Spin off of difficult hair: We need a new term!!

[Blu217]

I like this. I like this a lot! Something about calling our hair difficult or challenging or unwilling to conform standardly bothers me a lot. That's why I didn't participate in the other thread. (trying to maintain a constance peace & joy in my life so I stay out of threads that may have me yelling at the monitor )

I feel words like challenging or difficult apply only when we are not aware of the best things to do for our hair and if one's hair is 'difficult' at a certain point, it doesn't have to be forever. So to stamp that label on black people's hair just because it's our hair doesn't sit right with me.

On a side note, those words applied to my hair when I first BC'D and had to get reacquainted with it. But now, almost 2 years later, I can say my hair is not difficult to care for since I've learned what it likes and doesn't like.

My hair is divinely peculiar. Good post Lotus

I perceive the term "challenging" differently. When I read this board and I see what so many of us go thru while learning to manage our new growth, our transitions, our natural hair, I can think of no other word. To me, hair that naturally curls around itself is not going to be simple to learn to manage. It requires patience--how many of us here have posted about how little of that we possess in these times! It requires understanding, which of course requires patience.

To me, the very fact that we have these debates makes a clear case for the fact that our hair challenging, and for some, downright difficult. I don't equate these words with "bad," however.

When I did my last stretch, I found the cutest teeny little coils at the top of my head. I adored them and each time I have new growth, I start looking for my little coils. Not all my hair is like that. I certainly appreciate it, but I'm also realistic about the fact that, cute as they may be, they present a unique set of challenges as I learn what to do with such tiny little things, a texture I don't find throughout my head. At the end of the day, workable hair is what I need more than a head of itty bitty little springs I like to sort out and stare at in the mirror for a bit. At present I'm trying to learn how to work with them, because I agree that tho it's difficult now, it will not be forever.

I like "peculiar" too, tho "divine" to me moves into a spiritual realm. Not everyone views their hair in a spiritual sense, but it sounds beautiful.

As for the earlier post about seeing afro puffs and dreads as beautiful and balanced, I agree. They are not jagged and lopsided. The individual hairs that create them have been formed into pleasing, uniform shapes that have order. When we start praising wildly unkempt afros and locs that have not been formed into beautiful shapes and well-maintained, OK. But we are still admiring order, clean lines and a degree of precision. I believe that is our nature. We could detangle our hair and let it do whatever from there--no braids, no puffs, no twists--just free, if we truly enjoyed that freeform look as-is. But we don't do that; we style it into a form that pleases the eye. When we pick that uniquely beautiful and imperfect flower, we don't angle ourselves on a three-legged sofa to admire it.

 

[patient1]

I like this. I like this a lot! Something about calling our hair difficult or challenging or unwilling to conform standardly bothers me a lot. That's why I didn't participate in the other thread. (trying to maintain a constance peace & joy in my life so I stay out of threads that may have me yelling at the monitor )

I feel words like challenging or difficult apply only when we are not aware of the best things to do for our hair and if one's hair is 'difficult' at a certain point, it doesn't have to be forever. So to stamp that label on black people's hair just because it's our hair doesn't sit right with me.

On a side note, those words applied to my hair when I first BC'D and had to get reacquainted with it. But now, almost 2 years later, I can say my hair is not difficult to care for since I've learned what it likes and doesn't like.

My hair is divinely peculiar. Good post Lotus

Agreed. But keep in mind, we're searching for new terms or replacements for the word "difficult". I don't use the word to describe my hair EVER and never have. No matter how many times and ways folks want to project their hair issues onto me, it's as simple as this: whether relaxed or natural my hair has NEVER been hard to manage. Period. In fact, I enjoyed styling it while it was relaxed and I love changing it up while it's natural. Right now, I'm enjoying have it bound in braids.

That said, transitioning folks away from "difficult" to "peculiarly divine" might be a leap that requires some middle ground. Recognizing that you hair is not difficult in and of itself but that you are experiencing difficulty in conforming it to a new or different texture, color, standard, image or whatever is closer to the truth...a move in the right direction. The hair is just chilling, minding it's own business. Cold-lamping and doing what it do.

