(semi-rant/questionaire) If your man...

[silenttullip]

Was sweet, funny, good provider, gave you compliments, not disrespectful a generally good guy BUT wasn't physically attracted to you would you stay or go? Now he never says it on his own but before the committed relationship you asked him if he thought you looked better than his first real gf who he said wasn't attractive at all, he said yes and then you're in a convo recently that makes you ask what's his physical opinion of you and you use her as an example and he says she looks better. You ask why he gave a different answer before and he says he likes your size better... Would his initial answer qualify as a lie? To me I told her he lied and she can't trust him but I'm looking for additional opinions. Also there's other instances when he's given one answer at one point and another at a different point. He just tells her he gives different answers but for him it all leads to the same point. WTF *ppl wonder y I'm single* Does that make sense to any of you? Should she drop him because he's not attracted to her and a liar or should she be happy that he was finally honest and loves her in spite of her looks?
They look happy together and I don't think he messes around. I just don't want to go on my opinion because if I did she'd be in the spare bedroom until she could find a place to live lol.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Was sweet, funny, good provider, gave you compliments, not disrespectful a generally good guy BUT wasn't physically attracted to you would you stay or go? Now he never says it on his own but before the committed relationship you asked him if he thought you looked better than his first real gf who he said wasn't attractive at all, he said yes and then you're in a convo recently that makes you ask what's his physical opinion of you and you use her as an example and he says she looks better. You ask why he gave a different answer before and he says he likes your size better... Would his initial answer qualify as a lie? To me I told her he lied and she can't trust him but I'm looking for additional opinions. Also there's other instances when he's given one answer at one point and another at a different point. He just tells her he gives different answers but for him it all leads to the same point. WTF *ppl wonder y I'm single* Does that make sense to any of you? Should she drop him because he's not attracted to her and a liar or should she be happy that he was finally honest and loves her in spite of her looks?
They look happy together and I don't think he messes around. I just don't want to go on my opinion because if I did she'd be in the spare bedroom until she could find a place to live lol.

Well, it sounds to me that he gave the truth initially (well partially), in that he thinks the current gf's SHAPE is better but not her face. How long have they been together? I mean, I don't know about this one. He's a good man otherwise but he told his true feelings I suppose on who is prettier. YES he could have lied to make current gf feel better, but she asked.

 

[lesedi]

I'm a bit confused with the story...
but theoretically, if a man is not physically attracted to me, I'm leaving. He can be as kind and as generous as he wants to, I can't get with it. I need to feel desired in a sexual and physical way in a relationship.Period. I'd feel like he was settling and I dont want any pity.

 

[blasianbeauty]

I'm a bit confused with the story...
but theoretically, if a man is not physically attracted to me, I'm leaving. He can be as kind and as generous as he wants to, I can't get with it. I need to feel desired in a sexual and physical way in a relationship.Period. I'd feel like he was settling and I dont want any pity.

What I'm wondering is if the current gf felt secure in the relationship until SHE asked who was prettier (her or his EX) and when he said his ex THEN things changed in her mind. Why even ask and then get mad once he tells you? To me that don't make sense.

 

[lesedi]

What I'm wondering is if the current gf felt secure in the relationship until SHE asked who was prettier (her or his EX) and when he said his ex THEN things changed in her mind. Why even ask and then get mad once he tells you? To me that don't make sense.

I agree! (but we all know feelings don't make logical sense)
I want to know if she felt like he wasn't physically attracted to her before this point? Is it this one incident that brought her to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her?

 

[qchelle]

Yea I'm confused as well.

Why is he with her if he doesn't find her attractive?

And why would he tell his gf 'yea, she looks better than you'. If anybody tells me that straight up to my face...umm...yea, I'm leaving.

 

[Duchesse]

Why does she keep asking him questions about his opinion on her looks? Is he just not attracted to her, or is he saying that he thinks other women look better than her?

But if a man isn't physically attacted to me, there's no way I would be with him.

 

[Shun34]

IMO, men don't choose/stay with women whom they don't find physically attractive. There had to have been something about her physically that attracted him in the first place. Also, I've found that men are more attracted to an above average body than an above average face. If he is with her, there is some sort of physical attraction, and she shouldn't worry about the ex. If she is asking him to compare her to the ex, there are some self-esteem issues going on that have nothing to do with him. He should probably RUN!

