Spinoff: Do I Really Love My Hair? (kinda long..sorry)

[hersheyskiss]

what did she say?

yes what did she say?

 

[CurliDiva]

None of us can point fingers - but I think - being NATURAL is still radical choice for many black women!

NATURAL hair does not show length like relaxed hair, which many of us are dying to see/admire.

Many fear that their texture of NATURAL will be too nappy -not the curl/coily, wavy stuff that no one debates is cute.

You don't have to relax your hair to wear it straight; and NATRUAL hair is more versatile than relaxed (you can get the a relaxed look with natural hair, but relaxed hair will never revert back to being natural).

You have the RIGHT to wear your hair any way you want - but I beleive there is more to each of our HAIR decsisons!

I would say that we all have some self doubt (not hatred) about what our hair can and can not do!

Thankfully, our hair journey is still evolving!

 

[cocoberry10]

ITA...IMO many groups of opinions can't acheive the styles that we can because our texture is so versatile.

Yes, we definitely have the most versatile hair. Hands down!

 

[cocoberry10]

I do find {MY experience, repeat MY experience some women seek out light skinned or Indian men to impregnate them even though his values, attitude, aspirations are questionable. I also see the continued adoration of co-workers of newborn, light skinned, light eyed offsping. I am disgusted when the comments are "Oh how cute, she has 'good' hair, "look at those eyes" when the darker sibling is ignored, "Come here 'whiteboy' as they cuddle the newborn infant. I make a point of saying, "He/She is not just white, that's a black child". People claim they would never date white {while putting down those who choose to} but still seek and drool over those they consider 'better haired' or lighter in color. The Indian guys were probably speaking from experience.

I agree with this, and I don't think you are wrong. Yes, many Blacks struggle in this area, but not everyone (and I know you know that).

 

[Crackers Phinn]

what did she say?

It's in my siggy.

Originally Posted by patient1
We're not ******s. Never were. And honestly, we were never slaves. We were humans with a history and culture and books and universities and medicine and religion that were enslaved. We were so much before that moment. We've done so much since. So my embrace of what is known as Blackness stands on its own merit.

 

[Sistaslick]

.
But what I don't understand are the people who claim they can easily deal with their natural hair AND they love it so much yet they relax. You will see them in a thread talking about how soft their newgrowth is, and how they love to touch it and how they have so much love for it but continue to relax it every X amount of weeks. I sometimes feel like people get so caught up in being PC, that it obviously shows through their posts. The post will be the most beautiful post in the world about how soft/easily managable their natural hair is, then I will scroll down only to see that they are relaxed in their siggy.

Anyways, I'm off on a tangant as usual, just wanted to say I can empathize with you. I wouldn't have known what to say if I was in your shoes.erplexed

Girl you are . . . and have always been a flaming hot-- yet, truthful mess

SecretDiamond, girl, we are so -----> <------ here. I can totally relate to your entire post.

 

[Jaizee]

Wow, this is deep. I won't comment on you, but I know how you feel about the relaxing/love thing.

I have no problem admitting that my natural hair is a pain in my arse. It's so difficult to deal with. I can't stand detangling when I am post relaxer, period. So anyone who chooses to relax for this reason I can completely understand.

But what I don't understand are the people who claim they can easily deal with their natural hair AND they love it so much yet they relax. You will see them in a thread talking about how soft their newgrowth is, and how they love to touch it and how they have so much love for it but continue to relax it every X amount of weeks. I sometimes feel like people get so caught up in being PC, that it obviously shows through their posts. The post will be the most beautiful post in the world about how soft/easily managable their natural hair is, then I will scroll down only to see that they are relaxed in their siggy.

Anyways, I'm off on a tangant as usual, just wanted to say I can empathize with you. I wouldn't have known what to say if I was in your shoes.erplexed

I thought I was the only one that noticed that! I keep reading all of these posts on how much they love playing in their NG, how great it is, but they continue to relax. Hmm....

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Girl you are . . . and have always been a flaming hot-- yet, truthful mess

SecretDiamond, girl, we are so -----> <------ here. I can totally relate to your entire post.

Shhh, don't tell nobody!!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I thought I was the only one that noticed that! I keep reading all of these posts on how much they love playing in their NG, how great it is, but they continue to relax. Hmm....

