Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relationship

[Ms Red]

I was reading meia's response in the Does Sex Make or Break your Relationship? thread and thought this might be an interesting conversation.

Since we all admit that physical attraction and sexual compatibility play important roles in our relationships, what about the flip side? The other counterparts which could include having open communication with your partner; actually liking them ; having the ability to emotionally lean and depend on each other for support; on the same page mentally and spiritually and/or build each other up in these areas; being FRIENDS as well as lovers?

Are you emotionally, mentally and spiritually satisfied in your current relationship?

 

[foxxymami]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I was reading meia's response in the Does Sex Make or Break your Relationship? thread and thought this might be an interesting conversation.

Since we all admit that physical attraction and sexual compatibility play important roles in our relationships, what about the flip side? The other counterparts which could include having open communication with your partner; actually liking them ; having the ability to emotionally lean and depend on each other for support; on the same page mentally and spiritually and/or build each other up in these areas; being FRIENDS as well as lovers?

Are you emotionally, mentally and spiritually satisfied in your current relationship?

Hey Cupcake

Emotionally 98%
Mentally 96%
Spiritually 90%

Don't ask me where those exact percentages came from, lol. That's just to say that I am satisfied but I think there is room for some welcomed improvement . We support and encourage each other, we're friends, pray for each other, and have open honest communication so overall I think we're headed in the right direction to being closer to 100%

 

[Ms Red]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Hey foxxy

Those are some good percentages. I mean wow. I would say that for me personally, it's hard to gauge being in a LDR now. Things are weird for me.
On a normal day, we are very connected through all three of these but sometimes our wires get crossed, ya know?

Also, I tend to need a lot of intellectual stimulation which was perfect before the distance thing came into play. Right now were both so busy and 1,300 miles away it's just a quick 'hey, you ok, i love you, bye' type of thing.

Hey Cupcake

Emotionally 98%
Mentally 96%
Spiritually 90%

Don't ask me where those exact percentages came from, lol. That's just to say that I am satisfied but I think there is room for some welcomed improvement . We support and encourage each other, we're friends, pray for each other, and have open honest communication so overall I think we're headed in the right direction to being closer to 100%

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I was reading meia's response in the Does Sex Make or Break your Relationship? thread and thought this might be an interesting conversation.

Since we all admit that physical attraction and sexual compatibility play important roles in our relationships, what about the flip side? The other counterparts which could include having open communication with your partner; actually liking them ; having the ability to emotionally lean and depend on each other for support; on the same page mentally and spiritually and/or build each other up in these areas; being FRIENDS as well as lovers?

Are you emotionally, mentally and spiritually satisfied in your current relationship?

Hi Cupcake!
lol I didn't know you we're talking about me and then when I found out I was weeee! lol....i'm a loser....
I haven't been in many relationships (physical or emotional) in my lifetime (only 2 actually)....I'm heavily selective- no, not in that way...but, honestly, I need to see if the person is sincerely who they claim to be through and through. I'm slightly intuitive so its unlikely for me to think relationships aren't predestined in some form or fashion so I treat every single one responsibly and lovingly.

I don't believe i'm currently emotionally, mentally, or spiritually fulfilled in my relationship. I've been with him 3 years on January 2008 and honestly he's done nothing but take me for granted, cheated on me, lied to me, used me, the list goes on (and its long too...) until recently although i'm still not satisfied at what he's willing to part with for the strength of our love (will elaborate if anyone is interested). I'm deeply spiritual so I believe that maybe somehow things will work themselves out with time. I'm not entirely sure so i'm pretty much operating in the hands of fate.....

Although I would say i'd love it if he'd change a bit to accommodate a future with him but i'm sad to say I don't think he cares about anyone much (due to strains in the past he's had to deal with) so i'm not holding my breath. If my true soulmate comes along somehow in our journey together I do know this can't last forever. I will say that in that post for the thread "Does Sex Make or Break Your Relationship," that is love how I always believed it should be- unconditional, humbling, honest, and so strong. If you need a greater definition of what love, true love looks like, I highly recommend looking at the music video by Musiq called Dontchange. That video made me cry more than once....I hope i'm that in love and devoted when I get to be that age no matter who i'm with.

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

lol, I didn't realize how hypocritical I sounded until now. I just think in some way God/Fate has a way of guiding us to certain individuals for a reason. I highly doubt that it happens just because.

Whether its to learn something or to make that person a life partner, events in life happen to ground us and make us closer to our destiny. I pray that I find mines with the man that i'm with currently. If I don't then i'm not upset because perhaps better lurks for both of us....

