The One That Just Won't Go Away

Browndilocks

Browndilocks

Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Ever been in this situation?

You're friends with a guy, he expresses romantic interest in you but you don't reciprocate. Yet he insists on staying in the friend zone? Won't stop contacting you, ever-so friendly so you don't want to be mean, but you just wish he'd go away?

I'm that situation right now. It's weird actually. I'm probably going to have to end the "friendship" but I still feel kind of bad.
 
If you have an iPhone, you can just block him. You will not receive any text messages if he sends you any unless your iMessage is on.

Have you tried speaking to him again regarding being friends and setting boundaries? If you have use that block feature. Even if you don't have an iPhone many Androids have that feature.
 
Don't feel bad. You're releasing him from a never gonna happen situation, so he can find someone new to obsess over that might like him back :) Some people can waste so much time on unrequited love its ridiculous. You're doing him a favour.
 
I'm going to have to block him, but not before I speak to him one last time. His latest texts have me :perplexed.
 
LOL!!! I have this happening right now!

This person lives in my building and had originally put a note on my car in April as a secret admirer.

I was curious, I called... I wasn't interested, especially after I realized who he was, and that I had seen him around plenty of times.


He's nice, but not for me.

Well, because he had my number, he called, texted, everything, in order to take me out on a date.

Eventually I started dating someone else.
I tried to let him down easy, he got upset saying "he was there first":lol:
Then I tried to let him down hard telling him that I don't think we should even be friends, and there definitely is no chance in us dating.

He said he was cool with that, he will always keep trying :nono:
(He used the 'as long as I'm not married, I'm fair game' tactic)

Last week I got a note on my car saying that he lost his phone, and wants my number back.

NO. I haven't called him, but ultimately... He knows where I live/where my car is parked... There's no avoiding him, I know I'll bump Into him again at some point.

He just doesn't get the hint, or me telling him outright that I do not want to date him, or have him as a friend.
 
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Sumra said:
Don't feel bad. You're releasing him from a never gonna happen situation, so he can find someone new to obsess over that might like him back :) Some people can waste so much time on unrequited love its ridiculous. You're doing him a favour.
Click to expand...

I can't even say it's unrequited love. It's an idea he conjured up in his mind.

So basically, I went to high school with this guy. We were cool to the point where I'd say hi, etc in the hallways or cafeteria but that's it. All during that time, we never went to the movies together, hung around the same friends, anything. We were just cool. We probably wrote in each other's yearbook and that was perhaps the extent of our relationship.

FB comes along and I'm all of a sudden connected with a majority of people I went to high school with, including him. I was happy to see a lot of them & actually swapped numbers with a few. No biggie, right?

He calls me & tells me "girl I'm never gonna lose you again" and I'm like "haha u stupid". Thinking NOTHING of it. I missed the red flag.

After telling him that I have a SO, ignoring his texts and calls for MONTHS on end, and damn near getting into it with him for telling him that I'm not interested, he's calling & texting again. And he'll do it in a real matter-of-fact kind of way like "Wassup girl, hope you had a good day."

On halloween he sent me a text "Trick or treat". I never replied.

Lately he's started to text me at 10:30/11pm, which is like 1/2AM for him. Talkin bout "Hey". I never answered and a few days later he sent me a text at 5am sayin "I couldn't sleep, hoped you were awake".

I haven't seen this dude since I was 17 years old. I'm in my 30's now. WTH?!?!?
 
Like he's wearing you down. Give it time. You'll come around :grin:

J/k but that's what he's thinking. Waiting for the next guy to mess up and possibly hurt you so he can swoop in when you're vulnerable :rolleyes:. Men. :lol:
 
SincerelyJane said:
Like he's wearing you down. Give it time. You'll come around :grin:

J/k but that's what he's thinking. Waiting for the next guy to mess up and possibly hurt you so he can swoop in when you're vulnerable :rolleyes:. Men. :lol:
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This is what happened to me. We were friends for about two years and I gave it a shot but it didn't work. We are back in friends zone. I know he has a secret hope that I will come around but I told him that it is not going to work. We still chat but I would suggest setting healthy boundaries and if he can't accept tell him bye.
 
