So the back just doesn't grow?

[barnardbaby027]

Hello everyone. I have been lurking around these forums for awhile and finally decided to join today. I have a problem that I was wondering if someone could offer up advice on:

When I was a kid, my mom always greased my scalp, washed my hair, and made sure that it was pressed. Even after we started getting relaxers, she always made sure that we had healthy hair and that it was well taken care of. My hair was thriving then - full and long.

When I was about 12 or 13, my mom decided to let me take over my own hair care. I had no giudance and therefore pretty much did what I thought was best - washed my hair once every 2 or 3 months. I always blowdried it on the highest setting and then used the curlers on the highest heat. When I discovered flat ironing, I would put moisturizer in my hair and then flat iron on the highest setting. I never moisturized my hair regularly and, when I did, I used Luster's Pink Oil Moisturizer and Sheen Spray. To detangle, I always used a man-made bristle brush and a fine toothed comb. In addition, I never slept with any sort of satin scarf on my hair or a satin pillowcase. My ends were fried and damaged and my hair was just a hot mess. Just in case your eyes are bugging out, let me assure you that you read all of that right...

Starting about 2.5 years ago, I wash my hair every week and keep it moisturized. I am still strying to find a regimen and am learning all that I can here at LHCF, and my hair is doing so much better - for the most part.

The sides and the front of my hair grow beautifully (I am amazed at how they have improved so much), but the back of my hair does not grow past neck length, resulting in hair that is terribly uneven. I think it is because of the damage that I have caused it over the years. Because of this, I always have to get my hair cut to get it back even. I always cut it thinking I will "start over", but nothing I do gets it to grow even remotely evenly - it ALWAYS breaks off. Before I know it, I'm starting over again. In fact, another chop is going down on December 22nd when I get home for Christmas break!

After this long story, here is my question: Has anyone ever had the problem of the back of the hair not growing well? Can anyone give me any suggestions on what to do? This problem has really frustrated me for the last two or three years and I am considering shaving off my entire head of hair and really "starting over", but I fear that, even if I do, my hair will just grow uneven again. Should I? Is my hair so damaged from previous abuse that it is copping out on me?

I really prefer not to use Monistat or MTG, just because I am not knowledgeable enough right now to use these sorts of products - and because I'm in college and can't subject other students to the smell!.

Forgive me for the long post, but I wanted you to have all of the information. Any suggestions from you knowledgeable ladies would be so helpful. Im am just so frustrated and don't know what to do. TIA

P.S.
Just so you know:
I don't know hair types, but by comparison I am probably about a 4b
I am relaxed
Right now I use Nexxus and KeraCare products for washing and deep conditioning, Infisium 23 for a leave in, along with Profectiv for my ends
I still blowdry - on a low setting and with a diffuser because I my hair is not manageable when I airdry. Could this be my problem?

 

[Wildchild453]

How do you wear your hair? Do you wear it up? The problem with the back is that its the area that comes in contact with clothes first so you have to baby it

 

[MzOptimistic]

Hello everyone. I have been lurking around these forums for awhile and finally decided to join today. I have a problem that I was wondering if someone could offer up advice on:

When I was a kid, my mom always greased my scalp, washed my hair, and made sure that it was pressed. Even after we started getting relaxers, she always made sure that we had healthy hair and that it was well taken care of. My hair was thriving then - full and long.

When I was about 12 or 13, my mom decided to let me take over my own hair care. I had no giudance and therefore pretty much did what I thought was best - washed my hair once every 2 or 3 months. I always blowdried it on the highest setting and then used the curlers on the highest heat. When I discovered flat ironing, I would put moisturizer in my hair and then flat iron on the highest setting. I never moisturized my hair regularly and, when I did, I used Luster's Pink Oil Moisturizer and Sheen Spray. To detangle, I always used a man-made bristle brush and a fine toothed comb. In addition, I never slept with any sort of satin scarf on my hair or a satin pillowcase. My ends were fried and damaged and my hair was just a hot mess. Just in case your eyes are bugging out, let me assure you that you read all of that right...

Starting about 2.5 years ago, I wash my hair every week and keep it moisturized. I am still strying to find a regimen and am learning all that I can here at LHCF, and my hair is doing so much better - for the most part.

The sides and the front of my hair grow beautifully (I am amazed at how they have improved so much), but the back of my hair does not grow past neck length, resulting in hair that is terribly uneven. I think it is because of the damage that I have caused it over the years. Because of this, I always have to get my hair cut to get it back even. I always cut it thinking I will "start over", but nothing I do gets it to grow even remotely evenly - it ALWAYS breaks off. Before I know it, I'm starting over again. In fact, another chop is going down on December 22nd when I get home for Christmas break!

