secrets you take to the grave?

celiabug

celiabug

New Member
should we have secrets we hide from our SO's or take to the grave? im not talking about secrets that put their lives at risk (like stds, crazy murderous exes) but other type of secrets?
What classifies as a "take to the grave" secret?
 
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One thing I have learned over the years is that they don't need to know EVERYTHING about you or your past. I tend to be very open and it's definitely bit me in the a** on a few occasions.
 
I believe I will. Some things are just irrelevant, not necessarily that I want to keep it hidden.

What I won't delve into:
Details on past relationships (how many, how long, how good it was, etc)
Young & dumb stuff (Vindictive things I may have done or planned)
Sexual history that does not effect him
 
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When I was married, I would have said HEAVENS NO! YOU MUST SHARE EVERYTHING!

I lived a little, learned a lot. HE. DOES. NOT. NEED. TO. KNOW. ERRAHTHANG!

A grave secret:

-affairs, cheating and the like
- exactly how many men you've dated, slept with, broke up with, et cetera
- who your best lover (penis size, technique, et cetera) is, if it is NOT him
 
Lucie said:
When I was married, I would have said HEAVENS NO! YOU MUST SHARE EVERYTHING!

I lived a little, learned a lot. HE. DOES. NOT. NEED. TO. KNOW. ERRAHTHANG!

A grave secret:

-affairs, cheating and the like
- exactly how many men you've dated, slept with, broke up with, et cetera
- who your best lover (penis size, technique, et cetera) is, if it is NOT him
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I remember having cheating on the BF I had when I was 19 (the first and last time I've EVER done it) thrown in my face by the BF I was with when I was 27. Seriously? :ohwell:
 
Hell no they don't need to know everything, especially if it does not directly effect them. Men are strong but have huge egos and sometimes get hurt by things you did in the past.
 
I'm not sure. And I only say that because I would like to know everything about my husband. Even the bad stuff. I'm weird like that but it increases intimacy for me.
 
twists said:
I'm not sure. And I only say that because I would like to know everything about my husband. Even the bad stuff. I'm weird like that but it increases intimacy for me.
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You think you want to know.....but you most likely don't. There were so many times when I thought I could handle knowing everything. I couldn't.
 
twists said:
I'm not sure. And I only say that because I would like to know everything about my husband. Even the bad stuff. I'm weird like that but it increases intimacy for me.
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Incognitus said:
You think you want to know.....but you most likely don't. There were so many times when I thought I could handle knowing everything. I couldn't.
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I agree. I used to think I wanted to know everything, but I learned quickly...nope. Like childhood experiences, etc, fine. Past relationships and sexual history, nah son, don't need to know all that
 
Yep I use to believe I would meet that person I could share it all with and we would be so connected. I have lost the idea of meeting anyone that deep ie marriage so most of everything of my past will be buried with me.
 
Yes...

Almost positive, no matter how happy you all are now, it will become a weapon to assault you and beat you to death with, if and when you all become at odds...ALWAYS!
 
twists said:
I'm not sure. And I only say that because I would like to know everything about my husband. Even the bad stuff. I'm weird like that but it increases intimacy for me.
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What you know about a person shapes your perception of them. Once it comes out of their mouth you will have to deal with it. You never know what your threshold is...and we all have one

I believe in total brutal straight up honesty. But this is just not possible in our current state of mind. I have a terrible terrible filter :look:....so now I have to ask myself what is more important? Does he need to hear this?? or is having to deal with him feeling some kind of way worth it??
 
Incognitus said:
You think you want to know.....but you most likely don't. There were so many times when I thought I could handle knowing everything. I couldn't.
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ladysaraii said:
I agree. I used to think I wanted to know everything, but I learned quickly...nope. Like childhood experiences, etc, fine. Past relationships and sexual history, nah son, don't need to know all that
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keyawarren said:
What you know about a person shapes your perception of them. Once it comes out of their mouth you will have to deal with it. You never know what your threshold is...and we all have one

I believe in total brutal straight up honesty. But this is just not possible in our current state of mind. I have a terrible terrible filter :look:....so now I have to ask myself what is more important? Does he need to hear this?? or is having to deal with him feeling some kind of way worth it??
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I get where ya coming from. That's why I'm still on the fence about it. I know I need more experience with this. I've been in the same relationship for the past 4 years and I'm only 22 so I have a lot more to learn.
 
I think this is one of those things you learn from experience. Once something you've said comes back to bite you in the *ss you'll learn :yep:


I realized this is why having girl friends is sooo important. We women are talkers....to our own detriment at times. Having gfs gives us the chance to tell somebody and we bounce our thoughts off of them just in case we're about to say or do something stupid, ya know?
 
You don't tell everything you know. Keep your secrets to yourself. There are things that no one needs to know about you. You are not going to know all the secrets a man has. And you don't want to know them.
 
i asked this because i use to think that we should share EVERYTHING. i mean every single thing until i dated someone who was much older than me. he was very private and i wondered why and now i know why. i dont need to know everything about you and i realized i dont need to tell everything about me. men will bring up one thing you tell them about a past relationship and they will constantly throw it in your face forever! lol im learning to be more selective about what i tell men.
 
I'm a secretive/private person, I don't easily open up and trust people to the point of telling them everything. It takes time for me to tell you my secrets and I feel more comfortable once you've earned that and only if you share things with me as well.

Nobody knows everything about me except God. That won't change once I get married.

I'm from the school of thought everybody doesnt need to know all your business. Especially if it has nothing to do with you.

I tell people on a need to know basis.
 
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