Something I heard a preacher say about dating.....

[levette]

I want to clear up first.... I am just repeating what I heard a minister say last week: re dating. It was somewhat
1. He said from a Christian standpoint...dating is not a biblical principal- only a man-made one. People in bible time did not date..parents arranged the marriages--He then added that realistically teenagers and young adultsshould not date unless they are ready for marriage ( to avoid sexual pressures)
2. He also mentioned in terms of marriage-- Love is not enough to keep a marriage together He said that COMMITMENT.. is what keeps marriages together like the commitment that God gives to us for unconditional love. He said lack of commitment dooms many marriages who will call it quits for trivial things.
3. He said that our culture has caused us to forget about " being a virgin when you are married.. He stated that there is no such thing as "safe sex" outside of marriage because of the many risks one takes when sleeping with a person who isn't their spouse.
4. This may be controversial but he did a slide show of std's. I didn't know that one could get oral cancer of the mouth from giving oral se.....
What are your thoughts?

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Well that is true from a biblical standpoint, and holds some validity. I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[Urban]

I want to clear up first.... I am just repeating what I heard a minister say last week: re dating. It was somewhat
1. He said from a Christian standpoint...dating is not a biblical principal- only a man-made one. People in bible time did not date..parents arranged the marriages--He then added that realistically teenagers and young adultsshould not date unless they are ready for marriage ( to avoid sexual pressures)
2. He also mentioned in terms of marriage-- Love is not enough to keep a marriage together He said that COMMITMENT.. is what keeps marriages together like the commitment that God gives to us for unconditional love. He said lack of commitment dooms many marriages who will call it quits for trivial things.
3. He said that our culture has caused us to forget about " being a virgin when you are married.. He stated that there is no such thing as "safe sex" outside of marriage because of the many risks one takes when sleeping with a person who isn't their spouse.
4. This may be controversial but he did a slide show of std's. I didn't know that one could get oral cancer of the mouth from giving oral se.....
What are your thoughts?

The bold is also a man a man-made cultural practice.

 

[weaveadiva]

2 & 3 are on point

 

[Renewed1]

1. It was cultural for them to arrange marriages. But I have a hard time that EVERYBODY had an arranged marriage. In TODAY'S time I don't feel it's ideal. I considered "dating" more like courting; if we're interested than it should be leading to marriage. But I'm a a different point in my life now.

2. I agree 10000%. I don't know why people feel that love holds a marriage together. I have yet to see it happen.

3. Agreed. I remember someone on this board posted an article title "Sex makes you stupid".

4. That's why you leave the BJ's for your hubby. Hoping couples are getting tested before they say "I do."

I want to clear up first.... I am just repeating what I heard a minister say last week: re dating. It was somewhat
1. He said from a Christian standpoint...dating is not a biblical principal- only a man-made one. People in bible time did not date..parents arranged the marriages--He then added that realistically teenagers and young adultsshould not date unless they are ready for marriage ( to avoid sexual pressures)
2. He also mentioned in terms of marriage-- Love is not enough to keep a marriage together He said that COMMITMENT.. is what keeps marriages together like the commitment that God gives to us for unconditional love. He said lack of commitment dooms many marriages who will call it quits for trivial things.
3. He said that our culture has caused us to forget about " being a virgin when you are married.. He stated that there is no such thing as "safe sex" outside of marriage because of the many risks one takes when sleeping with a person who isn't their spouse.
4. This may be controversial but he did a slide show of std's. I didn't know that one could get oral cancer of the mouth from giving oral se.....
What are your thoughts?

 

[CarolinaGal]

3. He said that our culture has caused us to forget about " being a virgin when you are married.. He stated that there is no such thing as "safe sex" outside of marriage because of the many risks one takes when sleeping with a person who isn't their spouse.
4. This may be controversial but he did a slide show of std's. I didn't know that one could get oral cancer of the mouth from giving oral se.....
What are your thoughts?

3. Heck, nowadays even sleeping with your spouse can be risky..... so.....

4. I'm glad he was EDUCATING about the realities of STDs. You never know what kind of germs, diseases, illnesses, and bacteria a person may be carrying. People need to really know the risks and consequences.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Funny, I went to a 'singles' thing today at my church. The bishop was telling us how dating was man made and that you shouldn't go out to find somebody.

I will say that I am elated that in the US arranged marriage is not the norm. I shudder to think who my grandma would pick out for me.

 

[Love Always]

Funny, I went to a 'singles' thing today at my church. The bishop was telling us how dating was man made and that you shouldn't go out to find somebody.

I will say that I am elated that in the US arranged marriage is not the norm. I shudder to think who my grandma would pick out for me.

So, if someone asked you out on a date would you not take them up on their offer, since dating is man made? I don't believe that you should go out finding someone per say but I do believe that you need to put yourself out there to be seen.

Can you tell me about the single conference, if you don't sharing?

 

[Raspberry]

Funny, I went to a 'singles' thing today at my church. The bishop was telling us how dating was man made and that you shouldn't go out to find somebody.

I will say that I am elated that in the US arranged marriage is not the norm. I shudder to think who my grandma would pick out for me.

This advice sounds good on the surface but if there aren't alternative mechanisms for facilitating marriages being put into place what should singles do?

I also agree that the idea of arranged marriages is man-made as well.. in fact any marriage related practice is something a certain cultural group has agreed to to practice out of tradition.

 

[chellero]

Funny, I went to a 'singles' thing today at my church. The bishop was telling us how dating was man made and that you shouldn't go out to find somebody.

I will say that I am elated that in the US arranged marriage is not the norm. I shudder to think who my grandma would pick out for me.

How are you supposed to get married then? Does your church do matchmaking?

 

[Raspberry]

How are you supposed to get married then? Does your church do matchmaking?