And frankly, if you lay one of my strands next to my eldest daughter's like parallel paths, I'd bet we'd agree that my solitary tress makes for a much more complex road.

I love my natural hair, but I love my sistren more. I'm done with this particular conversation. No loves lost even in the disagreements and I don't need to be right. Yet, it seems to cause a lot of pain/aggravation for many and, furthermore, it's become somewhat akin to my experience with race consciousness, gender consciousness, individual consciousness at a predominantly White college:

I'd smile and express pride in self and ethnicity in class. Certain whites in the room frown and say, "You're being a separatist! A racist!" I might sit near two other Black women in a lecture room. Another white student walks in and sits near the 30 white students in the class. Later, the professor shares that white students stop by after class and consider us racist for not co-mingling. I don't know the other two Black women. I just want to sit in a chair.

It would be very nice if what we say can be taken at face value. I tend to take words very literally because I spend much time in thought and consideration before sharing. I share my truths and I anticipate that others do the same. I'm human though. So, when I falter and find myself projecting (as humans do), I stop and take a deep look at my Self.

All the best,
p1

 

[Mahalialee4]

Divine Diaspora Spirals... encompassing what we were actually meant to have, (from the beginning) what we were born with and the complexities arising from being "spread abroad" and learning how to relate and come to terms with our unique texture and how we choose to care for our hair. Now that is a mouthful, lololol! Let's get creative ladies!!!! throw some definitive names out there. bonjour

 

[Lotus]

My hair is divinely peculiar. Good post Lotus

Thank you NurseN98.

Still thinking. This is a tough one.... like Enchantment said... I think we should have more than one term. As long as the terms are they are positive and constructive, instead of (spiritually) destructive I'm all for them. We (disclaimer: generalization I know (smile) but stay with me) are all at different places with relation to our hair... therefore more than one (positive) term should/will be used to keep the communication in context.

 

[Lotus]

Duplicate post! *Sorry*

 

[ebonylocs]

As for the earlier post about seeing afro puffs and dreads as beautiful and balanced, I agree. They are not jagged and lopsided. The individual hairs that create them have been formed into pleasing, uniform shapes that have order. When we start praising wildly unkempt afros and locs that have not been formed into beautiful shapes and well-maintained, OK. But we are still admiring order, clean lines and a degree of precision. I believe that is our nature. We could detangle our hair and let it do whatever from there--no braids, no puffs, no twists--just free, if we truly enjoyed that freeform look as-is. But we don't do that; we style it into a form that pleases the eye. When we pick that uniquely beautiful and imperfect flower, we don't angle ourselves on a three-legged sofa to admire it.

That applies to all hair. Not just black hair, and not just 4B hair. All hair of all races has to be styled and maintained to keep it in an order that pleases *most* eyes. (But then again, there are a few people who find profusion and randomness beautiful. Kind of like the difference between a person who likes a manicured Victorian garden with sculpted hedges, and the person who prefers a more spontaneous garden that mirrors a tropical forest in its unabashed glory - the order of disorder, so to speak.)

Anyway: my point was to counter the idea that our hair inherently falls short of some objective aesthetic standard. Yes, it is true that the generic human being tends to find symmetry and balance beautiful. But I disagree that the generic human being would automatically think our hair doesn't meet those standards.
________________

A word for our hair? How about: Complex? Unique? Highly Textured?

 

[Bunny77]

That applies to all hair. Not just black hair, and not just 4B hair. All hair of all races has to be styled and maintained to keep it in an order that pleases *most* eyes. (But then again, there are a few people who find profusion and randomness beautiful. Kind of like the difference between a person who likes a manicured Victorian garden with sculpted hedges, and the person who prefers a more spontaneous garden that mirrors a tropical forest in its unabashed glory - the order of disorder, so to speak.)

