Teen Hair Care - Help!

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Hi All,
I have my DH's teenage niece staying with us for the summer. Her dad is black and her mom is Jewish, and her hair is damaged. She appears to have a 4a/3c mix, but the heat damage to her hair is so extensive it's difficult to tell. She's been doing her own hair for about 3 years now and has completely broken it off due to some heavy-duty blowdrying and flatironing and experimentation with hair color. I don't even know where to start. She is asking for guidance but there are a LOT of issues (help with any would be great)

1) She thinks she has "bad hair." I hear comments like "I tell my mom all the time I wish I'd gotten her hair" and "I just don't have the patience to deal with my hair"

2) She is dying for long hair. She had it as a child and of course has done so much to her hair it is about SL and up due to the breakage. She no longer wants to wear her natural curls because she says her hair is too short (basically it would be a curly fro).

3) She's a bit headstrong. She's asking for help, but is a bit of a know-it-all--a phase I clearly remember as a teen!

4) She feels like she HAS to blowdry and flatiron or she feels she doesn't look good. She also feels she doesn't look good with her hair blown dry and flatironed. She has a ton of heat damage and breakage.

I've told her (because she asked me how I got my hair so long) that it takes primarily a lot of patience and consistency for a good regimen. The issue is, I also know it takes A LOT of trial and error, and I don't know if a month in the summer is long enough to find a regimen that's going to work for her.

Are there any moms of teens on the board with some insight? I'm not that familiar with using heat to straighten hair and how to do that without (further) damaging the hair. I don't think I'll convince her to stop with all the excessive heat. This is a situation where I *know* what to do, but not how to go about doing it. TIA!

 

[winona]

I want to know to. My mom called me yesterday crying ( I thought something was really going down; she is a bit dramatic). My niece who always had the long beautiful hair was in trouble her hair has become shot and broken She stays too far away for me to do it for her so I plan on keeping it simple as possible. Washing in sections, washing with diluted poo 1X a week protein dc and moisture dc, apply leave in and seal with light oil, bun bun bun with banana clip

 

[frizzy]

A month is not enough time to get her hair in order, but it's enough time for a good start on teaching her how to get healthy hair. She needs the basics to start with, protein and moisture. Then moisture, moisture, moisture.

She needs your help to find a hair style she likes so that she will leave the blowfryer and flatiron alone. I'm sure a good trimming of her ends will help with the overall look, too.

Good luck! This made me think about my niece's head.

ETA--let her know also that she may have to sacrifice "looking good" for a minute in order to get her hair in order. Show her some Youtubers with short curly hair to help her love the hair she has, and how pretty natural hair is.

 

[Fhrizzball]

When my niece's hair was damaged we just cut off all the salvageable ends and then put her in braids/crochet/cornrows/rollersets until it got to a good length. If that's not possible perhaps just gradually trim away the splits and damage. I would throw in some protein and DC treatments as well and instead of using heat see if curl sets/rollersetting followed by a saran wrap does anything to help. The children section may help you out as well.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

I have a young adult DD and a teen DD, so I know what you mean about being a know-it-all, lol. My DDs both wear buns 90% of the time, and their hair benefits greatly. It's too hot for blowdrying/flatironing anyways. Bottom line, condition and bun, bun and condition. If her hair is broken off along the hairline, wear an elastic headband around the perimeter to keep the strays in. HTH

 

[LiftedUp]

I DCed and rollerset weekly as a teen. Maybe she can practice while she's at your house. That way she can get straight hair while keeping it healthy.

I'm no longer a teen of course but that was one of the best things my mom insisted that I do once I relaxed.

 

[qchelle]

If she likes it straight, why don't yall just relax it? Frying every day seems to be counterproductive...

 

[sapphire18]

I'm not a mom but I am a teenager. I think her hair can still be straightened and not cause much more damage. My mother's hair is mostly type 2 but a small section of her hair is type 3 and she just cannot use a blow dryer on that section without causing a lot of brakeage. I put her hair in a ponytail and pin it down with hairpins to air dry. I comb her hair out once it is dry. Her hair looks almost straight after this. Sometimes if she wants to wear her hair stick straight she lightly flat irons. Your niece will most likely need a trim if her hair is damaged. When it came to trimming the damage from my own hair I did not want to lose too much length but I decided to trim 1/4 inch of my hair a month until the damage is gone. But some of the damage may be further up the shaft already. I have instructions on how I trim split ends that are further up the hair shaft on my blog. Here is the link. A leave in conditioner applied to her hair after every wash and sealed with oil will reduce some of the volume. Your niece may need a deep conditioner with both protein and moisture in it.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I have a young adult DD and a teen DD, so I know what you mean about being a know-it-all, lol. My DDs both wear buns 90% of the time, and their hair benefits greatly. It's too hot for blowdrying/flatironing anyways. Bottom line, condition and bun, bun and condition. If her hair is broken off along the hairline, wear an elastic headband around the perimeter to keep the strays in. HTH

This is actually how I got my hair so long and I've shared this with her, but she's a little wary of wearing her hair like that so much.

