The danger in lacking purpose...

[Fine 4s]

I used to think that starting a relationship without declaring an end goal was romantic. I pictured two people, just friends hanging out who suddenly become overwhelmed by a strong desire to be together to commit to each other and to make that other person the focus in their life. It happens organically...

I now see the danger in this. It is easy for one or both people to feel as though, they were never really CHOSEN, that the relationship changed into a romantic one not on purpose but by convenience. Day-to-day activities lose meaning and going-with-the-flow becomes the norm.

Suddenly it becomes obvious. Situations reveal that one or both members did not enter the 'relationship' with purpose, decisiveness and with equal commitment. How you approach challenges, prioritize, make decisions or demonstrate commitment suddenly is questionable.

Who knew that when a child cried out “s/he hit me on purpose!” actually had value. Now I'll know to answer "At least it wasn't an accident."


Just thoughts...

 

[Keshieshimmer]

um, great post. I tend to have some sort of goal in mind so a few weeks or months down the line, I am not surprised by my partner saying "this was just supposed to be fun."

However I don't set this goal until I have a good feeling about the person or the person has many qualities that I want in a long term relationship.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I whole heartedly agree with the op. When I met my now fiance, we both discussed what we wanted before we started an actual relationship. We didnt even sleep together until we established something. I am not afraid to talk about that with any man. I am not a go with the flow type of woman anyway. I know what I want and I sought someone who was on the same page.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Lol...I married him/her on purpose vs. I thought he/she wanted to (__)but instead after x amount of time I found out he/she only wanted to (__).

I have found those with purpose seem to want an end goal with more value. It's those who never state the purpose that are usually those who were just looking to have a good time..."let's just have fun and see where it goes" never really arrives to any destination.

For me...I had a definite purpose and waited until I found the person with the same stated purpose. We went into the relationship knowing our end game. Even though his timeline was a bit shorter than mine...I'm still good with it.

 

[hair_rehab]

I feel a little sad that I just figured that out just a few months ago. I feel I could have avoided a lot of bad encounters (I can't even call them relationships) if I had a higher standard in the past. I think loneliness, discontentment, and obsession with looks and material things often clouded my judgement when it came to men. I tried my hardest to stay pure and wondered why I always failed at it, but it was because I still operated with a worldly mindset.

 

[Softerlove]

Bumping, this is something that you truly understand when you take time to learn others. Great post OP.

 

[LoveisYou]

I think all of our relationships both platonic and romantic should have purpose. When we don't know the purpose of something we usually misuse it, which is what often happens in today's dating culture. People say they are just hanging out or hooking up or just getting to know each other to "see where it goes." Yet seeing where it goes often ends up in miscommunication, hurt feelings, one-sided relationships, broken hearts and bruised self esteems. I think at some point (early as possibly) two people should be able to sit down and talk about the purpose of their relationship.

 

[tinkat]

I think all of our relationships both platonic and romantic should have purpose. When we don't know the purpose of something we usually misuse it, which is what often happens in today's dating culture. People say they are just hanging out or hooking up or just getting to know each other to "see where it goes." Yet seeing where it goes often ends up in miscommunication, hurt feelings, one-sided relationships, broken hearts and bruised self esteems. I think at some point (early as possibly) two people should be able to sit down and talk about the purpose of their relationship.

I totally agree.

This is a good topic.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

Great OP. Just set off a light bulb...

 

[calmsensual1]

I'm married now but me and my husband started off as a "let's see where it goes" thing.
He had just gotten out of a bad relationship though so I can see why he said that.

I think our marriage is fine and we both work equally hard at it. However, I was thinking about this the other day. If I were single now, there's no way I would ever be with someone who can't declare goals in their relationships with others. It's one of those "if I knew then what i know now" situations.

 

[OhmyKimB]

I'm bumping this because this is a great topic! I am going to try this before my next relationship or my next encounter.

 

[Onhergrind09]

This thread has some awesome comments! I learned this lesson the hard way in my last relationship. I learned that it's not enough to discuss where you're going as a couple and verbally agree on your end goal, but you've got to watch your partners actions to know if their walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Listen to your instincts and don't open yourself up too early. We are all precious gems and the people we get into relationships (platonic or romantic) with should have to earn a spot into our trusted circle of friends, they shouldn't be automatically granted one. Despite the fact that we don't always feel like it, there is no rush-take your time getting to know someone. Enjoy the dating process and don't just rush towards getting booed up. Time more so than any other factor will tell you all you need to know about someone.

 

[ChasingBliss]

This thread has some awesome comments! I learned this lesson the hard way in my last relationship. I learned that it's not enough to discuss where you're going as a couple and verbally agree on your end goal, but you've got to watch your partners actions to know if their walking the walk and not just talking the talk. Listen to your instincts and don't open yourself up too early. We are all precious gems and the people we get into relationships (platonic or romantic) with should have to earn a spot into our trusted circle of friends, they shouldn't be automatically granted one. Despite the fact that we don't always feel like it, there is no rush-take your time getting to know someone. Enjoy the dating process and don't just rush towards getting booed up. Time more so than any other factor will tell you all you need to know about someone.

Beautifully stated. Truth! The bolded is the crux of it all.