lawyer2be371
New Member
Something I wrote on my facebook page last night, had to get off my chest, so now I'm sharing here.......
The Biker "Priest" died today (he lived across the street from the daycare). Although I didn't know him well my heart is heavy on this evening. I have been thinking a lot lately about death, maybe it’s because on April 1st, it will be 9 years since my father passed on. Ironically this is the day that I have planned to dye my hair, turning a new leaf…….I have convinced myself.
But as I sat in the van watching the family come and go, and family members shed tears. I begin to cry. Maybe I'm just a big baby, but I felt their pain the anguish of losing someone that you hold dear.
I reflect on the day that my father died, I was playing spades with friends and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, like my heart had dropped. I continued the game and went home. I checked my messages and all my sisters and brothers had called. The messages were a little odd because nobody told me what they wanted. So I called my parent's house, and Gina told me what everybody wanted too. She said, "Anna, Mr. Austin died". Shock and anger, resentment quickly overwhelmed me. And I cried and I cried and I cried. That was the worse feeling ever.
And it was on that day April 1st 2000, that I accepted the limits of MAN!
Many times we become overwhelmed with achievements, monetary gains, fame, and love. We live each day trying to maintain, sustain or overcome. But on that day, I realized that no matter how much fame a person has, how many riches untold a person achieves, no matter how advance technology becomes, man will still be MAN! Because if Bill Gates loses his mother, with all the money that he has, he becomes just like me. If Oprah Winfrey loses her mother, with all the money she has it becomes worthless because she STILL can't bring her mother back. DEATH is the END!! The finale......And no matter were we find ourselves when it comes is were our stories will end.
On April 1st, 2000 I would have given anything to have him back for just a day a few hours, as I rationalized with myself over his death. I asked God, over and over why....now,...why not later! I hadn't graduated from college, I wanted that approval, to show my daddy I would finish..it just seemed unfair. But then again I was focusing on ME! And I heard a song, that Twinkie Clark sang, very simple song.....Accept What God Allows, Even when you don't know why? And I listen to that song over and over until it finally sunk in. Death is something that I have always struggled with, one of the reasons why I don't like getting close to people because of that shadow of uncertainty. When my father died, it seemed the Angel of Death just would not leave, because in that year, I lost two uncles, a cousin (one of my father's favorite), a godfather, and my male best friend.
I went searching for my biological mother a few years back, and I found the technology highway the internet that she had passed away. You talk about a sister that was ticked off. It came to me in a dream to look for her. I spent $90.00 dollars to find out that it was too late. I questioned God once again, why did he place it on my heart to look for her if he knew that she was gone. I sat and I let my mind reflect on where I was when she died. And I remembered so clearly the mess I was in at that time. It all seemed small in unimportant. I visualized in my head what I would have said, what I wanted to say to her but my opportunity had slipped away. So I hold on to the memories that I do have of her, and I listen closely to stories that my biological sisters have of her and I found peace.
In this day of age many of us have shed tears for love one's that have gone on. It's an uncomfortable topic Death, but it's the ONE true GUARANTEE out of life.
But I realized today that the time that we have on this earth is so precious, and we shouldn't sit idle by and let life overwhelm us. They say it’s a recession, but God’s grace is sustaining. (you doubt that GOD is sustaining, your reading this right?, well God is sustaining! It’s your life he sustaining)And if you are blessed to still be here, when others have gone on. It's a reason. God does not make a mistake. So don't let the trials of life kill your spirit. God is the only giver of life and death; your circumstances are not.
LIVE, LIVE…..and LIVE…..while you have the breath of life. Forgive those who have used and abused you. Forgive them all liars, back stabbers, heart breakers. Love again, because God is LOVE. Take the time to visit that friend that God has placed on your heart. And you keep telling God in a minute, because you’re just to busy with the formalities of life. What ministries’ have God put in (not on) your heart to do, and keep saying tomorrow……What if today was your last day? What works have you left undone. There are no guarantee's in our life down here, but Jesus said, John 14:1-6 (King James Version)
John 14: 1-6
1Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Lately, I have been struggling with my personal issues, loving and not having it return. Going out of my way to do for other’s and still their content can not be found. Asking Lawd, where is my husband (LOL) But I accept it all, because I was not put here for my own glory, but God’s. I have been blessed with the capacity to truly LOVE in spite of it all, so I embrace the gift….. And as long as I continue doing my father’s work, My father’(s) will not find me with my work undone.
So I encourage all of you, as I encourage myself to Stand Tall, Stay Focus and continue the works of the Lord, and if you have not started………START!!!!
God’s grace is sufficient, now his PATIENCE……..well, that’s another NOTE!!
So I have cried today, thought of the loved one’s I lost, and as a child with the a security blanket, soothed my heart this evening with memories of them………….I am ready to go on……….