 

[Quailbird]

Even if he isn't initially attracted to her completely, over time his feelings for her may trump her original attractiveness to him and his physical attractiveness to her can grow.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

I don't know the answer to whether she should stay or go, but I do know she should stop comparing herself to his ex, and stop talking about her. She's putting thoughts in his head that may not even be there.

In general, men are attracted to women who are seemingly vulnerable but confident in their own attraction. This lady's display of insecurity may be what ultimately makes her less attractive.

 

[gabulldawg]

What I'm wondering is if the current gf felt secure in the relationship until SHE asked who was prettier (her or his EX) and when he said his ex THEN things changed in her mind. Why even ask and then get mad once he tells you? To me that don't make sense.

I don't get why people ask these silly questions. I've NEVER asked a boyfriend to compare me against his past girlfriends. For one, it's not always about looks. Past relationships didn't work out for a reason, and I doubt the reason is that her face wasn't pretty enough... erplexed

I agree! (but we all know feelings don't make logical sense)
I want to know if she felt like he wasn't physically attracted to her before this point? Is it this one incident that brought her to the conclusion that he is not attracted to her?

I also would like to know if he did/said something before she asked that dumb question to make her think that he wasn't physically attracted to her...

IMO, men don't choose/stay with women whom they don't find physically attractive. There had to have been something about her physically that attracted him in the first place. Also, I've found that men are more attracted to an above average body than an above average face. If he is with her, there is some sort of physical attraction, and she shouldn't worry about the ex. If she is asking him to compare her to the ex, there are some self-esteem issues going on that have nothing to do with him. He should probably RUN!

ITA, especially if he approached her. Why approach a girl that you don't find attractive in some way? I also agree that she must have some serious self-esteem issues to be asking her boyfriend to compare her to his ex. WTH?

 

[Strangefruittree]

ehhhh... She put that out there.... though i would want to be attractive physically to the man I am with, if he shows mad love and never makes em feel less than, i would not ask a question like that... wht if he dated a beyonce before me.... he he looked me in my face and told me he thought i was prettier, C'mon son.... That beyonce may not have been compatible for him, she might have been a down right ******... so really... the looks dont even matter... I want dude to help feed me if my face falls off and still love me the same, like i would do for him.

 

[shenitab]

I also think that she should have never asked him that question. Is there a little bit of a insecurity issue on her part. We, as women, need to get our sense of security about ourselves more from US (ourselves) than from anywhere else. I know it's nice when your mate thinks that you have a fabulous body or that you dress nicely, etc. However, we need to know how to say "whatever" when necessary. And we need to know how to decide whether it is a issue or a not.

If she doesn't think that he is attracted to her whether it be the way she looks or her personality, that is an issue she can talk to him about. But I see no reason why the ex was brought into it.
He may have changed what he said because dude may have been scared or may not wanted to deal with the issue. What dude wants to discuss the ex especially when a comparison is made. And it is a possibility that his opinion has changed.

I don't think you have to have a strong physical attraction with someone in order to be with them long term. The way people look on the outside changes. The way that you "feel" when you are with them can fluctuate greatly.

I am not knocking your friend at all, some things I am saying are coming from a personal perspective. When someone that you care about says something about your physical appearance that is hurtful, it can feel like a blow. But, you have to be real with yourself and have the right attitude. Tell yourself it would be nice if he was really into the way you looked but whatever, if that is the most important thing to him, he can kick rocks. The next man will happily enjoy what he gave up.

The other thing is that a man will come to you with an issue. Now he may give you some hints at first to see if you get it. But if he is not getting the response he wants, he will make the issue known. It does not sound like the boyfriend did this. It sounds like she is making it a issue. So maybe she needs to decide what is more important to her - a man all into her appearance, or the man that she has. That's if her appearance/his attraction to her turns out to be an issue at all.

 

[Strangefruittree]

Does she think he is the most attractive man she has ever been with? SMH... I am sensing she is too old for this nonsense and is picking a fight....