Anyway: my point was to counter the idea that our hair inherently falls short of some objective aesthetic standard. Yes, it is true that the generic human being tends to find symmetry and balance beautiful. But I disagree that the generic human being would automatically think our hair doesn't meet those standards.
________________

A word for our hair? How about: Complex? Unique? Highly Textured?

Yeah, I agree with all of the above.

I can understand Blu's admiration of straight hair. My Asian friend has the most gorgeous straight and healthy black hair one could find. I think the ladies on here (Supergirl, LocksofLuv and Navsegda, for example) have relaxed hair I could admire for days...

But then, I go to Wal-Mart and see trailer park Becky with her greasy, oily and stringy hair and her kids have the same messed up hair. Let's just say I'm turned off -- let me see some beautiful 'fros any day! Or I see straight-haired white women with obvious perm damage (curly perms)... it just looks wrong... not because they have curls, but because the curls look so hard/rough/jagged... just like the trailer-park straight haired women or dare I say it... the black women with damaged straight hair where it hangs limply and the edges zigzag instead of hanging straight. And yes, I don't like ungroomed natural hair that's just dry, all over the place, etc... like someone rolled out of bed and didn't bother to do one thing to it.

So, I do think that humans' desire for symmetry and order can be achieved by viewing non-straight hair as well (maybe not for everyone personally, but in general) and all hair types are capable of being jagged and disordered as well.

 

[Blu217]

Yeah, I agree with all of the above.

I can understand Blu's admiration of straight hair. My Asian friend has the most gorgeous straight and healthy black hair one could find. I think the ladies on here (Supergirl, LocksofLuv and Navsegda, for example) have relaxed hair I could admire for days...

But then, I go to Wal-Mart and see trailer park Becky with her greasy, oily and stringy hair and her kids have the same messed up hair. Let's just say I'm turned off -- let me see some beautiful 'fros any day! Or I see straight-haired white women with obvious perm damage (curly perms)... it just looks wrong... not because they have curls, but because the curls look so hard/rough/jagged... just like the trailer-park straight haired women or dare I say it... the black women with damaged straight hair where it hangs limply and the edges zigzag instead of hanging straight. And yes, I don't like ungroomed natural hair that's just dry, all over the place, etc... like someone rolled out of bed and didn't bother to do one thing to it.

So, I do think that humans' desire for symmetry and order can be achieved by viewing non-straight hair as well (maybe not for everyone personally, but in general) and all hair types are capable of being jagged and disordered as well.

Well, I don't have a particular admiration for straight hair. But I am keen on simplicity and manageability that my natural hair does not naturally provide. I relaxed my hair so I could work it and wear it with ease, but I almost never style my hair straightened (twice in 5 years) and instead always rock the fluffy curls and body my relaxer make possible. I'd love to achieve my rollerset look naturally.

True that all hair types can be disordered race notwithstanding. This last quoted post was me addressing someone's thoughts on my first post; she was discussing specifically black hair. My first post some pages back mentioned that regardless of their color, people basically like a degree of order, the grey area of "degree" being operative there.

Ebonylocs, "complex" is a great word for our hair.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, I don't have a particular admiration for straight hair. But I am keen on simplicity and manageability that my natural hair does not naturally provide. I relaxed my hair so I could work it and wear it with ease, but I almost never style my hair straightened (twice in 5 years) and instead always rock the fluffy curls and body my relaxer make possible. I'd love to achieve my rollerset look naturally.

True that all hair types can be disordered race notwithstanding. This last quoted post was me addressing someone's thoughts on my first post; she was discussing specifically black hair. My first post some pages back mentioned that regardless of their color, people basically like a degree of order, the grey area of "degree" being operative there.

Ebonylocs, "complex" is a great word for our hair.

I understand. When I said "admiration," I was referring to your description in which I seemed to read as you admiring the look of it in society, which is why you chose to do it that way, but this post clarifies that you prefer to straighten because that's the easiest way for you to achieve what you want to do with your hair. Fair enough.

