The sad thing is...plenty of women like this exist

[BroadstreetBully]

I occasionally read stuff over at other relationship boards and I came across this post. All I can say is WOW. Low self esteem is something...

Hi everyone,
I met a guy not too ago on an online dating site. We seemed to click very quickly and he really acted interested in me. At first I told him I wasn't sure about a relationship as I am a grad school and don't want to mess up school because of a relationship. Anyways after getting to know him more I felt I needed to give it a try. He asked me to not speak to other males because he says he is very possessive. I stopped going to the dating site but noticed he kept logging on it. Anyways at one point we had a discussion and I found what he said offensive so I said my feelings and he ripped me apart, bringing up past examples of what I told him in confidence, and also even tried to tell me he could do my career better than I could. After that we mended things up. We finally met in real life, prior to the meeting he told me he lost his wallet. He said he would call me back when he found it as he would need money to get down to meet me. He called back, said he couldn't find it and asked me for a favor to borrow 50 dollars. I said yes, I am the type of person who cannot say no if someone needs money for basic necessities, he said he needed groceries. I could not get down to see him as traveling that late at night in that part of the city is not safe. So I offered to pay for a cab for him to come to my place. He came over for dinner, and I lent him sixty dollars, as he was leaving he asked me for another ten dollars for cigarettes. I only had twenty so I gave it to him. Anyways he didn't seem like he wanted me to wait with him downstairs for his ride that was arriving to take him home so I went back up to my place. He never called me when he went home like he said he would, I had to call him, then today I called him as he asked me to wake him up and he didn't answer, I called back in six hours he answered and told me he would phone me in 20 minutes which he never did. I then called back hours later he answered spoke for 10 minutes then said oh I will call you back in five minutes. And he didn't call back in five minutes. I am very confused, I feel lowered like a worthless person and I am not sure why. I am good to humanity because I have compassion yet it seems to equate to being walked over. I don't know how to read him or what he wants from me.

Unfortunately, this sounds a lot like my mother.

So do you ladies know women like this? Do they eventually wake up and get smart? I could MAYBE understand if this girl was like 16, but she is grown, and there are plenty of grown women out there who are pushovers when it comes to men. It's a shame.

 

[DayStar]

This girl makes me want to punch her in the face. DA HELL? Low self esteem isnt even it....wow....woooooooooooooooooooow.

 

[JustKiya]

This girl makes me want to punch her in the face. DA HELL? Low self esteem isnt even it....wow....woooooooooooooooooooow.

That's low self esteem with a side of naivete, a healthy helping of insecurity, and a big old dose of stuckonstupid.

That's actually utterly heartbreaking, because she's going to get messed up over this dude - she's standing on the tracks and can't see the train. Damn.

What are they telling her, BroadStreet?

 

[honeycomb719]

This girl makes me want to punch her in the face. DA HELL? Low self esteem isnt even it....wow....woooooooooooooooooooow.

Hilarious, but I feel you.....

 

[kblc06]

I rarely ever come to this forum, and now I remember why . This h#ffa needs a swift punch to the throat. This is a grown arse man...he can't afford to make ends meet for basic necessities?!...Why come ? Because silly likkle people like you will allow him to mooch. He needs to get his life together before he even CONTEMPLATES dating someone and she needs to grow some ovaries and self-worth.


I seriously could not see myself ever becoming a relationship columnist *gaaaaaaahhhhh*

 

[Mai Tai]

Being nice to people doesn't get you walk all over on...Being STUPID AS HELL gets you walked all over on!

Someone needs to sew some ovaries on her so she can woman up and stop letting this knee-gro use her.

This situation is 100% her fault. Running behind a grown A*S man giving him money and ish like she done lost her mind.

 

[DayStar]

My type of girl

I rarely ever come to this forum, and now I remember why . This h#ffa needs a swift punch to the throat. This is a grown arse man...he can't afford to make ends meet for basic necessities?!...Why come ? Because silly likkle people like you will allow him to mooch. He needs to get his life together before he even CONTEMPLATES dating someone and she needs to grow some ovaries and self-worth.


I seriously could not see myself ever becoming a relationship columnist *gaaaaaaahhhhh*

 

[Ivonnovi]

I'd bet her problem with "men" was established as a child, and that "mindset" is "what's in her comfort zone as it's all she really knows".

Many women, learn better, most later in life.

Prayer and encouragement is all you can offer.

 

[Eritreladiee]

yeah it's really disturbing. One of my good friends is somewhat like this too and although she's a great person, her desperation is off the charts sickening. And she goes through so many men like she doesn't even have a screening process-- then she'll call me up with her stories and have me like to a point that I gotta ignore her calls sometimes. just sad and embarassing how some people have no sense and no pride about themselves.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

This kind of story is really sad. She needs some self-esteem and to wise up a bit... but it doesn't make me want to punch her in the throat. It makes me want to enroll her in some therapy down at the Womanist Center.

 

[AstroQueen77]

Sounds like she is extremely empathic and she easily looses herself in other people. She even mentions that she is a compassionate person...she just hasn't been socialized to draw the line. Her self esteem may be a side effect, but its not the root cause. What board is this from? I need to PM her something.

 

[ThickHair]

Homegirl does not need a man, she needs a therapist. Unfortunately, that behavior is learned from observation.

Once dude ask me for $$$$ and we had not even met, he wasn't even my man long-term, he wasn't even my husband. I would have been ghost.