After this long story, here is my question: Has anyone ever had the problem of the back of the hair not growing well? Can anyone give me any suggestions on what to do? This problem has really frustrated me for the last two or three years and I am considering shaving off my entire head of hair and really "starting over", but I fear that, even if I do, my hair will just grow uneven again. Should I? Is my hair so damaged from previous abuse that it is copping out on me?

I really prefer not to use Monistat or MTG, just because I am not knowledgeable enough right now to use these sorts of products - and because I'm in college and can't subject other students to the smell!.

Forgive me for the long post, but I wanted you to have all of the information. Any suggestions from you knowledgeable ladies would be so helpful. Im am just so frustrated and don't know what to do. TIA

P.S.
Just so you know:
I don't know hair types, but by comparison I am probably about a 4b
I am relaxed
Right now I use Nexxus and KeraCare products for washing and deep conditioning, Infisium 23 for a leave in, along with Profectiv for my ends
I still blowdry - on a low setting and with a diffuser because I my hair is not manageable when I airdry. Could this be my problem?

Well, first of all welcome from reading your post you are using some good products but I would say to lay off of the blowdrying and wear your hair up in protective styles and baggy your ends. Wash and deep condition your hair every 3 days since you say your hair is damaged. The infusion 23 should be replaced with another leave in like Neutrogena Triple Moisture leave in or any other moisturizing leave in. The infusion 23 is protein and you shouldn't use that all the time as your primary leave in. Your should have a couple of leavein to choose from. The other ladies will chime in soon

 

[MzOptimistic]

How do you wear your hair? Do you wear it up? The problem with the back is that its the area that comes in contact with clothes first so you have to baby it

Right Wildchild, you hit it on the nail

 

[Lucia]

Welcome,
sorry to hear your having a hard time with your hair, but you've come to the right place.
Well we're going to need some more info on what you do daily, like
1st off: how often do you relax your hair, what type, brand of relaxer do you use?
Do you give yourself little trimms or get small trimms at the salon?
Is your stylist giving you big cuts 2-3" and up every touch up?
Hair styles/how you wear your hair?
How often you wash and condition, exactly?
Do your shampoos have SLS Sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate in them? It's very drying to the hair and scalp.
Do you deep condition, and how often?
Your still abusing heat styling tools, how often daily, weekly?
Do you cover your hair at night?
I have some suggestions to get you started:
I can say that airdrying is better than heat styling, but if you must use heat use it less. There are ways to air dry your hair with twists, or banding, and roller sets on med-low heat are much better than blowfrying.
I notice you don't use any type of daily moiture product or oil
some light oils: Monoi, jojoba, some daily moisture you could mist your hair with these oils mixed w/ some water (mix them up in a spray bottle from beauty supply or pharm) daily, then put some conditioner on your length/ends, and then seal it with straight oil or profectiv(that's a grease/petroleum base right?). I 2nd bunning and protective styles and giving up the heat tools.
I have link, and info in my journal and doing searches on the boards will give you loads of info. make sure to look up the baggie method in my journal. HTH

 

[Cayenne0622]

I wish I could offer some help to you. I feel really bad for you because I understand the struggle. We all do. Hang in there. I know moisturizing will help but I'm not sure why it keeps breaking off. Are you leaving your relaxer on for too long in that area?

Anyway, I hope someone offers some info. that will help you.

 

[Gryphyn]

I have always had problems with my nape as well, but now it's growing out very nicely! The key for me is keeping it protected every day. I keep it braided and pin it up under the rest of my hair.

 

[Arcadian]

Oh yeah.. the back problem, I know that very well.

Your breakage could be coming simply from overmanipulation. I went from ear length to what you see in my avatar in about a year. Not miraculous but still its the longest its ever been in my whole life.

In my case, wearing my hair up in a bun, no matter how ghetto it looked (and man did they ever!!) has helped my hair retain moisture, that in turn has helped me retain hair. Using protien has also helped keep my hair strong as well as leaving heat alone. I style my hair with heat two days of the year, one of those being my anniversary Rest of the time, I just do a rollerset. Not that my rollersets are all that great looking, but I make do.

When my hair is wet, I moisterize it first by using Care free Curl gold, then I use the oil on top of that, put my hair in a ponytail, and put a silk scarf on top of that to keep it smooth. I sometimes will put a roller on the end if I'm going to be awak a while but if not, I don't bother.

For years the back of my hair just didn't grow and I didn't really understand why. It used to be the shortest part of my hair, now my front is and the back is just fine!

What I did was change from using a regular brush to a denman. I ONLY use it to detangle if my hair is wet and tangled. I otherwise use my fingers. I go for days without combing my hair anymore and my hair really thrived from doing this. I relax generally every 5 months or so. This has helped me to stop overlapping relaxers. Since I bun, using a silk scarf helps to keep my new growth from going nuts when i rinse or wash my hair.

