Spinoff: Saving for the wedding?

[Bunny77]

Money, I mean!

Okay, so all of these threads about living together and situations I've seen in real life made me wonder something.

I hear people say that they aren't married yet (after 3-4 or more years) because they want to save up for a wedding. So they live together, etc., but years pass and they're still "saving for the wedding."

Do you know anyone personally who's made this claim and actually set up an account in which they deposited money each month or so and used it on a wedding? I'm just wondering if folks who've said this have actually gone through with the "saving" and gotten married?

 

[CandiceC]

I don't get how folks can go years saving, Bunny77. Folks don't have a problem with putting lots of things on credit. If the wedding costs that much why not pay as they go, put the rest of the wedding on credit and get on with the rest of their lives? Lol.

I do know of one young lady that told me she has a bank account for her wedding. She wasn't dating anyone at the time. Not sure if she's dating now or if she still has that account.

 

[newslady]

I'm living with my BOO and we're saving about each pay period for

• the wedding & honeymoon (we're gonna elope)
• long term savings

And no I don't have a ring yet. But he's even more committed to saving than me. He's talking about getting a part-time job.

I also have a seperate wedding account to buy his ring & my dress.

 

[MizAvalon]

My uncle and his wife are the only two people that I have ever heard use that excuse that really were saving for a wedding. They were engaged for a long time, at least 5 years. After a few years I just gave up hope and chalked them up to one of those "eternally engaged" couples that just likes to pretend but sure enough, 4 years ago they got married and are very happy.

They never did end up having a wedding but a very lovely reception.

 

[ThickHair]

Nope, I know of no one who were "saving" for a wedding and actually got married. The ex and I talk about we had our wedding on layaway because we did a destination wedding that took us 9 months to pay. Our date was set in stone because we planned for it an paid as we went along.

 

[Farida]

I don't know anyone who actually ended up having a ceremony. Most of the ones I knew had other really important things come up and eventually settled for a JOP wedding.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I do know of one young lady that told me she has a bank account for her wedding. She wasn't dating anyone at the time. Not sure if she's dating now or if she still has that account.

My mom has an account like this set up for me. I'm not even in a relationship with anyone, but she's just "planning ahead"

I don't see anything wrong with a woman setting up an account like this for herself, whether she's involved/engaged or not. To me, it's an act of faith and intention on her part.

I don't know how I feel about cohabitating and "saving"...I have personal hangups about shacking up, but besides that, like Bunny said, I've said way too many couples, living together or not, in the holding pattern of "saving" for years and years.

 

[MissScarlett]

Money, I mean!

Okay, so all of these threads about living together and situations I've seen in real life made me wonder something.

I hear people say that they aren't married yet (after 3-4 or more years) because they want to save up for a wedding. So they live together, etc., but years pass and they're still "saving for the wedding."

Do you know anyone personally who's made this claim and actually set up an account in which they deposited money each month or so and used it on a wedding? I'm just wondering if folks who've said this have actually gone through with the "saving" and gotten married?

I have never one time heard of a wedding taking place when people were 'saving'. I firmly believe you can pay for what you want at any time if you really want it.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

erruh...DI!!!!!! HEY GIRL!

and to answer the OP's question - naw I got plenty of friends been saving to get married til the day they broke up.

 

[newslady]

Wow - so many sad, disappointing stories.
Well I pray mine is different.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Why can't they just get married at the court house then have a wedding later when they can afford it? If money is an issue you can always do it that way especially if it will be years.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

erruh...DI!!!!!! HEY GIRL!

and to answer the OP's question - naw I got plenty of friends been saving to get married til the day they broke up.

Heeeeey JCoily! How ya been? It's about time for a meetup!

I am SO mad at your siggy! That color is HOT!

 

[PanamasOwn]

i knew a couple that were together for 8 years...lived together 6 years..saved for 5..had a nice wedding..but instead bought and paid off a HUGE house and two brand new cars...so Yea...it can work...

 

[luvSLave]

My BFF and her husband moved in together after they got engaged to save money for their wedding and honeymoon. They were both living alone and each was renting a two bedroom apartment. I can't remember if they had a separate account or not, but they lived together for exactly one year before getting married and were able to pay for everything w/o incurring any debt.

