The Bottom Line On Black Male/Female Relationships:

[Iammoney]

The Bottom Line--if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he's through. He isn’t sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it
felt scratching it. He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth. Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we are about.

Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship". Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her
life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The "other woman" is
not breaking up a "happy home". Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk
down the aisle didn't change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long. Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening. All of us BM do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and
encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT. Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he treat other people?

Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes. If he says, "I'm not lookin' for nothing right now" -- DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt. I can change his mind.." NO YOU CAN'T. He said
exactly what the hell he meant. BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.
If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now? there's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself -- sexually AND emotionally.

Show our *** the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone. After you give our *** some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works, baby.

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a damn thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same
as I am. Blaming the man won't change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take
SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying....

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T
WANT TO A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS? BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR P*ZZY IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.
Written and submitted anonymously to the BlackVoices.com messageboard, author unknown

 

[moonglowdiva]

This is something to ponder long and hard on.

 

[nappysunflowers]

I hope a lot more LHCF members read this. This is the number one reason I am on the abstinence challenge...

 

[TayMac]

Good information but many women who need it won't be able to absorb it if their mind isn't right.

 

[Bunny77]

I don't see what this has to do with black male/black female relationships specifically... good info, but what does black have to do with anything?

 

[NYAmicas]

Good information but many women who need it won't be able to absorb it if their mind isn't right.

ITA! I've observed and met a lot of females in my area that would just glaze over this info without a care. Great read.

 

[delp]

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR P*ZZY IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.


If I am not mistaken most black women already do that. The difficulty comes with asking the same in return.

 

[laCriolla]

this is good re: how some men think, and women should know that but
where is male accountability? there is no mention which leads me to believe this is from the point of view that it is only the woman's job to make sure she is respected, and that a man's behavior ('scratching an itch') is perfectly acceptable as long as a woman understands that's his nature ... ??


if that's true how will things ever get better. men and women should respect themselves and each other.

can someone help me out on this one? because i just dont get it.

 

[laCriolla]

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR P*ZZY IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT.


If I am not mistaken most black women already do that. The difficulty comes with asking the same in return.

exactly! ita

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't see what this has to do with black male/black female relationships specifically... good info, but what does black have to do with anything?

My feelings exactly. What does being black have to do with any of this?

Oh, and hey Bunny!

 

[nappysunflowers]

It may not apply to anyone here, or it may not that on point with BW/BM relationships, but the fact is there are WAY WAY WAY too many black women doing what he is talking about...

 

[Iammoney]

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[bftscgirl]

I think that this topic has mainly to do with BM/BF relationship strictly of the basis that the majority of the women(I assume) that make up this site are black females, so of course the topic will be gear toward us. Because at the end of the day other women in terms of racial and nationalistic identity is really of no concern of ours. And further still the continuous railing on and on why we are not in long term relationships and trying to figure out why when we(Black women) do find someone to spend time with it is so fleeting.

Finally the bottom line is to some extent it is true. We as women(Black women) have begun to devalue ourselves in an attempt to find love and acceptance and all that I has done is confirmed some of the misconceptions about us and pulled us further and further away from our goal and our authentic selves.

 

[chicacanella]

I think that this topic has mainly to do with BM/BF relationship strictly of the basis that the majority of the women(I assume) that make up this site are black females, so of course the topic will be gear toward us. Because at the end of the day other women in terms of racial and nationalistic identity is really of no concern of ours. And further still the continuous railing on and on why we are not in long term relationships and trying to figure out why when we(Black women) do find someone to spend time with it is so fleeting.

Finally the bottom line is to some extent it is true. We as women(Black women) have begun to devalue ourselves in an attempt to find love and acceptance and all that I has done is confirmed some of the misconceptions about us and pulled us further and further away from our goal and our authentic selves.

I agree, he said some real stuff too.

 

[MuseofTroy]

This is a fantastic post but sadly so many women are so hard headed and stupid when it comes to relationsihps. They will read this advice and think that they are the exception to the rule. If women started valuing themselves and stop giving the time and day to mediocre men then their lives would be much happier.