honeyflaava
Well-Known Member
Hello ladies. I really need some godly advice about how to restore a relationship with my mentor/Pastor that I walked away from. Well honestly the relationship did not really get off the ground in the first place, again because of my neglect.
To give a somewhat abbreviated version of the story, my mentor is the First Lady of my church. She has known me since I was in elementary school and as she expressed to me has always loved and admired me. Beginning about 10 years ago when I was in high school, she began reaching out to me offering me the opportunity to have a mentor/mentee relationship with her, but I've run away from her invitation because of insecurities and fears (fear of failing and letting her down and not being able to live up to what she asks me to do). In November of 2007, I finally contacted her and let her know that I desired to have that relationship with her. Things began fine for a couple of months, then I began pulling away because I felt I could not live up to what she was asking of me. Let me just be clear, she has not pressured me at all.
My biggest problem is that I am very insecure and afraid of being open and honest with people about my struggles, faults, and weaknesses, especially with her because she is one of the few people who can truly look at me with the help of Holy Spirit and see the real me that I try to keep hidden and honestly that scares me little. She has told me that I need to stop running from her and allow her to lead me. I guess because of her being in the position of being a Pastor and such a great woman of God, I just feel like I will fall short.
It’s been since February of this year since I’ve spoken to her, which I initiated, and she has not contacted me. Now I am not putting any blame on her because like I stated, she’s always reached out to me. And when I contacted her back in 2007, she was excited that I had finally accepted her invitation and was ready to begin leading and mentoring me and was initiating the relationship as per usual. She told me that she could not help me if I wasn’t coming to church. The intent of her words was not “I won’t help you if you don’t come to church” but rather “I can’t build off of anything if you don’t come to church to get your spiritual food.” Well I haven’t been coming to church because I struggle with the thoughts or feelings of “I have to get myself together before I go to church.” Again, my fault.
To sum it up, I just feel like I’ve ruined the relationship and I am a little afraid to contact her because I don’t know if she will still offer that relationship to me because. I’m truly at the end of my rope and need her leadership in my life. I know that I will have to prove to her that I truly desire this relationship and do my part.
I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.
Thanks in advance for any and all advice.
To give a somewhat abbreviated version of the story, my mentor is the First Lady of my church. She has known me since I was in elementary school and as she expressed to me has always loved and admired me. Beginning about 10 years ago when I was in high school, she began reaching out to me offering me the opportunity to have a mentor/mentee relationship with her, but I've run away from her invitation because of insecurities and fears (fear of failing and letting her down and not being able to live up to what she asks me to do). In November of 2007, I finally contacted her and let her know that I desired to have that relationship with her. Things began fine for a couple of months, then I began pulling away because I felt I could not live up to what she was asking of me. Let me just be clear, she has not pressured me at all.
My biggest problem is that I am very insecure and afraid of being open and honest with people about my struggles, faults, and weaknesses, especially with her because she is one of the few people who can truly look at me with the help of Holy Spirit and see the real me that I try to keep hidden and honestly that scares me little. She has told me that I need to stop running from her and allow her to lead me. I guess because of her being in the position of being a Pastor and such a great woman of God, I just feel like I will fall short.
It’s been since February of this year since I’ve spoken to her, which I initiated, and she has not contacted me. Now I am not putting any blame on her because like I stated, she’s always reached out to me. And when I contacted her back in 2007, she was excited that I had finally accepted her invitation and was ready to begin leading and mentoring me and was initiating the relationship as per usual. She told me that she could not help me if I wasn’t coming to church. The intent of her words was not “I won’t help you if you don’t come to church” but rather “I can’t build off of anything if you don’t come to church to get your spiritual food.” Well I haven’t been coming to church because I struggle with the thoughts or feelings of “I have to get myself together before I go to church.” Again, my fault.
To sum it up, I just feel like I’ve ruined the relationship and I am a little afraid to contact her because I don’t know if she will still offer that relationship to me because. I’m truly at the end of my rope and need her leadership in my life. I know that I will have to prove to her that I truly desire this relationship and do my part.
I just need to know how I should go about asking her for this relationship again.
Thanks in advance for any and all advice.