 

[MissScarlett]

I just think if a person is to do that, they need to have a firm date and most of the savings already in an account. I think its too easy to keep putting it off and then it never happens. JMO.

 

[Lady Esquire]

I personally do not know any couple that has done it that way successfully. In fact, I know one couple who both moved back in with each of their parents, to save money that was going towards their rent for a house and a wedding. And its been 5 years since, and they're both still living at home. But they've managed to purchase a Lexus and gone on several trips.

DH and I, started paying suppliers as we went, i.e. reception space, limos, photographer, florists, etc. Every pay period, we would just pay a bill down, and by the time the day came around, everything was paid for. It took less than 6 months to do that. I am not planning YEARS just for one day, but that is just me, I've got to go on with the rest of my life.

 

[Bunny77]

My BFF and her husband moved in together after they got engaged to save money for their wedding and honeymoon. They were both living alone and each was renting a two bedroom apartment. I can't remember if they had a separate account or not, but they lived together for exactly one year before getting married and were able to pay for everything w/o incurring any debt.

What I think was key here was the fact that they got engaged and then moved in together... I assume there was a wedding date in place as well?

Interesting responses from everyone! I posted because I was thinking of all the friends I know who got married (some who shacked, some who didn't) and none of them postponed or put off getting married because they were supposedly saving for a big wedding.

When my friends got engaged, they set a date and made it happen. Maybe they started saving after setting the date, but they didn't start talking about saving for a wedding before they were even engaged!

And Candice (I owe you a PM... don't I always say that? ), I totally know what you're saying! I'm not a person who believes in running up ridiculous amounts of credit for anything, but I'm thinking that it's interesting that folks who have no problems charging everything else or getting loans for cars or what have you suddenly come up with the whole "financial" issue and "saving" when we start talking about a wedding.

Anyway, this is just interesting to me... because the people I know who got married never mentioned "saving," (even if they did) and the people who talk about "saving" usually never get married!

P.S. Newslady... if you're happy with your situation and are sure your BF will come through, then don't worry! But make sure you both are on the same page about where your relationship is going!

 

[Ms Red]

ITA with you, esp. the bolded. That is what I plan to do and hopefully have a relatively short (1 yr. or less) engagement.

I personally do not know any couple that has done it that way successfully. In fact, I know one couple who both moved back in with each of their parents, to save money that was going towards their rent for a house and a wedding. And its been 5 years since, and they're both still living at home. But they've managed to purchase a Lexus and gone on several trips.

DH and I, started paying suppliers as we went, i.e. reception space, limos, photographer, florists, etc. Every pay period, we would just pay a bill down, and by the time the day came around, everything was paid for. It took less than 6 months to do that. I am not planning YEARS just for one day, but that is just me, I've got to go on with the rest of my life.

 

[luvSLave]

What I think was key here was the fact that they got engaged and then moved in together... I assume there was a wedding date in place as well?

Before moving in they'd planned to get married "next year" but they didn't actually set a date until they were already living together.

The responses are interesting to me because I always thought they did things perfectly for a couple that had to pay for everything themselves. I don’t know anyone that saved years for a wedding. Actually, I don’t know any other couples that made the decision to live together expressly to save for their wedding. So perhaps the intent of the cohabitaton makes a difference.

 

[Bunny77]

Before moving in they'd planned to get married "next year" but they didn't actually set a date until they were already living together.

The responses are interesting to me because I always thought they did things perfectly for a couple that had to pay for everything themselves. I don’t know anyone that saved years for a wedding. Actually, I don’t know any other couples that made the decision to live together expressly to save for their wedding. So perhaps the intent of the cohabitaton makes a difference.

I think your friends did it perfectly as well, but the key seemed to be that they did eventually set a date!

I don't know any couples either who said they were living together for the sole purpose of saving for a wedding, but what I've heard in general is a couple that's been together for years (sometimes living together, sometimes not) and they say they aren't married yet because they want to save up for a wedding and they need a better job, better whatever, blah blah blah to start saving some real money... and then it never happens.

So I was just curious!

