The Exclusive Talk

So...is it ok for women to initiate this conversation?

Or should men be the one to do it?

I really would like to know your opinions

Or should she just communicate to him how she feels and let him make the next move?
 
I prefer that he initiate it but depending upon how things are progressing..it really doesn't matter. I have no problem asking a man what his intentions are early on.

If I know that he wants a relationship and we've been dating for months yet he hasn't spoken of being exclusive..I would say I'm not the one. Men know want they want and who they want it from.
 
I think it's okay to initiate the convo if he is pressing for sex and you feel you are ready for sex and the talk has not been had prior. I wouldn't advise getting in too deep with sex if you aren't exclusive so...whomever needs to bring it up, should let their thoughts be known.
 
I think it's o.k. to initiate the conversation. However, I also think that if a man wants to be exclusive, he is usually quick to let you know.
 
I've always had the GUY initiate this conversation in relationships....they are worried about the competition -even when there is none :lachen:!
 
Last edited:
I let the guy bring it up. If he doesn't within a certain amount of time, say 3-5 months, I would become less and less available to him and move on.
 
If that's what the woman wants, why would she not initiate the convo?

Waiting for him will just leave her frustrated and unhappy, especially if he's never planning to bring it up.

Its easier to lay out what you want, and see if what he wants matches that. If not, call it a day and move on to a guy who does want what you want.
 
So...is it ok for women to initiate this conversation?

Or should men be the one to do it?

I really would like to know your opinions

Or should she just communicate to him how she feels and let him make the next move?


This is a good question OP.

I've always wondered the same thing also. Because on the one hand you don't want to have the "exclusive talk" TOO early and then scare him away...but on the OTHER hand you don't want to have it too late because if he senses that you want more but that you're not demanding more, he'll think you're either a doormat, or you're not "special" enough.

I don't know...this is a tough subject. I've seen girl friends of mine do it either way. Some friends of mine will ask the guy upfront after a few dates what the guy's intentions are. Others have waited until the guy makes it known. When my sister and her husband started dating, it was HE who asked for exclusivity. I mean, they were friends for 3 years prior however, so when he finally asked to get to know her better, it was already automatically assumed that they would be EXCLUSIVELY dating each other.

MY personal feeling?? I would prefer for the GUY to ask ME for exclusivity. I think he should be expressing to me that he would like for us to be an exclusive couple. However, I know that things don't always work this way, so if the guy is dragging his feet a little bit, here's what I would do:

-Make myself a little less available (don't always be so quick to return his calls/texts, don't be ready 24/7 to go on dates with him, etc.)

If that doesn't work, then after a reasonable amount of time (determined by me and my standards) I'd have to just casually (no pressure, no anger, no resentment) let him know that: "Umm...I enjoy spending time with you, and I like that we've been able to get to know each other better, but this relationship isn't quite working for me right now". If he hasn't gotten the "point" and has the audacity to ask me why, I'll just let him know that: "I feel like we probably want different things in a relationship." and from there I can explain a little further.

A lot of times, guys don't get closer to women until the threat of losing them is pretty evident. Either, another guy could enter into the picture, or the girl may move away, or some BIG event could happen that could somehow distract the girl away from the guy. If this happens, a lot of guys decide that they better do something to keep the girl.

With this said however, I find that the guys/men who are REALLY interested in you and who are READY and feel secure enough to have a serious relationship with a woman will NOT usually drag on a relationship past 3 or 4 months without making it CLEAR to the woman and to the public that she is his "exclusive woman", and that they are dating each other exclusively.

I've only seen guys who are not quite ready for marriage or a serious relationship act kind of wishy-washy or drag their feet when it comes to exclusivity.

With my sister and her now-husband, it was like a couple of weeks. Same with my girlfriend and her current boyfriend. After a few weeks of one date and talking on the phone together, they became exclusive. But my friend had to ask him what his intentions were. When she asked him, he was honest with her and let her know that he was interested in dating her seriously.
 
I would usually say let the man bring it up, unless there are extenuating circumstances. I know for me and my new guy I was the one to bring it up, because I told him that I wanted to take it slow (since I had recently broken things off with my ex), and he basically let me call the shots in the relationship. He did express early on that he was looking for a relationship, though.
 
I've always had the GUY initiate this convversation in relationships....they are worried about the competition -even when there is none :lachen:!

I let the guy bring it up. If he doesn't within a certain amount of time, say 3-5 months, I would become less and less available to him and move on.
There you go.
If that's what the woman wants, why would she not initiate the convo?

Waiting for him will just leave her frustrated and unhappy, especially if he's never planning to bring it up.

Its easier to lay out what you want, and see if what he wants matches that. If not, call it a day and move on to a guy who does want what you want.
Why would you let yourself get to that point in the first place, where YOUR happiness is contingent upon what HE says and does? Why give someone that power over your emotions? Why put yourself in that situation?

Like topnotch1010 said....
 
If its bothering you, then you should bring it up. I brought it up with my SO and we discussed our thoughts and fears regarding commitment to each other very honestly and thoroughly. I'm not into playing games, and I would do this with whatever I guy I date if I felt the need to.
 
Back
Top