Should I Just let him go?

[chicitygirl]

I don't post much, but would love some insight for this situation I'm in. Sorry it's so long but I would love to here everyone's advice. Here's the situation:

I've been dating this guy for the last four months. He's they type of guy that I thought I always wanted. Great personality, educated, career oriented, financially stable, kind, generous, funny, no kids, never been married. We go out at least once a week and have a really good time together all the time. He's 4 years older than me (I'm 26) and he's mentioned that he's ready to settle down and eventually get married and have a family. Everything would be great except for a few things:

1. I'm not sexually/physically attracted to him at all. And I don't think it's because he's unattractive to me. But it's more so that in the one sexual encounter we had, it was just terrible. And I mean bad, like there's no fixing his inexperience bad. He's not a touchy, feely person so we can go out and never touch each other and not think anything of it. We haven't even kissed since the one bad sexual experience and that was over a month ago.

2. He's an agnostic and I am a Christian. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if I was so much of a Christian then I wouldn't be having premarital sex. Well, the only thing I can so to that is that I'm far from perfect and there are a lot of things that I need to work on. That being said, I only want to have a serious relationship with someone that shares my faith because of how I would like to raise my future children and the type of religious foundation I would like to have for my marriage.



My right mind tells me that I should just break it off with him so he can find someone that he can start a long term relationship with. But I really like spending time with him and to be honest, I just like having the male attention and going on nice dates. I feel like I'm getting older and that he has most of the qualities that I have been looking for-but I don't want to settle or compromise what I know is right for me. Also, he's asked me to Hawaii with him (he's going for work and it would be an all expenses paid first class trip) and I don't want to go if I plan on breaking it off. What do you all think I should do?

 

[ashmack]

Only you can answer that question, but it seems that he is not the guy you have always wanted. He is close in many ways, but he is far from perfect in areas of your life you will not compromise on. Religion and sex are two very important things in a relationship. Perhaps you should really take some time out to figure out if you can handle being with him if these things don't change. Have you had a serious talk with him about religion and his views? Have you taken him to church or shared your faith with him? You should also talk to him about your sexual desires and see if there is perhaps so other underlying factor that is making him nervous and hesitant about being physically intimate with you. You deserve to have everything in a guy that you want. Don't let yourself settle. Stay strong!

 

[Caramela]

Yes . Let him go.

 

[Allandra]

If you two can't communicate fully (aka in all matters), I say let him go. One should be able to communicate with their mate on every level (imo).

 

[vevster]

Your relationship doesn't sound like a good one to me. Bad sex and different religious views? I think you know the answer to the question.

 

[Evolution76]

I don't post much, but would love some insight for this situation I'm in. Sorry it's so long but I would love to here everyone's advice. Here's the situation:

I've been dating this guy for the last four months. He's they type of guy that I thought I always wanted. Great personality, educated, career oriented, financially stable, kind, generous, funny, no kids, never been married. We go out at least once a week and have a really good time together all the time. He's 4 years older than me (I'm 26) and he's mentioned that he's ready to settle down and eventually get married and have a family. Everything would be great except for a few things:

1. I'm not sexually/physically attracted to him at all. And I don't think it's because he's unattractive to me. But it's more so that in the one sexual encounter we had, it was just terrible. And I mean bad, like there's no fixing his inexperience bad. He's not a touchy, feely person so we can go out and never touch each other and not think anything of it. We haven't even kissed since the one bad sexual experience and that was over a month ago.

2. He's an agnostic and I am a Christian. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if I was so much of a Christian then I wouldn't be having premarital sex. Well, the only thing I can so to that is that I'm far from perfect and there are a lot of things that I need to work on. That being said, I only want to have a serious relationship with someone that shares my faith because of how I would like to raise my future children and the type of religious foundation I would like to have for my marriage.



My right mind tells me that I should just break it off with him so he can find someone that he can start a long term relationship with. But I really like spending time with him and to be honest, I just like having the male attention and going on nice dates. I feel like I'm getting older and that he has most of the qualities that I have been looking for-but I don't want to settle or compromise what I know is right for me. Also, he's asked me to Hawaii with him (he's going for work and it would be an all expenses paid first class trip) and I don't want to go if I plan on breaking it off. What do you all think I should do?

Looks like you already answered your own question... No matter what advice you get here, the ultimate decision is yours. Looking at your post, though, it seems you already know what to do.

 

[PaperClip]

I share this scripture because you stated that you are a Christian and I would take that to mean that the Bible is your religious/spiritual guiding book:

"How can two walk together except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3).

It looks like you all don't agree spiritually. (Christian/Agnostic).

It looks like you all don't agree relationally (physically/compatible attraction).

 

[chicitygirl]

RelaxerRehab, thank you for sharing that scripture, it really speaks to the situation I'm in.

