Should I Be Flattered or Creeped Out???

N

NYLegalNewbie

New Member
So, here's the story...

About two years ago, I met this guy when I was interviewing for summer internship positions. He was a partner at the time, and I had an offer at his firm. Super nice guy and quite professional from the get go. So, after my visit to the firm, I get an email from him telling me it was nice to meet me and that he would be happy to answer any questions I may have about the firm during my decision making process. Oh, btw, I didn't actually give him my email address myself. He got it from recruiting. I didn't think anything of it because this sort of thing happens all the time during the recruiting season.

Fast forward several weeks later. I turned down his firm's offer to go to another firm. He emails me to tell me that he understands the decision and feels like I still made a great choice for a firm. Then, he asks if I wanted to meet up for a drink. I'm thinking "Huh? Uh...um...okay." He's not exactly bad on the eyes :grin: Significantly older than me, but he looks nice for his age. So we go out for a drink, and OMG, he's such a pompous A$$. I was so shocked and disappointed. I decided right then and there that I was not interested in going out with him again. He asked me out a few more times, to which I made up an excuse each time for not being able to meet him. Finally, I gave some lame excuse that I didn't feel right being so junior and dating a partner, blah, blah, blah.

Fast forward about 4 or 5 months, he emails to say "Hi" and see how I'm doing. I tell him fine. He asks me out again. I say "No."

Fast forward another 5 to 6 months...he emails again to say "Hi," tell me he's leaving for a sweet in house gig, and he asks me out again. I congratulate him and then pretty much tell him to "Go the **** away" (I say it a little nicer than that, but that's the gist).

Fast foward to about a week ago. It's been about 2 years since that first date. He emails me asking how everything's going and if I am happy at my new firm. And, of course, he asks if I'd like to catch up over a drink. I'm thinking "Wow...seriously? You're still contacting me after all this time?" So, I figure, okay, fine, whatever, I'll meet him for a drink. Besides, in the event he was a jacka$$ again, I had an easy out - work!

Well, to my surprise, he was completely different. I guess he got the message that I thought he was a complete a$$hole, and he was every bit the perfect gentleman. He even apologized for how he was on the first date. I asked him why, after nearly 2 years, he had been so persistent. He responded, "Well, I really liked you. Something about me feels alive around you. And I felt awful that you thought I was awful! So I hoped that maybe, if I kept contacting you, at some point, you'd give me another shot."

So, what do you think ladies?

On the one hand, it's kinda cute and sweet, but on the other hand, I'm thinking "Is this guy nuts???"
 
IDK....I'm leaning more toward creepy seeing as how this dragged out over a 2 year period of time. That coupled with his remarks about how he feels when he is around you, which could be flattering but coming from him..it all seems strange. :perplexed
 
What's creepy about a guy emailing you and acknowledging his bad behavior?

...shoot, we keep numbers of dudes we haven't seen/heard from in years in our cell phones.

A drink isn't going to kill you UNLESS you have no interest. If you have no interest, don't go. But I don't see anything weird or "creepy".
 
why would you be creeped out.....that happens to me, but I usually tell the guy what exactly turned me off....I met a guy a couple years ago, NFL player at a gig I was hosting in AZ before I moved to AZ....fine as all outdoors but from first meeting I was a tad bit turned off, he called for a lil while and when i moved to AZ asked me out..I went out with him 2 dates in a row and had to tell him that I didn't even see us being "friends" because I just didn't enjoy his company....he was arrogant, had no personality, was constantly on his sidekick and just didn't give me any vibes to go off of....he was a lil shocked and asked why did I think he was "boring"....I just said we weren't vibing and what I was picking up and its not working for me.....fast forward 2 years later....he called a few times and I passed on him, changed my number and ran into him on halloween of this year....he asked how come I changed my number and didnt tell him and asked could he call me....proceeded to go on about how I never gave him a chance to make up for the things I had a problem with back then and talked about how he got a new phone instead of the sidekick and ladedahh dahh....so he's been callin since then and finally went out with him on monday night and he definitely made the effort to be different.....i still wasn't feelin n e vibes to where I want to kick it with him, but he definitely put his best foot forward so can't be mad at that.....and showed some personality...even had me laughin instead of having me rolling and raising my eyes and pursing my lips at what he talked about

if you like him give him a chance....if he still turns you off then let it ride...if you don't like him just tell him you are not interested....

alot of guys will make an effort to switch up their behavior when they meet somebody who doesn't just go for the okey doke....esp if they think she is a genuine person who they like to be around....some guys may be so ego driven that they just go all out when they get rejected esp if they aren't used to it, but even then....you can tell when a dude is being genuine as well or if he's just playing....just gotta be in tune with his energy to be able to call him on it.....so if you think he's just playing the role then let him pass as well....if you think he's not then I say see what he's talkin about
 
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MsNadi said:
...shoot, we keep numbers of dudes we haven't seen/heard from in years in our cell phones.
Click to expand...

