The definition of dating. And dating multiple people at the same time.

[zzirvingj]

What does "dating" mean to you?

Are you currently dating? If so, do you date multiple people at the same time? Do you enjoy dating more than one person at a time?

If you're comfortable doing so, please include your age.

So, a little about me:

To me, dating is the process of spending time with and getting to know an individual for the purpose of determining if the person is someone you could/would want to start a serious, long term relationship with (one that may even have the possibility for marriage). I'm 31 and am currently dating but didn't date alot in my late twenties (27-29, 30). I'm finding that I don't care for dating multiple people at the same time! I'm seeing just how "fun" and "normal" it is for guys to do this (and some females)...but I don't quite understand why...?

Because for me, I find it just a little bit draining emotionally and time-wise to be dating 2, 3, 4 people at a time. Can anybody else relate...or does anyone wanna chime in on their dating experiences?

 

[Bnster]

The problem with me is that I go on a few dates and then we are BF/GF. What is that, I don't do any major screening. I would meet a guy through mutual friends thinking he is safe or through work, casual conversations, etc. Then I am in a long term relationship and later realize he is not for me and feel stuck getting out. I haven't dated much so that is my issue. I wish I could do multiple dating but that to me feels like cheating. How do you get pass that feeling that if you date more than one guy that it is not cheating? Do you let them know, what do you say to them?

 

[Syrah]

Dating: the process of getting to know a person to determine if you want to move forward into an exclusive relationship. Dating does not imply sexual activity. Nor does it imply exclusivity. That is left to the individuals involved.

And this is why I believe that asking a man "what are we doing?" gives him the opportunity to avoid what you really want to know and chances are will leave you with no answers because what constitutes dating means so many different things to different people.

You want to know how a man feels about you or thinks about you then ask him exactly that.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

my views on this are different.

i believe in multiple people dating (men). I love having options and choices. and i let all parties know that i am dating others. this makes the art of the purusit on their part competitive.

if ur single, why limit yourself to one? no one said u had to phuck every guy you date, but why limit yourself to just one? its about me, so i make the choice of who i want to be bothered with, etc.

they have options, why can't we? i refuse to subject myself to just "getting to know" one.....

 

[Ediese]

Now that I'm almost through with school, I'll be dating again, starting next month most likely. I've always been fond of monogamous relationships, but as I've gotten older, I realize that I don't want to limit myself to dating one person.

My goal is to start dating for marriage. With that being the case, I can't afford to date only one man at a time, and then find out after substantial time has passed that it's not going to work. I think when you do that, you're shutting the door on a large group of 'potential' mates. I'll be dating multiple guys until I find the one that I strongly believe I'm ready to fully commit to. When I do date multiple guys, of course, sex is definitely not a factor. lol I also plan to cut ties if I have any inclination that either man isn't right for me. I don't believe in wasting time trying to make the impossible work.

Wish me luck y'all!

I'm 27 now btw.

 

[Dee Raven]

I like all of your definitions. I'm like you ZzIrving in that I only like to be dating one person at a time. It can be very time consuming and I like to have a lot of me time and I'm also a homebody so the idea of going out 3,4 times a week just doesn't appeal to me. But I wouldn't mind conversing over the phone with more than one person. I just turned 30 a little over a month ago and I'm starting to feel the desire to really settle down as well so I'm having to psych myself up to be more upfront with men about under what circumstances I will continue to date them. Long term relationship isn't even an option at this point. Like you said, Ediese, it's time to start filtering through the dating pool to find the right guy who is also ready to settle down right now instead of 5 - 10 years down the line.

 

[Jas123]

my views on this are different.

i believe in multiple people dating (men). I love having options and choices. and i let all parties know that i am dating others. this makes the art of the purusit on their part competitive.

if ur single, why limit yourself to one? no one said u had to phuck every guy you date, but why limit yourself to just one? its about me, so i make the choice of who i want to be bothered with, etc.

they have options, why can't we? i refuse to subject myself to just "getting to know" one.....

exactly @ the bolded... also, what makes you think the 1st guy you meet is the right guy.. get to know people on a casual level before getting all serious & lovey/dovey... in other words don't put all your eggs in 1 basket!

ot TJG how are you?

