Stop acting like you are a love psychic: Baggage Reclaim Article

tinkat

tinkat

Well-Known Member
I always read Natalie's blog baggage reclaim. She has great articles and I know some of you are familiar with them. This particular entry made me think of the recent threads on settling or having initial chemistry/attraction with your SO. The older I get the more chemistry becomes overrated and I definitely agree with her article. It made me think about the past encounters with men and how it could have ended earlier if I was not so caught up in the illusion of initial perception vs reality. What are your thoughts?

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/do-...ime-to-stop-acting-like-youre-a-love-psychic/
 
Excellent! Yes, I completely agree with her. This pretty much sums it up: "What you don’t realise if you’re relying on ‘instant’ or very quick attraction, is that you’re saying that you can be attracted to and even fall in love with someone that you don’t know, but that you couldn’t become attracted to and fall in love with someone that you grew to know. Isn’t there something very odd about that? You can fall in love with the promise, but you couldn’t fall for the reality?"

This is why I keep scratching my head when people say I always like guys who don't like me back. I am just like but how can you like someone so much without really knowing them and without knowing they liked you. Like why do women get caught up or crush on some random dude just because he's cute or dresses nice, or has a cool job? You need to know he has good qualities and that he is interested in you first. This will save a lot of women from heart ache.
 
This is a good article. Very good points. I am trying to avoid doing that these days.
I dont want to get bogged down into the theories, though. I want actionable advice to avoid that chemistry rut. The article touches upon that a bit at the end, with the suggestion of group dates to avoid the pressure of dating.

And it's true... Dating is full of pressure. By the time he asks you out one on one, the guys starts putting on his best behavior, and it becomes about telling/showing what you want to hear/see... to secure date 2,3, to get a kiss, etc.

I wish dating in group settings were as easy as they keep suggesting it it. Oh, just go out in groups... But what are those groups? Does this mean introducing him to my friends off the bat? Does that mean him introducing me to his friends off the bat? I mean, i absolutely see the value in getting a second, third assessment of the potential guy from a friend, but I think people are generally more hesitant to open up such aspects of their lives so soon.

So, what do you do? What should you do to remove "dating" as it's commonly defined but still get to know the person as a potential mate?
More phone conversations pre-meeting? Stating that you are just hanging out as friends the first few times, therefore no hand-holding, no kissing, etc? Avoid the usual dinner date scenario? Go out and try things each of you likes? Bring friends on some of the dates? Only hang out in the day time?
 
Great article. Falling in love from the inside out is the better deal. Instant physical attraction is overrated and it can stops many women from thinking logically.
 
hopeful said:
Excellent! Yes, I completely agree with her. This pretty much sums it up: "What you don’t realise if you’re relying on ‘instant’ or very quick attraction, is that you’re saying that you can be attracted to and even fall in love with someone that you don’t know, but that you couldn’t become attracted to and fall in love with someone that you grew to know. Isn’t there something very odd about that? You can fall in love with the promise, but you couldn’t fall for the reality?"

This is why I keep scratching my head when people say I always like guys who don't like me back. I am just like but how can you like someone so much without really knowing them and without knowing they liked you. Like why do women get caught up or crush on some random dude just because he's cute or dresses nice, or has a cool job? You need to know he has good qualities and that he is interested in you first. This will save a lot of women from heart ache.
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Preach!! You and Natalie. I feel like I need to frame this post for when I start dating again.:look:
 
When she meant group settings, I think the point she is making is to observe people in a relaxed setting with no pressure. I also took it as watching how a person interact with people. I am quiet and laid back by nature so that comes easy to me. She has some dating entries to but this is a more self reflective entry I my eyes.
 
I cannot say enough good about Nat. Her blog got me through some tough times. So glad those days are over and I found her site when I did.
 
ChasingBliss said:
I cannot say enough good about Nat. Her blog got me through some tough times. So glad those days are over and I found her site when I did.
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I totally agree. Her blog helped me through a rough patch. Every time fake posts a blog it's right on time for what I need to remember.
 
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