Seems that everyone has agreed that I should just break it off. I know it's the right thing to do. It's just that it's been hard for me to meet decent guys since I graduated from college 5 years ago. I dated a lot in college, but since then dating has been really hard for me. It's not like I have low self esteem or that I'm the type that needs to be with a man. I guess I just don't want to end it with him because then I go back to being by myself all the time. I know I realize I sound patheticand needy, and I'm really not. I've been o.k. with being single for so many years. I have a lot of great friends and family, so I know I shouldn't feel like this. It's just hard because I wonder if I will ever be able to find anyone that has every single thing I'm looking for in a man.

But I know it's not fair to him to have him thinking that we could be together long term.

 

[firecracker]

Uh I say take the trip first to see if a different setting will make the mating call hellva better than the first flop. Some folks can't relax/loosen up in their home city especially when they know their burning with lust and sinning. I know one thing I would not go into no damn long term relationship without getting a good taste cuz later on I'd get mad and cut that damn dead dangalang off in a fit of horny fury.

Have you brought up those other two or three issues with him in a general conversation?

 

[chicitygirl]

Well, when we had the religion talk-I just explained to him how I was raised in the church and he explained that he was too but has since then developed his own belief system and he identifies as an agnostic. At that point, I was really surprised and I didn't push the issue. Even though I knew it was pretty much a dealbreaker for me. So as of now, he doesn't know that it's an issue because I haven't told him that it is.


Regarding the sex thing, when it happened we had both been drinking too much. And the next day, he actually apologized for it all and said he was nervouserplexed But more important than the actual act is that he's a very non-physical, non-sexual person. He calls himself non-tactile. He doesn't show attraction or affection in terms of touching, kissing etc. We've kissed a total of 3 times and we've been dating for 4 months. This is a problem for me because I like affection from someone I'm dating. We talked about this and he said that he's had similar issues with past relationship and women telling him that he doesn't show any affection. Truth be told, I think he needs to see a therapist or something about this issue because I really think it's the only reason he's still single.

 

[Cleve_gryl]

Read this: 2 Corinthians 6:14, this may help you some.

As far as the physical element, if you decide to stay together that will fall into place. Communicating with each other will help you both understand each others needs/wants. Good luck to you.

 

[firecracker]

Thanks for explaining. Oh wow he developed his own belief system eh? Oh ok Chile I don't know what agnostic means but whatever floats ones boat is cool without me involved. He can't possibly think he will get a woman/relationship without being affection sometimes. Well maybe there is a woman that is like him out there waiting to be found. Good luck on your Dear John letter after the trip to Hawaii.

 

[firecracker]

Read this: 2 Corinthians 6:14, this may help you some.

As far as the physical element, if you decide to stay together that will fall into place. Communicating with each other will help you both understand each others needs/wants. Good luck to you.

OOOOOKKKKK if you say or pray so

 

[envybeauty]

Uh I say take the trip first to see if a different setting will make the mating call hellva better than the first flop. Some folks can't relax/loosen up in their home city especially when they know their burning with lust and sinning. I know one thing I would not go into no damn long term relationship without getting a good taste cuz later on I'd get mad and cut that damn dead dangalang off in a fit of horny fury.

Have you brought up those other two or three issues with him in a general conversation?

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I think you should communicate what you need from him and see if he is responsive. I think ya'll can work on the sex part. I'm not so sure from the different religious standpoints though, but when you know it's time to go, you'll know. There will be no doubts or confusion.

 

[frankie]

Go on the trip and have a blast, it is all-expenses paid!!!

The only thing you seem to be getting out of him is good company. Maybe you just need to be his friend. He doesn't sound compatible and you'd be miserable if you settled for less than what you desire in a mate.

 

[sky_blu]

Dang, I didnt read all of it but I cant believe that the sexual encounter was so bad, that it made you not physically or sexually attracted to him anymore. Ive never had a bad sex situation that couldnt be fixed. Why was it that bad?

 

[Country gal]

Well, when we had the religion talk-I just explained to him how I was raised in the church and he explained that he was too but has since then developed his own belief system and he identifies as an agnostic. At that point, I was really surprised and I didn't push the issue. Even though I knew it was pretty much a dealbreaker for me. So as of now, he doesn't know that it's an issue because I haven't told him that it is.


Regarding the sex thing, when it happened we had both been drinking too much. And the next day, he actually apologized for it all and said he was nervouserplexed But more important than the actual act is that he's a very non-physical, non-sexual person. He calls himself non-tactile. He doesn't show attraction or affection in terms of touching, kissing etc. We've kissed a total of 3 times and we've been dating for 4 months. This is a problem for me because I like affection from someone I'm dating. We talked about this and he said that he's had similar issues with past relationship and women telling him that he doesn't show any affection. Truth be told, I think he needs to see a therapist or something about this issue because I really think it's the only reason he's still single.