Exactly.

That really is the next practical step in the non-dating philosophy.

Marriage is treated much more pragmatically in non-western cultures and was treated similarly in the Bible. Telling people not to date because but to wait for a spouse to be beamed from heaven makes no sense biblically or practically.

 

[itsjusthair88]

1. Hmm...arranged marriages are completely culturally-based, there is no teaching attributed to the higher power that advocates for arranged marriages, so...yea
2. True and true! My parents have been together for 20+ years and they always say the same thing to me and my siblings: it takes WORK, from day 1, it takes work...
3. Right...no comment on that
4. There are always statistics of STD's contracted withing a marriage, so it is what it is...

 

[levette]

Exactly.

That really is the next practical step in the non-dating philosophy.

Marriage is treated much more pragmatically in non-western cultures and was treated similarly in the Bible. Telling people not to date because but to wait for a spouse to be beamed from heaven makes no sense biblically or practically.

I agree too. You need to date to get to know someone but if you are a Christian you need to set boundaries and preferably date another Christian with your same values.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

So, if someone asked you out on a date would you not take them up on their offer, since dating is man made? I don't believe that you should go out finding someone per say but I do believe that you need to put yourself out there to be seen.

Can you tell me about the single conference, if you don't sharing?

I think the man is supposed to find the woman because God is supposed to reveal to him the woman who is already ready for wife material.

We talked about self-worth, getting yourself whole before you marry, letting go of the past, a tad bit about sex. Like he said if you are celibate because the bible says so then most likely toy will break it. You must be celibate because you want to walk in God's commandments.

This advice sounds good on the surface but if there aren't alternative mechanisms for facilitating marriages being put into place what should singles do?

I also agree that the idea of arranged marriages is man-made as well.. in fact any marriage related practice is something a certain cultural group has agreed to to practice out of tradition.

Go to church, do God's work, the man will be revealed to you.

How are you supposed to get married then? Does your church do matchmaking?

Nah I hope they don't do church making! But I think he just wants us to stop worring about a man and be content with how we are, and first and formost we need to have a relationship with God.

I for one am not a serial dater but I do date.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think the man is supposed to find the woman because God is supposed to reveal to him the woman who is already ready for wife material.

We talked about self-worth, getting yourself whole before you marry, letting go of the past, a tad bit about sex. Like he said if you are celibate because the bible says so then most likely toy will break it. You must be celibate because you want to walk in God's commandments.



Go to church, do God's work, the man will be revealed to you.



Nah I hope they don't do church making! But I think he just wants us to stop worring about a man and be content with how we are, and first and formost we need to have a relationship with God.

I for one am not a serial dater but I do date.

I'm sorry, but I feel that thinking has left a lot of Christian women (especially black women) single. That advice *might* be practical when you're 21 but when you're in your 30s and 40s, I just don't think it's sound. Churches should be encouraging men to be more proactive in the dating/courting process. The reality is that women have a biological clock issue so waiting isn't wise either.

 

[MsLi@512]

In my opinion arranged marriages were a product of the times (biblical times). It just doesn't seem applicable today. And while I don't agree with hitting the clubs up for a date, I don't think sitting in the pew on Sunday then heading straight home will get you married either.
I say, live your life and have fun. Travel, go to community events and be of service etc. and be open to meeting new people. Set dating boundaries and you set your odds a bit higher to marry without feeling socially isolated and repressed.

 

[levette]

In my opinion arranged marriages were a product of the times (biblical times). It just doesn't seem applicable today. And while I don't agree with hitting the clubs up for a date, I don't think sitting in the pew on Sunday then heading straight home will get you married either.
I say, live your life and have fun. Travel, go to community events and be of service etc. and be open to meeting new people. Set dating boundaries and you set your odds a bit higher to marry without feeling socially isolated and repressed.

Yes, I agree with this.

 

[chellero]

I'm sorry, but I feel that thinking has left a lot of Christian women (especially black women) single. That advice *might* be practical when you're 21 but when you're in your 30s and 40s, I just don't think it's sound. Churches should be encouraging men to be more proactive in the dating/courting process. The reality is that women have a biological clock issue so waiting isn't wise either.

Exactly what I was thinking. Being content with yourself and having a relationship with God is all well and good, but there is no reason that people can't seek that and to be married all the same time. Husband's dopn't drop down from heaven, and there aren't a lot of single men in most churches, so obviously sitting in church all of the time waiting for God to send a man isn't going to be effective for most women. If the church isn't actively facilitating marriage through matchmaking or whatever, then they are doing the single women in their church a serious disservice with this kind of advice.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

I think the whole do God's work is where you are to meet the men.

 

[Urban]

We talked about self-worth, getting yourself whole before you marry

So glad your pastor is teaching this. I really hope he's teaching it at the men's conferences too.

@ just adding to my initial post, I just wanted to add this: ... Look, the Bible is also a historical text. There are a lot of descriptions about the cultures in the many places that it's set. Descriptions. The way I see it is that, it wasn't meant for people to start copying those cultures. I mean, there were places in the Bible where women covered their hair, people practiced polygamy, condoned slavery, didn't allow women to speak in church, married close relatives and the list goes on.

If you're going to read the Bible and understand all of it, and not just skimp past or ignore some of it, I think it's necessary to read it in context. Remember that it is an aggregate of texts written by many people, from different cultures. So you're going to see those different cultures represented in the Bible.

All that to say that, this whole "in Biblical times ... people did this, people did that..." doesn't cut it. "Biblical times" could span thousands of years. Cultures can change somewhat in a timeframe like that. I'm not too sure why some insist on preaching like the Bible is based on ONE, STATIC culture ... and how they pick and chose their "in Biblical times they did abc" when they feel it supports their point, but never mention other practices they don't see fit.