SO returning from deployement

[Keedah]

My SO has been acting really weird when I talk to him on Skype the past few weeks. He always says "he had a long day" and doesnt want to talk about it. I moved into his house right before he left and he just said to me last night "Im not gonna be the nicest person to live with when I get back. I need to get out of this mindset".

I dont know whats going on over there cause he doesnt tell me much but he did say they get into conflicts every day. I cant even imagine what can be going on.

I have the weird feeling I shouldnt even be around when he gets back. Im thinking I could stay with my mom until he gets himself together. Anybody go through this? From my point of view "I need to get out of this mindset" can mean anything.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

My heart goes out to you. I sense that you are not married to your SO. My husband is retired Military and it's very hard being in a relationship to someone that has been deployed for months and years at a time. Deployment destroys a lot of relationships, due to the fact that you've been apart for so long that you have to reconnect. There's no telling what your SO has had to experience, and he might need some space or counseling. Be supportive of him, there are things he won't be able to tell you. There are still things to this day that my husband has not discussed with me because through the military code he couldn't, almost like they are sworn to silence.

I hope things work out for you two. Stay strong, and when he gets back communicate with him as to how you can get past this difficult time.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I would welcome him home with open arms, and then bounce almost immediately. Be nearby, but don't be... THERE, you know?

My SO and I have been separated since the beginning of our relationship. When he deploys, I'm not going to like it but plan to be busy (hopefully in basic myself) and not around for his return if it's that disastrous.

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Awww Keedah I just wanted to give you some support. My dad was in Vietnam and my mom said the returned a totally different man. He was always on edge, couldn't sleep at night and used alcohol to deal with what he had experienced. Now that is NOT TO SAY that you man will be the same way. My point is that he has experienced alot and he may be a little different when he returns to the US. At least he did tell you that he will need to get out of the mindset of being in the war. He's been thru alot and it will take some time to readjust.

I am sure that his mindset is one of always wondering what the next day will bring and looking out for the enemy. He has been in defense mode for awhile and he will need time to adjust to the real world again.

Stay strong and prayerful. Be supportive but also give him his space.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I was in the military and agree with what the pp's said. I also want to give another point of view. When I was deployed I saw alot of people going through changes with their SO's and DH's back home. Sometimes when these men are away, they develop relationships while their gone. Sometimes it's meant to be a "just while gone" type of thing.
Other times just being apart for long periods of time change the direction people want to go and opt out of their relationship.

Either way, I hope he's open and honest with you about what he wants and needs.
Hopefully he will just need some down time when he returns to recharge and get back into a positive mind set.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

Sounds like you are scared of how the war has changed him. If you have reason to be scared (if there is a history of violence) maybe it's a good idea to skip. If that's not the case, I hope you are both open and honest with each other and that you are courageous enough to assert your needs while you live together, as well as considering his.