Through my experiences, especially recent I've realized my tolerance continues to get lower and lower and my standards in a man are getting higher and higher. Though I have a strong faith that there is a man I'll be able to have a family with because I do have a strong desire to be a mother..With what the men I meet have to offer I'm finding I totally enjoy being single over having a relationship, I prefer it. Again this is based on my past experience, I've still got that faith but those knuckleheads have made it extremely hard for the next man to snatch me from my singledom.
"How To Marry the Man of Your Choice" by Margaret Kent is a great book for when you are serious about finding a husband. I'm not that serious about it at the moment, but has helped me improve my communication with men and refine my expectations.
At this point in my life, I definitely think I may be single forever, or at least for a loooooooooooong while. It's hard to get serious with someone only for it to not work out. I don't see how people can do this over and over again in a lifetime.
What didnt happen? Let me give you some background info-I'm 28-he's 40-We met at work/ Went on one date two weeks ago to a party so no money involved (It went well) and we went out last night. We both work for the school board and at work this man is professional, respectful, FINE as hell and seemed like a GREAT catch.
We decided to go to TGIF Fridays- he ordered an appertizer and he was like-lets just share this. I went along with it and was like ok cool. So finaly the check comes and this fool starts looking around.....so after it was CLEAR that he had no intention on paying the 19.00 dollar check I gave the waiter my cc. Like an ediot I forgot to activate that card after receiving it in the mail the day before so it was returned to me by the waiter. I offered to use another card and at this point with an attitude he says "Fine I will get my wallet from the car" Why is his wallet in his car?????? When he passes me going to his car he mumbles..."I should leave ur ***! Ok finally he comes back in and pays. I ended up leaving seven dollars for the tip which he picked up five and pocketed on the way out. The entire night I noticed a drink in the cupholder which I realized was alchohol when a cop pulled up behind us and he handed the cup to me and was like-"hold this hold this" Luckily we didnt get stopped. Finally he pulls up in front of my house and asks If he can come in. I was like No Im tired and walked away. He then shouts "This is the last time you will EVER hear from me!.....then he calls an hour later to apologize. erplexed
Casually dating is the key to relationship happiness! I swear by it
au contraire.... they'll help him stand out and ensure that in the interim, you don't get sidetracked by people who are not supposed to be in your life. Well, that's what I'd like to think anyway, lol.
I do understand the frustration expressed in this thread towards failed relationships and the pointlessness of them all, which I think in many cases stems from us not having a clear relationship/ marriage plan from the get-go. We get into relationships thinking that we'll 'try them out', or because we're 'feeling a guy', 'he's cute' or whatever, and then find ourselves frustrated later on when it doesn't go anywhere once our feelings deepen and we've invested a lot in the relationship.
It's not something we're supposed to do over and over again, and that IMO is one of the disadvantages of casual dating - it brings with it a 'discard' provision that people take into marriage. So, the moment people hit a rough period, they do what they did in previous relationships - leave, and look for someone else. That's what they've learnt to do.
So, perhaps getting 'burned' is a good thing, cause it forces you to rethink your priorities and be more purposeful about dating, so you stop wasting your time. Perhaps then you start to consider whether you can see yourself with that person in the long-term; whether they also have marriage in their plans, and what part they intend for you to play in that.
This is not directed at you OP... just my general $0.02
au contraire.... they'll help him stand out and ensure that in the interim, you don't get sidetracked by people who are not supposed to be in your life. Well, that's what I'd like to think anyway, lol.
I do understand the frustration expressed in this thread towards failed relationships and the pointlessness of them all, which I think in many cases stems from us not having a clear relationship/ marriage plan from the get-go. We get into relationships thinking that we'll 'try them out', or because we're 'feeling a guy', 'he's cute' or whatever, and then find ourselves frustrated later on when it doesn't go anywhere once our feelings deepen and we've invested a lot in the relationship.