I think if I were to copy Foxxy's percentages about my relationship:

85% emotionally
65% mentally
75% spritually
lousy averages but i'm being honest.

 

[Ms Red]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

meia- thanks for your response I'm glad we're being honest because perpetuating a facade or myth to a HAIR BOARD... my goodness

I agree with you, that love should be unconditional, strong, uplifting. As I get older I also realize that the 95% of me that was emotionally connected to him can easily slide down to 0% if he cheats or acts a fool. I mean, love should be reciprocated- you shouldn't be the only one giving the relationship 110% while he 'rides it out.'

I, too, believe in spirituality and fate (to a small degree) guiding us, but more than that relationships take prayer and hard work. At least mine do. If I sat around and waited for people or situations to change, I would still be sitting here. I'm learning to be more of a do'er.

Actions speak much louder than words and when I feel emotionally, mentally and spiritually fulfilled, it will probably be because that man is doing everything in his power to not only meet me halfway but exceed my expectations of a partner.

 

[Nina_S]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Cupcake, I am not even going to try to apply any percentages to me relationship. Give it 5 minutes and it could all change or evolve, yeah....that's a better/more positive way of looking at it.

Meia - You post provoked some thought for me because I basically feel the same way
"I need to see if the person is sincerely who they claim to be through and through" - Yet often times you don't SEE who that person really is until a REAL situation arises and that may take some time. And for me, during this time I have found myself emotionally connected to the person and BAM! There is the real person - WOW!

"I'm slightly intuitive so its unlikely for me to think relationships aren't predestined in some form or fashion so I treat every single one responsibly and lovingly" - I think that God brings people in our lives (at different capacities) to learn something about ourselves (see right & wrong) and He is also revealed.

I have come to conclusion that maybe I will never be totally (100%)satisfied (emotionally, mentally & spiritually) because we are all so imperfect and we can't love perfectly. Or can we? Or is it just that I haven't learned to accept the given and NOT-given?

I don't think that you are hypocritical, you're just hopeful. You mentioned all the things that you have endured in this relationship (which most of us DEAL with soemthing or other) and you not "satisfied at what he's willing to part with". I have often had to ask myself,"Is this thing that I am dissatisfied with worth the entire relationship?" Are the "strains" in the other persons past valid reason enough for me to continue in the relationship feeling the way that I feel?

Now that I have officially gone in a different direction, I'll leave now...

N~

 

[foxxymami]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Cupcake, I am not even going to try to apply any percentages to me relationship. Give it 5 minutes and it could all change or evolve, yeah....that's a better/more positive way of looking at it.

Meia - You post provoked some thought for me because I basically feel the same way
"I need to see if the person is sincerely who they claim to be through and through" - Yet often times you don't SEE who that person really is until a REAL situation arises and that may take some time. And for me, during this time I have found myself emotionally connected to the person and BAM! There is the real person - WOW!

"I'm slightly intuitive so its unlikely for me to think relationships aren't predestined in some form or fashion so I treat every single one responsibly and lovingly" - I think that God brings people in our lives (at different capacities) to learn something about ourselves (see right & wrong) and He is also revealed.

I have come to conclusion that maybe I will never be totally (100%)satisfied (emotionally, mentally & spiritually) because we are all so imperfect and we can't love perfectly. Or can we? Or is it just that I haven't learned to accept the given and NOT-given?

I don't think that you are hypocritical, you're just hopeful. You mentioned all the things that you have endured in this relationship (which most of us DEAL with soemthing or other) and you not "satisfied at what he's willing to part with". I have often had to ask myself,"Is this thing that I am dissatisfied with worth the entire relationship?" Are the "strains" in the other persons past valid reason enough for me to continue in the relationship feeling the way that I feel?

Now that I have officially gone in a different direction, I'll leave now...

N~

No, don't leave!! LOL.
Nina, I'm totally feeling you on the bolded statements

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

lol, phew...you make my insecurities not so bad, friend! lol
Ohhh i've seen worse...much worse. I probably wouldn't be that surprised! erplexed

Love should certainly be all of those things. I'm THE SAME way....99.9% of me feels so connected to him sometimes then 90% of that slaps me in the face and snaps me out of it when he says something backhanded or intentionally ignorant. It can be very confusion and unfortunate....
but I guess you learn to deal with it appropriately.

I believe reciprocation is the most important of everything. I've given my SO so many easy-outs and he'll be the first to say, "No booboo...I love you so much! I don't want you to be the one that got away" then quit being an ass...quit being so hurtful and such a liar. Then maybe i'd have a reason to believe this could work. The saddest part? I find 9 times out of 10 they are riding it out, our sanity at their expense.