 

[Jas123]

My goal is to start dating for marriage. With that being the case, I can't afford to date only one man at a time, and then find out after substantial time has passed that it's not going to work. I think when you do that, you're shutting the door on a large group of 'potential' mates.

this is exactly what i'm doing

 

[zzirvingj]

The problem with me is that I go on a few dates and then we are BF/GF. What is that, I don't do any major screening. I would meet a guy through mutual friends thinking he is safe or through work, casual conversations, etc. Then I am in a long term relationship and later realize he is not for me and feel stuck getting out. I haven't dated much so that is my issue. I wish I could do multiple dating but that to me feels like cheating. How do you get pass that feeling that if you date more than one guy that it is not cheating? Do you let them know, what do you say to them?

Do you mind giving your age?

I do think that most people believe that until you have the talk about mutually exclusive, that it is assumed that you aren't exclusive, so it wouldn't be considered cheating to be dating multiple people.

 

[zzirvingj]

Dating: the process of getting to know a person to determine if you want to move forward into an exclusive relationship. Dating does not imply sexual activity. Nor does it imply exclusivity. That is left to the individuals involved.

And this is why I believe that asking a man "what are we doing?" gives him the opportunity to avoid what you really want to know and chances are will leave you with no answers because what constitutes dating means so many different things to different people.

You want to know how a man feels about you or thinks about you then ask him exactly that.

I like/agree with your definition of dating.

In regards to the second half of your post, what I'm about to say may sound jaded and it may be just cuz it's based on a rather recent experience of my own. But anyways...I think that sometimes it doesn't even help that much more to ask a man how he feels about you or what he thinks about you because he could feel all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings and admiration, etc. But that could mean very little about his desire to or intentions of committing to you or taking steps forward in the relationship.

I agree that dating is different things for different people, so it's important to know, what is it to the people you are dating? How is their definition different from yours? Cuz if you don't know that, you could be dating someone who dates for the purpose of just having people to spend time with, or people to pluck, when your goal may be dating for a relationship and/or marriage. I hope what I'm saying makes sense...

 

[zzirvingj]

my views on this are different.

i believe in multiple people dating (men). I love having options and choices. and i let all parties know that i am dating others. this makes the art of the purusit on their part competitive.

if ur single, why limit yourself to one? no one said u had to phuck every guy you date, but why limit yourself to just one? its about me, so i make the choice of who i want to be bothered with, etc.

they have options, why can't we? i refuse to subject myself to just "getting to know" one.....

Now that I am getting back into the dating game, it is different for me now. Maybe it's because of my age. I am examining how I've dated in the past and am wondering why I never really liked the idea of dating multiple people? I think it's because usually I end up gravitating towards one guy much more than the others, and in my mind I end up comparing and constrasting how the other guys don't measure up to the 'main guy'.

That's not to say I can't find several guys who I all 'like the same'...it just hasn't ever really happened that way. And I like the idea of you letting them know that you're dating other people. I've done it both ways...explicitly stating that to people I've dated, and not saying anything about it at all. I've found that even when I don't explicitly state it, usually a guy is going to just assume I'm dating other people (cuz that's what they're usually doing lol).

Part of the reason I posted this thread is because I am seeing the benefit of dating multiple people, and am now open to it.

 

[zzirvingj]

I like all of your definitions. I'm like you ZzIrving in that I only like to be dating one person at a time. It can be very time consuming and I like to have a lot of me time and I'm also a homebody so the idea of going out 3,4 times a week just doesn't appeal to me. But I wouldn't mind conversing over the phone with more than one person. I just turned 30 a little over a month ago and I'm starting to feel the desire to really settle down as well so I'm having to psych myself up to be more upfront with men about under what circumstances I will continue to date them. Long term relationship isn't even an option at this point. Like you said, Ediese, it's time to start filtering through the dating pool to find the right guy who is also ready to settle down right now instead of 5 - 10 years down the line.

