Should I share what I've learned on LHCF? (kinda long)

[asubeauty]

One of my best friends has awful hair, and she has terrible hair care habits!! I could make a list:

She pulls her relaxer to the ends of her hair. (She even got into an arguement with a girl who told her she shouldn't do that! The girl had lovely hair, I might add.)

She uses heat almost daily (flat irons, blow dryers to get her hair straight, then a curling iron for style).

My girl uses tons of petrolem and mineral oil based products on her scalp and hair.

She lets my other friend do her relaxer. "Other friend" does touch ups by smoothing the relaxer on her scalp, then overlapping. But it doesn't matter; she wants the relaxer to the ends of her hair anyway.

Friend girl has blond/gold/copper highlights. She did them herself. They later turned green.

She says her hair is not affected by the extremely hard dorm water. But it may not be. She only washes her hair every 3 or 4 weeks.


I would love to share some of the things that I've learned on LHCF with her, but I don't know how she will react, given the arguement that she had with the other girl!! If I mention her excessive usage of heat or the terrible relaxer processes, she says that I don't have to do that because I have "good hair" (I hate when people say that!! But that's another thread.)

Should I share any of the knowledge that I've gotten here with her or should I just let her continue torturing her hair?? How do I tell her her hair is awful?? (If I DO tell her her hair is awful)

 

[KAddy]

Does she complain about how her hair looks? I mean what would be the "opening" for you to begin to discuss hair with her?

I say share, but it sounds like she is not ready to change. THe relaxer to the ends just makes me shudder.

The fact that she argued about it with someone makes me think she isn't ready for healthy hair habits.

I say try, but if she starts arguing, leave it alone.

 

[Shatani]

i would keep it to myself until she either asked me, or expressed dissatisfaction with the way her hair looks....hair is nothin to lose a friend over (and it sounds like shes quick to anger)

 

[asubeauty]

She doesn't complain, technically, but she mention "this nappy mess" or say "Dang, my hair needs some heat or grease or something!" It's as if she knows her hair is not nice, but she thinks that it is because she has bad hair, not because she's not taking care of it correctly.

 

[KAddy]

Well I think if she says "...my hair needs heat.." You should say something like "girl, sometimes too much heat can be very damaging and cause your hair to break" I think taking a passive approach to see what she says. If she starts getting rude and ridiculous, then let it go. If she seems like she is listening, keep talking.

 

[SexySin985]

Asubeauty........ I swear your friend sounds just like a friend that I have. Her hair has the potential to be so beautiful but the things that she does to it just makes it break off. My friend washes her hair once..... maybe twice a month! And she too uses heat EVERYDAY. When she does wash her hair, she blowdries it THEN she FLAT IRONS it! I never told my friend about the website but I did give her some tips that I learned on here and she got so defensive! She said that I am "trying to act white" because I wash my hair every 3 days. But hey.... cant say I didnt try to help her.

 

[Champagne_Wishes]

One of my best friends has awful hair, and she has terrible hair care habits!! I could make a list:

She pulls her relaxer to the ends of her hair. (She even got into an arguement with a girl who told her she shouldn't do that! The girl had lovely hair, I might add.)

She uses heat almost daily (flat irons, blow dryers to get her hair straight, then a curling iron for style).

My girl uses tons of petrolem and mineral oil based products on her scalp and hair.

She lets my other friend do her relaxer. "Other friend" does touch ups by smoothing the relaxer on her scalp, then overlapping. But it doesn't matter; she wants the relaxer to the ends of her hair anyway.

Friend girl has blond/gold/copper highlights. She did them herself. They later turned green.

She says her hair is not affected by the extremely hard dorm water. But it may not be. She only washes her hair every 3 or 4 weeks.


I would love to share some of the things that I've learned on LHCF with her, but I don't know how she will react, given the arguement that she had with the other girl!! If I mention her excessive usage of heat or the terrible relaxer processes, she says that I don't have to do that because I have "good hair" (I hate when people say that!! But that's another thread.)

Should I share any of the knowledge that I've gotten here with her or should I just let her continue torturing her hair?? How do I tell her her hair is awful?? (If I DO tell her her hair is awful)

Well if she asks for it, by all means give it to her. If she doesn't then be a supportive friends when she fries her hair to pieces. One thing I noticed is that some people do not like to be given advice when it is unsolicited.

 

[Champagne_Wishes]

Asubeauty........ I swear your friend sounds just like a friend that I have. Her hair has the potential to be so beautiful but the things that she does to it just makes it break off. My friend washes her hair once..... maybe twice a month! And she too uses heat EVERYDAY. When she does wash her hair, she blowdries it THEN she FLAT IRONS it! I never told my friend about the website but I did give her some tips that I learned on here and she got so defensive! She said that I am "trying to act white" because I wash my hair every 3 days. But hey.... cant say I didnt try to help her.

