ups/feelings better.
My two cents.
Everyone sees things and describes things from their own POV. From his POV, he might have been perfect. That doesn't mean that the reality matches his perception.
Also, if the marriage ended because he walked in on her banging 12 Fed-Ex dudes at once, or because she aborted his child or whatever, it might help you to understand his hang-ups/feelings better.
My two cents.
hothair
Well-Known Member
I found out everything about DH's ex but over a period of time. Initially he did not seem inclined to talk about her and as far as he was concerned it was a mistake and over (they were married about 6-7months) . His family seemed to have a harder time getting over it, she was friends with one of the sisters. He eventually told me all about the relationship. He was never disrespectful when he spoke about her. She wasn't a terrible person they were just very incompatible.
I felt better knowing details about the relationship and why it didn't work out, same as with his major relationships. When we first got engaged she started trying to contact him he changed his number a few times (she got the number from the sister I guess). He spoke to his family about it and everything's been kosher since then. If you want to know something ask him.
I felt better knowing details about the relationship and why it didn't work out, same as with his major relationships. When we first got engaged she started trying to contact him he changed his number a few times (she got the number from the sister I guess). He spoke to his family about it and everything's been kosher since then. If you want to know something ask him.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
Sounds like some good advice has been posted. If I were in that position I'd definitely want to know why they divorced, if they still communicate, and if he could ever see himself being married again.
If I were in that position I'd definitely want to know why they divorced, if they still communicate, and if he could ever see himself being married again.