I DCed and rollerset weekly as a teen. Maybe she can practice while she's at your house. That way she can get straight hair while keeping it healthy.

I'm no longer a teen of course but that was one of the best things my mom insisted that I do once I relaxed.

I have her interested in this option. Lacio Lacio gives me relaxer-like results just from being under the dryer. The only thing is that I'm not sure how reversion-proof this is in summer humidity. We'll have to see. Thanks!

If she likes it straight, why don't yall just relax it? Frying every day seems to be counterproductive...

I doubt given the damage that her hair will stand up to relaxing. Remember, she also has color damage. I also don't think she has the discipline for a healthy relaxed regimen--which would require re-relaxing. I should add she's from Cali, where, for some reason, professional haircare is riDICulously expensive.

Great suggestions all (well, except for the relaxing--but only because I don't think her particular hair is ready for that).

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

I'd get her some individual braids to wear for the rest of the summer, and suggest she keep her hair in braids for awhile to let it grow out. Individual braids can be fun, ans she can "style" them like she would her own hair. Also gives her temporary length to play with. Share the Crown and Glory Method with her. Trim a bit prior to installing a new set. easy to find cheap but good braiders in cali, just can't be scared to venture into the 'hood, and sit in somebody's living room to get your hair did, LOL.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I'd get her some individual braids to wear for the rest of the summer, and suggest she keep her hair in braids for awhile to let it grow out. Individual braids can be fun, ans she can "style" them like she would her own hair. Also gives her temporary length to play with. Share the Crown and Glory Method with her. Trim a bit prior to installing a new set. easy to find cheap but good braiders in cali, just can't be scared to venture into the 'hood, and sit in somebody's living room to get your hair did, LOL.

Eh...without saying what I wanna say...no. LOL I hope you get my meaning!

 

[Miss*Tress]

I want to know to. My mom called me yesterday crying ( I thought something was really going down; she is a bit dramatic). My niece who always had the long beautiful hair was in trouble her hair has become shot and broken She stays too far away for me to do it for her so I plan on keeping it simple as possible. Washing in sections, washing with diluted poo 1X a week protein dc and moisture dc, apply leave in and seal with light oil, bun bun bun with banana clip

That isn't all that simple, winona. Do you think your niece stick with all of that?

Don't get me wrong: for us on the forum, that is pretty simple, but someone who isn't into hair like us may think that is too much.

 

[CurlyLawGal]

I don't have a teen daughter, but I DID transition from relaxed to natural when I was in about 19, so I had a similar mindset/experience. I conditioned and bunned like crazy back then (at the time, I didn't know I was protective styling). I would spice up my messy bun with a cute and colorful satin scarf (it actually became my signature look!).

Also, my hairdresser cut my hair into long layers. That way, I could keep my length and still get rid of the damaged ends. Good luck!!

 

[winona]

That isn't all that simple, winona. Do you think your niece stick with all of that?

Don't get me wrong: for us on the forum, that is pretty simple, but someone who isn't into hair like us may think that is too much.

Thank you Miss*Tress

I think I will revamp it. Remembering where I was just a year ago

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I'm thinking we should go with baby steps. So far she's been wearing her hair up since she's been with us. Not necessarily bunning but close enough--for now. I want her to try the CG method, but honestly, it didn't work for me and she is skeeved by the CO washing (white mom). So, I need to get her a gentle shampoo--sulfate free maybe? And a good conditioner. She came with some (I believe) petrolatum-based Optimum drugstore product for a daily moisturizer (which she says she bought because it was cheap) and some silicone serum from Redken, I think. I'm not sure what she needs to get for daily moisture, but I definitely think those two things are not the business. Any suggestions? I'm going to set her hair and see how she likes it. Then I'm going to encourage her to bun it up. I didn't bun every day, but I would say 80%. I don't know if, as a teen, she will want to do that, but if she wants length, I think that (and putting down the blow dryer) will get her there. Luckily she's from Cali--less humidity, so I think the rollersets will work for her at home.