 

[SUPER SWEET]

I know a couple that saved for about 6 years before the wedding! Once they moved in together she got pregnant. And the next 10 months delivered again...by the wedding she was about 4 months pregnant. Well they finally got married and still are together. The cost of the wedding was higher than their combined income so they had to save for years.

 

[classycrimson]

I know a couple...a looong time ago...saved years and years for their wedding...had a big beautiful wedding...things still weren't paid off totally by the time they got divorced.... The marriage didnt last as long as the "saving" period (but how many times have you heard that?). It was the first wedding I sang in.....16 yrs ago.

 

[MissScarlett]

I think your friends did it perfectly as well, but the key seemed to be that they did eventually set a date!

I don't know any couples either who said they were living together for the sole purpose of saving for a wedding, but what I've heard in general is a couple that's been together for years (sometimes living together, sometimes not) and they say they aren't married yet because they want to save up for a wedding and they need a better job, better whatever, blah blah blah to start saving some real money... and then it never happens.

So I was just curious!

I have found its usually an excuse and moving in with someone before you marry actually sets you up for a higher chance of divorce if you hadn't lived together previously. There is a different mindset of people 'living togther v/s being married' and its hard to make the transition so those couples often divorice, moreso than couples who didnt live together prior to marriage.

 

[cocosweet]

I personally do not know any couple that has done it that way successfully. In fact, I know one couple who both moved back in with each of their parents, to save money that was going towards their rent for a house and a wedding. And its been 5 years since, and they're both still living at home. But they've managed to purchase a Lexus and gone on several trips.

DH and I, started paying suppliers as we went, i.e. reception space, limos, photographer, florists, etc. Every pay period, we would just pay a bill down, and by the time the day came around, everything was paid for. It took less than 6 months to do that. I am not planning YEARS just for one day, but that is just me, I've got to go on with the rest of my life.

That's what we did. I didn't want us paying for the wedding after the fact because we had this huge spectacle.

 

[luvSLave]

I think your friends did it perfectly as well, but the key seemed to be that they did eventually set a date!

I don't know any couples either who said they were living together for the sole purpose of saving for a wedding, but what I've heard in general is a couple that's been together for years (sometimes living together, sometimes not) and they say they aren't married yet because they want to save up for a wedding and they need a better job, better whatever, blah blah blah to start saving some real money... and then it never happens.

So I was just curious!

Right. They definitely had a plan. They lived together for a month, saw exactly how much they could save, calculated how long it would take to get up enough for the type of nuptials they wanted and set the date based on that. I think they mailed the save the dates shortly thereafter so they kinda locked themselves into sticking to the plan.

I think people who really want to be married in the short term find a way to make it happen. Any excuse is just that, an excuse.

 

[Integrity]

I have found its usually an excuse and moving in with someone before you marry actually sets you up for a higher chance of divorce if you hadn't lived together previously. There is a different mindset of people 'living togther v/s being married' and its hard to make the transition so those couples often divorice, moreso than couples who didnt live together prior to marriage.

Research shows people who cohabit are more likely to divorce.

 

[FromHair2There]

DH and I, started paying suppliers as we went, i.e. reception space, limos, photographer, florists, etc. Every pay period, we would just pay a bill down, and by the time the day came around, everything was paid for. It took less than 6 months to do that. I am not planning YEARS just for one day, but that is just me, I've got to go on with the rest of my life.

I'm glad to hear this because thats exactly how i plan on doing it. Good to see it worked fine that way.

I personally don't believe in going in debt or taking out loans for one damn day.

 

[newslady]

P.S. Newslady... if you're happy with your situation and are sure your BF will come through, then don't worry! But make sure you both are on the same page about where your relationship is going!

Thanks Bunny.
We're good.
My ring is on order and we're saving together in an ING account.
Actually he's putting more in than I am.
And we're both gonna put in a chunk from our tax returns.

I think there is a lot of truth to everyone's responses.

Weddings are getting more and more expensive, plus more couples are paying for their own.
We would rather save. Elope. Have a great honeymoon and pay off our debt (before we get married).

He's a good saver and he's rubbing off on me.
I'm staying OUT OF SALLY'S all of February!

 

[MissScarlett]

Research shows people who cohabit are more likely to divorce.

Yikes...that is what I was trying to say...I swear I type too fast sometimes