Not me. I promptly delete within the year if there is no contact. One time one of my ex's sent me a birthday e-mail a couple years after we broke up and I was like...why does he still have my e-mail saved? lol! I guess I'm wierd like that.
 
Be wary , but give it a go. I worked in the corporate office of a major supermarket chain and read some of the thank you letters.

One of the letters involves a man who bumped into a woman while doing her grocery shopping and the guy was so intrigued by her that he waited in the parking lot every day for the next two weeks until she shopped again just so he could introduce himself. The woman, not knowing that the effort this man has gone through, politely dismissed herself. A week later, the bumped into each other at a party, he told her what he did just to speak to her again, she was flattered and began dating. They eventually got married and they are both very happy.

I've heard many stories that start with a guy so intrigued by a woman that start having stalkerish tendencies, but I have also heard the same for creep-os. Just be cautious, but give the guy a shot.
 
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Whatever it is you sure made an impression! It's possible that he is just that into you and he seems remorseful. Unless there's some other reason why not I'd give him a chance.
 
tiara76 said:
why would you be creeped out.....that happens to me, but I usually tell the guy what exactly turned me off....I met a guy a couple years ago, NFL player at a gig I was hosting in AZ before I moved to AZ....fine as all outdoors but from first meeting I was a tad bit turned off, he called for a lil while and when i moved to AZ asked me out..I went out with him 2 dates in a row and had to tell him that I didn't even see us being "friends" because I just didn't enjoy his company....he was arrogant, had no personality, was constantly on his sidekick and just didn't give me any vibes to go off of....he was a lil shocked and asked why did I think he was "boring"....I just said we weren't vibing and what I was picking up and its not working for me.....fast forward 2 years later....he called a few times and I passed on him, changed my number and ran into him on halloween of this year....he asked how come I changed my number and didnt tell him and asked could he call me....proceeded to go on about how I never gave him a chance to make up for the things I had a problem with back then and talked about how he got a new phone instead of the sidekick and ladedahh dahh....so he's been callin since then and finally went out with him on monday night and he definitely made the effort to be different.....i still wasn't feelin n e vibes to where I want to kick it with him, but he definitely put his best foot forward so can't be mad at that.....and showed some personality...even had me laughin instead of having me rolling and raising my eyes and pursing my lips at what he talked about

if you like him give him a chance....if he still turns you off then let it ride...if you don't like him just tell him you are not interested....

alot of guys will make an effort to switch up their behavior when they meet somebody who doesn't just go for the okey doke....esp if they think she is a genuine person who they like to be around....some guys may be so ego driven that they just go all out when they get rejected esp if they aren't used to it, but even then....you can tell when a dude is being genuine as well or if he's just playing....just gotta be in tune with his energy to be able to call him on it.....so if you think he's just playing the role then let him pass as well....if you think he's not then I say see what he's talkin about
Click to expand...

...is it bad that I judge people who have sidekicks?! I think they are sooooo high school and there's no rhyme or reason to support it. Over 21 and you need a qwerty keyboard - get a blackberry, iPhone, LG, something. Anything but that damn sidekick...

-end digression-
 
On the one hand, it's kinda cute and sweet, but on the other hand, I'm thinking "Is this guy nuts???"
Click to expand...

sounds like you are intriguged..but wary
take it one date at a time...
both eyes open..you're smart
:)
 
Before the bad date were you even attracted to him?

I would give him another shot, but only if I felt some attraction. Meet him at a public place (just to be safe).
 
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MsNadi said:
...is it bad that I judge people who have sidekicks?! I think they are sooooo high school and there's no rhyme or reason to support it. Over 21 and you need a qwerty keyboard - get a blackberry, iPhone, LG, something. Anything but that damn sidekick...

