link to her post: http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-story-when-i-was-single.html
"My story: When I was Single"
(my single days-- 2007!)
Soo, a few of you have asked me about my story and although I've touched on it-- I've never blogged about it. So I want to tell you more about myself so you can understand my perspective when I talk about dating, courting and relationships. Let me be clear with you all.. I was a HOT mess when I was single. I'm not going to try to cover that up. You may hear my story now & say.. wow! She didn't believe in kissing before she got married-- so I'm sure she was always like that. ... Please. So here's my story.
So, I was adopted at the age of 5 months by a Caucasian family. My birth mother (who was mexican/german) and my father (who was african american) didn't think that my mother could get pregnant. Then.. while she was in college--she found out that she was pregnant. Thank God that she decided against abortion. She took the unselfish route & gave me an opportunity at life. So as soon as my birth mother gave birth to me, she gave me to a foster home right away. I know that had to be HARD for her. I couldn't imagine.
My foster mother didn't believe in fat babies, so she fed me 3 bottles a day--one for breakfast, lunch and dinner--so as a growing baby I cried! With all of my crying, she thought that I had Cerebral Palsy. Back then, (1982) they didn't have the tests they have now. There were two families that were looking to adopt me--but the foster family gave the African American family the first opportunity..because they were black. The African American family came to meet me and my foster family explained to them that I may have Cerebral Palsy because I cried all the time & because I was stiff. They passed on me & took an African American boy with severe allergies .. THEN, my mother & father came to look at me & said I WANT her! I don't care what's wrong with her! I will take her! My mother told me that when they called her she picked my older sister up, Kristi & danced with her in excitement. How amazing is that? I was adopted, set apart & chosen by a family. Makes me think of my relationship with Jesus. We were all LOST and without hope..and He died for us so that we may be adopted into His family. We are set apart as Christians. Chosen. Whew.
I wasn't the first child my parents adopted. I was actually number 10. I have 24 sisters and brothers ALL of different nationalities--my mother gave birth to only one of them. About 40% of my family has some type of physical or mental disability. (cystic fibrosis, down syndrome).When my mom was little, she lived across the street from an orphanage and she would visit there everyday and tell them that when she grows up--she's going to go back and adopt them all. .. amazing right??! What blows me away is that my parents always wanted to adopt the child that NOBODY else wanted & that the world rejected. What amazing, unconditional love. I DO want to highlight that my PARENTS are amazing. I was SO loved, so cared for, SO taken care of. I'm BLOWN away by the love they have for me. My father has passed away-- but my mother is still here & is STILL a huge ball of LOVE. I adore her & she's one of my best friends.
Jr high- High School
So I went to an all-white school and me and one other person were the only people of color. I felt so rejected. I never felt pretty enough. I would put super perms in my hair to make it straighter because I thought super meant straighter. I was on a full blown out mission.. to be beautiful. My nose seemed huge so I would dust brown eye shadow on the sides of my nose to make it appear smaller. I hated my "beauty" mark above my lip so I would try to cover it up with makeup. Guys didn't ask me out-- so when someone DID give me attention, I just settled for whoever because it felt good to be wanted.
I grew up in a Christan church. But personally, I didn't learn that I wasn't supposed to not have sex outside of marriage. The church was awesome with volunteering but I didn't learn how .. to live a life of pure worship to Jesus with my heart. My mama told me if I'm going to have sex-- get on birth control. So I did. So pretty much, at this point-- I had soul ties, emotional and physical ties, was jealous, insecure, rejected & confused.
College
Here is where my hot-messness furthered. So now I'm in college and ALL these guys are giving me attention. It was super surprising to me because I had always viewed myself as ugly. I never hung out with African Americans so I thought that I had to "be like" them to get them to like me. Who knows what that meant? I honestly thought black women were mean. Dont' judge me. I grew up much differently. My mom had ALWAYS taught us that WE are all equal & our skin color has nothing to do with it... But some of the girls I met when I first went to college were SO mean to me for NO reason and I was so chipper & nice. lol. Nonetheless, I started getting my crew together & met a ton of friends from all races. I also learned that I cannot take a couple bad apples & generalize a whole race. (Hey, I was 17 at the time. What do you expect?)
