So...Guys like the drama

[Bun Mistress]

So this week for the first time I was dumped. In my 28 years of living this never happened. Now this isn't about that. But everytime a relationships ends I think about the why. And on this one (AT FIRST) I had nothing.

But then I thought about me. In the past (a fe w years ago) I had no problem getting and keeping a man around. And I was retty much as busy as I am now, just busy in different ways. The only thingthat is different that I can tell is I'm way less drama than I used to be. Back in the day I had my man, my guys friends (that I was way to close too really), I was never available, wouldn't answer my phone all the time, or return texts. OK I was a little triffling.

Now all my drama is at work so I don't need/want any more, so now I'm less triffling. My last relationship could be called boring. But I liked it. We went out, movies, talked, he was sweet, then all the sudden. He called it quits.
When he told me about his last relationships it dawn on me. He wanted more drama.

Another example of men that like the drama are the guys I know from work we hang out sometimes. The single guys date 22 -24 year old and complain that they are needy or don't get their job ect (they don't seem to understand that their is a 6 to 8 year ag gap and that is the reason why). And the ones that are dating are with non professionals that are blonde and bouncy. Oh and like to argue.

So guys, like the drama. Do I need to be more drama? Cause I kinda refuse.

 

[MzLady78]

So this week for the first time I was dumped. In my 28 years of living this never happened. Now this isn't about that. But everytime a relationships ends I think about the why. And on this one (AT FIRST) I had nothing.

But then I thought about me. In the past (a fe w years ago) I had no problem getting and keeping a man around. And I was retty much as busy as I am now, just busy in different ways. The only thingthat is different that I can tell is I'm way less drama than I used to be. Back in the day I had my man, my guys friends (that I was way to close too really), I was never available, wouldn't answer my phone all the time, or return texts. OK I was a little triffling.

Now all my drama is at work so I don't want any more, so I'm less triffling. My last relationship could be called boring. But I liked it. We went out, movies, talked, he was sweet, then all the sudden. He called it quits.

Another example are some of the men I work with and some times we hang out. The singles ones date 22 -24 year old and complain that they are needy or don't get their job ect (they are bing 22 year olds). And the ones that are dating are with non professionals that are blonde and bouncy. Oh and like to argue.

So guys, like the drama. Do I need to be more drama? Cause I kinda refuse.

No, THIS guy liked the drama. I definitely would NOT make the generalization that all guys do.

And if you prefer a drama free life now, keep it that way. I guarantee you'll be able to find a guy who prefers it as well.

 

[melissa-bee]

Yeah, I agree with only that guy liked drama.
The guy was recently seeing totally cut me out of his life because I was giving him his version of "drama"... so there you go

eta: Personally, I think if a man is after drama then he is not looking to settle down anytime soon. A grown serious man does not seek drama, because they have better things to deal with.

 

[ThickHair]

Some, not all guys like to be the Cap't.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I'm not saying lighting your clotheson fire drama. But ever notice a guys will blowup your phone till you answer and talk to them? Some people call it the chase. But isn't that just mini drama? Something keeping them interested???

Also why do so many men want to date much younger women? They aren't more refined, they are more interesting in other ways though.....

BTW this guy wanting drama is my theory. He wasn't arguementitive for no reason. Or showed obvious signs of wanting to create a fight for no reason.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

So guys, like the drama. Do I need to be more drama? Cause I kinda refuse.

Hmmm..... Personally, I wouldn't assume that ALL guys like drama just based on this situation alone. I think it was just HIM.

Plus, it looks like you're in a MUCH better place in your life right now. You don't NEED extra drama in your life. You're being a good girlfriend instead of a "trifling" one like you said you used to be. To me, this is a sign of maturity and growing up. Idk what age bracket you're in, but usually when people get older and more mature, they realize that they want something more substantial and long-lasting in their lives.

No offense, but if that guy wanted more "drama" in his life, he needs to find some other girl that will give him that. That just SCREAMS "RED FLAG" in my book. Trust me, I've had DRAMA in my relationships before in the past, and when I was younger...I craved it. It was "fun" and "exciting". But now, I've grown up, matured, and realized that those moody "drama"-filled guys just brought heartache and pain later on down the line.