The Biker "Priest" died today (he lived across the street from the daycare). Although I didn't know him well my heart is heavy on this evening. I have been thinking a lot lately about death, maybe it’s because on April 1st, it will be 9 years since my father passed on. Ironically this is the day that I have planned to dye my hair, turning a new leaf…….I have convinced myself.
But as I sat in the van watching the family come and go, and family members shed tears. I begin to cry. Maybe I'm just a big baby, but I felt their pain the anguish of losing someone that you hold dear.
I reflect on the day that my father died, I was playing spades with friends and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, like my heart had dropped. I continued the game and went home. I checked my messages and all my sisters and brothers had called. The messages were a little odd because nobody told me what they wanted. So I called my parent's house, and Gina told me what everybody wanted too. She said, "Anna, Mr. Austin died". Shock and anger, resentment quickly overwhelmed me. And I cried and I cried and I cried. That was the worse feeling ever.
And it was on that day April 1st 2000, that I accepted the limits of MAN!
Many times we become overwhelmed with achievements, monetary gains, fame, and love. We live each day trying to maintain, sustain or overcome. But on that day, I realized that no matter how much fame a person has, how many riches untold a person achieves, no matter how advance technology becomes, man will still be MAN! Because if Bill Gates loses his mother, with all the money that he has, he becomes just like me. If Oprah Winfrey loses her mother, with all the money she has it becomes worthless because she STILL can't bring her mother back. DEATH is the END!! The finale......And no matter were we find ourselves when it comes is were our stories will end.
On April 1st, 2000 I would have given anything to have him back for just a day a few hours, as I rationalized with myself over his death. I asked God, over and over why....now,...why not later! I hadn't graduated from college, I wanted that approval, to show my daddy I would finish..it just seemed unfair. But then again I was focusing on ME! And I heard a song, that Twinkie Clark sang, very simple song.....Accept What God Allows, Even when you don't know why? And I listen to that song over and over until it finally sunk in. Death is something that I have always struggled with, one of the reasons why I don't like getting close to people because of that shadow of uncertainty. When my father died, it seemed the Angel of Death just would not leave, because in that year, I lost two uncles, a cousin (one of my father's favorite), a godfather, and my male best friend.
I went searching for my biological mother a few years back, and I found the technology highway the internet that she had passed away. You talk about a sister that was ticked off. It came to me in a dream to look for her. I spent $90.00 dollars to find out that it was too late. I questioned God once again, why did he place it on my heart to look for her if he knew that she was gone. I sat and I let my mind reflect on where I was when she died. And I remembered so clearly the mess I was in at that time. It all seemed small in unimportant. I visualized in my head what I would have said, what I wanted to say to her but my opportunity had slipped away. So I hold on to the memories that I do have of her, and I listen closely to stories that my biological sisters have of her and I found peace.
In this day of age many of us have shed tears for love one's that have gone on. It's an uncomfortable topic Death, but it's the ONE true GUARANTEE out of life.
But I realized today that the time that we have on this earth is so precious, and we shouldn't sit idle by and let life overwhelm us. They say it’s a recession, but God’s grace is sustaining. (you doubt that GOD is sustaining, your reading this right?, well God is sustaining! It’s your life he sustaining)And if you are blessed to still be here, when others have gone on. It's a reason. God does not make a mistake. So don't let the trials of life kill your spirit. God is the only giver of life and death; your circumstances are not.
LIVE, LIVE…..and LIVE…..while you have the breath of life. Forgive those who have used and abused you. Forgive them all liars, back stabbers, heart breakers. Love again, because God is LOVE. Take the time to visit that friend that God has placed on your heart. And you keep telling God in a minute, because you’re just to busy with the formalities of life. What ministries’ have God put in (not on) your heart to do, and keep saying tomorrow……What if today was your last day? What works have you left undone. There are no guarantee's in our life down here, but Jesus said, John 14:1-6 (King James Version)
John 14: 1-6
1Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
Lately, I have been struggling with my personal issues, loving and not having it return. Going out of my way to do for other’s and still their content can not be found. Asking Lawd, where is my husband (LOL) But I accept it all, because I was not put here for my own glory, but God’s. I have been blessed with the capacity to truly LOVE in spite of it all, so I embrace the gift….. And as long as I continue doing my father’s work, My father’(s) will not find me with my work undone.
So I encourage all of you, as I encourage myself to Stand Tall, Stay Focus and continue the works of the Lord, and if you have not started………START!!!!
God’s grace is sufficient, now his PATIENCE……..well, that’s another NOTE!!
So I have cried today, thought of the loved one’s I lost, and as a child with the a security blanket, soothed my heart this evening with memories of them………….I am ready to go on……….