No where in the book of life does it say you have to be nice to someone that disrespects your wishes and personal boundaries.

Tell him just as much via FB then delete/block him on there and your phone. You don't owe him any phone calls or chances. I'd also let one or two of your friends know what is really up - not to start drama but so others are aware. I had this happen to a friend after our reunion and if you only saw his crap on FB you'd think the situation was something totally different. He's let up know but I can't get into why or how he was convinced to let it go but metro_qt I strongly suggest you watch the original Soul Food Movie (with Vanessa Williams) & ask your cousins to have a chat with your neighbor.
 
ladylibra_30 said:
Start asking for a lot of money...
Click to expand...

:rofl:

I've been in too many of these situations. Flowers at my door, constant texting, cooking, making plans for me/us that I'm not even aware of, trying to conjure up a relationship from thousands of miles away, all that. Eventually I just let them know that I'm just not into them (the super persistent ones that I don't care for), or I'll cement the friendship by talking about being enamored with someone else (the ones I at least want to maintain as friends). Eventually they'll get the hint. But nothing annoys me more than a man who simply won't listen and thinks you can be talked down. What the heck kinda creepiness is that?!
 
I think it's safe to tell this guy matter-of-factly: listen, I'd like for you to not contact me at all. For anything. Ever.

He doesn't give a heck about how he's making you feel, so why should you.

For my 18th birthday, this guy dropped by my (parents) house with a bouquet of red roses. I don't think I even went outside to be honest. There was a card professing his love for me and all this unrequited stuff. I was like: why does he even know where I live?! I'm pretty sure that soon after that I told him to stop trying because I couldn't reciprocate his feelings. 7 years later, his relative sees me and says so-and-so was asking about you. I was like: who's that?!:confused: He lives 3,000 miles away, hasn't talked to me in almost a decade and is still thinking about me?
Some things stop being flattering and are just weird.
 
^^^^ That's what I'm talking about! I live clear across the country. I've never even seen him during a trip home and I often spend full summers and weeks at a time there. The only reason why I know what he looks like now is due to FB.

Meanwhile he wanted to argue with me about how good looking he is and he doesn't understand why I wont give him a chance. :rolleyes: I told him its because I don't know him & we don't even live in the same place. This was like 4 years ago. He supposedly got a couple of girlfriends and I soon after met my SO. Now he's calling me again. He's never actually stopped texting me completely during that time. He'd say happy birthday or something so I never really thought about it.
 
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Browndilocks You're a nice person and are really trying hard to treat him like you would want to be treated. But that hasn't worked. He has totally taken advantage of your kindness. (I absolutely HATE when a person mistakes my kindness for weakness.) Does he think you're weak and he can Break You down sooner or later? ugh! And he is mad disrespectful of your relationship. So let me ask you this...... if your SO had a chick from high school pulling this on him, at this point how would you want him to respond?
Mr.Number works on androids & iPhones and the delete/block feature still works on Facebook.
 
I tend not to like confrontation especially if the guy is "nice" I usually either don't reply to text at all or reply to one out of 5 or so ,for instance if they ask me how's things I might reply Great thanks " and ignore everything that comes afterwards . I never call nor accept calls.i react differently depending on the man s carachter
If the guy is aggressive and stubborn or worse,cocky ,I m straight to the point-blunt and let him know it s not gonna happen and he s wasting his time.
When men ask you to be friends they re essentially asking you to be on standby in case he feels like having sex with you. instead of "I want us to be friends " hear " I want you to be my bench side line "
 
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Yes. We still talk... after 3 years :look:

Apparently he's currently looking for jobs where I live and has this lofty idea that once we're closer it'll happen. I leave him to live in in fantasy world.

Another guy/friend I had in this situation is currently in a serious relationship and is about to be engaged. I will admit that I'm just a tad bit jealous. Dude didn't even call me for my birthday this year :cry:. But I am happy for him. That went on for about 7 years.
 