I think the posters who responded were commenting more (and disagreeing) on the concept of straight hair inherently having more symmetry and order than natural hair.

Now back on topic... I vote for highly textured!

 

[Bosslady1]

Perm is to dye As Nappy is to curls. It is all about a state of mind. I am anti NOTHING! I am educated but because I have a perm that makes me uneducated?

Tough thread...

 

[Bunny77]

Perm is to dye As Nappy is to curls. It is all about a state of mind. I am anti NOTHING! I am educated but because I have a perm that makes me uneducated?

Tough thread...

Uh... who said dat? Am I missing something?

I think the point of this thread was just to find a more positive term for our hair, no matter how we do it... where is anything saying that women with perms are uneducated?

I want to keep this a nice thread!

 

[Lotus]

I like highly textured, too.

 

[kls4c03]

I had natural hair for 5 years before going back to a relaxer. Going natural was a choice that I made for myself, it was about me, and I didn't care what people thought. My natural hair evolved, from a short aftro to locks to other natural styles. I'm relaxed again, but if I decided to go ack to natural tomorrow it's my choice.

I'm proud of who I am and I can choose my style, not anyone else.

 

[caligirl]

As an artist, I look around and consider what I like best in nature: Coarse or smooth? Straight or kinky? Long or short? Matte or shiny? When the hedges grow too high or too much out of alignment, a gardener trims them back. We pull the wrinkles out of made beds so they look smooth and neat. We don't let the grass grow too high in our yards because it looks as if we don't care to keep it groomed. If we are naturally heavy, we work to lose some weight so that we can both look more in alignment and feel better. If God gave me a cleft palate, I could live with it--but I'd be grateful to a parent who saw fit to have it corrected. And I think these things correlate to attitudes about hair as well.

My natural hair reminds me of natural textures I do NOT inherently like. Does that mean I hate myself as a black person, or that I am influenced by white society to think they're right and I'm wrong? I don't see it as such. When people of any race look at simple shapes, most gravitate toward symmetry, balance. When I look at one of my long coiled strands of new growth, there is no symmetry and balance to its shape. Because it comes out of my body, because it's inherent to my race I am expected to adore it anyway, even if, were it not hair and merely a sketch on paper, I would sooner choose a straight line, or an evenly wavy one.

I think we biologically prefer shapes, colors and sizes that appeal to our innate desires for balance, symmetry and order. And although we are all to some degree influenced by the social climates around us and the legacy of oppression has resulted in a bevy of hair and race issues, I also think the preference for smoother hair is based, both in white and black culture, in nature itself, in a generic preference for things we touch or wear to be smooth and fine rather than rough and course, as part of our inherent love of order. If our preferences as humans were opposite these, we'd likely live in a world and design our environments filled with jagged edges, lopsides and much more random shapes, kinky hair would be king and the product aisles for Caucasian hair would be filled with chemicals to help them coil up their displeasingly smooth, straight locks.

That was beautifully written and on point!

 

[TINKABELLE]

1. Textured
2. Misunderstood?
3. Original
4. Divine
5. Hair
Are all wonderful references to hair.


Perhaps examining what makes hair "difficult/not difficult" may assist in the discovery of new terms. I am trying my best, but right now the only three terms I arrive to are:

1. Versatile- fits well since "textured" hair is capable of acheiving many looks and styles.
2. Capable - is a good reminder to use when frustrated at any circumstance, entity, or when frustrated at yourself. Knowing what is capable may enable you.
3. Promising- a great friendly term to welcome fresh healthy new growth, and all its may waves, and curls.

 

[Enchantmt]

I havent given up on this. The sisterlocks author may have already coined a phrase for what I have in mind to replace the self hate one. I came across this link tho and wanted to pass it on:

http://www.movinghere.org.uk/galleries/histories/caribbean/working_lives/hair_styles.htm#

I think its been posted here before. Its not as detailed as I would like tho.