so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced the

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nychaelasymone

Well-Known Member
dating scene and I'm frankly appalled at some of the men out here. Gracious. I honestly am not interested in dating however if I'm approached by a man who is seemingly nice, I will let him speak. After all the initial niceties they all seem to be interested in only hooking up. Seriously? Is this what the dating scene looks like? Or maybe I just live in an area where this behavior is acceptable. Is this something a lot of women are experiencing these days? Are folks really still casually bumping uglies?
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

nychaelasymone said:
dating scene and I'm frankly appalled at some of the men out here. Gracious. I honestly am not interested in dating however if I'm approached by a man who is seemingly nice, I will let him speak. After all the initial niceties they all seem to be interested in only hooking up. Seriously? Is this what the dating scene looks like? Or maybe I just live in an area where this behavior is acceptable. Is this something a lot of women are experiencing these days? Are folks really still casually bumping uglies?
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I remember being single after 10 years and I can tell you after being locked down in a relationship for so long, you can be a little green behind the ears. I made some mistakes that caused me a few epiphanies. The first two people I started seeing after my 10 yr relationships were the biggest mistakes of my life. I really should have given myself more time I suppose.

Just be true to what ever values you have...take your time and have fun in the mean time. And let the red flags guide you out of potential madness.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

ChasingBliss said:
I remember being single after 10 years and I can tell you after being locked down in a relationship for so long, you can be a little green behind the ears. I made some mistakes that caused me a few epiphanies. The first two people I started seeing after my 10 yr relationships were the biggest mistakes of my life. I really should have given myself more time I suppose.

Just be true to what ever values you have...take your time and have fun in the mean time. And let the red flags guide you out of potential madness.
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Great advice and that is exactly what I'm doing. I guess I am a bit green but I feel more shocked than anything.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

It's difficult. I became single after 20+. All I can say is that, standards are much looser these days. People are hooking up and going home with folks on the first meeting, etc...and men are coming to expect this behavior. In other words, "Play hard to get if you want, I can go somewhere else and get it." I have no problem letting them go elsewhere for it either. Having to wake up with MYSELF and live IN MY OWN SKIN, I can't allow societal standards (or lack thereof) to color my personal moral code that I've developed over a lifetime. You can run from many things but you can't run from yourself so you have to do what you're comfortable living with forever more. Worry not, there are still some good guys out there and you only need ONE. Be patient, he's coming!
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

GoldenRule said:
It's difficult. I became single after 20+. All I can say is that, standards are much looser these days. People are hooking up and going home with folks on the first meeting, etc...and men are coming to expect this behavior. In other words, "Play hard to get if you want, I can go somewhere else and get it." I have no problem letting them go elsewhere for it either. Having to wake up with MYSELF and live IN MY OWN SKIN, I can't allow societal standards (or lack thereof) to color my personal moral code that I've developed over a lifetime. You can run from many things but you can't run from yourself so you have to do what you're comfortable living with forever more. Worry not, there are still some good guys out there and you only need ONE. Be patient, he's coming!
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^5 to all of this!!! I am doing just that but more importantly, I am enjoying MY LIFE!!!
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

I haven't been on the dating scene in years but reading the posts on this forum make me think hooking up on the first date is the new "in" thing.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

naturalmanenyc said:
I haven't been on the dating scene in years but reading the posts on this forum make me think hooking up on the first date is the new "in" thing.
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they can have that crap! I'm sorry....ain't enough coloring in the world worth a piece of a man. I'm good.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

I might be speaking for myself but I don't really deal with that. You don't have to date everyone who approaches you. I think the people who engage in hookup culture are those who want to engage, but if it's not your thing that's perfectly fine too. I haven't felt the pressure to engage, men kind of read my body language I guess and respond accordingly. I have never even kissed anyone on the first date or second date. I tend to be conservative because I date around quite a bit and wouldn't be able to handle all that physical activity. My advice would be selective about who you allow to take you out.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

I agree with you, the goal is to enjoy yourself. I believe if you are patient, exude a loving spirit, put yourself in places where you are able to perform your gift and passion, whether it's church, volunteerism, the park.... You will meet your mate. If you haven't already, try online dating. It is a great tool if you use it I the right way....in otherwords don't date the guy just because he shows interest. Find out more about him before meeting. When you go out to socials make sure your first priority is to have fun....not meet someone. P.S. Beware of the married ones....whew...some of these married men have no shame.
 