My friend is in this situation now. They guy has been chasing her for 2 years. He refuses to enter the friend-zone or call himself a friend. Yet she has told him time and time again she doesn't want him. I think he thinks that wearing her down will make a beautiful love story. oh well
 
ms.mimi said:
Browndilocks You're a nice person and are really trying hard to treat him like you would want to be treated. But that hasn't worked. He has totally taken advantage of your kindness. (I absolutely HATE when a person mistakes my kindness for weakness.) Does he think you're weak and he can Break You down sooner or later? ugh! And he is mad disrespectful of your relationship. So let me ask you this...... if your SO had a chick from high school pulling this on him, at this point how would you want him to respond?
Mr.Number works on androids & iPhones and the delete/block feature still works on Facebook.
Click to expand...


The bolded is what I was thinking of telling him next time I decide to answer the phone.



This weekend was filled with a series of a few more texts:

1 - "What's up girl?" No reply.

2 - "Have you seen the redwood trees?" :perplexed WTF and no reply.

3 - "I believe in you. Hope everything is good." No reply.

4 - "You are and always have been dear to me. Wish you the best." No reply.

All of these texts came within an hour of each other, between midnight & 1AM his time. I often work 6 days a week. By the time I read these messages I just said forget it. I ain't got time or energy for this foolishness right now.
 
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LiftedUp said:
Yes. We still talk... after 3 years :look:

Apparently he's currently looking for jobs where I live and has this lofty idea that once we're closer it'll happen. I leave him to live in in fantasy world.

Another guy/friend I had in this situation is currently in a serious relationship and is about to be engaged. I will admit that I'm just a tad bit jealous. Dude didn't even call me for my birthday this year :cry:. But I am happy for him. That went on for about 7 years.
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I don't see how you do it. I think I'd start to despise them after a while. I think that's what's happening now...
 
LOL Persistence is how some people get married. I know a few women who were not interested at first but later came around and then married him.

Tell him your are married. Have your husband text him if necessary but usually that won't be necessary.
 
Browndilocks said:
Ever been in this situation?

You're friends with a guy, he expresses romantic interest in you but you don't reciprocate. Yet he insists on staying in the friend zone? Won't stop contacting you, ever-so friendly so you don't want to be mean, but you just wish he'd go away?

I'm that situation right now. It's weird actually. I'm probably going to have to end the "friendship" but I still feel kind of bad.
Click to expand...

Yes I've been in that situation a few times. Now I just get mean and block numbers.
 
Browndilocks said:
Ever been in this situation?

You're friends with a guy, he expresses romantic interest in you but you don't reciprocate. Yet he insists on staying in the friend zone? Won't stop contacting you, ever-so friendly so you don't want to be mean, but you just wish he'd go away?

I'm that situation right now. It's weird actually. I'm probably going to have to end the "friendship" but I still feel kind of bad.
Click to expand...

Why don't you do the slow fading . start replying to his texts less and less until you disappear .
 
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the feminine powers of the ***** move can not be undermined.

and if you feel some type of way, there is an app for that. usually in the form of another human , sometimes without your knowledge.

the universe always has your back. God created everyone, know you are being taken care of accordingly.

the question then is, do you want it to TRULY be taken care of?


meaning, once he is gone, will you be at peace, or will you miss the petty banter?

things to think about...
 
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I had a guy I was seeing (not dating even, but seeing in all of its innocence) do this to me. He was nice so I didn't want to be mean.

Anyway, he ended up stalking me and showing up places he knew I would be and yelling my name if he would see me in the street. He would even have his weird friend call me to check on me.
 
littlegoldmittens said:
I had a guy I was seeing (not dating even, but seeing in all of its innocence) do this to me. He was nice so I didn't want to be mean.

Anyway, he ended up stalking me and showing up places he knew I would be and yelling my name if he would see me in the street. He would even have his weird friend call me to check on me.
Click to expand...

What a creep!
 
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