Glad to know, it's not just me.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

That whole post made me think!
I was going to marry out side my race just so my kids could have long hair..
nothing to do if it was slick or anything i could care less about that I just want length and health! but since i came to LHFC i know i can have length(i know i could before but i didnt realize i could get the results so quickly)..

I love my natrual hair but i want length and i dont want to fry it every weak (flat irioning it) so i figured ill relax it because atleast im doing that every 2 half month instead of flat iroing myhair every week..

if it weren't for length id natrual!

 

[VroniL2006]

This is a great topic, and I am going to tell you that it took awhile before I could get to the point of saying that I LOVE MY HAIR.

I grew up in a prodominatly white neighborhood and the schools were the same. So you can imagine what I felt like going to a private school, with no one who looked like me. I hated the fact that my mom braided my hair and secretly wished that I could have the bouncy, swinging ponytail the other girls in my glass had. It wasnt until I got to junior high that I had friends who looked like me and could share the same hair stories as me. It took me awhile but eventually, I learned to love my hair and work with it, not against it.

Now, I can truly say that I love my relaxed hair, because as someone mentioned earlier, we can do so many styles with our hair. People of other races actually yearn for the texture of our hair. Have you ever tried french braiding or curling type a/b hair? Unless you have tons of hairspray on hand, you can't really alter the style.

I have had a few of my white friends tell me that they wish they had my hair, so that they could style it a certain way. Imagine the joy I felt on hearing that. It was more like shock....so you see, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have learned to accept my hair and appreciate that fact that I have a head full of hair on my head. I dont have to worry about wearing wigs or weaves because of thinning or short hair that wont grow. I am grateful for that!

I relax my hair because I can, whoever created the relaxer was a genius!! Why would anyone knock it? Thats like wondering why someone created perfume or deodorant...why change the scent of our natural body odor? Better yet, why do we clip our nails or shave our legs...once again we are changing the natural state of our body.

I also want to point out, that we are not the only ones that change the texture of our hair. Haven't you ever known a type a/b person that goes to the salon to get a perm and all of a sudden there hair is permanently curly. Heck, the majority of us even change the color of our hair and its not always just to cover gray hair.

So, I dont think any woman should ever be ashamed for relaxing their hair. We are lucky that science has enabled us to evolutionize the crown and glory of black women!!

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree, loving the texture of your natural hair and then relaxing doesn't seem contradictory for me. I like my texture but I like the versatility of texlaxed hair. I can do more with it than relaxed or natural hair. To each her own and no one knows my intentions so who are they to judge.

I agree. And SecretDiamond, I know that feeling of conflict SO well.

My 16 year old niece found a new stylist, and her hair was looking nice and healthy. When I complimented her on it, she ran her fingers through it and said, "yep, I got that white girl hair!". This set my teeth on edge. I gave her a really long lecture about how our hair is beautiful and more lush and thick and textured than "white girl hair", and how she should appreciate that, and the whole nine. But my hair is long and straightened, so really, what can I say?

I have never seen my natural hair (at least, not a whole head of it). But I have seen my new growth, and my daughter's hair (which I think is absolutely beautiful). I think natural hair is beautiful, and I appreciate it, but I prefer to wear mine straight for now. I have thoughts of taking scissors to it and BC'ing all the time, but I'm enjoying my length right now. Is that wrong? I just wish I didn't have all those conflicting thoughts.

Sometimes I'll see a natural out in public and want to tell her I love her hair, but I don't because I wonder if she'll think something negative about me having relaxed hair and complimenting her. I know that's not logical, but I guess I've seen enough permies vs. nappies infighting (not here, but in general) to give me a complex.

For me, relaxing is a style choice. I can't honestly say that my hair is more manageable this way because I've never managed my natural hair. I can't even really say I look better with straight hair for the same reason. Like someone said earlier, I'm used to it.

This is really therapeutic. Thanks for starting this thread!

 

[firecracker]

Even the "wash and go" look wasn't so simple, as you still have to detangle, etc.

I think the world has taught us to hate ourselves so much, that everyone assumes we do and that's why I think your friend made that comment. In many cases unfortunately, he may have been speaking the truth to some. But not all! Just b/c you change something doesn't mean you HATE yourself. If you colored your hair, it could be just b/c you want to try something different. Yes, I admit that I've hated my hair before, especially before this site. However, since coming here and seeing all the beautiful, healthy heads of hair of different textures, I've learned to work with what I've got. And relaxed straight or natural, I now know how to "work it!"