Oh I agree entirely. Love being such a strong and powerful thing needs to be governed by higher powers otherwise humans would get it wrong everytime and there would be no order whatsoever- I mean looking at those 50+ year unions you have to know its God. I'm trying to be more of a do'er....its so hard to find time and patience sometimes because it rarely feels like our SO's put in enough effort for us all of the time. We're conditioned and expected to.

I find it hysterical and sad in some ways....my SO, when we broke up for 5 seconds, ran to his ex who's legs open faster than a machete-empowered minority and he had the nerve to contemplate about the "quiet moments" and how in certain lights she looked "beautiful"...she willingly opens her legs for anyone (in fact thats how they broke up 4 or so years ago was because she cheated- how ironic )...he tried to turn a whore into a lady and he had a lady and he tried to break my heart? Sometimes the intangibles stay intangible and never make much since, hmm? lol (i'll get off my soapbox now...lol)

I agree actions speak louder than words. I wish some people would be do'ers too....I'm learning to take better control of my situations and be more calm than ever...I used to have that fiery anger that just burned me up inside but lately i'm getting better...

When I feel emotionally, mentally and spiritually fulfilled, it will probably be because that man is doing everything in his power to not only meet me halfway but exceed my expectations of a partner.
Oh yes.... when this happens it will probably be a feeling unknown to most of us.... I think when I feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually fulfilled it will mean to me the man has a deep soul- deep enough that I can sink into it.. and i'll just know that its mine forever because it'll swallow me whole and I won't have to push or force or anything.... he'll submit to me as much as I submit to him- everything will be equal

 

[foxxymami]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Ya know what I always wonder?

The way I am as an individual person right now at this age, 25 will most likely change.....at least my priorities, my values, my thoughts & opinions, etc. It seems that an ongoing emotional, mental, and spiritual connection between a man and a woman over the course of say a 15 year relationship/marriage is bound to have some hits and misses. I think it's plausible to say that a man and woman could be totally in sync at one point in time, and then completely out of whack at another point in time (sort of like a readjustment of the connection) because we are all constantly growing, learning, and evolving.

I say all that to say that it's probably hard work making sure the connection or level of satisfaction is ALWAYS strong and unchanging.

okay, i think after saying all that, now it's my turn to leave....

 

[lexi08]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

1. Nope
2. Nope
3. Nope

I have not spoken to my now ex SO for over 2 months.

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Really? It's so wonderful to find someone that feels similar. The only way for me to know that the person is worth keeping is if they (especially after 3 years) can reveal their insecurity, can be honest and unabashed.... otherwise what else? Run with them forever because they can't decide who they are?

Ohhh I didn't find out HALF the stuff I found out until the end of year 1 and 2....he was lying so much he couldn't keep any of it straight...pity.
YEP!!!!!!!!!! you start falling for what you think is the person and exactly who they are through and through AND WAIT- THEN you realize he's a dog...or he has been the whole time...(in my case I realized he was in a relationship with several people at once)...then what can you do? cry (its seriously too late for that)? Kick ass (felony, for what?!)?...theres nothing that can be done to reclaim that part of yourself that is now broken and lost...

Oh i'm so hopeful you have no, idea Nina. He was my first EVERYTHING- he even remarked a week or so ago, (and I quote) "how could I put all my eggs into one basket? Why would anyone ever do that"....I almost went hysterical....He knew how innocent I was...he was younger than me (also a lie I found out later)....he took me and broke me into so many pieces..

"Is this thing that I am dissatisfied with worth the entire relationship?" Are the "strains" in the other persons past valid reason enough for me to continue in the relationship feeling the way that I feel?"
this is how I feel constantly....thats why I can't ever dredge up enough inside of me that wants to cut him by the wayside...I met him when he was so young, Nina...I still can't believe that people today could be the way he is...I never knew it could be. My family raised me, albeit naive, but with so much love to give and he saw it and took it to supply his own deficiency...

lol, you sure we aren't sisters? lol

Meia - You post provoked some thought for me because I basically feel the same way
"I need to see if the person is sincerely who they claim to be through and through" - Yet often times you don't SEE who that person really is until a REAL situation arises and that may take some time. And for me, during this time I have found myself emotionally connected to the person and BAM! There is the real person - WOW!

"I'm slightly intuitive so its unlikely for me to think relationships aren't predestined in some form or fashion so I treat every single one responsibly and lovingly" - I think that God brings people in our lives (at different capacities) to learn something about ourselves (see right & wrong) and He is also revealed.

I have come to conclusion that maybe I will never be totally (100%)satisfied (emotionally, mentally & spiritually) because we are all so imperfect and we can't love perfectly. Or can we? Or is it just that I haven't learned to accept the given and NOT-given?