Now that I'm closer to an age where I would like to settle down and be married, I seek out stable, good husband material type men who have little to zero drama in their lives.

Yeah, I agree with only that guy liked drama.
The guy was recently seeing totally cut me out of his life because I was giving him his version of "drama"... so there you go

eta: Personally, I think if a man is after drama then he is not looking to settle down anytime soon. A grown serious man does not seek drama, because they have better things to deal with.

THANK YOU!

Like I mentioned earlier, I don't know what stage in your life you are, but a MATURE man who's actually looking for a wife will NOT be attracted to women who are drama queens. It may be exciting at FIRST, but eventually he'll grow tired of it.

Personally OP, if I were you I would just be MYSELF with any man. Who wants to continue to be something their not around a guy just to please him? That can be construed as being a doormat or too agreeable too....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Also, I wanted to add too...

There's a difference between being naturally "hard to get" because you have such an active, enjoyable, fulfilling life as a single woman, and "playing hard to get" or being malicious by deliberately NOT answering his phone calls, accepting his invites places, or brushing him off like the lint on your clothing.

Honestly, imo guys who are all about "the chase" either have no other options, OR....they eventually move on once they've "caught" you.

 

[lux10023]

i do think certain guys like the drama..

just like with anything else...whether its boring friends or a boring SO..i do think certain types ofppl r drawn to a drama-filled person..since they like the excitement

but not all drama is bad...

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Guys don't prefer young women because they bring drama. Men want female company that is young and beautiful. As you age you learn this more and more... those are the MAIN things men want in women. Youth and beauty. Character, intellect, compatibility... those all take a backseat to youth and beauty.

Young chicks are also easier to manipulate, don't know their worth, and can be just generally hustled more easily than a woman with some maturity.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I do see the difference between having a busy life and acting hard to get. I am busy, very busy (btw I', 28, so that part of my life). Maybe I just keeping meeting the WRONG men???? But it seems even after my intense screening process I keeping running into brick walls. Whining over.

 

[Ms Red]

Are you sure it was him wanting drama or was it just boredom/monotony/lack of spontaneity?

ETA: I sympathize

 

[hopeful]

I agree with you OP. I think men like a little drama here and there. Not stalking or huge fights but I think they become bored quickly with routine and everything going smoothly. Most like a little challenge IMO.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I do see the difference between having a busy life and acting hard to get. I am busy, very busy (btw I', 28, so that part of my life). Maybe I just keeping meeting the WRONG men???? But it seems even after my intense screening process I keeping running into brick walls. Whining over.

Keep up the good work! You'll find the RIGHT man for you in time.

And if you keep running into the same TYPE of men, then try to do some self-evaluation and ask yourself why that is. It could be that you're just attracted to those types, OR...maybe there's a vibe that you're giving off subconsciously that causes these types of men to be attracted to you. Idk... But usually the older you get, the better caliber men you attract simply because a lot of the men in your age bracket also become a little more mature, and you probably know your self-worth better now, more sure of yourself, etc.

I agree with you OP. I think men like a little drama here and there. Not stalking or huge fights but I think they become bored quickly with routine and everything going smoothly. Most like a little challenge IMO.

Yeah, now I do agree with this. There are ways to keep the relationship "ALIVE" (so-to-speak) so that the two of you don't get bored. You can surprise a man in different ways. Ways that don't even have to involve sex. Men just like UNPREDICTABILITY. That's basically it in a nutshell. Once you become "predictable", you become boring to a man. But funny thing is most men want a stable woman to be a wife, but just not in the beginning of a dating relationship.

You can be unpredictable by suggesting interesting/stimulating or "out of the norm" type of dates! Not just the typical dinner and a movie type stuff. *yawn* Why do you think all those people fall in love on "The Bachelor"? They're always scaling some building, or doing some type of active/physical event on their dates. Do something out of the norm!