 

[Miss*Tress]

Thank you Miss*Tress

I think I will revamp it. Remembering where I was just a year ago

One step that could be simplified would entail combining the two types of deep conditioner, say 1/4-1/3 protein and a moisturizing conditioner for the remainder. That way your niece will only have to DC the once and won't overdose on protein.

 

[MsSanz92]

I would say moisturize and deep condition her hair religiously for the meanwhile to improve the health of her hair. A trim would also be a good idea. Once her hair is in a better state, I would suggest a protective style, like braids or a sew in perhaps (most likely the latter since she likes the long hair look and this would give her that option while protecting her real hair) but before that let her know how imperative it is that she takes care of her hair while in the protective style by moisturizing her braids several times a week, and detangling the hair properly when removing protective styles. Once her hair gains some length and health, I would relax it simply because I think that's a better option than constant heat styling and let her get rollersets in between so she's not using so much heat. When she goes back, can you reach out to a stylist or someone trusted near her home town to take care of her hair? Maybe you can keep in contact with her regularly to help her on her hair care journey.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I would say moisturize and deep condition her hair religiously for the meanwhile to improve the health of her hair. A trim would also be a good idea. Once her hair is in a better state, I would suggest a protective style, like braids or a sew in perhaps (most likely the latter since she likes the long hair look and this would give her that option while protecting her real hair) but before that let her know how imperative it is that she takes care of her hair while in the protective style by moisturizing her braids several times a week, and detangling the hair properly when removing protective styles. Once her hair gains some length and health, I would relax it simply because I think that's a better option than constant heat styling and let her get rollersets in between so she's not using so much heat. When she goes back, can you reach out to a stylist or someone trusted near her home town to take care of her hair? Maybe you can keep in contact with her regularly to help her on her hair care journey.

I actually don't think she needs or wants a relaxer. I'm trying to discourage the heat styling--as best I can. With a teen--and a busy one at that, I just don't know how successful I'll be. I'm going to wash her hair for her (or have her wash it and I'll set it) so I can get a good sense of her true hair texture--although the heat damage will make it difficult.

 

[Spiffy]

I think Teri LeFlesh's method is good for teen girls because it's hard to mess up and they don't have to comb as often.

Here Teri demonstrates her method on a girl with damaged hair.

I would also encourage low-mani styles such as braiding and twisting. Here is a blog wavezncurlz shared featuring a long-haired 'tween' and her mom. She has some nice age appropriate protective styles.

Good luck!

 

[hothair]

Put her on a modified Ateyaa Aphogee regimen, with all the damage she has and the fact she won't stop constant heat styling the protein based regimen should help. I've seen a number of people that got growth with it.

 

[Evolving78]

she has to leave that heat alone. she can learn how to do flexi rod sets or rollersets. i used to use heat once a week, but my hair was cool with that. i would just wrap my hair up so it would stay straight, but i got tired of the heat and wanted to start rollersetting. i would get them tight, so i could wear them in a spiral/soft curl set.

can you get her some WEN or HairOne Olive? it would be nice if she co-washes twice a week and bun, or wear a wash and go. she needs a nice creamy moisturizer and sealer. give her a good trim. her hair will get right in 4 weeks. and the process is easy. she can clarify once a month with shampoo. show her some cute wash and go styles on youtube.

 

[wavezncurlz]

I think Teri LeFlesh's method is good for teen girls because it's hard to mess up and they don't have to comb as often.

Here Teri demonstrates her method on a girl with damaged hair.

I would also encourage low-mani styles such as braiding and twisting. Here is a blog wavezncurlz shared featuring a long-haired 'tween' and her mom. She has some nice age appropriate protective styles.

Good luck!

THanks Spiffy. I really like the tween site. She does a lot of braided/twisted styles that I think teens would like - even if their hair isn't long. My teenage niece is in twists all summer. In the fall, she'll probably do some rollersets and press and curls. She's got really thick and healthy hair due to the protective styling.

 

[ManeStreet]

I was natural through highschool and college. I heat styled once every two weeks. I'd wash deep condition and blow dru and flat iron. During the week I wrapped and wore a satin scarf. I didn't put ANY additional heat on my hair until the next wash day. If I got bored or it got frizzy or puffy during the 2nd week I'd do a braidout on the flatironed hair by braiding it with a little bit of leave in conditioner. Instead of trying to totally change the style she wants, she just needs better practices. And she needs a heat protectant spray. My hair was brastrap and eventually mbl approaching wsl using that regimen. At one point I went to once a week wash/straightening with no issues. Deep conditioning and not using the flat iron and curling iron every day will turn things around.