I don't think that you are hypocritical, you're just hopeful. You mentioned all the things that you have endured in this relationship (which most of us DEAL with soemthing or other) and you not "satisfied at what he's willing to part with". I have often had to ask myself,"Is this thing that I am dissatisfied with worth the entire relationship?" Are the "strains" in the other persons past valid reason enough for me to continue in the relationship feeling the way that I feel?

Now that I have officially gone in a different direction, I'll leave now...

N~

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

1. Nope
2. Nope
3. Nope

I have not spoken to my now ex SO for over 2 months.

really?
any particular reason, nikki? Share only if you feel comfortable...
PS EVERYONE: I didn't mean to hijack my friend Cupcake's thread....many apologies...

 

[lexi08]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

really?
any particular reason, nikki? Share only if you feel comfortable...
PS EVERYONE: I didn't mean to hijack my friend Cupcake's thread....many apologies...

Well, I won't go into alot of detail here, but it all boils down to his arrogance and selfishness IMO even though he would not admit this. I am really hating men right now, I really am starting to believe:that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Sorry for the rant

 

[meia]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Well, I won't go into alot of detail here, but it all boils down to his arrogance and selfishness IMO even though he would not admit this. I am really hating men right now, I really am starting to believe:that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Sorry for the rant

no rant at all nikki- we're all here to love and support one another... i'm just glad we can do that for each other. I complete understand how you feel. They never want to admit it and then, 2-5 years later, once the woman they've broken our heart for has long ditched him, once he's lost his looks or that "spark" that attracted people, and long after he's outstayed his welcome with the world they come knocking on OUR door looking for a soft ear and some comfort.

I know how that resentment feels...I feel it constantly now....Don't say that Nikki....there is better out there for the both of us. I refuse to believe that either of us will be alone for the rest of our lives....if scum like my ex now current SO and scum like your ex so can get on even after they've done the lowest of the low, we will too- only we'll be holding our heads high. There's nothing for us to feel sorry about or be heartbroken over....believe me. The mistakes our SO's have made far surpass our ability to love them. No matter what, you've always got family right here with me.

 

[lexi08]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

no rant at all nikki- we're all here to love and support one another... i'm just glad we can do that for each other. I complete understand how you feel. They never want to admit it and then, 2-5 years later, once the woman they've broken our heart for has long ditched him, once he's lost his looks or that "spark" that attracted people, and long after he's outstayed his welcome with the world they come knocking on OUR door looking for a soft ear and some comfort.

I know how that resentment feels...I feel it constantly now....Don't say that Nikki....there is better out there for the both of us. I refuse to believe that either of us will be alone for the rest of our lives....if scum like my ex now current SO and scum like your ex so can get on even after they've done the lowest of the low, we will too- only we'll be holding our heads high. There's nothing for us to feel sorry about or be heartbroken over....believe me. The mistakes our SO's have made far surpass our ability to love them. No matter what, you've always got family right here with me.

Thank you

 

[dlewis]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I have never been in a relationship where I've been spiritually satisfied. I'm hoping than me and my husband can work towards this.

I'm about 80% emotionally satisfied, more than that at times. And about 85% mentally satisfied. More and less at times.

 

[Nina_S]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Really? It's so wonderful to find someone that feels similar. The only way for me to know that the person is worth keeping is if they (especially after 3 years) can reveal their insecurity, can be honest and unabashed.... otherwise what else? Run with them forever because they can't decide who they are?

Ohhh I didn't find out HALF the stuff I found out until the end of year 1 and 2....he was lying so much he couldn't keep any of it straight...pity.
YEP!!!!!!!!!! you start falling for what you think is the person and exactly who they are through and through AND WAIT- THEN you realize he's a dog...or he has been the whole time...(in my case I realized he was in a relationship with several people at once)...then what can you do? cry (its seriously too late for that)? Kick ass (felony, for what?!)?...theres nothing that can be done to reclaim that part of yourself that is now broken and lost...

Oh i'm so hopeful you have no, idea Nina. He was my first EVERYTHING- he even remarked a week or so ago, (and I quote) "how could I put all my eggs into one basket? Why would anyone ever do that"....I almost went hysterical....He knew how innocent I was...he was younger than me (also a lie I found out later)....he took me and broke me into so many pieces..