 

[silenttullip]

Okay thanks for the advice ya'll... I'll tell her to leave. Still wondering if the initial partial truth is considered a lie. Otherwise I'd tell her to stay.
She brought the ex up because he always talks about how even though she was soooo unattractive she still cheated. So in their first convo she said they were already talking about her. She brought her up 4 years later. As for the question about his looks yea she thinks he's physical an adonis or something.
He says he's with her for her personality and because she loves him and he loves her.
He didn't approach her she approached him when we were at the mall one day. I think shes mainly upset because if she knew from jump he didn't find her attractive facially she would have left him alone. But the truth comes out after she's wasted years with him. Eh well I don't know I guess I'll just tell her to give it time and take a break. With so many of you confused its making me confused too LMAO
By the way... I think she does have self esteem issues but I kinda blame him. She didn't start feeling bad about her physical appearance till she got with him before him she was VERY confident.

 

[kbragg]

SMH at women asking dumb arse questions they don't want the answers too. There will always be another woman prettier than, thinner than, curvier than, sexier than you. Get over it dammit he choose YOU! Dang!

WTH I mean do men go around asking dumb questions like "Was you ex "bigger" than me? Was he better than me? Did you think he was more attractive than me?" Not the secure kind. Shoot not even the insecure ones if they're smart

I mean seriously. I'm average looking. Most of us are. Doesn't mean a damn thing. There are plenty of single dimes, and us average looking women are wives and mothers. Get over it already. Work with what you got and be confident in who you are.

 

[kbragg]

He's an idiot too. What kind a ninja talks about his dang ex all the time to his new boo? Sounds like a catch. See that's why I'm not a big fan of the "pretty boys". They're nice to look at but they're arses to live with

 

[Pat Mahurr]

SMH at women asking dumb arse questions they don't want the answers too. There will always be another woman prettier than, thinner than, curvier than, sexier than you. Get over it dammit he choose YOU! Dang!

WTH I mean do men go around asking dumb questions like "Was you ex "bigger" than me? Was he better than me? Did you think he was more attractive than me?" Not the secure kind. Shoot not even the insecure ones if they're smart

I mean seriously. I'm average looking. Most of us are. Doesn't mean a damn thing. There are plenty of single dimes, and us average looking women are wives and mothers. Get over it already. Work with what you got and be confident in who you are.

Feisty and right.

ETA: Kbragg, keep your presshuh down, now!

 

[Duchesse]

SMH at women asking dumb arse questions they don't want the answers too. There will always be another woman prettier than, thinner than, curvier than, sexier than you. Get over it dammit he choose YOU! Dang!

.

Just wanted to quote ya!

Don't search for something you really don't want to find.

 

[Strangefruittree]

She shouldnt stay in any situation that makes her sad... Maybe she does need time alone

 

[kbragg]

Feisty and right.

ETA: Kbragg, keep your presshuh down, now!

Sorry girl, I'm craving some butter popcorn and gotz no way to get it right now. My tolerance is LOW

 

[silenttullip]

Well, it sounds to me that he gave the truth initially (well partially), in that he thinks the current gf's SHAPE is better but not her face. How long have they been together? I mean, I don't know about this one. He's a good man otherwise but he told his true feelings I suppose on who is prettier. YES he could have lied to make current gf feel better, but she asked.

Yep she asked but I think from jump he should have said his ex had a prettier face but his current had a better body. She's always calling me about something else he gave one answer to first then it comes up later there was more to it. They've been together 4 years. Yeah he's a good dude otherwise he just doesn't know how to give a direct answer or he's a creative liar. smh but thats the thing I wasn't there so I can't say what he did or didn't do all I know is she found out 4 years too late. LOL well it aint funny but it kinda is

 

[gabulldawg]

Yep she asked but I think from jump he should have said his ex had a prettier face but his current had a better body. She's always calling me about something else he gave one answer to first then it comes up later there was more to it. They've been together 4 years. Yeah he's a good dude otherwise he just doesn't know how to give a direct answer or he's a creative liar. smh but thats the thing I wasn't there so I can't say what he did or didn't do all I know is she found out 4 years too late. LOL well it aint funny but it kinda is

THAT would probably be the reason that I would tell her to leave him. That's a bit fishy to me. My ex had a very similar habit.