It's not something we're supposed to do over and over again, and that IMO is one of the disadvantages of casual dating - it brings with it a 'discard' provision that people take into marriage. So, the moment people hit a rough period, they do what they did in previous relationships - leave, and look for someone else. That's what they've learnt to do.
So, perhaps getting 'burned' is a good thing, cause it forces you to rethink your priorities and be more purposeful about dating, so you stop wasting your time. Perhaps then you start to consider whether you can see yourself with that person in the long-term; whether they also have marriage in their plans, and what part they intend for you to play in that.
This is not directed at you OP... just my general $0.02
What didnt happen? Let me give you some background info-I'm 28-he's 40-We met at work/ Went on one date two weeks ago to a party so no money involved (It went well) and we went out last night. We both work for the school board and at work this man is professional, respectful, FINE as hell and seemed like a GREAT catch.
We decided to go to TGIF Fridays- he ordered an appertizer and he was like-lets just share this. I went along with it and was like ok cool. So finaly the check comes and this fool starts looking around.....so after it was CLEAR that he had no intention on paying the 19.00 dollar check I gave the waiter my cc. Like an ediot I forgot to activate that card after receiving it in the mail the day before so it was returned to me by the waiter. I offered to use another card and at this point with an attitude he says "Fine I will get my wallet from the car" Why is his wallet in his car?????? When he passes me going to his car he mumbles..."I should leave ur ***! Ok finally he comes back in and pays. I ended up leaving seven dollars for the tip which he picked up five and pocketed on the way out. The entire night I noticed a drink in the cupholder which I realized was alchohol when a cop pulled up behind us and he handed the cup to me and was like-"hold this hold this" Luckily we didnt get stopped. Finally he pulls up in front of my house and asks If he can come in. I was like No Im tired and walked away. He then shouts "This is the last time you will EVER hear from me!.....then he calls an hour later to apologize. erplexed
What didnt happen? Let me give you some background info-I'm 28-he's 40-We met at work/ Went on one date two weeks ago to a party so no money involved (It went well) and we went out last night. We both work for the school board and at work this man is professional, respectful, FINE as hell and seemed like a GREAT catch.
We decided to go to TGIF Fridays- he ordered an appertizer and he was like-lets just share this. I went along with it and was like ok cool. So finaly the check comes and this fool starts looking around.....so after it was CLEAR that he had no intention on paying the 19.00 dollar check I gave the waiter my cc. Like an ediot I forgot to activate that card after receiving it in the mail the day before so it was returned to me by the waiter. I offered to use another card and at this point with an attitude he says "Fine I will get my wallet from the car" Why is his wallet in his car?????? When he passes me going to his car he mumbles..."I should leave ur ***! Ok finally he comes back in and pays. I ended up leaving seven dollars for the tip which he picked up five and pocketed on the way out. The entire night I noticed a drink in the cupholder which I realized was alchohol when a cop pulled up behind us and he handed the cup to me and was like-"hold this hold this" Luckily we didnt get stopped. Finally he pulls up in front of my house and asks If he can come in. I was like No Im tired and walked away. He then shouts "This is the last time you will EVER hear from me!.....then he calls an hour later to apologize. erplexed
I can totally agree with this.
I have no problem with casual dating IF it remains very casual until the man proves that he is interested in and ready for a relationship. Until a man steps up and does this, I don't consider him as a prospect and I just see the date as fun. In the past, I would try to give so many dudes "a chance" who should have just been 1-2 date wonders. And some don't even need to get a first date!
I think it all depends on one's definition of casual dating as well. Casual dating doesn't involve sex for me -- it's going out on a date with someone with no expectations beyond us having a good time, although my eyes and ears are open to see if he has potential for more.
What you're calling casual dating is what I consider friends with benefits... and yes, women by and large need to really let that go if they want something more.
Anyway, I feel ya... which is why I'm being very careful lbefore entering another relationship. The next man should be someone I see myself marrying.
ITA with you, and that's what I did until I was a senior in college. Then I met a guy and got serious with him after a few months of dating and getting to know him, thinking it would become serious. We dated for four years. You can't predict whether or not a relationship will work out.