My question would be to your friend would be "How does acting white relates to keeping my hair clean and healthy?". Trust I have seen and smelled some white people who didn't wash their hair (greasy as all get out). Heck I would have sprung for the Suave shampoo since it was so bad.

 

[MonaLisa]

She said that I am "trying to act white" because I wash my hair every 3 days. But hey.... cant say I didnt try to help her.

No she didn't tell you that SexySin985....andddd why do you have my boy snarling up in your avatar like dat?!

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Maybe print out some hair care tips and give them to her "anonymously"?

It's amazing she has any hair on her head with the stuff she's been doing!!

 

[Dubois007]

The least you can do is to give her the link to the forum to check it out and learn for herself

 

[hopeful]

From my experience, I've found that most people don't want advice unless they have asked for it or unless you are a really really close friend who loves them dearly (and then they still might get mad at you). That being said, I would try some psychology on her. Like the next time she says, "My hair needs some heat," I would say, "Girl you are so lucky your hair can handle all that heat. My hair would just fall out." When she tells you you have good hair, say, "Thanks girl, I am so lucky." And when she says her hair is bad or nappy, I would not say a word. I am so serious. She is not ready, not yet. Don't waste your time or energy on her, just be a good role model. Example, my mother who relaxes her hair religiously every 5 weeks is now like, "I think I'm going to try stretching out my relaxer a couple of extra weeks." I never said a word to her about her hair. I just told her what I was doing with my hair and my daughters' hair and all of the sudden she wanted to jump on the bandwagon. Good luck.

 

[MizAvalon]

From my experience, I've found that most people don't want advice unless they have asked for it or unless you are a really really close friend who loves them dearly (and then they still might get mad at you). That being said, I would try some psychology on her. Like the next time she says, "My hair needs some heat," I would say, "Girl you are so lucky your hair can handle all that heat. My hair would just fall out." When she tells you you have good hair, say, "Thanks girl, I am so lucky." And when she says her hair is bad or nappy, I would not say a word. I am so serious. She is not ready, not yet. Don't waste your time or energy on her, just be a good role model. Example, my mother who relaxes her hair religiously every 5 weeks is now like, "I think I'm going to try stretching out my relaxer a couple of extra weeks." I never said a word to her about her hair. I just told her what I was doing with my hair and my daughters' hair and all of the sudden she wanted to jump on the bandwagon. Good luck.

ITA. Someone like that is NOT interested in any advice, at least not at this point.

 

[Isis]

All you can do is be a great example of what beautiful, healthy hair looks like. She may come around and ask you, in time. Then again, she may not.

I know of someone who badly needs hair advise. When the opening comes (and it may not), I will be there for her.

 

[HairQueen]

I have learned that some people just aren't really that bothered about their hair, so unless she asks I would say no to bother giving advice she will not want to hear it.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I probably wouldn't bother.
I knew a girl in college with long hair, and when I asked her what she used on it and she told me, I listened politely. And then kept doing what I was doing. She used baby shampoo on her hair and I thought that it was too drying. What I should have been asking for was her whole routine. (Incidentally, girl had a dominican grandma--if only I had picked her brain and been open enough to really listen and try!)
The point is I asked what she did, she told me, and I dismissed it. Ridiculous because SHE was the one with the long healthy hair so obviously she was doing something right.

 

[asubeauty]

Thanks for the advice. I'm kind of disappointed I just wanted her to have nice hair!! But maybe she'll come around. If she doesn't

 

[deedabug]

recently i was in a situation where a natural friend asked me to flat iron her hair after she got it freshly pressed with a comb on the stove...i refused and she asked again later on leading me to believe i would be the sole giver of heat to her hair that day..well she wanted to blow dry it, get it pressed with a comb then a flat iron....i tole her no again because she lead me to believe the flat iron ws the only heat she was gonna be gettin...well that got her pissed off and she begin to tell me how anothe friend tole her that it was ok to get all that heat in one day and to use a spray also when flat ironing....i got quiet and let her rant and belittle me and tell me how old fashioned i was...after she got out all she wanted to say about my hair in comparison to hers (like mine was ugly) and how my methods of care were played out i got up to leave and she tried to apologize which i didnt take and i havent spoken to her since...

ETA: her regimin...wash every couple weeks with only shampoo..no conditioner..heat very often...almost a jar of gel slapped in her head all over daily to produce curls...she clipped off 2 inches of dried fried ends 2weeks prior to our incident


so my answer to ur question...let her burn and bleach it off lol