Searching For A Mate In A Different City/country?

[KiSseS03]

Hi ladies!

Can we discuss expanding our dating pool to areas outside of where we live?

My situation: I will be mostly tied to a particular city for the next 4 years to attend medical school-- thus moving to expand my dating pool is out of the question. Although there are a decent number of young educated men/young professionals in this area, this part of the country is predominantly white. The number of eligible Black, educated, bachelors is dismal. My preference is to date and marry a Black man with similar values and goals and I think if I limit my search to this area I may not find what I'm looking for.

My mentor suggested that I should consider "importing" a mate. I thought it sounded silly at first, but a cursory search of some other Canadian and US cities online dating profiles has shown me that the pool is much greater (and better looking ) in some of these other places. I am also an avid traveller and would be open to meeting men through travel/conferences/elective travel. I have some concerns about starting a long-distance relationship, particularly online - I'm not sure how open men would be to this, and I'm not sure it would even work since spending physical time together, at least during the school year would be limited. One thing which may work for me is that I will have the summers off or at least flexible depending on my research interests.

So does anyone have experience with searching for a mate outside of their geographic area? Any thoughts?

 

[CaraWalker]

im too lazy to do that, but if i were somewhere that i felt like my options were limited due to location, im sure it would do it (but mainly would put my efforts into moving). ive seen enough success stories of long distance e-dating that worked out in the end that if the people were motivated enough i think its possible.

 

[Keen]

Just be careful. Folks be looking for visas on Facebook

 

[KiSseS03]

Just be careful. Folks be looking for visas on Facebook

Don't kill me.

 

[LiftedUp]

Seeing how a man is in his habitat is important to me. I need to how he lives, who his friends are, how he interacts with them, his family etc.

I say this because someone I know who has been in a ldr from day 1 (they communicated electronically and visited each other ) got married and moved to her dh's country. From the looks of it, it seems as though he was a womanizer. There are some other things that puts me off about him but I cannot explain without being identifying but they are things she would only know if they had regular face to face interactions.

 

[aviddiva77]

I was thinking about this yesterday. I'm talking to a dude who lives sn hour/50+ miles away from me (when my search was 25 miles from me). How does one make this well work? Halfway points? Weekend conjugal visits?

I mean I don't HAVE to see a SO I like my space ok?! Don't judge me lol. But isn't that more of a FWB situation?

How often do y'all see your SOs?

 

[JustifiablyMe]

This is a good article that addresses a lot of concerns I would have:

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2015/08/mastering-a-long-distance-relationship.html

Off the bat, I would say no bc it tends to create a lot of false intimacy.

 

[KiSseS03]

Seeing how a man is in his habitat is important to me. I need to how he lives, who his friends are, how he interacts with them, his family etc.

I say this because someone I know who has been in a ldr from day 1 (they communicated electronically and visited each other ) got married and moved to her dh's country. From the looks of it, it seems as though he was a womanizer. There are some other things that puts me off about him but I cannot explain without being identifying but they are things she would only know if they had regular face to face interactions.

This is a great point, and something I really need to consider. The one benefit to me being a student is that I will have very flexible summers (~3 months) which would allow me to spend time in a different city, and hopefully see a man in his "habitat"... but yes this definitely concerns me.

 

[aviddiva77]

Seeing how a man is in his habitat is important to me. I need to how he lives, who his friends are, how he interacts with them, his family etc.

I say this because someone I know who has been in a ldr from day 1 (they communicated electronically and visited each other ) got married and moved to her dh's country. From the looks of it, it seems as though he was a womanizer. There are some other things that puts me off about him but I cannot explain without being identifying but they are things she would only know if they had regular face to face interactions.

A different country though?! And here I am tripping about being 60 miles away.

 

[LiftedUp]

A different country though?! And here I am tripping about being 60 miles away.

Yep lol. They visited each other often enough but now that she actually lives there permanently, it's a different kettle of fish. She's getting the cold shoulder from a lot of women and imo she's starting to seem a little paranoid with her random popping ups etc

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I know a few people who dated and married men they met in the caribbean on vacay or visiting Canada/NYC and once papers were filled they dipped.
One person i know from NYC had a short lived phone/whatsapp/skype relation with a caribbean person & they got engaged. The guy visited her in NYC with the intention of moving in to her residence made an excuse to go back 'home" within a couple of weeks to pick up a few things & never came back! It's been 6 months. What island guy makes it to North America to get married and goes back home?
you have to be careful with these things specifically with Caribbean men & marriage.

I've done LDR with someone in the US and we would take turns visiting each other paid by him. Relationship ended but it's something i would do again. We met each other in my city when he was here for business.

I've met some LDR knuckleheads on dating sites that were not quality at all. I would continue with LDR but only if meet in person...not online. I travel alot so there's opportunities to connect.

That article posted up top is so real & on point...i may send to a friend of mine.