I hated to be single. Dating guys gave me a feeling of completion. .. still wasn't a christian even though I "grew" up as one. I couldn't rock that title because I didn't live like it. I lived for myself & my emotions.
In college, I started dating this guy. Our relationship was a hot mess. This guy cheated on me with everything that moved. I stayed in the relationship because.. I "loved" him. Although I didn't know what love was. I didn't know the Author of Love, so thus--I couldn't give what I never knew or understood. The relationship was built on a foundation of self & lies. It was rough and very distracting. Then, we hit rock bottom. The relationship got really bad. So we broke up and I felt abandoned & lost. I knew if I jumped into another relationship that I would only make things worse & then continued to feel God tugging at my heart. I knew that HE wanted all of me. Even as a full blown sinner without Christ, I knew that Jesus had a plan for my life and that He talked to me. So, I went to a church service and I gave my life to Christ in 2003.. fo' real. I went to the Christian bible store & I looked at almost EVERY bible until I found one that I could read. -- I ended up purchasing the Students Life Application bible & I LOVED it. Then, I got a journal & a couple worship CD's.
Then, I started spending time with God every morning. Look, I aint' saying its right-- it's WRONG but even in my sin when I would stay the night with my new little boyfriends I would still wake up, pray in the Holy Spirit, read my bible & study AND take my tail to church. It actually confused my ex boyfriends that I was so determined to go spend time with Jesus. lol. I STILL had date night with Jesus. I still counseled others. I still did all I knew to do as I was pressing towards Christ. I wasn't perfect. I was and AM a hot mess. I am so broken without Christ. I knew that God was changing me into His image & I had such a fire in my belly for Christ. This whole thing.. was a huge process for me.
"My story: When I was Single"
(my single days-- 2007!)
Soo, a few of you have asked me about my story and although I've touched on it-- I've never blogged about it. So I want to tell you more about myself so you can understand my perspective when I talk about dating, courting and relationships. Let me be clear with you all.. I was a HOT mess when I was single. I'm not going to try to cover that up. You may hear my story now & say.. wow! She didn't believe in kissing before she got married-- so I'm sure she was always like that. ... Please. So here's my story.
So, I was adopted at the age of 5 months by a Caucasian family. My birth mother (who was mexican/german) and my father (who was african american) didn't think that my mother could get pregnant. Then.. while she was in college--she found out that she was pregnant. Thank God that she decided against abortion. She took the unselfish route & gave me an opportunity at life. So as soon as my birth mother gave birth to me, she gave me to a foster home right away. I know that had to be HARD for her. I couldn't imagine.
My foster mother didn't believe in fat babies, so she fed me 3 bottles a day--one for breakfast, lunch and dinner--so as a growing baby I cried! With all of my crying, she thought that I had Cerebral Palsy. Back then, (1982) they didn't have the tests they have now. There were two families that were looking to adopt me--but the foster family gave the African American family the first opportunity..because they were black. The African American family came to meet me and my foster family explained to them that I may have Cerebral Palsy because I cried all the time & because I was stiff. They passed on me & took an African American boy with severe allergies .. THEN, my mother & father came to look at me & said I WANT her! I don't care what's wrong with her! I will take her! My mother told me that when they called her she picked my older sister up, Kristi & danced with her in excitement. How amazing is that? I was adopted, set apart & chosen by a family. Makes me think of my relationship with Jesus. We were all LOST and without hope..and He died for us so that we may be adopted into His family. We are set apart as Christians. Chosen. Whew.