Challenge him with an intellectually stimulating conversation. Ask him a question completely out of left-field that REALLY gets the wheels in his head in his head turning. :scratchch

Do you two playfully banter with each other back and forth? This usually keeps things interesting, witty, and fun. I have to admit, if a guy is TOO straight-laced and can't relax or have FUN or playfully tease me back and forth a little bit every once in a while, then he does become a little more "boring" in my mind. But again, this in excess can become a bit TOO much too, so you have to find a healthy medium.

Btw, HE should be keeping things interesting in the relationship as well! It shouldn't always be up to the woman alone.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Yeah, I agree with only that guy liked drama.
The guy was recently seeing totally cut me out of his life because I was giving him his version of "drama"... so there you go

eta: Personally, I think if a man is after drama then he is not looking to settle down anytime soon. A grown serious man does not seek drama, because they have better things to deal with.

This is SOOO true. If a man is looking to settle down and he is about his business, he does not have time for nagging, complaining, neediness, etc... he's looking for a partner and an equal. Not that your relationship should be boring because I'll drop anyone if you bore me but the relationship should be a source of joy, interest, and support.

So having you own life is important...go away with your girls without him, don't always be available to him, have your own life and do your own things so he knows you don't rely on him for your day-to-day.

 

[ambergirl]

i do think certain guys like the drama..

just like with anything else...whether its boring friends or a boring SO..i do think certain types ofppl r drawn to a drama-filled person..since they like the excitement

but not all drama is bad...

I agree with you OP. I think men like a little drama here and there. Not stalking or huge fights but I think they become bored quickly with routine and everything going smoothly. Most like a little challenge IMO.

ITA with both of you. Men like the unpredictable, the passionate, a little bit of challenge....not all of it is bad but some men are down right attracted to nuts and neurotics.

I know more than a few men who date one neurotic nut after another. For those types, IMO it's not just about the unpredictability....it's also about how whenever there's an issue in the relationship it's her issue, when there's drama it's her drama, when something or one needs to be "fixed" it's her. It's a great way of having all the excitement of unpredictability and drama but never having to deal with the stuff they're carrying, their issues, or their problems.

 

[Bun Mistress]

ambergirl ITA with te guys that like drama on the woman;s side. Not to be mean it seems that some of my guy friend like the fact that they are fine and she is not. Like it validates them in some way and why thye choose to play around and not settle down. They keeping telling me that they only attract "crazy girls" while I'm giving them the side eye.

 

[ambergirl]

ambergirl ITA with te guys that like drama on the woman;s side. Not to be mean it seems that some of my guy friend like the fact that they are fine and she is not. Like it validates them in some way and why thye choose to play around and not settle down. They keeping telling me that they only attract "crazy girls" while I'm giving them the side eye.

Bunmisstress [/mention] :yep: One guy I know only dates neurotic younger women because he likes to be "Daddy" who protects and saves her from herself. Another man I know has serious substance abuse problems but somehow has the good fortune to find women with even more issues then him and so his issues are never brought up because they are nothing compared to the unending vortex of crazy his women live in.

For men like this, dating drama queens is a great way to feel superior and in charge. It's really a co-dependent thing and some people just want relationships like that. It's also a great way to deflect attention away from whatever they're doing because how can the crazy lady call them on their mess when she's got so much baggage of her own?

I remember a few years ago dating this guy who seemed so accomplished, so sane and wise, but he was always trying to create some drama...but in a way that always focused on me being the problem....

It wasn't until one of my friends said..."you know he's a crazy maker...he's one of those guys who wants to make you crazy"...that I realized that this was his pattern. Either date a crazy woman or make the woman you're dating crazy so you can sit back and be superior and "wise"...yeah done with him in a heart beat.

 

[Imani]

^^^ambergirl, you are hitting it dead on the nail! I know guys like this. Every female is so "dramafied and crazy". And claim they dont understand why they are attracting these women. And they swear they don't like it and the female is ALWAYS the problem, never them.

The "crazy maker" thing makes a lot of sense too. I'm very laid back and I've had men try this with me, like, they will try to create some drama out of thin air. I'm like WTFerplexed