"Is this thing that I am dissatisfied with worth the entire relationship?" Are the "strains" in the other persons past valid reason enough for me to continue in the relationship feeling the way that I feel?"
this is how I feel constantly....thats why I can't ever dredge up enough inside of me that wants to cut him by the wayside...I met him when he was so young, Nina...I still can't believe that people today could be the way he is...I never knew it could be. My family raised me, albeit naive, but with so much love to give and he saw it and took it to supply his own deficiency...

lol, you sure we aren't sisters? lol

The only way for me to know that the person is worth keeping is if they (especially after 3 years) can reveal their insecurity, can be honest and unabashed <<< That's it right there! But most people won't allow it or fight like hell to cover there insecurities out of fear.

theres nothing that can be done to reclaim that part of yourself that is now broken and lost... <<< I don't think we should look at it as a lose but more as a new understanding - come away with the lesson. Never think of yourself as broken, maybe bruised but not broken. (I love that song by Joss Stone)

"how could I put all my eggs into one basket? Why would anyone ever do that" <<< This says alot about what he is able and capable of giving/risking. Know that able (having necessary power, skill, resources, or qualifications) and capable (open to the influence or effect of; susceptible of) are different.

I'll just continue to be true myself, always growing....


N~

 

[Nina_S]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

When I feel emotionally, mentally and spiritually fulfilled, it will probably be because that man is doing everything in his power to not only meet me halfway but exceed my expectations of a partner.
Oh yes.... when this happens it will probably be a feeling unknown to most of us.... I think when I feel emotionally, mentally, and spiritually fulfilled it will mean to me the man has a deep soul- deep enough that I can sink into it.. and i'll just know that its mine forever because it'll swallow me whole and I won't have to push or force or anything.... he'll submit to me as much as I submit to him- everything will be equal

This is such a beautiful picture!!!

 

[Ms Red]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Wow, those are thought provoking points.

Very true. Who we are at 25 vs. 32... could be two totally different people. Naturally people evolve but it's the work you put into the relationship that keeps it on an even keel. Hmmmm....

Ya know what I always wonder?

The way I am as an individual person right now at this age, 25 will most likely change.....at least my priorities, my values, my thoughts & opinions, etc. It seems that an ongoing emotional, mental, and spiritual connection between a man and a woman over the course of say a 15 year relationship/marriage is bound to have some hits and misses. I think it's plausible to say that a man and woman could be totally in sync at one point in time, and then completely out of whack at another point in time (sort of like a readjustment of the connection) because we are all constantly growing, learning, and evolving.

I say all that to say that it's probably hard work making sure the connection or level of satisfaction is ALWAYS strong and unchanging.

okay, i think after saying all that, now it's my turn to leave....

 

[Ms Red]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

No apologies needed

really?
any particular reason, nikki? Share only if you feel comfortable...
PS EVERYONE: I didn't mean to hijack my friend Cupcake's thread....many apologies...

 

[zora]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I'm surprised there aren't more responses. If this thread were about sex, it would easily be on page 9 by now.

Wow, for me, this is a hard question to answer. I'm dealing with an odd guy, kind of a hippie who's alternative in all his thinking and what he does. I would say emotionally, it's 75%, mentally, it's 85%, and spiritually, it's really lacking. I would say 50%.

And the funny thing is that I feel he is really spiritual, but hasn't tapped into it yet. I'm going to see where it goes until the end of the year and then make a final decision about the relationship.

 

[Nina_S]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I'm surprised there aren't more responses. If this thread were about sex, it would easily be on page 9 by now.

Wow, for me, this is a hard question to answer. I'm dealing with an odd guy, kind of a hippie who's alternative in all his thinking and what he does. I would say emotionally, it's 75%, mentally, it's 85%, and spiritually, it's really lacking. I would say 50%.

And the funny thing is that I feel he is really spiritual, but hasn't tapped into it yet. I'm going to see where it goes until the end of the year and then make a final decision about the relationship.

Zora,

That is interesting. Do you think that maybe we shift our other needs (emotional, spiritual, & mental) which maybe lacking to sexual which is easier for men (and some women) to supply?

I dunno...

 

[zora]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

Zora,

That is interesting. Do you think that maybe we shift our other needs (emotional, spiritual, & mental) which maybe lacking to sexual which is easier for men (and some women) to supply?

I dunno...

I think that's definitely part of it. The danger in doing that is that sex is temporary. Yet all the other aspects need to be sustained in order to maintain a successful relationship.

It's a lot more fun to talk about sex, but we should also explore other components of a relationship, no matter how deep, complicated and daunting it may be.

 

[HoneyDew]

Re: Spinoff: Are you Emotionally, Mentally and Spiritually Satisfied in your Relation

I thnk something is missing. I am very happy with him, but I can't stop talking to this other man. I just find him so interesting. But, I don't want to be without my man. I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it to. I was thinking of seeing a therapist about this actually.