 

[awhyley]

Sounds like she is extremely empathic and she easily looses herself in other people. She even mentions that she is a compassionate person...she just hasn't been socialized to draw the line. Her self esteem may be a side effect, but its not the root cause.

Thank you. I was wondering whether I was too sympathetic to this girl based on the other reactions here, I mean, people want to punch her in the throat, figure of speech I know, but. She sounds too nice for her own good, but no/low self esteem is a little much. from thread

 

[BroadstreetBully]

That's low self esteem with a side of naivete, a healthy helping of insecurity, and a big old dose of stuckonstupid.

That's actually utterly heartbreaking, because she's going to get messed up over this dude - she's standing on the tracks and can't see the train. Damn.

What are they telling her, BroadStreet?

They are giving her sound advice and being really nice about it...which is good I guess because I wanted to give her some tough love.

One thing that stuck out to me is that she said her parents are pressuring her to marry a man within her culture very soon. She finds herself going above and beyond with men as a way of trying to hurry up and marry to please her parents. All I know about her culture is that she mentioned being Muslim.

She also said that Muslim men always burn her. If you are always being treated like this, it is because you have a big, red, flashing sign on your head that reads 'USE ME!' She has a lot of work to do.

As for my mother, she is very similar. It's something that really affects you growing up--watching your mother act so desperate. She was/is the female version of 'captain save a ho'. She meets these broken men and goes above and beyond to get them on their feet, many times while neglecting her children. In the end, the men run off with the same women who wouldn't give them the time of day when they had nothing.

 

[Bene]

I don't think self-esteem has anything to do with it. Stupidity seems more likely.

 

[Bachelorette]

Ok someone needs to buy her THE BOOK

Any way to get her address, I'll send it to her cos I dont even know where to start

 

[Bachelorette]

Muslim?

She's from a Muslim family?

That doesnt sound possible.

These men she meet are Muslim too?

Can say I know of any Muslim dude that isnt too proud to ask for a tissue not to talk of real money

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Another post. I censored out specific usernames thought not sure if it makes a difference.

Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for your responses. ***** you are right, we teach people how to treat us and I have taught him a very bad way of treating me. I am kidding myself in thinking that I am being kind because I know I just look lame and maybe it is all a lesson learned that I needed to go through. Too much past pain has happened from previous men in my life and I feel weak to them often. One thing that plays in my life time and time again is when I give men from my culture a chance they burn me, because my culture teaches them to be dominant and treat women terribly, because my parents want me to be with a man from my culture I keep trying yet fail miserably. ****** your words make so much sense and hold a lot of wisdom, you opened my eyes again to codependent behaviors which I know I exhibit and have read about but have not fully implemented a solution to clear such behaviors. I feel sort of used by giving him money when I think that maybe he just thinks I am some desperate girl which I obviously portrayed myself to be. I almost feel like it was a test on purpose to see how far I would go for example see if I'd pay for his cab, give him money for groceries, and keep giving him money. Anyways I tried to speak to him today about his intentions. He asked me why I didn't get intimate with him and I told him I like to get to know people first, and he brought up this fling again that I told him I had once and he said I contradicted myself. He also said that the top I wore was enticing and showed my cleavage and asked me if long term goals to a relationship were in my mind when I wore that top even though he previously told me he enjoys low cut tops which is the only reason I wore it. I feel like an absolute idiot.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Muslim?

She's from a Muslim family?

That doesnt sound possible.

These men she meet are Muslim too?

Can say I know of any Muslim dude that isnt too proud to ask for a tissue not to talk of real money

That's what confuses me. Yes, these men are Muslim but I'm not sure of her actual ethnicity or anything.

 

[Bachelorette]

I doubt she's Muslim.

She must really give a desperate vibe for them to act like that.

They usually have huge egos.

 

[Guitarhero]

Another post. I censored out specific usernames thought not sure if it makes a difference.

That is why Muslim men treat her this way. She's been intimate and all of them in the community know about it. Sorry. Not one of the is going to marry her and they know she is desperate.

 

[phynestone]

As soon as he got mad and brought up the past stuff to her face, I would have stopped talking to him. She doesn't owe him anything. You teach people how to treat you and you can be nice and still set boundaries.

 

[JustKiya]

Wow. The more you share, the worse I feel for her. That's - wow. That's really sad. How can you be so blind? More importantly, how can you avoid being so blind?

 

[itismehmmkay]

OMG
And he knows she lives
Practice makes perfect. She will have to practice the behavior that she wants to project.

 

[Spiffy]

Wow, this is really sad.

One of her main problems seems to be she is doing none of this for herself, she's dating because of her parents pressure, she wore the low-cut top because he said he liked it.

Wow, just wow, there are no words.

 

[msbettyboop]

I wish this girl was my younger sister so I can smack the naivete/idiocy out of her. WTF!!! A dude you don't have any relationship with asks you for money, you kick him to the curb. You don't give him money and then start chasing his broke *** over the phone. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

 

[LunadeMiel]

That is why Muslim men treat her this way. She's been intimate and all of them in the community know about it. Sorry. Not one of the is going to marry her and they know she is desperate.

I don't think that's truely the issue. I think the fact that she comes off (and is) desperate is the bigger issue. What man wants a desperate woman .

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Wow,

She seems really naive... and like she has a good heart... and he preyed on her.