I think you're on the right track in many ways, but, IMO, you do need to give up the daily heat and high manipulation. While there's some folks that can handle it, quite a lot of us can't.

You may consider reading some of the rollerset threads as well because rollersetting can break your habit of relying on the blowdryer as much.

It can be hard to find a regimine that works for you, I just urge you to think quality, not quantity.

And I dont blame you about not wanting to try MTG. I tried it and my SO did too. He woke up hungry I had to give up the bad bacon grease cause really it wasn't for me.


Seriously do a search on the rollerset threads as well as the deep conditioning ones. If you're not using a protien, check out those threads too.


Good luck and welcome!

-A

 

[Gryphyn]

Arcadian, you post is so inspirational!!

 

[barnardbaby027]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I am soaking up so much knowledge here!

WildChild: I don't wear my hair up because I assumed I couldn't. It's long enough in the front to put it up in a ponytail, but it looks like crap because the back is so short that it won't pull into the ponytail.

With that said, I am at a loss about how else to do protective styling with hair so short and uneven. I have no idea about how to do bunning without it looking like total crap. Even the rest of my hair is only somewhere between neck and shoulder length.

TSmith:
Thanks. My hair is so dry all the time and I assumed that wasing it more than once a week would be drying and damaging to it. Thanks for the suggestion and I will certainly try that. I will also try a more moisturizing leave in instead of one with so much protein.

Lucia:
Thank you so much for sharing.I am happy to provide you with more info:

-I relax my hair but don't have a schedule. I usually get my relaxer done by my mother using Optimim Care Super. I am away at college and can't really get one regularly because I can't afford the salon visits. With that said, average time between relaxers is about 3 months.
-I don't give myself trims. I only get trims whever I can get to the salon, which is once about every 4 months or so. I look at my ends and almost never see any split ones, so that leads me to believe that I have NO clue how to identify them...
-I don't have a stylist, so there are no cuts - only when I realize that my hair is uneven - AGAIN!
-I only wear my hair down or up in a huge clip because I don't know how else to wear it.
-I wash and condition once a week right now: KeraCare 1st Lather, Nexxus Therappe, KeraCare Humecto for Deep Conditioning. Yes, Therappe has that chemical in it. Can you recommend one without it and let me know where I can get it?
-I deep condition with KeraCare Humecto once a week after I shampoo
-The only heat that I use is a blowdryer on a very low setting with a diffuser once per week. It's one of those $20.00 ones from CVS.
-I put my hair up with a clip and cover it with a satin cap at night.

Here's my next question: How can I use the baggy method on ends that are too short to actually be gathered? One of my other problems is that I can't keep hair on my head because it breaks SO MUCH, so the baggy method sounds like a helpful solution. Any suggestions would be helpful.

 

[barnardbaby027]

Thanks for the inspration Arcadian!

I don't use heat daily, just weekly. I left my flat iron and curlers at home and only use a blowdryer with a diffuser.

I am just so unskilled at the art of hair growing that I really don't know how else to dry my hair. It's cold here in NY and, if I airdry, I can't go out until it's dry because of the weather - and that isn't feasible because the library is across the street. Also, when I airdry my hair looks like someone came along but a small bomb in it and it becomes dry and unmanageable. Can anyone give me some tips on how to airdry?

I still manipulate my hair. I gave up on the brush - I just got so sick of seeing hair that should be in my head between the bristles that I couldn't take it anymore and I literally threw it out of the window. I still use a wide toothed comb about every other day. I try not to comb hard, but I still do it.

I tried rollersets once before, and those looked like crap also. It was so bad that I wanted to wash my hair again and start all over... I will do a major search so I can get tips on them.

Also, is denman a brand or just a type of brush? Do I have to order it from somewhere special or can I get it in a regular beauty supply store?

Thanks again everyone. I am SO glad I finally decided to join!

 

[Lucia]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I am soaking up so much knowledge here!

WildChild: I don't wear my hair up because I assumed I couldn't. It's long enough in the front to put it up in a ponytail, but it looks like crap because the back is so short that it won't pull into the ponytail.

With that said, I am at a loss about how else to do protective styling with hair so short and uneven. I have no idea about how to do bunning without it looking like total crap. Even the rest of my hair is only somewhere between neck and shoulder length.

TSmith:
Thanks. My hair is so dry all the time and I assumed that wasing it more than once a week would be drying and damaging to it. Thanks for the suggestion and I will certainly try that. I will also try a more moisturizing leave in instead of one with so much protein.

