Starting over -- at a lost, just don't know what to do

[Glitter]

Yesterday, I went to the salon to get a relaxer. I was about 5 1/2 months post. I knew I had some damaged ends and that my hair wasn't looking all that great. I don't really spend that much time on my hair. I usually just bun it or put it in a ponytail and walk out the door. I'm always on the go - whether it's my jobs, volunteering, or working out I am constantly moving. Honestly, my hair is very much an afterthought.

I went to a new salon and got a relaxer and a haircut. The cut turned out VERY WELL. I was impressed with the knowledge of my stylist. She showed me where she was cutting and why she was cutting the length she did. She explained her technique to me throughout the cut. I ended up losing about 3 inches all around but my hair looked really nice. I knew my ends were beat up and I don't think it's worth having SL hair if it looks ragged and unprofessional.

After we finished, the stylist sat down with me and had a frank talk about maintaining my hair. She explained that I had a lot of problems with my hair - extreme breakage on one side, product buildup in the new growth, poor technique and little time spent on hair care. The stylist then mentioned that relaxing my hair doesn't mean I get to spend less time on it. She suggested that I spend some time looking at my lifestyle and make some important decisions about what hair styles and routines work best for it. The stylist suggested that I think about transitioning to natural and frequent the salon far more often (every 2-3 weeks) for professional TLC.

At first, I thought the stylist was being greedy but the more I thought about what she said, the more I feel like the stylist is right. For all my time on LHCF, I guess the best hair results when I DON'T handle my hair (when I'm under a weave or go to a stylist on the regular). In fact, my hair problems started when I was younger and started styling my hair. I just feel like an LHCF failure. All the threads I've read and I still can't care for my own hair properly.

It's just so hard. I guess I have to find the time to put myself first and be willing to spend $65-$150/month on my hair. But at the same time, I want to be THAT GIRL and maybe I need to just bite the bullet and accept my DIY haircare days are over.

 

[SmartyPants]

Yesterday, I went to the salon to get a relaxer. I was about 5 1/2 months post. I knew I had some damaged ends and that my hair wasn't looking all that great. I don't really spend that much time on my hair. I usually just bun it or put it in a ponytail and walk out the door. I'm always on the go - whether it's my jobs, volunteering, or working out I am constantly moving. Honestly, my hair is very much an afterthought.

I went to a new salon and got a relaxer and a haircut. The cut turned out VERY WELL. I was impressed with the knowledge of my stylist. She showed me where she was cutting and why she was cutting the length she did. She explained her technique to me throughout the cut. I ended up losing about 3 inches all around but my hair looked really nice. I knew my ends were beat up and I don't think it's worth having SL hair if it looks ragged and unprofessional.

After we finished, the stylist sat down with me and had a frank talk about maintaining my hair. She explained that I had a lot of problems with my hair - extreme breakage on one side, product buildup in the new growth, poor technique and little time spent on hair care. The stylist then mentioned that relaxing my hair doesn't mean I get to spend less time on it. She suggested that I spend some time looking at my lifestyle and make some important decisions about what hair styles and routines work best for it. The stylist suggested that I think about transitioning to natural and frequent the salon far more often (every 2-3 weeks) for professional TLC.

At first, I thought the stylist was being greedy but the more I thought about what she said, the more I feel like the stylist is right. For all my time on LHCF, I guess the best hair results when I DON'T handle my hair (when I'm under a weave or go to a stylist on the regular). In fact, my hair problems started when I was younger and started styling my hair. I just feel like an LHCF failure. All the threads I've read and I still can't care for my own hair properly.

It's just so hard. I guess I have to find the time to put myself first and be willing to spend $65-$150/month on my hair. But at the same time, I want to be THAT GIRL and maybe I need to just bite the bullet and accept my DIY haircare days are over.

It doesn't seem like you can't care for your hair properly, it seems as if you don't make the time to care for it properly. You admit that your hair is not your priority given all of your other committments. That's doesn't make you a failure. If you want healthy hair and your don't have time to care for it yourself, then yes, you will need to pay someone else to care for it.

And, you know what, this is OK where you are at this stage in your life! When you have time to dedicate to taking care of your hair, you will!

 

[Ivy Santolina]

I know how you feel about starting over. I'm feeling that way too. Look at my siggie. Plus, I'm not as busy as you are. So please don't feel like a failure, you're not. You just had a major setback. Also, I'm so happy for you that you found a stylist that wants what is best for you and your hair. She took the time to tell you what was wrong and she gave you possible solutions. If you want to be THAT GIRL then invest the time and money at the salon. I don't think your DIY hair care days are over they're just on hold. I think the stylist wants to get your hair back on the healthy track and teach you DIY hair care skills. Since she was open and honest about what she was doing to your hair I believe she will continue to be open and honest. Once your hair gets back on track I don't think you'll need to visit her as often. By that time she should have taught you some pretty good maintenance tips.

So are you going to go natural?

 

[Platinum]

Don't give up! You can do this. You just have to sit down and try to come up with a plan. You have been here long enough to know that there lots of information here and plenty of success stories. Many ladies, including me, have been in the same situation so don't feel bad. Remember, we're here to help each other.

What are your goals?

ETA: I agree with the other posters. If you don't want or can't commit to the time and effort to maintain your hair, you may have to consider that stylist. She sounds like a pretty good one.

 

[The Princess]

Well, maybe you can incoportate a good moisturizer every day, and just go the the hairdresser once amonth.

Don't give up, its the little things that count. You stated you always on the go, maybe try the baggy method. I hear alot of good things about that.

You will be fine.

 

[Everything Zen]

I know how hard it can be to dedicate the time to your hair, but it sounds like you're not too concerned about a style right now bc of your busy schedule. How often do you shampoo? I would suggest incorporating cowashes into your routine and braiding it up to airdry. I do the same thing for the duration of my relaxer stretches 4.5 or more.

I love taking long showers but the most time consuming part IMO is deep conditioning with heat for an hour or more. Try some other methods of deep conditioning. Put a conditioner or oil on your hair before going to bed and shampooing it out in the am. Also go for deep conditioners that only take a few minutes to work. I use Alter Ego Garlic Treatment (10-15 minutes; put it on, pin the hair up and finish with the rest of your shower), Le Kair Cholesterol Plus (2 min.), etc. Also invest in quality leave-in conditioners.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I think that if you can incorporate some of these things in your routine you might only need to go to a professional for a couple of months until your hair is in better shape. I go to my beautician for relaxers and trims but I always return halfway between relaxers to get a hot oil deep conditioning treatment (not that I couldn't do it at home but it's more for her to assess how my hair is doing). Even after your hair is on the mends check in with a professional every so often to see how you're doing.

Good luck!