Starting A Long Distance Relationship

[MaryJane3000]

I met this guy and we hit it off…sparks flying very compatible, didn’t make the same mistake as my last relationship and I probed all of those deal breaker questions very early on, lol. I’m not the type to really get into a guy early on, it takes me a while to warm up, but something about this guy I just really like. I have very good vibes…unfortunately when I met him it was on the night he was celebrating his moving back to NY. We’ve been talking on the phone everyday and he came down and visited me one weekend and I’m doing the same this weekend but I’m starting to feel like what’s the point…where can this really go? I asked him the same question and he was just like so what, it’s only a bus ride away and one of us will just have to eventually move. I think long distance relationships can work if you have a set time frame and if you built something together before the person moved away, but this I feel like may be a set up for disappointment. This whole dating thing has gone on for 2 months….has anyone experienced something like this? What was the outcome?

 

[loolalooh]

Years ago, I met a guy a couple weeks before my move. After I moved, he came and visited me, then I visited him. Long story short, we started long distance and eventually had a long distance relationship for a little over 2.5 years. Then we broke up due to things I care not to go into detail about, but it was largely related to being on two different pages when it came to when/how to end the long distance.

My biggest advice when it comes to starting a long distance relationship is to discuss early on how/when the long distance is going to end. It doesn't necessarily need to be discussed on the first date but soon after you two become "official". Does one of you intend to for the long distance to last one year while the other intends for it to last five years? Does he plan to move for you if necessary or you to him? Is one of you not willing to make the move but requires the other person to move? Etc. These are questions that are best answered sooner than later.

These kind of relationships are difficult, but they can work, especially if both of you communicate with each other and are willing to compromise.

 

[loolalooh]

P.S. I bought this book while I was entering my second LDR. It has really good advice in terms of improving the success of your LDR. It talks about establishing how frequent you two plan to visit each other, how to spice up your LDR, etc. The book was written by a married couple who were in an LDR. It is called "The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide", in case you are interested. If you want, I can PM you a list of the tips the book offers, since I have it.

 

[hair_rehab]

Glad you made this thread OP, I'm going through the same situation and could use some advice.

 

[MaryJane3000]

loolalooh thanks! please send it to me! I know both of us are open to moving. He doesn't really want to be in NY right now because he's always been there and I dont want to be in the DMV because I feel like I'll move back here when I start a family. Initially we thought it wouldn't be long distance bc I had a fellowship in NY...unfortunately the fellowship fell through and now I'm doing a fellowship in DC. We both recently started new jobs so I'm sure we'll be apart for at least a year.

I'm thinking about transferring to a law school in NY but I dont want to make all these changes when it's so early on. I just really like him and I think he really likes me so i want it to grow but I don't know how much energy I should invest. Like I feel like this is a go hard or go home situation bc it'll never amount to anything unless we both make a conscious effort. But I dont want to rush or force anything either.