I love your post. I think its on point.
Now I'm wondering am I the only person that wash and go w/o combing my hair at all I only comb my hair when I have gotten it straightened 5 times.

 

[secretdiamond]

lauren450 your post embodies my feelings to a T! I also enjoyed reading everyone's stories. Thanks for sharing them.

 

[navsegda]

I relax my hair because I can, whoever created the relaxer was a genius!! Why would anyone knock it? Thats like wondering why someone created perfume or deodorant...why change the scent of our natural body odor? Better yet, why do we clip our nails or shave our legs...once again we are changing the natural state of our body.

I also want to point out, that we are not the only ones that change the texture of our hair. Haven't you ever known a type a/b person that goes to the salon to get a perm and all of a sudden there hair is permanently curly. Heck, the majority of us even change the color of our hair and its not always just to cover gray hair.

So, I dont think any woman should ever be ashamed for relaxing their hair. We are lucky that science has enabled us to evolutionize the crown and glory of black women!!

You make great points. No white women with straight hair get scrutinized for perming their hair to make it curly so black women with "kinky" hair should not get scrutinized for making their hair straight by relaxing it and we shouldn't have to be making any excuses for it. I am sick and tired of people trying to force their opinions on others. If everyone minded their own freaking business and wasn't so concerned with what others were doing with their bodies, then this world would be such a better place. How the hell does my relaxing my hair have anything to do with you or your hair? Oh that's right; it doesn't. If you think that we are conforming to white beauty standards and letting their opinions of beauty be forced onto us then you are doing the same thing if you say we should be natural and stop relaxing our hair because you are trying to force YOUR standards of beauty on us. It's very hypocritical and shows insecurities on your side of the table that you are somehow uncomfortable with how another person, totally unrelated to you, chooses to style her hair. I don't give a flying f*&k if you go/stay natural and you shouldn't give a flying f*&k if I stay relaxed. End of story. I've heard all sorts of bulls**t about how relaxing the hair makes it harder for black women to accept their true beauty and how it increases the plight of the black woman, blah blah blah. The only thing causing either of the aforementioned is when some members of our race cannot accept that we all have different standards of beauty and that being natural is not a problem, neither is being relaxed. It's what makes us diverse and we should embrace our differences, not try to enforce some ridiculous notion of sanctimonious pride of how one is better than the other. The reason why some people of other races are able to attack us and get away with it is because we are so divided amongst ourselves and share so much discord with one another and the choices we make. A house divided against itself cannot stand.

P.S. The "you" in my statements is the general you. It is not directed toward you, Vroni. It's directed towards all the people who have a problem with black women relaxing their hair.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think the Indian guy was just picking up on the fact that your hair was relaxed - as is most black women's hair - and certain comments he most likely have heard from black people about his hair.
It's definately a tricky subject, but remember - if people want to change to look different, it's as common among Indian people as among Black people or White people or East Asian people!
Indians more or less abuse skin whitening creams, Europeans are abusing hair colors etcetera.
Maybe you should have told him that he wants to marry a white lady to have lighter skinned children with blue eyes? At least that is something my Indian friends go on and on about...they want that blue eyed child

 

[secretdiamond]

I think the Indian guy was just picking up on the fact that your hair was relaxed - as is most black women's hair - and certain comments he most likely have heard from black people about his hair.
It's definately a tricky subject, but remember - if people want to change to look different, it's as common among Indian people as among Black people or White people or East Asian people!
Indians more or less abuse skin whitening creams, Europeans are abusing hair colors etcetera.
Maybe you should have told him that he wants to marry a white lady to have lighter skinned children with blue eyes? At least that is something my Indian friends go on and on about...they want that blue eyed child

*DING*DING*DING*!!!!!! OMG you hit the nail RIGHT on the head! That would have been perfecttt! You're right, that is something sooo big in that community. A lot of them wear contacts all year long to fake as if that's the real color of their eyes. The lighter your eyes and your skin, the more beautiful you seem. Goes to show that every community does have its own insecurities and don't have a right to try to pick on others. Had I said that, he would have felt how I felt and see why it would have upset me so much.