-end digression-
Click to expand...

lol....i had a sidekick and didnt see what the big deal was...besides the email function..but it gets irritating for people to be in constant contact with you all the time by every mean necessary....im, email, text, phone, had to let that go.....

I did feel like i was on a date with a ahem.....not so mature dude though....he tried to tell me he was "conducting business" when I first called him on it....I told him well next time maybe you should try scheduling your dates and your business separate....thats when he was like....you don't even want to be friends...I told him no because me and my friends have fun and vibe with each other and me and you don't

we had a nice chat the other night about game, women, what they go for, what types go for what and which ones don't, how he acts, used to act, wants to act etc....it was me and him and 2 of his male friends came to meet us up to watch the game...and whats so funny is when he tried to bring his other friend in on the convo the dude was texting away on his phone not paying him any attention and he turned to me and said something along the lines of its so irritating when people are texting when they are out with others...lol....I had to remind him again that he was that person at one point in time....
 
I actually do find him attractive. He's a pretty sharp guy. As I mentioned, we went out earlier this week, and I had a nice time. So I'm actually looking forward to hanging out with him again.

BTW - I will ONLY meet up with guys in public places. That is the only way for a woman to ever date. I won't go over to a guy's place until we have gotten more serious and it's clear the relationship is moving forward.
 
It's these types of chases that creates a very trained, obedient man. If I were you I'd give him a shot and see how it goes. Good luck.
 
Like Tiara and others hinted, you should be observant and use your intuition to figure out what's driving him. If it's ego or some sort of fixation, then of course you move on. But if it's true self reflection and esteem for you, then I don't think there is anything wrong with giving him a chance, *if* you find him attractive. Some people carry torches for long. It doesn't necessarily mean anything creepy or dangerous. Just keep your eyes open.
 
I really wouldn't call shooting off an email every 6 months persistent.
Addditionally, what is the question?

Has he ask you out on a real date yet? What is there to consider?
I guess if you ever need a night cap you can keep him on standby...
 
YAY FOR YOU!!!! I'm soooo happy that you had a good date! I think you should be absolutely flattered. HOWEVER, proceed with caution. Either he is genuine and you've been on his mind.... Or he could be a pompous ladies' man that keeps in touch with lots of women, knowing that most of them will eventually come around. Its possible that he is playing the 'good guy' role because he knows thats what you like. But u know what??? Life is short, go out with him a few times and try to discover is he feelin you or is he tryin to play you... thats apart of the fun!!! :yep:

Just don't give up the panties until you guys have actually talked about what type of relationship that he would like to have in his life...


NYLegalNewbie said:
I actually do find him attractive. He's a pretty sharp guy. As I mentioned, we went out earlier this week, and I had a nice time. So I'm actually looking forward to hanging out with him again.

BTW - I will ONLY meet up with guys in public places. That is the only way for a woman to ever date. I won't go over to a guy's place until we have gotten more serious and it's clear the relationship is moving forward.
Click to expand...
 
I think its sweet that he's been patient and persistent AND acknowledged that his prior behavior was a turnoff for you.

I don't think its creepy at all. In this day and age, men are lazy and think that they can do the minimum and get the maximum from women. He was willing to wait and be persistent for what he wanted. I think thats commendable. I would be flattered.
 
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Syrah said:
...is it bad that I judge people who have sidekicks?! I think they are sooooo high school and there's no rhyme or reason to support it. Over 21 and you need a qwerty keyboard - get a blackberry, iPhone, LG, something. Anything but that damn sidekick...

-end digression-
Click to expand...

OMG-I thought it was just me!

I switched to T-Mobile and really wanted something with a keyboard, but I REFUSED to get a Sidekick.

Every single high school kid I saw on my commute back and forth to work had one.

I ended up getting a Dash.
 
I think you should be flattered. I've felt lately that there aren't enough men who are persistent enough to go for what they want.... although there is a fine line between persistence and stalking. I guess if they're attractive to you and you're interested then it's considered persistent. If they're creepy and you want them to go away it's stalking
 
Personally, I'd be creeped out. In my experience, guys who keep asking me out after I've said I don't want to date them are bottomfeeders and they are not respecting my boundaries by pressing me.

Now that may not be true in every case. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, LegalNewbie. Go with your gut. If you feel even a teensy bit creeped out, KIM.
 
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