Lucia:
Thank you so much for sharing.I am happy to provide you with more info:

-I relax my hair but don't have a schedule. I usually get my relaxer done by my mother using Optimim Care Super. I am away at college and can't really get one regularly because I can't afford the salon visits. With that said, average time between relaxers is about 3 months.
-I don't give myself trims. I only get trims whever I can get to the salon, which is once about every 4 months or so. I look at my ends and almost never see any split ones, so that leads me to believe that I have NO clue how to identify them...
-I don't have a stylist, so there are no cuts - only when I realize that my hair is uneven - AGAIN!
-I only wear my hair down or up in a huge clip because I don't know how else to wear it.
-I wash and condition once a week right now: KeraCare 1st Lather, Nexxus Therappe, KeraCare Humecto for Deep Conditioning. Yes, Therappe has that chemical in it. Can you recommend one without it and let me know where I can get it?
-I deep condition with KeraCare Humecto once a week after I shampoo
-The only heat that I use is a blowdryer on a very low setting with a diffuser once per week. It's one of those $20.00 ones from CVS.
-I put my hair up with a clip and cover it with a satin cap at night.

Here's my next question: How can I use the baggy method on ends that are too short to actually be gathered? One of my other problems is that I can't keep hair on my head because it breaks SO MUCH, so the baggy method sounds like a helpful solution. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Just cause your hair's uneven that doesn't mean that it's split or damaged, nobodys hair grows evenly. Check your hair clips, make sure they are hair friendly, no breakage type.

You can get small trimms like 1/8 inch-1/4 inch when you get a touch up if you feel that your ends are damaged, try going to the cheapie places like supercuts, hair cuttery etc... they will do exactly what you ask for but since you said you've cut your hair recently I don't think that's a big problem. If you don't see or feel splits don't you don't need to cut your hair.

The baggie method can work too, if you use a plastic cap the disposable ones at the Beauty supply, just mist, or put you moisturizer on then cover all your hair, btw poke some small holes in the baggie so you don't wake up with a wet head you just want it a little moist/damp to the touch. you could baggie every night at first then space it out, but it works.
You said your hair's so dry all the time, and not rinsing it, or giving it water is only making it dryer. Let's put it this way your hair's dry and your trying to help it by keeping it dry, and blow drying it which dries it out even faster and harsher, that's like being in a desert without any water, and someone giving you sand and telling you to stand in the hot sun.
The baggie will help you get your hair moist and back into shape, if you can't pull it up into a bun yet, then find a style that you don't have to blowdry to do. You said you have a diffuser, use that on low heat or air dry with some product, scrunch your hair, finger style and do a wavy/curly style. Tie that up at night with satin scarf, or get a stain pillowcase. then in the mornings refresh it with a little misting, and product.

Aubrey Organics is SLS free
http://www.aubrey-organics.com/

Qhemet
http://qhemetbiologics.com/index.php

monoi oil
http://www.tahiti-iti.com/monoi_oils.htm

my honey child
http://www.myhoneychild.com/soy_based_?b=1

Plain old cheap liquid castille soap works as a good shampoo too.
or you coul give up shampoo and just do conditioner washes=use light conditioner as your shampoo then, condition then style.HTH

 

[Dee-Licious]

Nothing to add, but I want to commend LUCIA on the great info and help she has provided. Great job!!!

 

[hopeful]

@ Arcadian, thanks for the beautiful and helpful post. You are an inspiration.

To the OP, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My nape area is fine, super kinky and dry, different than the rest of my hair, so it needs extra tlc, very little manipulation, and LOTS of moisture. Since going natural it is doing much better. Good luck.

You should check out dontspeakdefeat's fotki.

 

[thefineprint]

I don't have too much to add but I don't think that you should be using Infusium 23 as a leave-in. It is full of protein and could be causing the back of your hair to break because your hair may need more moisture, not protein. I've never had a good experience with Infusium 23 unless it was diluted and used with a moisturizer too.

 

[Arcadian]

Thanks everybody. I feel like we're all in this together. This forum is chocked full of wonderful information and inspiring stories from everyone and lots of people here done so much to help me and kept me going.

Sometimes I look in the mirror in shock and wonder because its still feels unreal to me. I would have NEVER thought I'd get to where I am now.

barnardbaby027, denmans come in different sizes and types. I have a Denman D4 which is a seamless detangling brush. I utilize it more like a comb when I have to detangle though.

Still, do what you can to bring down your daily hair manipulation especially in the back. I can't remember what member that said this but she said if you treat your hair like the finest silk, you'll be rewarded. Boy was she ever right!

BTW, you've got a lot of reading to do Think of it as a wondeful journey instead of a chore. Chores suck, journeys are magical and filled with suprising twists and turns. (though they can sometimes be frustrating too)


-A

 

[Lucia]

Nothing to add, but I want to commend LUCIA on the great info and help she has provided. Great job!!!

Thanks