I'd also add to continue or re-learn who you are, your likes and dislikes. I'm enjoying the attention and the teenage action teehee....fun fun fun!

No serious potential so it's an ego boost for now.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

Fine 4s said:
I'd also add to continue or re-learn who you are, your likes and dislikes. I'm enjoying the attention and the teenage action teehee....fun fun fun!

No serious potential so it's an ego boost for now.
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Fine 4s YES to the bolded. In fact I was thinking about this last night. When you spend all your time holed up in a relationship (especially one long term one after another) you can be so enmeshed and not even know it. It took me a long time to realize that I did not know what I really liked or wanted. Even my creativity was stunted. I am married now, but I am only now discovering myself...Much of it was forced through painful epiphanies...but very very necessary.

nychaelasymone (not sure if you stated it) but how long has it been since you broke up from that relationship?
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

It is. They don't even want to pay for your food before getting some.

This is a guy I talked to recently:

Me: I want to wait.

Him: Okay, I respect that.

Me: Thank you.

Him: So like...3 weeks?

:nono: :nono: Three weeks is waiting? I blame Joan from Girlfriends.
 
LovinLea said:
It is. They don't even want to pay for your food before getting some.

This is a guy I talked to recently:

Me: I want to wait.

Him: Okay, I respect that.

Me: Thank you.

Him: So like...3 weeks?

:nono: :nono: Three weeks is waiting? I blame Joan from Girlfriends.
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Dang that's not even enough time to learn middle names :lachen:
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

LaFemmeNaturelle said:
lol don't blame Joan. Wasn't hers 3 months?
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Oop.

girlfriends-jones27.jpg


Sorry, girl.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

nychaelasymone said:
dating scene and I'm frankly appalled at some of the men out here. Gracious. I honestly am not interested in dating however if I'm approached by a man who is seemingly nice, I will let him speak. After all the initial niceties they all seem to be interested in only hooking up. Seriously? Is this what the dating scene looks like? Or maybe I just live in an area where this behavior is acceptable. Is this something a lot of women are experiencing these days? Are folks really still casually bumping uglies?
Click to expand...
I became first time single in MY LIFE 4.5 years ago. And yes...

Even the mid-lifers are trife.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

ChasingBliss said:
@Fine 4s YES to the bolded. In fact I was thinking about this last night. When you spend all your time holed up in a relationship (especially one long term one after another) you can be so enmeshed and not even know it. It took me a long time to realize that I did not know what I really liked or wanted. Even my creativity was stunted. I am married now, but I am only now discovering myself...Much of it was forced through painful epiphanies...but very very necessary.

@nychaelasymone (not sure if you stated it) but how long has it been since you broke up from that relationship?
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ChasingBliss
I've been single for 2 years. I recently got a little tingle to test the dating scene and my first few experiences were a bit eye-opening. Regardless, I'm enjoying my life and I do believe I'll run into someone worthwhile eventually. Until then, I'm good.
 
Re: so now that I'm officially single, Its been over 10 years since I've experienced

nychaelasymone said:
ChasingBliss
I've been single for 2 years. I recently got a little tingle to test the dating scene and my first few experiences were a bit eye-opening. Regardless, I'm enjoying my life and I do believe I'll run into someone worthwhile eventually. Until then, I'm good.
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Oh ok. It seems like you've been single long enough. I really wish I have myself that amount of time too. I think you'll be fine. Unfortunately, the several frogs before getting to the prince story is true.
 
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