Single until you're married? (kinda long)

[Nayna]

Hola! So here's the story. My homeboy has a friend that I always thought was such a cutie but when I met him he' had a girlfriend so i stayed far away from him. Fastforward a year and I see that any time my boy wants to hang out with me he wants to tag along. I'm not slow; clearly dude is feeling me. I don't play on it though cus last I heard he had a girlfriend. Finally he makes a move. I deflect it because I'm not hearing that. He tells me that he's not with his girl anymore. I didn't believe him at first. I asked my boy but he wasn't sure. I did some digging and my efforts were fruitless so finally I consented and allowed him to take me on a date.

So we were speaking one night and I admit to him that I didn't believe him when he said he and his ex were over with. He laughs and says 'Trust me. Until I come telling you I'm engaged you have nothing to worry about.' It sooo rubbed me the wrong way and I slowly stopped talking to him. That was a few months ago and we stopped speaking not too long after the comment (I switched numbers and he claims I never gave him my new number). We ended up bumping into each other the other night and sparks were flying. We've started speaking again but I dunno. I won't lie I like him. I just didn't like that comment. For starters it tells me that you plan on plucking around on someone that's taking you serious and it also makes me feel as if you're saying that I shouldn't take you serious because it isn't me that you would ever be proposing too. So I'm preparing to cut him loose.

So ladies tell me, am I reading this wrong? I'm pretty good with reading guys. And I'm a healthy dater as in I'm dating till I meet someone I would like to be exclusive with. I just don't know this time. Maybe I just didn't like hearing it and that's what's bothering me. Or I just feel like well if you have a girl does this mean you won't say jack and just keep messing with me till you pop the question? Or does this mean exclusivity is out of the question till you're ready for marriage? I've asked him all this obviously and he says he didn't mean it like that. He had a convo with his granny who made him realize that he should date till he meets the girl he wants to marry. As you can see it's been on my mind heavy. Help, lol.

 

[DSP]

He flat out told you what he will do to you. Believe him. Ignore any and all back-tracking from his original statement.

 

[Sasha299]

I agree, keep it moving. He already told you how he will treat you and if you ignore it one day he will come to you and say he's marrying someone else OR he's disappear and you'll find out later that he married someone else.
If you want let him know that you are not compatible.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

You have excellent instincts. Listen to them!

 

[lesedi]

When a man shows himself to you, believe him.

 

[Shinka]

So are you saying you won't date a guy who may be dating others? I didn't say cheating and in relationships with multiple women, but just dating.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what he said. I think if you are looking for exclusivity he isn't the one for you. It seems he is saying he wont be monogamous ( doesn't mean he is having sex with everyone) until he deems the women worthy enough to marry, until then he'll date.

Many women have this same philosophy about dating and marriage. Like others said, he told you the truth about his dating style. If that doesn't click with you, then KIM

 

[Nayna]

So are you saying you won't date a guy who may be dating others? I didn't say cheating and in relationships with multiple women, but just dating.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what he said. I think if you are looking for exclusivity he isn't the one for you. It seems he is saying he wont be monogamous ( doesn't mean he is having sex with everyone) until he deems the women worthy enough to marry, until then he'll date.

Many women have this same philosophy about dating and marriage. Like others said, he told you the truth about his dating style. If that doesn't click with you, then KIM

I would date a guy that's dating others since I'm dating as well. I think the comment made me feel as if he would never be serious. Like what happens after dating? How do you just jump from dating to engaged? I don't know if I'm articulating this well but it just made me feel as if he would have a serious girlfriend but still be messing around until he decides to marry her. He thinks I'm crazy but I think I'm going to keep it moving.

Thank you ladies for your responses!

 

[MissJ]

Sounds like he's one of those guys who gets into fake relationships with women he knows he has no intention of marrying.

 

[southerncitygirl]

sounds like dude likes to string chicks along but the main gf the safety net, i know a female that talks this ish about single until married....smh. if you are in a commmitted relationship imo its still holds weight unless you are in th initial dating stages of getting to know someone.

 

[Shinka]

This seems to be a misunderstanding. He obviously had someone he consider a girlfriend, not just a dating partner. So ask him if he dated other women while he was with his girlfriend? That really seems to be the issue here.

When you say someone is a gf or bf, there is an assumption that this person earned the more serious title than "we're just dating".

Also, some people, I won't say just men in this case, will have a serious relationship, never cheat, and completely exclusive. Then one day, they are impressed by another person. They may decided to pursue the other person and break it off with their girlfriend cause they are simply interested in the pursing the new person. If they made a serious commitment like an engagement, they may not do this, but a regular gf/bf is just a reg. or gf/bf.

I am not saying this is the case here and you should continue with him if you don't feel comfortable.

I just get tired of females dogging dudes and assuming he's a player, cheat, can't be trusted, because the have a different view of dating...maybe its because I have 4 older brothers, I don't know.

 

[Nayna]

I hear you; I have 3 brothers myself. I don't necessarily put him in the player category but he's definitely flighty. He had a girl and they broke up from what I've been able to find out. To my knowledge they are still friendly. He wants me to sit down and talk to his granny but I don't think I'm doing all that. I doubt his ability to be serious when and if I become ready to. What if I start to really like him? He's already hit me with this, and for me it would be a waste of time to do all this dating and courting if he's trying to have a long term dating relationship. It's almost like he never plans on being a bf again. Plus I'm having a hard time grasping the idea of dating then marriage. IMO there must be that chick somewhere sitting idly by waiting for him. Even if they aren't together now she's somewhere. I could be paranoid though, but I think I'm a fair enough person and I've been hearing him out but eh. I think I may have answered my own question, lol.