I grew up in a non affectionate home. I learned as an adult how to be more affectionate.

 

[Evolving78]

Well the sex is something that could be worked on once you get married so that shouldn't be a problem. Now for the religion thing, I say run while you can because you being a Christian, and you are going to need God in your marriage and you want a man that is God fearing. Someone that will act out of the Will of God and not on his own. This is a test because he comes off so good in other ways, but there is that one thing that could make or break your relationship with Christ. (not saying God will leave you or anything but it could set you back a spell)

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

I believe that the 2 elements that you posted show that he is not the guy that you always wanted. I believe that being sexual compatible and spiritually compatible are the two things that MUST be in order for a relationship with some future to continue. Those were my two priorities. Sure I wanted other things like an education, manners, blah blah blah...but I am a sexual being so I needed that to be on point and I love the Lord, don't do everything right but he knows my heart....so I would say this...NEVER SETTLE. If this man doesn't mean the standards that you hold dear in life, then its time to move on. IMHO

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Well, when we had the religion talk-I just explained to him how I was raised in the church and he explained that he was too but has since then developed his own belief system and he identifies as an agnostic. At that point, I was really surprised and I didn't push the issue. Even though I knew it was pretty much a dealbreaker for me. So as of now, he doesn't know that it's an issue because I haven't told him that it is.


Regarding the sex thing, when it happened we had both been drinking too much. And the next day, he actually apologized for it all and said he was nervouserplexed But more important than the actual act is that he's a very non-physical, non-sexual person. He calls himself non-tactile. He doesn't show attraction or affection in terms of touching, kissing etc. We've kissed a total of 3 times and we've been dating for 4 months. This is a problem for me because I like affection from someone I'm dating. We talked about this and he said that he's had similar issues with past relationship and women telling him that he doesn't show any affection. Truth be told, I think he needs to see a therapist or something about this issue because I really think it's the only reason he's still single.

I say dump him. I know what you mean-- you like the attention of having a man around. Its amazing actually. Unfortunately, i think you're going to get annoyed at trying to teach this man how to touch you...

I had a bf that wasn't Christian like I was, he was agnostic. But we talked about religion all the time. I think if you can't talk to him about something (ithink) as basic as each other, how do you have a healthy rel?

 

[chicitygirl]

Dang, I didnt read all of it but I cant believe that the sexual encounter was so bad, that it made you not physically or sexually attracted to him anymore. Ive never had a bad sex situation that couldnt be fixed. Why was it that bad?

Well, I don't want to go into graphic detail. But let's just say I don't think he knew what hell he was doing. And it was very quick and unsatisfying. By far the worst sexual experience I've ever had in my life. It was just bad from beginning to end.


Do you all think it would be wrong of me to go on the trip even though I now know that I'm just going to break it off? I don't want him to think I was using him because I would like to remain friends with him if possible. He is a nice guy, just not the kind of guy I need to have a serious relationship with.


All of this has really shown me that I need to probably change the type of person I am in order to attract the type of person I want to spend my life with. I need to do a lot of soul searching and get my spiritual life in order if I'm going to find the right person. I am going to get help with this.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

I don't post much, but would love some insight for this situation I'm in. Sorry it's so long but I would love to here everyone's advice. Here's the situation:

I've been dating this guy for the last four months. He's they type of guy that I thought I always wanted. Great personality, educated, career oriented, financially stable, kind, generous, funny, no kids, never been married. We go out at least once a week and have a really good time together all the time. He's 4 years older than me (I'm 26) and he's mentioned that he's ready to settle down and eventually get married and have a family. Everything would be great except for a few things:

1. I'm not sexually/physically attracted to him at all. And I don't think it's because he's unattractive to me. But it's more so that in the one sexual encounter we had, it was just terrible. And I mean bad, like there's no fixing his inexperience bad. He's not a touchy, feely person so we can go out and never touch each other and not think anything of it. We haven't even kissed since the one bad sexual experience and that was over a month ago.

2. He's an agnostic and I am a Christian. Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if I was so much of a Christian then I wouldn't be having premarital sex. Well, the only thing I can so to that is that I'm far from perfect and there are a lot of things that I need to work on. That being said, I only want to have a serious relationship with someone that shares my faith because of how I would like to raise my future children and the type of religious foundation I would like to have for my marriage.



My right mind tells me that I should just break it off with him so he can find someone that he can start a long term relationship with. But I really like spending time with him and to be honest, I just like having the male attention and going on nice dates. I feel like I'm getting older and that he has most of the qualities that I have been looking for-but I don't want to settle or compromise what I know is right for me. Also, he's asked me to Hawaii with him (he's going for work and it would be an all expenses paid first class trip) and I don't want to go if I plan on breaking it off. What do you all think I should do?

Maybe his sex wouldn't suck if he was a BELIEVER!

LOL.