I'm glad you can relate...one thing I notice about dating multiple guys is that when guys know there is competition, they get competitive lol. If they're insecure they eliminate themselves from the competition without you even having to worry about eliminating them yourself...

 

[qchelle]

Dating, to me, is getting to know someone on a more personal level to either a) enter into an exclusive relationship or b) continue just having fun. Does not automatically imply sex. Cuddling would be nice though

I've never made a conscious decision to date 'for marriage' but when I'm in exclusive relationships he always has to have what I want in a guy/admirable qualities, etc.

I'm currently dating 2 guys. One is much older than what I'm used to...and he acts like it...can you say boring? I mean I guess he's not boring...he's normal...I'm just goofy as hell and I like my menfolk to be somewhat (not 'as') looneytunes too. But he's older so it's fun...so he can stay for a while

Anyway, we'll see where it goes.

I'm 20.

 

[Ediese]

I'm glad you can relate...one thing I notice about dating multiple guys is that when guys know there is competition, they get competitive lol. If they're insecure they eliminate themselves from the competition without you even having to worry about eliminating them yourself...

Really? I've actually had the exact opposite happen. They do get competitive, but in the instance of them wanting to 'win' instead of the other guy. That makes them bring out their A game.

 

[zzirvingj]

Really? I've actually had the exact opposite happen. They do get competitive, but in the instance of them wanting to 'win' instead of the other guy. That makes them bring out their A game.

Yeah, I've had the same thing happen, too. Let me clarify: I was saying that when there's competition, either 1 of 2 things usually happens. The competitive ones step up their game, and the insecure/non-competitive ones drop off, eliminating themselves from the competition.

 

[WhoIAm]

Dating is like going to a fine dining establishment, say Chili's (lol). On Monday, I get a salad, Tuesday, the pasta, Wednesday, a chicken entree and On Thursday, a NY strip. By Saturday, I have decided I like the NY strip the best and will order only that going forward. Ordering the salad everyday limits my knowledge of other viable menu options.

Excuse the food analogies, I promise I'm not hungry. It's the first thing that came to mind.

The key is to date like a man and not feel bad about it. Balance and adjust your rotation as needed and don't let one person hog all your time.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

reading this makes me feel old school. i don't just think the age of the woman is important, as women are generally more mature. i think the age of men is meaningful as well. at least this seems to be a factor in my situation. as for the question, i couldn't do it. i'd feel some kind of way.

fyi: I'm 26, in a serious relationship in which "intentions" of marriage were brought up (by the guy) after 2 months of dating (and no, this wasn't a cheap ploy to get me into bed. not a thing until that bling).

 

[qchelle]

reading this makes me feel old school. i don't just think the age of the woman is important, as women are generally more mature. i think the age of men is meaningful as well. at least this seems to be a factor in my situation. as for the question, i couldn't do it. i'd feel some kind of way.

fyi: I'm 26, in a serious relationship in which "intentions" of marriage were brought up (by the guy) after 2 months of dating (and no, this wasn't a cheap ploy to get me into bed. not a thing until that bling).

There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

My mom taught me that dating is "gathering data" in consideration of that person for marriage. My definition doesn't stray from that, but one thing I quickly learned about myself is that I'm reluctant to date someone soon after meeting them. I have a screening process before I date someone. I prefer to be friends first and get to know them on a nonromantic level before going further. IMO this saves a lot of grief and uncomfortable moments down the line if we there are any deal breakers I'd otherwise overlook.

As for dating only one person, I used to be firmly for that. But I'm in grad school now, my time is valuable/limited and if/when I enter into an exclusive relationship I want to be sure it's with the right person. Also I'm only 22, I want to explore and get to know as many people as I can.

 

[Bnster]

41 as of today . Education and career was the upmost importance to me in my younger yrs and I excluded guys from the equation I didn't want any distraction from my goals. 33 I opened myself up to dating with no game plan and since then ended up in two long term relationships without much exposure to different guys.