I wasn't the first child my parents adopted. I was actually number 10. I have 24 sisters and brothers ALL of different nationalities--my mother gave birth to only one of them. About 40% of my family has some type of physical or mental disability. (cystic fibrosis, down syndrome).When my mom was little, she lived across the street from an orphanage and she would visit there everyday and tell them that when she grows up--she's going to go back and adopt them all. .. amazing right??! What blows me away is that my parents always wanted to adopt the child that NOBODY else wanted & that the world rejected. What amazing, unconditional love. I DO want to highlight that my PARENTS are amazing. I was SO loved, so cared for, SO taken care of. I'm BLOWN away by the love they have for me. My father has passed away-- but my mother is still here & is STILL a huge ball of LOVE. I adore her & she's one of my best friends.
Jr high- High School
So I went to an all-white school and me and one other person were the only people of color. I felt so rejected. I never felt pretty enough. I would put super perms in my hair to make it straighter because I thought super meant straighter. I was on a full blown out mission.. to be beautiful. My nose seemed huge so I would dust brown eye shadow on the sides of my nose to make it appear smaller. I hated my "beauty" mark above my lip so I would try to cover it up with makeup. Guys didn't ask me out-- so when someone DID give me attention, I just settled for whoever because it felt good to be wanted.
I grew up in a Christan church. But personally, I didn't learn that I wasn't supposed to not have sex outside of marriage. The church was awesome with volunteering but I didn't learn how .. to live a life of pure worship to Jesus with my heart. My mama told me if I'm going to have sex-- get on birth control. So I did. So pretty much, at this point-- I had soul ties, emotional and physical ties, was jealous, insecure, rejected & confused.
College
Here is where my hot-messness furthered. So now I'm in college and ALL these guys are giving me attention. It was super surprising to me because I had always viewed myself as ugly. I never hung out with African Americans so I thought that I had to "be like" them to get them to like me. Who knows what that meant? I honestly thought black women were mean. Dont' judge me. I grew up much differently. My mom had ALWAYS taught us that WE are all equal & our skin color has nothing to do with it... But some of the girls I met when I first went to college were SO mean to me for NO reason and I was so chipper & nice. lol. Nonetheless, I started getting my crew together & met a ton of friends from all races. I also learned that I cannot take a couple bad apples & generalize a whole race. (Hey, I was 17 at the time. What do you expect?)
I hated to be single. Dating guys gave me a feeling of completion. .. still wasn't a christian even though I "grew" up as one. I couldn't rock that title because I didn't live like it. I lived for myself & my emotions.
In college, I started dating this guy. Our relationship was a hot mess. This guy cheated on me with everything that moved. I stayed in the relationship because.. I "loved" him. Although I didn't know what love was. I didn't know the Author of Love, so thus--I couldn't give what I never knew or understood. The relationship was built on a foundation of self & lies. It was rough and very distracting. Then, we hit rock bottom. The relationship got really bad. So we broke up and I felt abandoned & lost. I knew if I jumped into another relationship that I would only make things worse & then continued to feel God tugging at my heart. I knew that HE wanted all of me. Even as a full blown sinner without Christ, I knew that Jesus had a plan for my life and that He talked to me. So, I went to a church service and I gave my life to Christ in 2003.. fo' real. I went to the Christian bible store & I looked at almost EVERY bible until I found one that I could read. -- I ended up purchasing the Students Life Application bible & I LOVED it. Then, I got a journal & a couple worship CD's.
Then, I started spending time with God every morning. Look, I aint' saying its right-- it's WRONG but even in my sin when I would stay the night with my new little boyfriends I would still wake up, pray in the Holy Spirit, read my bible & study AND take my tail to church. It actually confused my ex boyfriends that I was so determined to go spend time with Jesus. lol. I STILL had date night with Jesus. I still counseled others. I still did all I knew to do as I was pressing towards Christ. I wasn't perfect. I was and AM a hot mess. I am so broken without Christ. I knew that God was changing me into His image & I had such a fire in my belly for Christ. This whole thing.. was a huge process for me.
Last edited:
1 week after we got married)
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