Some people are relationship smart, unfortunately I am not. Something my degree didn't prepare me for. SMH. If the opportunity allows it and I am able to date several guys around the same time, multiple dating is sounding more appealing to me. I won't woe myself over past decisions and knowing hence forth I can't afford any more follies because time is ticking and I can't get it back. Thanks for the topic, it will help settle my mind on dating multiple people as not being cheated on if all parties are aware of their standing and how you handle the situation. Now if you are in an exclusive relationship and the other party is seeing someone on the side someone doesn't know the meaning of exclusive.

 

[ArrrBeee]

41 as of today . Education and career was the upmost importance to me in my younger yrs and I excluded guys from the equation I didn't want any distraction from my goals. 33 I opened myself up to dating with no game plan and since then ended up in two long term relationships without much exposure to different guys.

Some people are relationship smart, unfortunately I am not. Something my degree didn't prepare me for. SMH. If the opportunity allows it and I am able to date several guys around the same time, multiple dating is sounding more appealing to me. I won't woe myself over past decisions and knowing hence forth I can't afford any more follies because time is ticking and I can't get it back. Thanks for the topic, it will help settle my mind on dating multiple people as not being cheated on if all parties are aware of their standing and how you handle the situation. Now if you are in an exclusive relationship and the other party is seeing someone on the side someone doesn't know the meaning of exclusive.

Happy Birthday! You set the tone for how you want your dating relationships to go. If a guy can't deal with the fact that he isn't the only one ( and you are not always available- hint, hint) he can kick rocks.

Go out and just enjoy yourself.

 

[ParagonTresses]

What does "dating" mean to you?

Dating for me means getting to know more deeply about someone you are attracted to. I don't use the term though because people have such vast interpretations of the word. So I make sure I use the term "friend" when speaking to/about my interests.

Are you currently dating? If so, do you date multiple people at the same time? Do you enjoy dating more than one person at a time?

I am currently in the "getting to know you phase" with two guys. No, I can't say that I "like" it. I am open to conversing with more than one man at one time but my tendency is to cut ties with those I'm not "feeling" pretty quickly. The problem with this is that I tend to hold on to the one I'm most physically attracted to and don't give the others a fair chance.

If you're comfortable doing so, please include your age.

I am 29. I was in a serious relationship for years that ended this summer, just getting back into the "dating scene" and as some of you stated, am more interested in marriage then simply a monogamous long term relationship, but I'll continue to take my time. Not going to force something that isn't there.

 

[Bnster]

ArrrBeee Time to get them to kick some rocks and thanks for the b-day wishes!

 

[hairoffire]

i am 36, soon to be 37 at the end of this month. my definition of dating has changed along the years. for me it used to be-meet a guy, talk for a while, and then..."we go together". so needless to say i went form LTR to LTR. now my definition of dating has changed. i see dating as exploring your options while you're still able to think logically instead of emotionally. and i think dating multiple people at the same time is a good way of doing that.

i have just recently went from being in LTR with who i thought was the love of my life, to just being "friends" erplexed . add to that i have found out that he is dating too. this makes re-evaluate how i spend my time and how precious my time is. had i been dating other people before deciding to enter into a committed relationship, maybe i would have seen signs that this wasn't going to work out. maybe i would have found someone better suited for me. maybe this would have turned out exactly the same. who knows? but i do know i am no longer willing to devote my time & attention to just one man until i am sure he is worthy of it, and that he is willing to do the same for me. so from here on out, i will be dating multiple people.

also, since my judgment can't be trusted (i am like Bnster; i'm not relationship smart), i intend to also wait until God gives me clear sign of who to devote my affections to. i mean, beat me over the head, flashing neon lights kinda sign. an audible declaration would be even better. i have found that i tend to be a poor judge of character; i pick men who seem to have it all together, but just are not able to go the distance. so i'm going to let God direct me to my future mate instead of relying on my own faulty intuition. .